So what does the end of the year bring I ask. Here's my general assessment: It has been one fucking long year. Hey, quick rundown! For posterity: DC, glimmer of hope, blizzardDC, new job, Home!, packpackpackmovemovemove, rent, farm therapy, black dogs happy, work and then work harder and more so you can pay a million bucks in taxes but hello --> BUY FIRST HOME EVER WHICH IS NOW YOUR ONE AND ONLY LOVE, this will happen again, I think, also travel/travel/travelX3, farm therapy + 1, Packed Boxes Unpacked (after 3-4-5 years), and now today.
Yes, so it's been a long year of a million changes and etc. On the whole, very good stuff. Everything I like. Next year, more of the same minus the change please. I'm having a party Friday night, FYI, SO BYOB.
Showing posts with label stuff that is STRAI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stuff that is STRAI. Show all posts
12/27/2010
11/28/2010
My day
Things I did today in chronological order:
1. Woken up by a text message (content: "slow moving this morning. going down to do animals then need to open hoop house. where are u?"; my response: "I just woke up so don't hurry")
2. Walked dogs one block north, three blocks east, one block south, three blocks west
3. Took a shower
4. Farmer arrived
5. Put on coffee
5. Diet Pepsi
6. Read the Sunday KC Star - all sections
7. Imported a million CDs so I could get rid of them*
8. Unpacked 8-10 boxes, sorted, organized, assembled shelving, finally found three things I had been looking for since February 2010 = 1. my umbrella, 2. the cord to connect my digital camera, 3. my favorite pocketknife.
9. Checked my Fantasy Football score (currently up 95-90 but not looking good)*
10. Dogs out/dogs in/dogs out/dogs in*
11. Warmed up a cup of soup
12. Tended to sick Farmer*
13. Semi-nap on couch for 15 minutes
14. Chiefs game watching hello
15. Took gatorade and Emergent C over to my sick strai friend A who also had flu**
16. Wrote a short evaluation for a sustainable agriculture grant
17. Watched more football
18. Got tangled in blanket from couch while standing and fell on hardwood floor, felt as if possibly cracked my kneecap off my leg or something sim (scorecard for those keeping track: 3 semi-serious falls in 2010 resulting in varying degrees of injury from broken foot to cracked assbone to kneecap fuck)
19. Found last remaining Lortab!
20. Sudden burst of energy = load of laundry, carrying out recycled boxes and trash, writing an entire blogpost about my day in chronological order up until this very moment the end.
* denotes multiple occurrences/ongoing activity
** revision of prevailing thought on my own diagnosis from flu to food poisoning back to flu
1. Woken up by a text message (content: "slow moving this morning. going down to do animals then need to open hoop house. where are u?"; my response: "I just woke up so don't hurry")
2. Walked dogs one block north, three blocks east, one block south, three blocks west
3. Took a shower
4. Farmer arrived
5. Put on coffee
5. Diet Pepsi
6. Read the Sunday KC Star - all sections
7. Imported a million CDs so I could get rid of them*
8. Unpacked 8-10 boxes, sorted, organized, assembled shelving, finally found three things I had been looking for since February 2010 = 1. my umbrella, 2. the cord to connect my digital camera, 3. my favorite pocketknife.
9. Checked my Fantasy Football score (currently up 95-90 but not looking good)*
10. Dogs out/dogs in/dogs out/dogs in*
11. Warmed up a cup of soup
12. Tended to sick Farmer*
13. Semi-nap on couch for 15 minutes
14. Chiefs game watching hello
15. Took gatorade and Emergent C over to my sick strai friend A who also had flu**
16. Wrote a short evaluation for a sustainable agriculture grant
17. Watched more football
18. Got tangled in blanket from couch while standing and fell on hardwood floor, felt as if possibly cracked my kneecap off my leg or something sim (scorecard for those keeping track: 3 semi-serious falls in 2010 resulting in varying degrees of injury from broken foot to cracked assbone to kneecap fuck)
19. Found last remaining Lortab!
20. Sudden burst of energy = load of laundry, carrying out recycled boxes and trash, writing an entire blogpost about my day in chronological order up until this very moment the end.
* denotes multiple occurrences/ongoing activity
** revision of prevailing thought on my own diagnosis from flu to food poisoning back to flu
5/19/2010
Morchella bordello
Quick rundown of life here:
1. I have pitchfork-elbow from helping plant 100 tomato plants and mulching a bunch of hay on the girls' farm last night. I can barely bend my left arm. Of course, I'm not using it for much else so no worries!
2. My strai friend A has a bday tomorrow and so we had pizza and beer tonight. She calls it celebrating her bday season. I say fine.
3. It has been rainy and cold here which is weird for May - I've found 6 spike morel mushrooms growing in my own front yard. They smell like a locker room and I am no fan, but have picked them for my friends. This weekend promises to be in the 80s and sunny so woo to the hoo.
4. I was in a series of meetings from 930am to 415pm today. I literally had time to use the restroom once. This is no way to live!
5. The dogs have been appreciating their country life. And by country, I mean grass and things that normal animals take for granted. It is like they have reclaimed their country dog selves and are rolling all over stuff, smelling actual things that occur in nature, and basically living life. I think they also do not miss all of the concrete and bullshit from out east. I like them like this.
6. I found my glasses by the way. I had placed them in a 'safe place' out at the farm which of course was a window sill ledge far away from anyone/thing. I also took two naps on Sunday to recover and quite frankly am still tired. Oh age! Why must you vex me so?
7. Soon I will be househunting for reals (as they say). In other words, I am looking forward to home ownership and believe that by the early/mid summer, I will have my own crib. Aww ya, MTV cribs KS style. When this event occurs, there will be pictures and stories of parties and cookouts and various/sundry home-related topics the likes of which this blog has never seen. Soon I will unpack all of those tools I have had packed up for 3.2 years and I will be cutting some fucking wood and nailing some shit left/right. Holla.
8. Who else is excited about the new WNBA season? I am. Go Storm. That's all I have to say about that.
9. You know how Harry Potter has that scar on his forehead? I took a shower last night and this am, got ready for work etc etc sans hair washing and noticed that in the back of my head, I have this sorta jagged bald area that looks not unlike a lightning bolt. Now, I have a decent head of hair, so imagine my surprise at this situation. I'm going to have to do a back comb-over to cover that shit up. Aside: My favorite poet Mary Oliver admitted that she's currently reading the Harry Potter series. This is prob why I love her like a hurricane.
10. I leave you with a Chick Flick I took at the girls' farm a few weeks ago:
1. I have pitchfork-elbow from helping plant 100 tomato plants and mulching a bunch of hay on the girls' farm last night. I can barely bend my left arm. Of course, I'm not using it for much else so no worries!
2. My strai friend A has a bday tomorrow and so we had pizza and beer tonight. She calls it celebrating her bday season. I say fine.
