I would like to remark upon the absurdity of last night. While flipping through the channels, I stopped on 20/20 to see Perez Hilton whining about Nicole Richie and celebrities and gossip blah blah and just as he was going to tell a story about Nicole berating him in a coffee shop, Elizabeth Vargas comes in to tell us that the puppet gov in Iraq has hanged Saddam and Jim, can you tell us who might have pulled the actual lever and I understand it was videotaped, Elizabeth, but no word on whether it will be broadcast. I shall ask a simple and judiciously chosen rhetorical question: What kind of crazy fucked up world are we living in when in one breath the public discourse is on how often Britney Spears' cooch is exposed for all the world to see and in the next, we are discussing whether it will be possible to watch a human being (albeit one of "evil axis" status) as he is being hanged and dies?
I mean, literally, what the fuck?? I just...the mind, it boggles.
12/30/2006
12/29/2006
What The Body Says
I'm in the mood for a little Mary Oliver poetry, indulge me:
What the Body Says
I was born here, and
I belong here, and
I will never leave.
The blue heron's
gray smoke will flow over me
for years
and the wind will decide
all directions
until I am safely and entirely
something else.
I am thinking of this
this winter morning
as I sit by the fire
and the fire in its red rack
keeps singing
its cracking song
of transformation.
Of course
I wonder about
the mystery
that is surely up there
in starry space
and how some part of me
will go there at last.
But I am talking now
of the way the body speaks,
and the wind, that keeps saying,
firmly, lovingly:
a little while and then this body
will be stone; then
it will be water; then
it will be air.
- Mary Oliver
What the Body Says
I was born here, and
I belong here, and
I will never leave.
The blue heron's
gray smoke will flow over me
for years
and the wind will decide
all directions
until I am safely and entirely
something else.
I am thinking of this
this winter morning
as I sit by the fire
and the fire in its red rack
keeps singing
its cracking song
of transformation.
Of course
I wonder about
the mystery
that is surely up there
in starry space
and how some part of me
will go there at last.
But I am talking now
of the way the body speaks,
and the wind, that keeps saying,
firmly, lovingly:
a little while and then this body
will be stone; then
it will be water; then
it will be air.
- Mary Oliver
12/28/2006
In the heartland/out of the closet
Check it, we get some pub from our big city friends. When you make the garden section of the NY Times, you know you've arrived!
ETA: One would think that the only gay people in Kansas are old Johnson county couples who host potlucks! Where are the hot young things I see up on campus and the queens who own that bed and breakfast just outside of Salina? The sample size was pretty small and not very representative.
In other news, I have self-diagnosed my nose as having a staph infection and have decided that after 3 days of intense pain/swelling, that perhaps I should see a doctor. As you know, I myself am a doctor and have absolutely no qualms about diagnosing myself and others in all matters of psychological, physical, and hair style problems. Given my background in the liberal arts and sciences, I am trained in all manner of illness, particularly those stemming from Jonathan Frazen dysphoria. I once diganosed a friend with acute depression as simply being protein-deficient and overly carbed. A piece of my homemade meatloaf perked her right up. I also removed several pieces of gravel from this same friend's knee following a bike wreck, using the Stoli I was drinking as an antiseptic. I am actually not kidding. I have painlessly and efficiently removed skin tags (tip: sanitize a nail clipper in alcohol first!). I routinely work with my hair consultant Roxanne on afterhour hair emergencies. We once spotted a bi-level at 10pm, but alas, it was too late to save it, neither one of us had scissors at the bar. Finally, I find that nothing cures what ails you like good sex and thus, in my professional opinion, suggest that treatment for most individuals. Point being, though, I am not a miracle worker, I have no actual (sanctioned) medical training and I cannot prescribe antibiotics; thus I must bite the bullet and go the doctor today and figure out what the fuck is going on with my nose and drug up before New Years Eve. It's the only way...
ETA: Folliculitis! With staph! Just as I suspected! Antibiotics, good times! So while I was there at the doctor's office, the nurse was asking me some Qs about my nose and she goes: "So I have to ask, any drug use, you now, like cocaine?" And part of me was screaming to say: "Only off a stripper's ass, is that a bad thing to do?" Then I said something about how strict The Agent is about all those illegal things and then the nurse goes into this story about how she used to do hair removal in a gyno office (yeah, that kind) and she once had a lesion up in her nose and the staff was freaked out about whether herpes could be an airborne transmitted disease and the doctor asked if she might have herpes and she was all like hell no, and I want a STD test! I don't know, it was just a strange story to follow up on and she never did tell me what caused her lesion but in my professional opinion, she probably picked her nose just a little too vigorously. I find that in a lot of the people who seek my guidance. Keep your fingers out of your nose, people, or you'll end up with folliculitis and a staph infection and I will not feel the least bit sorry for you. That is all.
ETA: One would think that the only gay people in Kansas are old Johnson county couples who host potlucks! Where are the hot young things I see up on campus and the queens who own that bed and breakfast just outside of Salina? The sample size was pretty small and not very representative.
In other news, I have self-diagnosed my nose as having a staph infection and have decided that after 3 days of intense pain/swelling, that perhaps I should see a doctor. As you know, I myself am a doctor and have absolutely no qualms about diagnosing myself and others in all matters of psychological, physical, and hair style problems. Given my background in the liberal arts and sciences, I am trained in all manner of illness, particularly those stemming from Jonathan Frazen dysphoria. I once diganosed a friend with acute depression as simply being protein-deficient and overly carbed. A piece of my homemade meatloaf perked her right up. I also removed several pieces of gravel from this same friend's knee following a bike wreck, using the Stoli I was drinking as an antiseptic. I am actually not kidding. I have painlessly and efficiently removed skin tags (tip: sanitize a nail clipper in alcohol first!). I routinely work with my hair consultant Roxanne on afterhour hair emergencies. We once spotted a bi-level at 10pm, but alas, it was too late to save it, neither one of us had scissors at the bar. Finally, I find that nothing cures what ails you like good sex and thus, in my professional opinion, suggest that treatment for most individuals. Point being, though, I am not a miracle worker, I have no actual (sanctioned) medical training and I cannot prescribe antibiotics; thus I must bite the bullet and go the doctor today and figure out what the fuck is going on with my nose and drug up before New Years Eve. It's the only way...
