2007

So you know I'm leaving town on Sat and going back home for NYE and quite frankly, 2007 shouldn't let the door hit its ass on the way out. That's really all I have to say about that.

So what was I doing last year? Apparently, in retrospect, not doing very well with that whole resolution I had. What about the year before that? You'll be slightly horrified to know that I still have the gnoochi I bought. I guess I should through that out, yeah?

So this year I'm going to hang with the same friends again and attend the pagan ritual (with champagne!) again. I need that for sure. I also need to try to clear my head somehow and get my shit in order. I'm getting a little tired of this, whatever this is, and feel like I need to figure out how I'm going to be happy this year, wherever I am. Choices need to be made, energy redirected, attitude adjusted. All the heavy lifting shit we put off during the year when we're just, you know, trying to make it through. I'm not sure of the how and the when, but something's gotta give in 2008, this business can't last. I resolve to not put up with anymore of my sorry-ass bullshit, time to buck up!

Catch you on the flip side..

and so on etc

hugs not drugs

Well hello. Clearly I have been attempting to just get through this holiday in this city by myself. Yes, poor orphan Annie me. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and being all sad (because, as Audrey once said, there's nothing worse than a sad lesbian - except a sad lesbian clown), I have elected to move through this holiday the old-fashioned way: booze. Nothing gets you through the day better than a dab of wine or beer or vodka or the bottle of Patron I splurged on. Lest you think this sad, let me just tell you that I've been having a HI-larious time. And truthfully, when I used to go home for Xmas, my sister and I were often drinking because seriously, who didn't/doesn't need to drink to get through the holidays? Surely it's not just me and everyone I know, right?

Anyway, point being: good times, good times. You can't spell dysphoria without dysfunction, am I right? I am. So thus, I am attempting to make it through until next weekend when I am headed back to sanity in the great midwest for a dose of my people and open spaces on New Years Eve. Yes Virgina, there is an end in sight soon enough. Until then, we do what we must.

Hope yours is a good one, whatever it might be.

where in the world is tiki santiago?

In case you were wondering, retired Giants NFL running back and Project Runway fashion icon Tiki Barber is currently having lunch in Arlington, VA. Short but cute. Unlike what that chick Carmen designed for him, his outfit had a real shirt, not a scarf-shirt. Why do I even know this?

the storm had passed over you

Sidebar: I am kind of jealous of people getting so much snow. My people in Kansas got a bunch, my dad in Indiana says a couple of feet, Drummer Girl in Canada is having a blizzard, and we get rain. I would love nothing more than to be all hunkered down on this Sunday in a blizzard with the snow coming down all crazy, football on the teevee, a little cooking, some napping, and all the other good stuff you can spend your time doing when trapped indoors (with someone). That would be my perfect winter Sunday. Instead, I'm doing laundry.

Also, I have to tell you that I'm on a Ryan Adams kick these days so much so that this song is killing me with the whole fading out business. That is all.

+ kitchen sink

Here is the thing: I have had a headache constantly since Tuesday morning and I have muscle knots the size of my own breasts on my shoulders/back so I'm feeling a little bit like Rocky Dennis looks. Maybe? Anyway, point being I have no intention of whining beyond the above. Instead I will tell you that I am getting like a full 1.5 hour massage (with release!) tomorow and this makes me so happy I could cry. I'm self-medicating this evening, clearly. And Bob's your uncle.

Second thing is I bought myself an early Xmas present with a hard-won bonus from Robotech, Inc which is the fictitious name of my workplace from this point forth. [As an aside, this is the first 'corporate' job I've had - I reluctantly had to leave the cushy (but low paying) academic world behind. As such, I totally thought that the concept of a "bonus" was made up shit for movies about corporate life. Who knew they actually exist and people get them? I say bring on the bonuses!] Where was I? Oh yes, early Xmas present = brand new Blackberry Pearl. I love it almost more than is healthy. I will marry it in Massachusetts in the spring, we will do the hokey pokey and honeymoon in Poughkeepsie. Sorry ladies, I'm now off the market.

Third thing is Skype. Whoever invented this deserves the Nobel Peace Prize and I am only half kidding. Where was this like 15 years ago when my phone bill to long distance girlfriend #1 was $300? Though I guess the webcam itself had to be invented. And a connection faster than dialup 2400 baud had to exist. This was in the day when wireless meant etching your email in stone and throwing it to your neighbor in the next cubicle. Man I love Skype so much I think I will designate it as my Other Woman. Don't tell my new wife but hello, free calls to any computer in the world?? With video?? I'm so there. Anyone from Tehran wanna holla at me? We can discuss something nippy fucky live! Or resolve the apparent misunderstanding that exists between us. Whatever, it's cool. And free! Who are we to pass that up?

It is clear that this post is going nowhere fast so I will end it on a serious note. Can I tell you something? I made the best fried pasta dish in the entire world and I feel it's only right to share the recipe with you. It's for your own good and I worry about you.

(ps. I stole this recipe from my crazy Alg friend, if you recall, stayed in New Orleans during Katrina and coped with it by drinking three bottles that night)

Pasta du Fool

Ingreds:
1. 1/2 of a red pepper and a green pepper, diced
2. finely chopped fresh basil, oregano, thyme
3. Spaghetti
3. olive oil
4. soy sauce
5. salt/pepper
6. romano cheese
7. cayenne pepper or a dab of hot sauce if you like it spicy

Process:
Boil the spaghetti with the fresh diced peppers added to the water. When finished, drain and put in bowl. Toss in herbs, enough olive oil to coat the pasta, and a couple of tablespoons or so of soy sauce. Mix this all up with salt/pepper.