3. It has been rainy and cold here which is weird for May - I've found 6 spike morel mushrooms growing in my own front yard. They smell like a locker room and I am no fan, but have picked them for my friends. This weekend promises to be in the 80s and sunny so woo to the hoo.
4. I was in a series of meetings from 930am to 415pm today. I literally had time to use the restroom once. This is no way to live!
5. The dogs have been appreciating their country life. And by country, I mean grass and things that normal animals take for granted. It is like they have reclaimed their country dog selves and are rolling all over stuff, smelling actual things that occur in nature, and basically living life. I think they also do not miss all of the concrete and bullshit from out east. I like them like this.
6. I found my glasses by the way. I had placed them in a 'safe place' out at the farm which of course was a window sill ledge far away from anyone/thing. I also took two naps on Sunday to recover and quite frankly am still tired. Oh age! Why must you vex me so?
7. Soon I will be househunting for reals (as they say). In other words, I am looking forward to home ownership and believe that by the early/mid summer, I will have my own crib. Aww ya, MTV cribs KS style. When this event occurs, there will be pictures and stories of parties and cookouts and various/sundry home-related topics the likes of which this blog has never seen. Soon I will unpack all of those tools I have had packed up for 3.2 years and I will be cutting some fucking wood and nailing some shit left/right. Holla.
8. Who else is excited about the new WNBA season? I am. Go Storm. That's all I have to say about that.
9. You know how Harry Potter has that scar on his forehead? I took a shower last night and this am, got ready for work etc etc sans hair washing and noticed that in the back of my head, I have this sorta jagged bald area that looks not unlike a lightning bolt. Now, I have a decent head of hair, so imagine my surprise at this situation. I'm going to have to do a back comb-over to cover that shit up. Aside: My favorite poet Mary Oliver admitted that she's currently reading the Harry Potter series. This is prob why I love her like a hurricane.
10. I leave you with a Chick Flick I took at the girls' farm a few weeks ago:
7/27/2009
Suddenly everything has changed
So July has basically happened. Here is a random list of things from this month:
1. I was on a shaky carny Bullet ride with an 11 year old boy who freaked out when we reached the top and screamed bloody murder to be let off. All of Akron heard his freak.
2. I caught an 8 inch rock bass in Big Long Lake and released it. Limit is 15 inches because clearly the lake is a size queen.
3. I drank shitty beer at a brewery in Jefferson City MO while a bunch of suburban middle-aged hipsters (such as) played in a bocce ball tourney and had cutesy/ironic shirts with team names like Rolling Balls of Thunder and Bocce-celli Girls.
4. I went to a Cubs/Nats baseball game. It was as boring as I remember baseball being. I'm instituting a 5 inning rule in the event that I am taken to any subsequent games. Five innings is just enough time to have a hotdog, a few beers, scope the crowd for hotties, and be done before the crowds leave and you are stuck at Navy Yard in a throng of people with no way out of the Metro and about to lose your mind.
5. Divorced Blackberry and am sleeping with iPhone. I like like it, but I'm not in love with it. Yet. So I'm kinda seeing them both and neither one knows.
6. I have discovered a new species of Evaluati Whinerous. As a member of that phylum, I understand the sentiment, but cannot abide by the insufferable kvetching of that genus. My patience has run thin so pull yourselves together and buck up!
7. My new Boos Block cutting board probably makes me happier than it should. I did not realize that they are made in Effingham IL, which as you all know, is home to one big-ass highway Jesus cross. I will not hold this against my cutting board however.
8. Here is a brief text exchange that occurred yesterday with my strai friend A:
A: I don't think you even want to know what i did last night
Me: You better just tell me because I'm probably the only one who won't judge.
A: Well there was no coke but...
A: Sad and lots of boobs.
Me: Did you go to a strip club?
A: Uh yes.
Me: That is sad. Who did you go with and where? Or more impt, why?
A: That's what I'd like to know. It was not fun.
The end.
1. I was on a shaky carny Bullet ride with an 11 year old boy who freaked out when we reached the top and screamed bloody murder to be let off. All of Akron heard his freak.
2. I caught an 8 inch rock bass in Big Long Lake and released it. Limit is 15 inches because clearly the lake is a size queen.
3. I drank shitty beer at a brewery in Jefferson City MO while a bunch of suburban middle-aged hipsters (such as) played in a bocce ball tourney and had cutesy/ironic shirts with team names like Rolling Balls of Thunder and Bocce-celli Girls.
4. I went to a Cubs/Nats baseball game. It was as boring as I remember baseball being. I'm instituting a 5 inning rule in the event that I am taken to any subsequent games. Five innings is just enough time to have a hotdog, a few beers, scope the crowd for hotties, and be done before the crowds leave and you are stuck at Navy Yard in a throng of people with no way out of the Metro and about to lose your mind.
5. Divorced Blackberry and am sleeping with iPhone. I like like it, but I'm not in love with it. Yet. So I'm kinda seeing them both and neither one knows.
6. I have discovered a new species of Evaluati Whinerous. As a member of that phylum, I understand the sentiment, but cannot abide by the insufferable kvetching of that genus. My patience has run thin so pull yourselves together and buck up!
7. My new Boos Block cutting board probably makes me happier than it should. I did not realize that they are made in Effingham IL, which as you all know, is home to one big-ass highway Jesus cross. I will not hold this against my cutting board however.
8. Here is a brief text exchange that occurred yesterday with my strai friend A:
A: I don't think you even want to know what i did last night
Me: You better just tell me because I'm probably the only one who won't judge.
A: Well there was no coke but...
A: Sad and lots of boobs.
Me: Did you go to a strip club?
A: Uh yes.
Me: That is sad. Who did you go with and where? Or more impt, why?
A: That's what I'd like to know. It was not fun.
The end.
5/05/2009
per aspera II
So speaking of the Midwest/Great Plains, I am traveling to my favorite state tomorrow for some serious slow-down vacation time with my people. Very much needed = that whole big sky, lots of open space, no crowds, etc etc. I'm sure I'll be tweet/pic-ing while I'm there, probs lots of "I'm drinking beer, life is good" type tweets. That sure beats me having to tweet about someone taking a v. large dump on the Metro platform this morning which I mistook for a rotten banana until I realized that bananas are not that large. Yeah, good times in the city, I will miss it not. I also cannot guarantee that I will come back either. Good day!
11/01/2008
Why does she get to have all the fun?
Well hello there, abuelitas. What up?
I have not too much to report in general, but will summarize a few key points regarding my life, this planet, and everything else of late:
1. I just got off the phone with my dad in Indiana. Among the many things we discussed (e.g., the lake being dredged, painting the bathroom, bedding down the flowers for winter, my cuckcoo clock (that he bought me), donating items for the new historical society depot, what are my plans for thanksgiving (I am going back home for a few days and he has signed me up for a $50 Texas Hold'Em buy-in game on Sat already), visiting the VFW in my old small town, and his plans to go to one of those new fangled flu shot drive-through windows he saw advertised), we talked about politics a bit. Personally, I can hardly believe IN is deadlocked at the moment and even more so, I am amazed that my dad plans to vote for Obama. Amazed for many many reasons having to do with my dad and his age and Indiana and various and sundry other issues (read: racism), but there you go. His main argument though is that he doesn't think that an old guy like McCain can clean up the mess that the damn Republicans put us in and that it's going to require a young guy. Whatever works, I say.
