Could I ask you please to include my strai friend A in your next prayer circle? Or gregorian chant or whatever it is you do. Tonight, at this very moment, she has some football player guy over at her house to "watch the game" which we really know is a set-up. However, tonight we are hoping/wishing that this will pay off in her getting laid b/c she has been bawlbabying about her dry spell via text and phone. Frankly I am getting tired of it so luck be a lady tonight and let our collective prayers be heard. Light a candle, thanks!
Confidential to Oleander: To the list, add "be willing to ask strangers to pray for your straight friend to get laid so she will stop texting you with things like "i NEED to get some soon" at all hours of the day/night".
ETAthenextday: Well you just didn't pray hard enough, now did you. Too busy with requests for world peace and cures for this and that. Much like the groundhog, I am in for six more weeks of hearing A cry about regaining her virginity via neglect. Who's suffering now? Me, I say. Who is to blame? You.
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I’ll be sure to add that one!
This weekend she took me on a 6 hour shopping trip for shoes. Shoes for a date. Shoes for a sex date. That’s all I’m saying. I’ve never worked that hard for my own dates (sex or not) so I’m expecting a medal or trophy soon, anything really. She sent me a text at 3am saying “You’ll be glad to hear that I left the shoes on the entire time. These are the things I do for you”.
Hollaaaaaaaaa.
Good lord, are you sure we're not friends with the same straight girl?? Listen, did you also have to hear about the short little pleated skirt that she bought to go with those shoes? And did you buy her a vibrator and dong for Christmas one year just to get her to stop bawlbabying? Are you me? Is she her??
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