Wherein I break down my 2010 Facebook situation

While:

1) waiting to see whether I am hello the Fantasy Football league champ holla and

2) casting the awful/awesome Lifetime movie of this classique lesbian craigslist post

(aside)

2a)(Viv and I have come up with the following slash pairs, submit your own today: Margaret Cho/Dakota Fanning; Sandra Oh/Hayden Pannitiere; Jenny Shimizu/Taylor Swift; Ming Na//Leighton Meester; Lucy Liu/Natalie Portman; Yoko Ono/Lady Gaga),

3) I have taken the opportunity to do a qualitative analysis of my current Facebook friend situation; as a result I have

4) created a handy percentage pie chart for your viewing pleasure -

5) Thank you and good day!

where in the world is tiki santiago?

In case you were wondering, retired Giants NFL running back and Project Runway fashion icon Tiki Barber is currently having lunch in Arlington, VA. Short but cute. Unlike what that chick Carmen designed for him, his outfit had a real shirt, not a scarf-shirt. Why do I even know this?

Dirt

Like I need one more thing to obsess over or one more show to try to watch. But we are talking about Carly Pope playing a sexy as fuck lesbian drug dealer, Garbo, on Dirt. She's like Ashley Davies' long-lost hot older sister who has some kind of fetish for strung out junkie chicks and who really knows her way around a strap-on. I mean, hello. That's like five vices all rolled into one pretty package. Did you even see that last night? JHC on a damn cracker!

Look at the lip-biting below and tell me I'm wrong.

That is what I call heroin chic

* Icon/pix courtesy of pibby

B + S

I would like to remark upon the absurdity of last night. While flipping through the channels, I stopped on 20/20 to see Perez Hilton whining about Nicole Richie and celebrities and gossip blah blah and just as he was going to tell a story about Nicole berating him in a coffee shop, Elizabeth Vargas comes in to tell us that the puppet gov in Iraq has hanged Saddam and Jim, can you tell us who might have pulled the actual lever and I understand it was videotaped, Elizabeth, but no word on whether it will be broadcast. I shall ask a simple and judiciously chosen rhetorical question: What kind of crazy fucked up world are we living in when in one breath the public discourse is on how often Britney Spears' cooch is exposed for all the world to see and in the next, we are discussing whether it will be possible to watch a human being (albeit one of "evil axis" status) as he is being hanged and dies?

I mean, literally, what the fuck?? I just...the mind, it boggles.

As tiny as a New York minute

Ladies, what's up with all the nip pix? There was a time when you could go out as topless as the day you were born and no one would think twice about your lady lights. Listen, I'm all for a little loose R&R while on vay-cay as much as the next person, but is it really wise to doff your tankini in public and then comment on exposed bush? I say yes, but that's just me. So hats off to you, Amy Poehler. Let your lady lights shine on, you crazy diamond!



Relive the HI-larity, ladies!





Original pix courtesy of Egotastic

in Wonderland

At this point, the only reason I plan to tune in is for a nice cold sip of this:



Hello, Alice...

I give up

I'm sorry, but I am finally (after years of fighting it) joining the ranks of millions of others. I am giving up the ghost on this one. You win, Angie, you win. I am yours, do with me what you will.




Images from Pink is the New Blog

Give me an "L"!

Well, you certainly don't see this every day. What next? Reports coming out of the Tri-Delt house?

In other news

One of my writer girlfriends has been spotted about town, stepping out on me:



Fran, why have you forsaken me?

And now for something completely different!

Forget about all that crying and hand-wringing business, shiny object below:

Other Things Tom Cruise Knows About!

Ohhhhh, Ahhhhh

For some reason, this item on Lowdown cracked me up:

"That was tiny Mary-Kate Olsen making a huge spectacle of herself on the dance floor at Bungalow 8 in the wee hours yesterday. As Snoop Dogg's "Drop It Like It's Hot" blared, the brunette Olsen twin began gyrating as if being Tasered - pausing only to allow herself to be dipped by a dark-haired guy who was definitely not her rumored boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos 3rd. The highlight of the impromptu show came when one of M-K's girlfriends picked her up and tossed her high into the air, drawing oohs and aahs from the normally indifferent Bungalow crowd. "Well, it is birthday week," Olsen's rep told Lowdown. MK just turned 19."

I think what gets me is the image of that tiny Olsen being picked up by one of her girlfriends and being tossed in the air while Lindsay Lohan's posse cheers..

Birthday Suit

Well, hello there, Detective Benson...