2. I have a cold which I am pretending not to have and which made me hunker down in my apt last night. But here is the great thing about last night in my apartment: Not a single trick or treater! You know how I feel about Halloween so was thrilled with the fact that I did not have to leave my place of residence to avoid the hobgoblins.
3. On Thurs, I sat through a government agency awards ceremony for which Robotech received one such award. I came away with the impression that there exists an Office of the Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Assistant Commissioner of the Office of the Assistant Deputy Director of the Secretary of a Cabinet Level Agency. Yay, bureaucracy!
4. My friends back home have not forgotten me. They texted me all last night telling of the adventures of a small cardboard cutout of me that they made by gluing a picture of my face on it and have placed me upon a stick. They made several of these and they pull out Cardboard Me at various/sundry events and take pictures of me doing (often naughty) things with people, animals, and objects. Aww, isn't that sweet? Apparently, they lost the one of me in blond wig one winter night last year while out drinking - she was the Jezebel whore of the bunch so god knows what she's doing with some stranger as we speak.
When I was back there in Sept for a wedding, my strai friend A (who keeps CB me in a potted plant or a cup full of pens most of the time) insisted that I take pictures with myself, one of which was very very wrong on many levels. Placing my tongue upon my own cardboard breasts = kinky! Good times, good times..
ETA: Here I am holding myself which is weird to say:
ETA2: My friend sent me a picture from Fri night where I apparently was enjoying a little beer with my chili -- I assume things got steamer as the night wore on. I was probably tucked into the bosom of a hooker or the asscrack of a go-go boy by night's end.
5. FYI - still in love with a hockey-loving eh-saying dark sexy soft Canadian drummer!
That is all, good day to you and don't forget to vote for the young guy on Tues!
I have not too much to report in general, but will summarize a few key points regarding my life, this planet, and everything else of late:
1. I just got off the phone with my dad in Indiana. Among the many things we discussed (e.g., the lake being dredged, painting the bathroom, bedding down the flowers for winter, my cuckcoo clock (that he bought me), donating items for the new historical society depot, what are my plans for thanksgiving (I am going back home for a few days and he has signed me up for a $50 Texas Hold'Em buy-in game on Sat already), visiting the VFW in my old small town, and his plans to go to one of those new fangled flu shot drive-through windows he saw advertised), we talked about politics a bit. Personally, I can hardly believe IN is deadlocked at the moment and even more so, I am amazed that my dad plans to vote for Obama. Amazed for many many reasons having to do with my dad and his age and Indiana and various and sundry other issues (read: racism), but there you go. His main argument though is that he doesn't think that an old guy like McCain can clean up the mess that the damn Republicans put us in and that it's going to require a young guy. Whatever works, I say.
2. I have a cold which I am pretending not to have and which made me hunker down in my apt last night. But here is the great thing about last night in my apartment: Not a single trick or treater! You know how I feel about Halloween so was thrilled with the fact that I did not have to leave my place of residence to avoid the hobgoblins.
3. On Thurs, I sat through a government agency awards ceremony for which Robotech received one such award. I came away with the impression that there exists an Office of the Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Assistant Commissioner of the Office of the Assistant Deputy Director of the Secretary of a Cabinet Level Agency. Yay, bureaucracy!
4. My friends back home have not forgotten me. They texted me all last night telling of the adventures of a small cardboard cutout of me that they made by gluing a picture of my face on it and have placed me upon a stick. They made several of these and they pull out Cardboard Me at various/sundry events and take pictures of me doing (often naughty) things with people, animals, and objects. Aww, isn't that sweet? Apparently, they lost the one of me in blond wig one winter night last year while out drinking - she was the Jezebel whore of the bunch so god knows what she's doing with some stranger as we speak.
When I was back there in Sept for a wedding, my strai friend A (who keeps CB me in a potted plant or a cup full of pens most of the time) insisted that I take pictures with myself, one of which was very very wrong on many levels. Placing my tongue upon my own cardboard breasts = kinky! Good times, good times..
ETA: Here I am holding myself which is weird to say:
ETA2: My friend sent me a picture from Fri night where I apparently was enjoying a little beer with my chili -- I assume things got steamer as the night wore on. I was probably tucked into the bosom of a hooker or the asscrack of a go-go boy by night's end.
5. FYI - still in love with a hockey-loving eh-saying dark sexy soft Canadian drummer!
That is all, good day to you and don't forget to vote for the young guy on Tues!
8/09/2008
answer remains yes
So I got a text from my strai friend A last night at 3am. It said:
We are listening to the indigo girls!
I don't even want to know how hung over she is going to feel this morning. She also sent me a picture mail thing at 4am. I haven't had a chance to go look at it, but I'll post it here later if it is mock-worthy. She really has no one to blame but herself.
ETA: Yeah, she's hating life. I hate to make fun of people who are feeling like shit, we've all been there, but I have to say that she would give me very little sympathy if the situation was reversed. Yeah, we love each other. Here is our text exchange all day today. I'm actually starting to feel bad for her now.
Me @ 853am: I bet you will be hanging when you wake up. Who were you with?
A @ 12:06pm: i sure don't feel good
A @ 12:12: Dang what was i doing texting you so late
Me @ 12:45: are you throwing up?
A @ 12:46: Yes
A @ 1:35: i think i may die
Me @ 1:47: you probably will
A @ 1:48: I know, vomiting sucks
Me @ 1:52: well you'll feel better eventually
A @ 1:53: i doubt it
Me @ 1:57: me too
A @ 1:58: Ha this really isn't fun
A @ 2:01: now i'm throwing up bile. does that make you happy
Me @ 2:02: that really sucks. heh
A @ 2:04: don't i know it
Me @ 2:07: try to hydrate
A @ 2:10: i keep throwing up water and i can't even sleep
Me @ 2:11: you'll just have to ride it out I'm afraid
A @ 2:14: you're right but that doesn't help a lot when i'm on my bathroom floor
Me @ 2:19: true. heh
A @ 3:32: still throwing up
A @ 4:34: still going
Me @ 4:59: maybe you are dying
A @ 5:01: it's a possibility
Me @ 5:39: still alive?
A @ 5:43: barely I'm still throwing up
Me @ 5:44: do you think you have alcohol poisoning? do you need to go to the er?
A @ 5:45: are you serious?
Me @ 5:45 well hello, you've been puking for almost 6 hours
I'll let you know how it turns out...
