Senator McMurphy

Fine, when you have my young crush on China Beach's Dana Delany and put her in a power suit as a senator about to seduce Bette, well I'm sorry but my one of my TV fantasies was (almost) realized. Damn you and your lack of arrangments, Bette!

Coming up close

One night in Iowa, he and I in a borrowed car
went driving in the summer, promises at every star
out in the distance I could hear some people laughing
I felt my heart beat back a weekends' worth of sadness

There was a farm house that had long since been deserted
we stopped and carved our thoughts into the wooden surface
we thought just for an instant we could see the future
we thought for once we knew what really was important

Coming up close
everything sounds like welcome home
Come home
and oh, by the way
don't you know that I could make
a dream that's barely half the way come true
I wanted to say --
but anything I could have said
I felt somehow that you already knew

We got back in the car and listened to a Dylan tape
We drove around the fields until it started getting late
I went back to my hotel room on the highway
And he just got back in his car and drove away -- 'Til Tuesday

Aimee Mann - pt 2

I've got tix for tonight's show, what better way to celebrate being back here than that?

WPT

So I'm currently in the Hoosier state and the only way I'm staying sane is playing me some poker -- Texas Hold'em and 7 card stud. I'm up $30 bucks so far this trip so that will help with the gas money back. I've been playing poker ever since I was old enough to hold cards; my grandma and great grandma were notorious parlor-gamblers with the penny-anty. I had my own velvet bag of pennies and silver for when I came to visit and we'd get the cards out. Crazy 8s was my personal favorite back then, but these days, I like a little bit more competition. If I go to a casino, I only play the poker machines because at least skill counts for something. The other machines you rely on nothing but the machine to stop on your cherries (dirty!). But I digress. Tonight is a Texas Hold'em tourney and my plan is to at least get to the final table. Unfortunately, I haven't been playing long enough and some of the other folks playing are pretty darn good so we shall see. Payout can be over $300. Who needs a job when you can gamble? ;)

Other than that, my time here has been depressing. I was hoping it would be better than last time, and it is in some respects. But overall, the Hoosier state still makes me sad. I'm heading back home on Sat and looking forward to it...a week away is a long time.

Not Dead (Yet)

Still here!

How times flies though, it's the middle of Jan already and I barely feel like I've started my time off. But it's been quite nice, sleeping in, reading the paper every morning, letting the day take me where it wants. Lots of trips to the dog park, cooking, and reading*. I've also been working on my second Adirondack chair after a bit of a hiatus. It's not coming along as smoothly as the previous one, but I think it will come out fine. So, all in all, I've been busy, but not busy (in the traditional sense). It's great feel unencumbered; I know it won't last and who knows if I'll get another opportunity, so I'm going to enjoy it for as long as needed. I figure I'll know when the right time is to go back into the workforce (and I do feel lucky/privileged to be financially able to do this; most people can't).

Finally, here is the recipe for the black been enchilada/quesadilla casserole I made last night. Great for taking your time and enjoying a glass of red wine while cooking:

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1 can black beans
2 cans enchilada sauce
1 small can corn
1 tomato
1 medium onion
1 green pepper (red also if they aren't $$)
4 cloves garlic
1/2 cup green onions
Flour or wheat tortillas
Enough cheddar/jack cheese to make you happy
Oven 350 degrees

Saute the diced onions, peppers, and garlic in a skillet w/ olive oil. When onions turn translucent, add diced tomatoes, black beans, and corn. Simmer on low, stirring occasionally. Add cayenne or chili powder as desired. After about 10 minutes, add a small pat of butter to melt in and thicken bean mix. Meanwhile, heat up the enchilada sauce in a separate pot. After the black bean mix is soft and thick, prepare to layer. In the bottom of a casserole dish, spoon enough enchilada sauce to cover bottom. Cut or tear tortillas to make a layer. Then add a layer of beans, then enchilada sauce, then cheese. Repeat as needed. Pop in oven and allow to cook about 20 minutes or so. You'll know when it's done, bubbly and melted. Great for leftovers.

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*I'm really enjoying The Self-Aware Universe..I'm still processing the info, but I picked up some interesting insights into spirituality/mysticism/science that seem to gel with some of my own thoughts/experiences. (Renee, I want to catch up with you when I've read more and have had some time to let it soak in and make sense). It's definitely a good read, but is one of those kind of books that need reflection/contemplation. I've been thinking of it on and off in quiet moments and chit-chatting about it with some friends so the ideas are there on the stove, slow-cooking.

Lead

And now for something completely different, I found a new poem by Mary Oliver to love.

