Suddenly everything has changed

So July has basically happened. Here is a random list of things from this month:

1. I was on a shaky carny Bullet ride with an 11 year old boy who freaked out when we reached the top and screamed bloody murder to be let off. All of Akron heard his freak.

2. I caught an 8 inch rock bass in Big Long Lake and released it. Limit is 15 inches because clearly the lake is a size queen.

3. I drank shitty beer at a brewery in Jefferson City MO while a bunch of suburban middle-aged hipsters (such as) played in a bocce ball tourney and had cutesy/ironic shirts with team names like Rolling Balls of Thunder and Bocce-celli Girls.

4. I went to a Cubs/Nats baseball game. It was as boring as I remember baseball being. I'm instituting a 5 inning rule in the event that I am taken to any subsequent games. Five innings is just enough time to have a hotdog, a few beers, scope the crowd for hotties, and be done before the crowds leave and you are stuck at Navy Yard in a throng of people with no way out of the Metro and about to lose your mind.

5. Divorced Blackberry and am sleeping with iPhone. I like like it, but I'm not in love with it. Yet. So I'm kinda seeing them both and neither one knows.

6. I have discovered a new species of Evaluati Whinerous. As a member of that phylum, I understand the sentiment, but cannot abide by the insufferable kvetching of that genus. My patience has run thin so pull yourselves together and buck up!

7. My new Boos Block cutting board probably makes me happier than it should. I did not realize that they are made in Effingham IL, which as you all know, is home to one big-ass highway Jesus cross. I will not hold this against my cutting board however.

8. Here is a brief text exchange that occurred yesterday with my strai friend A:

A: I don't think you even want to know what i did last night

Me: You better just tell me because I'm probably the only one who won't judge.

A: Well there was no coke but...

A: Sad and lots of boobs.

Me: Did you go to a strip club?

A: Uh yes.

Me: That is sad. Who did you go with and where? Or more impt, why?

A: That's what I'd like to know. It was not fun.

The end.

Only Good Days Caught on Camera

Well. Here we are again. What can be said that hasn't already been said before? Here are two things:

1) I am going to Indiana on Thurs to visit my dad and fish and probably play poker and drink cheap beer and be a Hoosier. I am looking forward to another big dose of the Midwest which keeps me sane on most days. After that, I go straight to the state of Missouri for work. I am not complaining, just saying. I will be sure to twitpic the adventures. Cows. Corn. Coors Light.

2) It is July somehow. I'm not entirely sure how that happened because time both flies and also stands still here. I have been in this city for 2.4 years (yes, I'm counting) and I'm trying to remember July two years ago. Who can remember that far back? Luckily, I have this here blog and apparently last July, I was: working, walking the dogs, traveling, and being gay. Clearly nothing ever changes.

I wish I could report something exciting like: I got a pony! I am now Assistant Secretary of State! I am a blond! I like string! Alas/alack, this is the life I now lead. Until next time..