ETA2: She's fine and is finally able to eat. Here is our last exchange:
A @ 6:16: can't say it's my proudest moment
Me at 6:24: well at least I'm not there to make fun of you in person. so there's that
A @ 6:31: there is that...gotta be glad about something. ha
We are listening to the indigo girls!
I don't even want to know how hung over she is going to feel this morning. She also sent me a picture mail thing at 4am. I haven't had a chance to go look at it, but I'll post it here later if it is mock-worthy. She really has no one to blame but herself.
ETA: Yeah, she's hating life. I hate to make fun of people who are feeling like shit, we've all been there, but I have to say that she would give me very little sympathy if the situation was reversed. Yeah, we love each other. Here is our text exchange all day today. I'm actually starting to feel bad for her now.
Me @ 853am: I bet you will be hanging when you wake up. Who were you with?
A @ 12:06pm: i sure don't feel good
A @ 12:12: Dang what was i doing texting you so late
Me @ 12:45: are you throwing up?
A @ 12:46: Yes
A @ 1:35: i think i may die
Me @ 1:47: you probably will
A @ 1:48: I know, vomiting sucks
Me @ 1:52: well you'll feel better eventually
A @ 1:53: i doubt it
Me @ 1:57: me too
A @ 1:58: Ha this really isn't fun
A @ 2:01: now i'm throwing up bile. does that make you happy
Me @ 2:02: that really sucks. heh
A @ 2:04: don't i know it
Me @ 2:07: try to hydrate
A @ 2:10: i keep throwing up water and i can't even sleep
Me @ 2:11: you'll just have to ride it out I'm afraid
A @ 2:14: you're right but that doesn't help a lot when i'm on my bathroom floor
Me @ 2:19: true. heh
A @ 3:32: still throwing up
A @ 4:34: still going
Me @ 4:59: maybe you are dying
A @ 5:01: it's a possibility
Me @ 5:39: still alive?
A @ 5:43: barely I'm still throwing up
Me @ 5:44: do you think you have alcohol poisoning? do you need to go to the er?
A @ 5:45: are you serious?
Me @ 5:45 well hello, you've been puking for almost 6 hours
I'll let you know how it turns out...
ETA2: She's fine and is finally able to eat. Here is our last exchange:
A @ 6:16: can't say it's my proudest moment
Me at 6:24: well at least I'm not there to make fun of you in person. so there's that
A @ 6:31: there is that...gotta be glad about something. ha
7/08/2008
TFG
So quickly, I am leaving on Thurs for a much needed vacation. Dear reader, have you noticed that I am a bitter miserable people-hating person right now who is so very near a meltdown/breakdown/ho-down that it is possible that I may not actually even make it to Thurs? Have you noticed my poor attitude and the fact that I am no longer able to breathe?
It's ok if you haven't, I know you're busy. Worrying about my deteriorating mental state is not a part of your job description, it's cool. Let us all trust that 9 days away from Dumb City and my robotech job will partially cure what ails me. I am making myself inaccessible to anyone with a 703 or 202 area code. I will be on a pontoon on a lake in Northern Indiana, I will be in a field with my people in Kansas, I will not be here in this place.
I am also trusting that when(if?) I come back, I will be rested and renewed or at the very least, I will have a plan in place for achieving such a state. There are plans and potentials and possibilities. We shall see what develops. I am hoping this not only for myself, but for the safety of others.
I am contemplating not taking my computer but I promise to take pictures and have stories to tell of what I can only imagine will be exploitations/corruptions/disruptions and all around Midwestern shenanigans. I am going to leave you with a pretty picture taken by (correction) my Canadian tourist on the west coast. I bid you farewell!
It's ok if you haven't, I know you're busy. Worrying about my deteriorating mental state is not a part of your job description, it's cool. Let us all trust that 9 days away from Dumb City and my robotech job will partially cure what ails me. I am making myself inaccessible to anyone with a 703 or 202 area code. I will be on a pontoon on a lake in Northern Indiana, I will be in a field with my people in Kansas, I will not be here in this place.
I am also trusting that when(if?) I come back, I will be rested and renewed or at the very least, I will have a plan in place for achieving such a state. There are plans and potentials and possibilities. We shall see what develops. I am hoping this not only for myself, but for the safety of others.
I am contemplating not taking my computer but I promise to take pictures and have stories to tell of what I can only imagine will be exploitations/corruptions/disruptions and all around Midwestern shenanigans. I am going to leave you with a pretty picture taken by (correction) my Canadian tourist on the west coast. I bid you farewell!
3/28/2008
if wishes and buts were clusters of nuts
Could I ask you please to include my strai friend A in your next prayer circle? Or gregorian chant or whatever it is you do. Tonight, at this very moment, she has some football player guy over at her house to "watch the game" which we really know is a set-up. However, tonight we are hoping/wishing that this will pay off in her getting laid b/c she has been bawlbabying about her dry spell via text and phone. Frankly I am getting tired of it so luck be a lady tonight and let our collective prayers be heard. Light a candle, thanks!
Confidential to Oleander: To the list, add "be willing to ask strangers to pray for your straight friend to get laid so she will stop texting you with things like "i NEED to get some soon" at all hours of the day/night".
ETAthenextday: Well you just didn't pray hard enough, now did you. Too busy with requests for world peace and cures for this and that. Much like the groundhog, I am in for six more weeks of hearing A cry about regaining her virginity via neglect. Who's suffering now? Me, I say. Who is to blame? You.
Confidential to Oleander: To the list, add "be willing to ask strangers to pray for your straight friend to get laid so she will stop texting you with things like "i NEED to get some soon" at all hours of the day/night".
ETAthenextday: Well you just didn't pray hard enough, now did you. Too busy with requests for world peace and cures for this and that. Much like the groundhog, I am in for six more weeks of hearing A cry about regaining her virginity via neglect. Who's suffering now? Me, I say. Who is to blame? You.
3/07/2008
answer = yes
This is the text I just got from my strai friend A:
I'm listening to the indigo girls by myself...sad or not?
I kind of hate to break it to her..
I'm listening to the indigo girls by myself...sad or not?
I kind of hate to break it to her..
1/03/2008
macaroni and cheese
On a lighter note, here's a pix of my strai friend A and I doing what we do best. I hope you'll note how lovingly my mouth caresses that bottle of (what was a shitty-tasting) chardonnay. Gotta give my nippy-fucky friends something to wank to, you know? I'm a giver plus also a receiver. Holla.
This is a new year, same as the old year which = gay gay gay!
ps. Go KU!
This is a new year, same as the old year which = gay gay gay!
ps. Go KU!