In a hot non-stick skillet (or cast iron!) with a bit of olive oil in it, put pasta in and let fry. Don't stir it, let it get crispy on one side then turn the mixture over. If you've got the right skillet, you could flip it like a pancake but I do not advise this if you are drinking by the way. Fry the pasta up on that side as well until it crisps up too and at the last minute, sprinkle fresh romano on top of the pasta and put a lid on it. Let the cheese melt a bit. Eat and try denying that it is the best thing you've ever had and maybe start making your plans now to have a civil union with it in New Jersey or something.

Goodnight!

I might have guessed

New York has been buried in snow since last Saturday
The papers said the storm had passed over you

Thank you for the play you wrote about Heloise
And her injury at the hand of an almighty memory

And I might have guessed you'd press
A rose in the pages
Where Abelard confesses
His love and his pain
To her lips

And Nora, it was no sin
They could turn the other cheek
And take it on the chin
But Nora, it was no sin

So Christmas was as blue for you as it was for me
All those angels trumpeting their ecstasy

Your husband has accepted the parish in Greenland
I met him drowning his vows at the bar

And there we raised
The first and the next
And a third glass to you
Hunched on our bar-stools
Calling our truce
By your name

And Nora, there is no sin
We can turn the other cheek
And take it on the chin

But Nora, there is no sin


Dar Williams/Richard Shindell - Nora

Sunday walk

So for some reason, I'm all about the pictures and the video and not so much the words. Show/no tell. Speak no evil. Or whatever. Point being, I'm gearing up to take the dogs for another weekend walk in the woods.They both need to get out, I need to get out, the leaves on the ground are calling. Gonna take my camera and take you with me, show you our secret get-away. It's gonna be a bit cold and wet and overcast, the dogs don't care, there are squirrels to chase and things to investigate. Stay tuned for footage with no words.











ps. Today is a perfect day for a big pot of Muncie Chili and that is just what I'm gonna make and let simmer this evening. Football and chili, sound good?

whatever/etc

If I could I'd fold myself away like a card table
A concertina or a murphy bed, I would
But I wasn't made that way so you know, instead...

snow

I love snow; for one, it makes everything white and pretty and clean. For two, it reminds me of sledding and snowball fights. It is the best part of winter. Unless you are living in the great white north where the snow is too much sometimes, I think most ppl like the stuff a little bit, especially the first snow of the season. Plus also, you can make a snowman and discuss love, ask him what he learned about it. Answer probably = it is everything and also who needs it and also it hurts and also it is the best thing ever. Right?

Bottom line is that snow is good.

...unless you live happen to be living in Washington DC and the first few flakes of snow occur in the morning hours. When it takes you 3 hours to get to work as a result of inching along I-95 to travel 2 miles in 1.5 hours and doing the math in your head tells you that at this rate, it is possible that your commute back home might take you into next week THEN maybe snow is not pretty and clean and happy anymore. This is why you drink sometimes (like now). This is why you must question the wisdom of cramming so many people in so many cars in so little square mileage because it is clear that dealing with things like the weather and like air is simply asking too much. It is also slightly scary to think of how the government of this great country operates at all given the near-shutdown that occurs at the first sign of moisture. I wish I were kidding. And one more thing, I hate having to bitch about the city and people and blah blah blah small-town-girl-in-DC etc because it gets old and repetitive and annoying, why can't I just talk about sex instead. That is a good question because I do not particularly care for the person I am becoming as a result of this whole business. It is time to buck up, tiny dancer, and get a grip. So this is me getting a grip. Turn a page and remember what is important (see below):

wolf lullaby

With a little help from up north, here is my moment of zen:

object and thing

Ah, well, here I am again. Saying things. However, I am now able to do so because I have spent/am spending this weekend totally recharging my battery and it is working. You know, if I can't be out on a prairie in Kansas to recharge, I can learn to adapt to my new environment in productive and healthy ways.

So naturally, Fri night I drank like a lifetime of vodka tonics and went to a girl bar in DC with two of the three ppl I know in this city. Here's a hint: This is an example of what I should not have done and that whole learning to adapt process. When you are sick of dealing with people, or missing certain people, or at the end of your rope, or having an existential crisis about being Too Much Alone In This World, Yet Not Alone Enough, the last place you want to be is in a noisy small bar on lesbian-on-Fri-nights-only-night that's cranking Soulja Boy or whatever and having a "playa" come up on yo ass and dry hump it like this actually works for her? I think I shall pass. One more Stoli and tonic please. Why am I here? Who are these people? If a butterfly flaps its wings in Tibet, will that make this night end any faster? Short answer to all of the above = 42.

So, yesterday, with lesson learned firmly in place, I approached my day differently. I called Canada in the morning, I went and had a massage, and then for the rest of the day, I made it a point/priority/goal not to see or talk to another human being. This is what I am talking about. I took the dogs for a long long walk in the woods near here, checked out leaves and stuff on the ground, let them wade around in a creek running through the woods, listened to nothing but crunching of my feet, saw only two or three people way off in the distance, breathed fresh fresh crisp air. You have no idea. Then I came back and listened to music, spent a long leisurely time cooking (lasagna), chilled the fuck out basically. I slept hard, dreamed about crazy shit, and didn't get up until 930 this morning.

I intend to do similar things today with again a heavy emphasis on no human contact or conversation. That is clearly the key for me this weekend. I'm doing some laundry, will clean a little bit as the motivation hits me, maybe watch some football, have yummy leftovers, and read a new book I got, The Map That Changed the World. I will not get out of my sleep pants and tshirt. I will not get in my car. I will not wash my hair. I will pretend people don't exist in my world for a while longer. I will not think about work or the metro or that city or anything that remotely causes any amount of mental stress/anguish/ennui. You with me on that? Life will be good again.