Lead

Here is a story
to break your heart.
Are you willing?
This winter
the loons came to our harbor
and died, one by one
of nothing we could see.
A friend told
of one on the shore
that lifted its head and opened
the strong, elegant beak
and cried out
in the long, sweet, savoring of its life
which, if you have heard it,
you know is a sacred thing,
and for which, if you have not heard it,
you had better hurry to where
they still sing.
And, believe me, tell no one
just where that is.
The next morning
this loon—speckled,
irredescent, with a plan
to fly home
to some hidden lake --
was dead on the shore.
I tell you this
to break your heart --
by which I mean only
that it breaks open, and never closes again,
to the rest of the world. -- Mary Oliver

I particularly like the last 5 lines, which reframes a familiar painful concept into something positive.

This is the way that they List and loooovvve

So this is how I'm spending my time off, listing the order in which I'd like to sample the L Word girls. Sad, shallow, and true. But can you match the reasons why with the right person?

WHO

1. Carmen
2. Bette
3. Dana
4. Shane
5. Tina
6. Lara
7. Alice
..and in the if-I-must* category:
8. Helena
9. Jenny

WHY (not in order)

a. girl next door + bfast in bed
b. benefactor with benefits
c. laugh, sex, laugh, repeat
d. two words: best rack
e. might be scary enough to be fun
f. stamina + smile = winner
g. nurturing, comfort sex
h. two more words: power suits
i. would go down on me in a theater


*Not that they're unattractive but jesus, their characters...

Am I missing anyone?

Rock me hard place

Aye, so yesterday, I hiked out with the Fool and we camped out at an area lake. The weather was beautiful and it was a perfect day/night for camping. I took the Baby Dog (who has been crashed all day since we got home; very tired from all that running and exploring and swimming) and we had a great time. However, I'm a light sleeper and I have a really hard time when I camp so basically I finally fell asleep for about an hour or so at 430am. In that time, I tried to get comfortable (failed) and listened to a pack of wild coyotes running and howling up on the ridge not far from my tent. They make really strange noises and at one point, it sounded like a pack of monkeys. I don't mind sharing space with wildlife (in fact, the bald eagles are in town and I saw two of them while I was out there) and I love nothing more than hanging by the fire. However, my body has informed me that it does not appreciate the lack of sleep and the huge stick I apparently slept on all night. Good times...

If it weren't for the season premier of the L Word tonight (which I did not like), I would have been in bed hours ago, sleeping in comfort. Alas, I'm headed horizontal right now. Good night!

ps. cheet, I've had two dreams in a row with you in it which makes me wonder how you're doing. I'ma gonna email you to make sure I'm not having premonitions. fbtcn

Regrets, I had a few

So this year, I *finally* made it to my friend's mom's New Years Day pagan breakfast celebration. Or as I like to call it: Mimosas in the Morning. For the past 5 years, my friend's mom has had these early morning NY day gatherings with like-minded liberal ladies and my friend and her partner. I have been invited for the past 3 years to attend and have made promises to do so. However, in previous years, I had been foolish with the libations the night before and have been unable to wake up at 630am to go out there (or if I have been awake, I was in no shape to do so). This year I made a promise to myself to moderate and make it there. (I thought I'd leave the boozing and boobies to Vivvy and the Mrs...who did not disappoint!)

So, my friend A and I got up and went out there crack-o-dawn. It was actually a great time and I'm so glad I made it. We started off with some coffee, then progressed to champagne for the rest of the morning. There was a fire outside and our first ritual was to write down our regrets from the previous year for burning and letting go. I went ahead and filled out several cards from the previous years just to catch up. We also each had a bay leaf to put in the fire, which in some ritual meant again burning and letting go of a specific problem from the last year that would keep us from starting anew. Lots of champagne. Then a lovely b-fast followed by writing down our hopes for the new year to be opened next NY's morning. There was also a book to share thoughts or poems or comments that represent something meaningful. We followed this all up with a great hike through my friend's property which is very large and wooded with fields etc. It was a very cool way to take some time to reflect and start anew. The day itself was unseasonably warm and sunny (like in the 60s); it was a perfect end to the morning. I'm really glad I made it this year and I hope to do so again next year. I didn't realize how much I would get out of it, but I felt like it helped put the last couple of years into perspective and help me focus on the upcoming year.

Then yesterday, the Agent and I went into Kansas City to piddling around on the Plaza, have lunch and do a little shopping etc. It was nice to get a chance to spend some good quality time with her out of the house and doing something. We both enjoyed it. And I came home with a nice big hunk of Parmesan Reggiano, some homemade gnocchi, and some Arborio rice for rissoto.

All in all, a good start to the year. Hope yours ended and started as well as mine.

ps. Tonight, the Texas game on tap...we'll get a chance to see where we *really* stand.