11/08/2007
love jesus/drink a little
Fuck. Pardon my language, but I have just come to the conclusion that there are not enough hours in the day for me to drink the amount of liquor required to deal with my current life. Remember when I voluntarily stopped drinking last year right around this very time? What the hell was I thinking? I had endless hours in which to consume balming beverages and yet I chose not. Now, when I would like to dull my senses, impair my ability to <*insert activity*>, and generally drink to forget, I find that I no longer have the time. This seems hardly fair. I have so very few vices and even less time to engage in them that frankly, I do not appreciate this predicament nor do I blame anyone but myself. Solution: Drink more, sleep less. Oh, ps, I'd hate to give the impression that I'm drunky and booze is all I think about. I'm an equal opportunity hedonist so if it feels good and is bad for you, I say bring it all on. You can sleep while I drive. Or whatever.
What else? Oh, my friend A got her stupid tonsils out yesterday. She is such a bawlbaby. Plus also she sent me a picture mail on my phone of what I can only assume was her removed tonsil? I couldn't tell, it was so small. I am going to try to save it on my Sprint account and post it here for your enjoyment. Fun, yeah?
I'm taking tomorrow off in an attempt to regain some sanity and like, do all the shit that normal people would do if they were not working/commuting 12 hours a day. Here is a gay list for you: picking up my new license plates at the dealership, attemping to get a new drivers license (wish me luck, remember my last try?), taking the dog to the vet, going to the bank, calling the electric company, dropping off something at the cable company, schedule carpet cleaning/munching..sorry, that was crude, forgive me, maybe a haircut? Oh, and in the middle there, I have to participate in a work conference call that I could not get out of. Do you think it is humanly possible for me to do that? Can I find time for a massage? How about a chiropractic appointment? And I expect me to find time to drink too? Am I not human? Do I not have feelings? Will I not bleed if you prick me? Cut me some slack, I'm dancing as fast as I can!
What else? Oh, my friend A got her stupid tonsils out yesterday. She is such a bawlbaby. Plus also she sent me a picture mail on my phone of what I can only assume was her removed tonsil? I couldn't tell, it was so small. I am going to try to save it on my Sprint account and post it here for your enjoyment. Fun, yeah?
I'm taking tomorrow off in an attempt to regain some sanity and like, do all the shit that normal people would do if they were not working/commuting 12 hours a day. Here is a gay list for you: picking up my new license plates at the dealership, attemping to get a new drivers license (wish me luck, remember my last try?), taking the dog to the vet, going to the bank, calling the electric company, dropping off something at the cable company, schedule carpet cleaning/munching..sorry, that was crude, forgive me, maybe a haircut? Oh, and in the middle there, I have to participate in a work conference call that I could not get out of. Do you think it is humanly possible for me to do that? Can I find time for a massage? How about a chiropractic appointment? And I expect me to find time to drink too? Am I not human? Do I not have feelings? Will I not bleed if you prick me? Cut me some slack, I'm dancing as fast as I can!
10/29/2007
it's hard to take risks with a pessimist
Hey-lo..
For those keeping track, I have racked up nosebleed #3 tonight. Darling, the decandent 80's are finally coming back to haunt us!
Let's see, what else? You know, it's really hard to follow something like that; everything is sort of letdown after a good nosebleed discussion. How about the fact that I purchased my very own GPS unit so that I might travel about the region with semi-confidence? Miss Stevens, I must say, has already led me astray so I am not entirely ready to let it just ride. How about the fact that that lesbian halloween party was heavy on the halloween but light on the lesbians? I was misled! False advertising! It was a 60-40 strai/gay split, the same odds you'd find at a Home Depot on Saturday afternoon. Oh, speaking of strai, my friend A got some serious action this weekend and texted me with the following (not kidding): it hurts to walk. To which I say, FINALLY. Enough of the cry-babying.
I will be traveling next week for a brief work visit to the great state of Missouri. I had originally attempted to turn that trip into a long weekend to the neighboring state, but alas, flight prices are crazy right now so had to ditch that plan. Too bad, could def use a dose of home to get me through the next month or two. The week after that I'm headed out to California. Will say hey to LiLo for you. Holla! (does that ever get old? Never, I say)
I think I have exhausted all the possibilities, my work here is done.
I made you a present, you’ll never expect it - Menomena
For those keeping track, I have racked up nosebleed #3 tonight. Darling, the decandent 80's are finally coming back to haunt us!
Let's see, what else? You know, it's really hard to follow something like that; everything is sort of letdown after a good nosebleed discussion. How about the fact that I purchased my very own GPS unit so that I might travel about the region with semi-confidence? Miss Stevens, I must say, has already led me astray so I am not entirely ready to let it just ride. How about the fact that that lesbian halloween party was heavy on the halloween but light on the lesbians? I was misled! False advertising! It was a 60-40 strai/gay split, the same odds you'd find at a Home Depot on Saturday afternoon. Oh, speaking of strai, my friend A got some serious action this weekend and texted me with the following (not kidding): it hurts to walk. To which I say, FINALLY. Enough of the cry-babying.
I will be traveling next week for a brief work visit to the great state of Missouri. I had originally attempted to turn that trip into a long weekend to the neighboring state, but alas, flight prices are crazy right now so had to ditch that plan. Too bad, could def use a dose of home to get me through the next month or two. The week after that I'm headed out to California. Will say hey to LiLo for you. Holla! (does that ever get old? Never, I say)
I think I have exhausted all the possibilities, my work here is done.
I made you a present, you’ll never expect it - Menomena
10/06/2007
hooray hooray
Update.
1. Car is totaled, I said my goodbye today. Alas poor yorrick, it was sad.
2. I have recovered from the hangover I had this morning. That final double Stoli and tonic was probably not the best idea. However, I did discover a surefire way to sleep on the Metro. Key: Having a full seat to yourself on which to lay horizontal.
3. Hey V, where did we ever come out on that poll re: corduroy? I bought two pair the other day and LOVE them. They fit like jeans and are v comfy. Faded brown and faded black. Seriously, where have corduroys been all my life?
4. Finished Harry Potter and must say that I was disappointed with the ending. It didn't feel right for some reason. It was riveting yes, but it just felt abrupt. Like I wanted better wrap-up (and I don't consider the epilogue to be sufficient). I don't know..may need to re-read the last couple of chapters again.
5. My strai friend A needs to get laid sometime this year so she will stop whining to me about it all the time. Seriously, how hard is it, she's cute and frankly, if you are a straight woman, hello, the options are almost endless. Granted, it is wise to be a bit discriminating but A limits her choices to a small sample: athletic black men in KS. There are like, two. She needs to expand that circle a bit if you ask me. ETA 2: Guess what!? I talked to A last night and she had apparently gotten some action the very night I posted this lament. I feel like maybe I had a hand in that a bit in some cosmic way, like I inspired a black athletic man in KC to proposition my friend and she followed through. Maybe I have the superpower of prophecy? Or the power to get people laid? Line forms to the left, no pushing please!
