when powerpoint attacks

Have you ever wondered what I do all day at work? Me too! So on the crowded metro ride home tonight, I sketched out a typical day. What it lacks in aesthetic design, it makes up for in content? Hey, I can’t achieve world peace and make it pretty all in one day. I am no miracle worker (say it with me, wa-wah-ter, wah-ter, yes, wa-ter! – ok I’m done).

So this is 1 part flow-chart and 1 part non-linear chaotic system with a hint of old-skool Fortran and a dash of structural equation modeling (sans factor loadings, obv). See, this is what happens when you put a data geek into the “real world”/corporate life. They attempt to stay sane and make sense of their world via flights of fancy diagramming. In a sea of ever changing information, competing interests, and policy v procedure, I’m hanging out on a dinghy named Going Crazy.

Welcome to my world, I’m just living in it. Click to live large.

you shine, I'll glow

We just returned from a very long walk in the park we used to visit often before finding the closer wooded one. It was cool and sunny, not too many people, and we explored a stream and several ponds. Getting out this weekend was definitely a good idea.



But really, the best thing about a Sunday is the freedom to liberally dose up on wine and naps with nary a care in the world. Which I will be doing shortly. Ah weekends, why do they not last a whole week?

And ps, I just discovered that Last.fm will let you embed whole songs so here is the one I have apparently played the most, according to my lastfm profile, and which, as a consequence, means it clearly must be awesome. The numbers never lie. Just press the play button below.

Stoney – Best Laid Plans

bad beat on the river

So tonight I had plans to go play poker and hustle some cash from the youth of America but by the end of the day, my energy level was zero and I just decided to grab a bottle of wine at the handy right-by-my-work Metro station and head home. Middle-age rears its ugly head. Plus I have this knot in my shoulder that is making it impossible for me to think of anything else, let alone dusting off my Texas Hold Em skillz. But the good thing is that I have now located a poker game and don't think I won't be playing in the future. I am there.

Speaking of the Metro, I got stuck yesterday for 45 minutes somewhere between stations right before Foggy Bottom b/c there was a fire or something somewhere. If a bird flaps its wings in Saskatoon, the DC Metro experiences residual delays on the red line. I've been having some success lately in pretending no one else exists on the train but me during my commute, but frankly, shit like this does not help. I really really used to like people before I moved here, I swear, but I can't say I won't be the first one cheering when the gamma rays work their magic on humanity.

Definitely a dog walk in the woods tomorrow is in order. It's supposed to snow again which makes me happy. Dogs. Woods. No people. Snow. Cold. Whatever it takes, you know?

asteroid at 5 o'clock = end times!

So a couple of things in no particular order for no particular reason:

1. After watching football today, I'm capping off the evening with one of my favorite things: Disaster Porn! Have you ever noticed how many shows on the History Channel or National Geographic are all about megadisasters and the like? It's awesome! I love entertaining those last few seconds before a black hole sucks us all in. Apparently, our bodies will be ripped apart and skin torn off. Good times! Tomorrow on the History Channel it's all about what happens to the earth when people cease to exist. It is called Life After People. You already know I love that shit. Don't miss it.

2. I have somehow managed to slice both of my thumbs deeply without knowing the how or the when. Like I'd literally do nothing and then look down and see blood and a cut and have no idea how it happened. I have my theories (and they don't involve drugs/alcohol/mental illness) but no proof. Our ultimate demise is going to come via a series of small invisible cuts to our most valuable body parts. Like our thumbs. Or hearts. And we won't even notice it's happening until it's too late, right? It's just a working theory though so I could be wrong. Waiting on more data/injury.

3. I was at Home Depot today with the agent looking at potential countertops and flooring for her house. This was loads of fun. It is my favorite thing. I love pouring over laminates and matching tiles. I am being facetious. This is my worst nightmare. This is why gay men and/or interior designers exist Which is not a knock on my brethern. Some people have an eye for such things. I only have opinions. Not a big fan of laminate. Pass on oak. Are we done yet? I will be in the tool section crying over the table saw I had to sell on craigslist. I have not used my dremel in over a year. I miss wood. Not oak though. The end.