6. I have nothing left to say that has not been said before.
ETA: Oh and you must check out this HI-larious Amy Sedaris apperance on Martha Stewart. It's a winner. (ps. My favorite Amy-Martha moment was when they were on Letterman together and Amy taught Martha how to make grilled cheese "like they do in prison" (e.g., with an iron). It was quite ironic b/c like the next year, Martha was destined to put that skill to use. Pure comedy gold)
1. Car is totaled, I said my goodbye today. Alas poor yorrick, it was sad.
2. I have recovered from the hangover I had this morning. That final double Stoli and tonic was probably not the best idea. However, I did discover a surefire way to sleep on the Metro. Key: Having a full seat to yourself on which to lay horizontal.
3. Hey V, where did we ever come out on that poll re: corduroy? I bought two pair the other day and LOVE them. They fit like jeans and are v comfy. Faded brown and faded black. Seriously, where have corduroys been all my life?
4. Finished Harry Potter and must say that I was disappointed with the ending. It didn't feel right for some reason. It was riveting yes, but it just felt abrupt. Like I wanted better wrap-up (and I don't consider the epilogue to be sufficient). I don't know..may need to re-read the last couple of chapters again.
5. My strai friend A needs to get laid sometime this year so she will stop whining to me about it all the time. Seriously, how hard is it, she's cute and frankly, if you are a straight woman, hello, the options are almost endless. Granted, it is wise to be a bit discriminating but A limits her choices to a small sample: athletic black men in KS. There are like, two. She needs to expand that circle a bit if you ask me. ETA 2: Guess what!? I talked to A last night and she had apparently gotten some action the very night I posted this lament. I feel like maybe I had a hand in that a bit in some cosmic way, like I inspired a black athletic man in KC to proposition my friend and she followed through. Maybe I have the superpower of prophecy? Or the power to get people laid? Line forms to the left, no pushing please!
6. I have nothing left to say that has not been said before.
ETA: Oh and you must check out this HI-larious Amy Sedaris apperance on Martha Stewart. It's a winner. (ps. My favorite Amy-Martha moment was when they were on Letterman together and Amy taught Martha how to make grilled cheese "like they do in prison" (e.g., with an iron). It was quite ironic b/c like the next year, Martha was destined to put that skill to use. Pure comedy gold)
8/15/2007
7/10/2007
Captain HF
So did I mention that my sexy hair consultant from back home emailed me recently to tell me that she was sure that my hair looked like shit and that was my punishment for leaving her. Sad thing is, she's right! Gah, I have total hairfuck these days. It's long and stupid and with the humidity here in this godforsaken city, I just need to shave it all off and start again. Think that'd go over ok in CorporateWorld? Luckily, I have a haircut this Sat, unluckily, it is not with sexy hair consultant. Wish me luck.
I just got a drunk text from A and J and they are taunting me with all their talk of drinking and such. This is why I hate them and am glad I moved far far away. Why they think I would care to drink beer with them and hang out is beyond me. Frankly, they all just need to stop bawlbabying at me and crying over my not being there.
Oh, and it has been hot/hell here lately and yet...and yet, I have now seen a woman who commutes somewhere along my route wearing a full cape over her clothes. Like a Ren Faire cape tied around her neck, all billowy and whatnot. This over a long flowy dress and elf shoes (making total assumption about the shoes, but probably not too far off). Hey, I say, wear what you want, I don't judge, but seriously, a cape? In this weather? I can barely stand to wear a bra and panties (oohh, google search perverts, do you find me sexy?), let alone clothes over them. Then again, you know, I'm just not a "cape" person. My superpowers are more steathy/undercover and I don't like to call attention to my specialness. That's just me.
I have nothing more to say that has not been said before. So goodday to you!
I just got a drunk text from A and J and they are taunting me with all their talk of drinking and such. This is why I hate them and am glad I moved far far away. Why they think I would care to drink beer with them and hang out is beyond me. Frankly, they all just need to stop bawlbabying at me and crying over my not being there.
Oh, and it has been hot/hell here lately and yet...and yet, I have now seen a woman who commutes somewhere along my route wearing a full cape over her clothes. Like a Ren Faire cape tied around her neck, all billowy and whatnot. This over a long flowy dress and elf shoes (making total assumption about the shoes, but probably not too far off). Hey, I say, wear what you want, I don't judge, but seriously, a cape? In this weather? I can barely stand to wear a bra and panties (oohh, google search perverts, do you find me sexy?), let alone clothes over them. Then again, you know, I'm just not a "cape" person. My superpowers are more steathy/undercover and I don't like to call attention to my specialness. That's just me.
I have nothing more to say that has not been said before. So goodday to you!
7/05/2007
DMSR
So, you know how I work in a Bette Porter building with all kinds of suits and such, right? It’s this completely different world. I’m not on a nice, rolling, grassy tree-filled campus with fresh-faced college kids playing Frisbee anymore. I’m in a 20ish story building, all curves and glass. No one cracks a smile, and from the conversations I catch in the elevators, everyone is doing Something Very Important (which, unless it’s saving the world, is rarely accurate).
There are restaurants in this building and a CVS and coffee shops and who knows what the hell else. Yes, that’s handy, I admit. I have this security card that gets me into our suite of offices yet the door to my own office has no lock. Not that I keep anything of import there, except for a perfect slice of blue geode that keeps me grounded. No one wants to steal my TPS reports.
And hey, this big office has a bank of three windows, one of them even opens so I can get fresh air. Granted, the view isn't all that great, but at least I can see the weather outside (downside: right under the flight path of National airport). There are some perks associated with being a senior somethingorother. Of course, what I actually do is a bit nebulous. Conference calls and reading reports and "documents" written in acronym. I am learning to speak in nonsense. It is very important to evaluate the efficacy of implementing this ACRONYM in an efficient and effective manner while linking incentives back to ACRONYM's goals. Yeah. That's all there in the TPS report in case you didn't get the memo.
I'm not bitching, I'm just describing. I suppose not every job we have at different points in our lives can be fulfilling and/or fun. I have a sense this one will be nice to have for a limited period of time (like say, when I get my bills paid off and/or am able to keep A in the style to which she has become accustomed, or so she says - actually, just today she sent me an email that said "I hate that you have to work. I want you to quit so you can come back and drink with me. Goodbye.").
So I hope at least that I will be able to cull a few funny stories from this job to share with you, but I worry. Frankly, telling you about how I accidentally left the ice machine in the break room frig on over the weekend and it filled up the whole freezer with ice and how I was also the one who discovered it on Monday morning, that is not the stuff of Comedy Central, I must say. What if I added that on my first week of work, the other senior somethingorother was telling me about how she left the ice machine on and it spilled out over the weekend and to be careful not to do the same thing? *crickets* Man, this is a tough crowd. Anyone here from St. Louis?
Metro-Bitch-O'-The-Week: Someone threw up right in front of the way in/out of the Greenbelt Metro tonight at rush hour. Don't lie to me, you wish you could lead The Glamorous Life, you know, the one where you have big thoughts, big dreams, and a big brown Mercedes sedan (tm Sheila E, who, btw, I totally loved, and also Apollonia plus Wendy and Lisa, oh who am I kidding, I was a big Prince/TAFKAP fan back in the day and when I say back in the day, I mean Dirty Mind, Controversy and 1999 days, none of that bullshit Lovesexy/Graffiti Bridge business, ok I'm done now).
There are restaurants in this building and a CVS and coffee shops and who knows what the hell else. Yes, that’s handy, I admit. I have this security card that gets me into our suite of offices yet the door to my own office has no lock. Not that I keep anything of import there, except for a perfect slice of blue geode that keeps me grounded. No one wants to steal my TPS reports.
And hey, this big office has a bank of three windows, one of them even opens so I can get fresh air. Granted, the view isn't all that great, but at least I can see the weather outside (downside: right under the flight path of National airport). There are some perks associated with being a senior somethingorother. Of course, what I actually do is a bit nebulous. Conference calls and reading reports and "documents" written in acronym. I am learning to speak in nonsense. It is very important to evaluate the efficacy of implementing this ACRONYM in an efficient and effective manner while linking incentives back to ACRONYM's goals. Yeah. That's all there in the TPS report in case you didn't get the memo.
I'm not bitching, I'm just describing. I suppose not every job we have at different points in our lives can be fulfilling and/or fun. I have a sense this one will be nice to have for a limited period of time (like say, when I get my bills paid off and/or am able to keep A in the style to which she has become accustomed, or so she says - actually, just today she sent me an email that said "I hate that you have to work. I want you to quit so you can come back and drink with me. Goodbye.").
So I hope at least that I will be able to cull a few funny stories from this job to share with you, but I worry. Frankly, telling you about how I accidentally left the ice machine in the break room frig on over the weekend and it filled up the whole freezer with ice and how I was also the one who discovered it on Monday morning, that is not the stuff of Comedy Central, I must say. What if I added that on my first week of work, the other senior somethingorother was telling me about how she left the ice machine on and it spilled out over the weekend and to be careful not to do the same thing? *crickets* Man, this is a tough crowd. Anyone here from St. Louis?
Metro-Bitch-O'-The-Week: Someone threw up right in front of the way in/out of the Greenbelt Metro tonight at rush hour. Don't lie to me, you wish you could lead The Glamorous Life, you know, the one where you have big thoughts, big dreams, and a big brown Mercedes sedan (tm Sheila E, who, btw, I totally loved, and also Apollonia plus Wendy and Lisa, oh who am I kidding, I was a big Prince/TAFKAP fan back in the day and when I say back in the day, I mean Dirty Mind, Controversy and 1999 days, none of that bullshit Lovesexy/Graffiti Bridge business, ok I'm done now).
5/20/2007
Breaker Breaker 19
Well hello there, good buddy. Got your ears on? Man, doesn't that take you back to like 1979? When people actually had CB radios in their car? Like my dad? And that 10 foot antenna? (secret: My "handle" on the CB back in the day was a nickname my dad still calls me to this very day. Yep, I was once known throughout a 10 mile radius in northern Indiana as "Peanut". Oh yeah, you better look out, Peanut's gonna get all up in your grill, mister Big Rig Red. The sad thing is that I only remember ever getting one person to ever talk to me on the CB and it ended up being this like 8 year old girl in my same small hometown. Apparently, Peanut was not that popular in citizen's band radio back in the day and now has to write a blog entry about it 27 years later. I am digressing so I shall stop..)
What the hell was I even going on about to begin with? Oh yeah, a weekend wrap up of my activities because someone in Iowa or Arizona or Tehran really really cares. Granted, that person in Tehran is just hoping I talk about something 'nippy fucky' again. I'm here to please so here is what I did, more or less.
Saturday, I took the Big Dog to the vet because she had developed a 'hot spot' on her hind end. We used to have a dog growing up that would get 'hot spots', these itchy places that he would lick and chew on all summer and we'd have to put this Sulfadine stuff on it. Back in the day, it was a whole lot cheaper to have a dog b/c they didn't have all this newfangled 'veterinary medicine' business. Basically, you only went to the vet if your dog got run over (which sadly, eventually occurred to this one at the ripe old age of 16...further digression: the girl who hit him, a bitchy shrew I cursed at from three blocks away, I found out later had just then discovered she was pregnant at 16...it's no excuse of course and it didn't make me hate her less, but man, what a day to have huh? Find out you're pregnant and run over a dog known and loved by the whole town). Back on point, I took the dog into the vet today and $175 later (though some of it for tick stuff..they are bad out here), she received a shot of steroids and antibiotics. Apparently the days of treating such things with a $.89 bottle of Sulfadine are gone.
So if you recall, I was planning on going to the Mystics game yeah? Well, I decided instead to accompany The Agent down to Crystal City to have dinner with some people neither one of us knew. I should have stuck to my original game plan. After a decent drive over to Hotel Land (aka Arlington, VA), we ate at an Italian place. (I am not going to name it here b/c I suddenly had an irrational fear that one of my dining companions might google it for some reason, recognize me, and then read about how they were insufferably pretentious and lacking in all sense of humor...seriously, when a lesbian is talking about lesbians playing golf and you go 'Gosh, I had no idea lesbians liked golf!' expecting to get a chuckle b/c most lesbians I know would find that just a little bit humorous, not sidesplitting but you know, enough to nod your head knowingly and go heh, yet the person just seriously nods at you and goes on to explain that why yes, lesbians do like golf and in fact there's a local league etc etc. It was at this point I started thinking about Lindsay Whalen driving to the basket and I asked why god why am I here). Back to the restaurant. I love Italian and was looking forward to a good meal. Don't you hate it though when you go to a place that looks really nice and promises to be really good and instead you get mediocre Italian food that you could pay less for at the Olive Garden? Oh man..it was bad. Not even three glasses of grigio could save the dinner or the conversation. Good times..
Sunday, I painted my toenails a lovely shade of 'purple haze'. I also had a million hour phone conversation with A who celebrated her birthday yesterday. We spent the majority of it discussing what I would buy her for her birthday if I won the lottery (in no particular order: a pony, a brewery, a huge house attached to a brewery and a winery, capris, her own Victoria's Secret store, a car and driver to take us places, all forms of Le Crousset cookware, an NBA player who is not a douchebag, rings, shoes, tank tops, a personal chef, our favorite pizza delivered anywhere in the world, apartments/houses all over the world, cute sparkly pretty things, etc etc). You can understand why that conversation lasted a million hours. She also caught me up on the hometown gossip, who's sleeping with who, who's doing too many drugs, who is a being weird, etc. Good times.
There you go, my weekend in a not so nutshell and in all its nippy fucky detail. Wee!
What the hell was I even going on about to begin with? Oh yeah, a weekend wrap up of my activities because someone in Iowa or Arizona or Tehran really really cares. Granted, that person in Tehran is just hoping I talk about something 'nippy fucky' again. I'm here to please so here is what I did, more or less.