4. Remember that walk in the woods the other day? With the video and the snow and the Canadian? Yeah. That was nice. *sigh* But I found a tick on the baby dog yesterday right by her eye. I thought it was just eye goop and didn't think anything of it until I realized it was round. And tick-like. Who knew Maryland ticks can live in winter? Answer=the tick that I pulled off and sent on her way to the big dog in the sky that is who. Just an FYI.

5. I wish I could report something more interesting than the fact that I went to Petsmart on Sat to buy dog food and someone simply let their dog take a shit in aisle 36 and left it there for me to step in. I am living the life you can only dream of and wish for, admit it.

Everyone's a building burning
with no one to put the fire out.
Standing at the window looking out,
waiting for time to burn us down.
Everyone's an ocean drowning
with no one really to show how.
They might get a little better air
if they turned themselves into a cloud

- Blame it on the Tetons - Modest Mouse

time to shut down the city

God help me, it is snowing a fair amount in the DC metro area. Given how ppl drive here, I probably won't get home until tomorrow. Wish me luck.



The current view outside my office, while pretty, is a commuter's nightmare. Godspeed You Black Emperor!

how about them Habs?

Walking with dogs...

diplomacy

Hi friends, so this is where I tell you the story of political intrigue and backroom deals. It is a story of two nations coming together for the greater good in this crazy mixed up world. As you know, North America is, at times, divided by differences in culture, politics, and language. To be sure, there have been scandals on both sides of the border; we are not without blame. However, now is not the time to dwell on the past. Now is the time to put our differences aside and focus on achieving our common goals and mutual objectives. Namely: world peace and intra-continental harmony. So on Sunday, I will be hosting an international 3-day summit right here in this nation's capital. I have invited a delegate from the sovereign nation to our north to share that country's unique perpective on international relations with me as I return the favor. Repeatedly. Given our experience working together, I believe our compatible diplomatic styles, collaborative enthusiasm, and intense commitment to the negotiation process will make our summit a success. That said, I would like to employ a little hyperbole and state that the adjustment in my attitude as a result of this meeting may be the flashpoint for getting us out of this whole Iraq quagmire, finding a cure for the common cold, and quite possibly (fingers crossed) answering all of life's mysteries in brilliant technicolor surround-sound.

Oh yeah, and there will be lots and lots of this:

oh yeah

Sue me for being a latecomer, but this pix makes me tingly. That is all.




ps. Hello, does no one care that JERRI BLANK sent a thank you card to my grocery store??? *crickets* Anyone here from St. Louis? *crickets* Viv, I thought at least you would get as moist as a snack cake about that...

ps. I stole the TV

I have a little something to share from a trip to my local Giant grocery store today. It matters not for the rest of this story, but I got some green and red peppers, two limes, a few apples, some cheese, milk, eggs, bread, and chicken was on sale .99 an lb! Anyway, as I said, that is not important. What is important is the fact that I always go through the self-checkout lane b/c I like to scan my own and also this store has a history of glacial-like slowness in its checkout personnel. Today's youth = in no hurry when it comes to scanning my spaghetti. But again, neither here/there.

Next to the self-checkout lane is a wall where they post notices and cards and whatnot. It is there that I found something interesting. I think you'll agree that it is for the best that I have a Blackberry now to take photos on the fly. Here is the wall and I have circled a card that caught my eye:



So while I was sacking up my granola bars and eggs, I thought to myself, I wonder who sends cards to a Giant grocery store and what would they say. Right? So I took a closer look. I guess Giant did something nice and got a thank you card. Aw:



And then I looked even more closely:



As best I can make out from the photo, I think the card basically says:

Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times.

Somewhere out there in this town, my soulmate exists.

browsing the intertubes

Oh man, venn diagram/logic/wit = the best thing ever! New official blog crush.

ETA: cheet, you would love this - fbtcn

macaroni and cheese

On a lighter note, here's a pix of my strai friend A and I doing what we do best. I hope you'll note how lovingly my mouth caresses that bottle of (what was a shitty-tasting) chardonnay. Gotta give my nippy-fucky friends something to wank to, you know? I'm a giver plus also a receiver. Holla.



This is a new year, same as the old year which = gay gay gay!

ps. Go KU!

this is a new year

This is a new year. This is a new year. This is a new year.