Saturday, I took the Big Dog to the vet because she had developed a 'hot spot' on her hind end. We used to have a dog growing up that would get 'hot spots', these itchy places that he would lick and chew on all summer and we'd have to put this Sulfadine stuff on it. Back in the day, it was a whole lot cheaper to have a dog b/c they didn't have all this newfangled 'veterinary medicine' business. Basically, you only went to the vet if your dog got run over (which sadly, eventually occurred to this one at the ripe old age of 16...further digression: the girl who hit him, a bitchy shrew I cursed at from three blocks away, I found out later had just then discovered she was pregnant at 16...it's no excuse of course and it didn't make me hate her less, but man, what a day to have huh? Find out you're pregnant and run over a dog known and loved by the whole town). Back on point, I took the dog into the vet today and $175 later (though some of it for tick stuff..they are bad out here), she received a shot of steroids and antibiotics. Apparently the days of treating such things with a $.89 bottle of Sulfadine are gone.
So if you recall, I was planning on going to the Mystics game yeah? Well, I decided instead to accompany The Agent down to Crystal City to have dinner with some people neither one of us knew. I should have stuck to my original game plan. After a decent drive over to Hotel Land (aka Arlington, VA), we ate at an Italian place. (I am not going to name it here b/c I suddenly had an irrational fear that one of my dining companions might google it for some reason, recognize me, and then read about how they were insufferably pretentious and lacking in all sense of humor...seriously, when a lesbian is talking about lesbians playing golf and you go 'Gosh, I had no idea lesbians liked golf!' expecting to get a chuckle b/c most lesbians I know would find that just a little bit humorous, not sidesplitting but you know, enough to nod your head knowingly and go heh, yet the person just seriously nods at you and goes on to explain that why yes, lesbians do like golf and in fact there's a local league etc etc. It was at this point I started thinking about Lindsay Whalen driving to the basket and I asked why god why am I here). Back to the restaurant. I love Italian and was looking forward to a good meal. Don't you hate it though when you go to a place that looks really nice and promises to be really good and instead you get mediocre Italian food that you could pay less for at the Olive Garden? Oh man..it was bad. Not even three glasses of grigio could save the dinner or the conversation. Good times..
Sunday, I painted my toenails a lovely shade of 'purple haze'. I also had a million hour phone conversation with A who celebrated her birthday yesterday. We spent the majority of it discussing what I would buy her for her birthday if I won the lottery (in no particular order: a pony, a brewery, a huge house attached to a brewery and a winery, capris, her own Victoria's Secret store, a car and driver to take us places, all forms of Le Crousset cookware, an NBA player who is not a douchebag, rings, shoes, tank tops, a personal chef, our favorite pizza delivered anywhere in the world, apartments/houses all over the world, cute sparkly pretty things, etc etc). You can understand why that conversation lasted a million hours. She also caught me up on the hometown gossip, who's sleeping with who, who's doing too many drugs, who is a being weird, etc. Good times.
There you go, my weekend in a not so nutshell and in all its nippy fucky detail. Wee!
5/02/2007
Good head, huh?
Sadly, it's come to this. You've heard of phone sex. Maybe you've even "talked" about some pressing "issues" with your gf/bf/lover/dad/cousin. Last night. Or whatever. I don't judge.
But have you ever heard of phone beer?
As you know, I have a long distance straight girlfriend, A. We tried to replace me when I left, but that turned into a half-assed failure on the part of the two straight people (guy and girl) who tried to be the kind of gay girlfriend I was. (Future reference: don't let a strai do the work of a gay).
Anyway, A then decided that I would simply become her long distance gay girlfriend. Hence, a thousand texts and emails about shopping, guys, shoes, her hair, what a whore she's become, drinking, tank tops, capris, jizz, etc etc. You get the picture. Nothing has really changed except me not actually being there.
However, we've stepped up the LDR a bit and we are now engaging in phone beer together. It's all her fault as the following email exchange back/forth shows:
A: Can you tell I'm drunk?!
(This in reference to pictures she sent from our favorite drinking establishment. And for the record, the short/long answer as depicted in said pictures was a resounding Hell Yeah)
Me: yes, you have 'drunken whore' written all over your face
A: it was a blast! you should have been there. :)
Me: thanks for reminding me that i can't be!
A: well, you just need to come back and visit. or, i'll just come out there. so...stop bothering me. i can have a phone beer with you tonight
So yeah, when you can't be there to drink with your peeps in person, there's always phone beer to satisfy your needs. Good times, good times..
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take this call and you know, I'm gonna need both hands ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo!
But have you ever heard of phone beer?
As you know, I have a long distance straight girlfriend, A. We tried to replace me when I left, but that turned into a half-assed failure on the part of the two straight people (guy and girl) who tried to be the kind of gay girlfriend I was. (Future reference: don't let a strai do the work of a gay).
Anyway, A then decided that I would simply become her long distance gay girlfriend. Hence, a thousand texts and emails about shopping, guys, shoes, her hair, what a whore she's become, drinking, tank tops, capris, jizz, etc etc. You get the picture. Nothing has really changed except me not actually being there.
However, we've stepped up the LDR a bit and we are now engaging in phone beer together. It's all her fault as the following email exchange back/forth shows:
A: Can you tell I'm drunk?!
(This in reference to pictures she sent from our favorite drinking establishment. And for the record, the short/long answer as depicted in said pictures was a resounding Hell Yeah)
Me: yes, you have 'drunken whore' written all over your face
A: it was a blast! you should have been there. :)
Me: thanks for reminding me that i can't be!
A: well, you just need to come back and visit. or, i'll just come out there. so...stop bothering me. i can have a phone beer with you tonight
So yeah, when you can't be there to drink with your peeps in person, there's always phone beer to satisfy your needs. Good times, good times..
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take this call and you know, I'm gonna need both hands ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo!
3/13/2007
Without Compunction
And another thing. Since I've left (which, for those keeping track, has been a mere two weeks), my friend A has essentially turned into a whore. Seriously. I have been receiving emails, text messages, and phone calls informing me of exactly how much cock she's been rocking. I'm sorry that I should put that so bluntly, especially since you know where my loyalties lie regarding private parts, but damn. I love A. She is like my soul sister. She encourages my vices X 10 and never judges me, but girl is turning into a "ho" in my short absence. Listen, I do not begrudge someone their nook. In fact, I'm the first one to suggest such activities. But I am wondering why, now that I'm like states away, she is getting all out jizzy with it when I had to listen to her bawl-baby about not getting any for literally years. It's "I got laid" this and "I had sex last night" that with her. I am finding it insulting that as her gay girlfriend, she chose now to whore it up when months ago, I would have welcomed a break from the incessant coo-cooing about not getting any. I am tired of her constantly bothering me about how much she is getting laid. I don't even know her anymore. Goodbye.
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