ETA: Folliculitis! With staph! Just as I suspected! Antibiotics, good times! So while I was there at the doctor's office, the nurse was asking me some Qs about my nose and she goes: "So I have to ask, any drug use, you now, like cocaine?" And part of me was screaming to say: "Only off a stripper's ass, is that a bad thing to do?" Then I said something about how strict The Agent is about all those illegal things and then the nurse goes into this story about how she used to do hair removal in a gyno office (yeah, that kind) and she once had a lesion up in her nose and the staff was freaked out about whether herpes could be an airborne transmitted disease and the doctor asked if she might have herpes and she was all like hell no, and I want a STD test! I don't know, it was just a strange story to follow up on and she never did tell me what caused her lesion but in my professional opinion, she probably picked her nose just a little too vigorously. I find that in a lot of the people who seek my guidance. Keep your fingers out of your nose, people, or you'll end up with folliculitis and a staph infection and I will not feel the least bit sorry for you. That is all.
12/27/2006
I Like You!
Nothing cheers me up more than this gift, given to me by The Agent. Good times!
She likes the pole and the hole!
12/25/2006
Once more, with feeling
I can't be the only one thinking this today: I wish we could just get this over with and move on. Christmas has become this chore to get through and the longest gdamn day ever. It's enough to make me think about a gin and tonic at like 10am. The Agent and I are just hanging out, not doing much -- obviously I'm online and she's watching something stupid like Ice Age on tv. She does not have family to visit and I haven't been home for xmas the last couple of years. We did a bunch of cooking yesterday and that kind of helped a little. Had a nice fire last night and that did help for a couple of hours. Zone out on the flames. Today I tried to sleep in as long as possible to shorten the day. We plan to cook (got a nice beef tenderloin roast) later but to be honest, I'm not even remotely interested in doing that. The Agent is big into the present thing, but I just hate it. I have a hard time getting it up to show any enthusiasm and I think it bothers her. I just want this fucking bullshit day to be over and done with for another year. I keep hoping it gets better and it doesn't, not really. Yes, I bring the Christmas joy like no other.
We are supposed to go over to some friends later tonight for after dinner drinks and maybe some games. I am kind of looking forward to that, but that is only because it's distracting enough. I think I'm going to say fuck it and make up a big batch of mimosas to get through until then. Yes yes, we all have to fall off the wagon at some point, why not on Christmas? Cheers, Baby Jesus! Happy Birthday!
To those who actually dig the day and are like having a good time, I say good for you and have a happy holiday.
We are supposed to go over to some friends later tonight for after dinner drinks and maybe some games. I am kind of looking forward to that, but that is only because it's distracting enough. I think I'm going to say fuck it and make up a big batch of mimosas to get through until then. Yes yes, we all have to fall off the wagon at some point, why not on Christmas? Cheers, Baby Jesus! Happy Birthday!
To those who actually dig the day and are like having a good time, I say good for you and have a happy holiday.
12/23/2006
yeah
Sorry, I had to come back the next day and edit this post. I'll save you the details but essentially: Women -- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
12/21/2006
Reason # 542
Remember The List and how The Agent and I are like, so not alike in a number of ways, that whole opposites attract thing? Well, we went out last night and over a slice of pizza, I asked her to remind me of who was on her List. I told you I'd get back to you with hers and here it is. Flip back and forth between hers and mine and marvel at why we ever got together in the first place ;)
Halle Berry
Pink
Sara Shahi
With honorable mentions going to The Rock and Jennifer Lopez.
So yeah..
12/20/2006
Solstice (by chukchi1)
This is from my old archive of email -- written by a stranger I no longer know:
Solstice
Now the balled fist of my heart
is open,
its fingers wide
against you, its scarred palm sucking
your light through
my veins where it roars
bright rivers in the melt off.
If dreams are the table
of the soul you are my night
meal.
Sharp bones of my spine press
to aching against the steel
door frame as I wait
for your scent
beneath mistletoe.
I want the new year
to be an arc; the curve
of my cheek, the curve
of your cheek, the curl
of our hands, your breasts,
your breath escaping
in floating spheres
of voice, the physics of bodies
at motion
at rest.
And when you go,
and you do go,
I endure not
breach but expansion.
- chukchi1, copyright 2000
Solstice
Now the balled fist of my heart
is open,
its fingers wide
against you, its scarred palm sucking
your light through
my veins where it roars
bright rivers in the melt off.
If dreams are the table
of the soul you are my night
meal.
Sharp bones of my spine press
to aching against the steel
door frame as I wait
for your scent
beneath mistletoe.
I want the new year
to be an arc; the curve
of my cheek, the curve
of your cheek, the curl
of our hands, your breasts,
your breath escaping
in floating spheres
of voice, the physics of bodies
at motion
at rest.
And when you go,
and you do go,
I endure not
breach but expansion.
- chukchi1, copyright 2000
12/19/2006
Foolish behavior
You'll remember my friend, the Algerian Fool, who lives down in New Orleans now. To say that he is a very unique character is actually kind of an understatement. I've known him almost 15 years now and the boy is like a brother to me. A foolish sometimes drunken, very talkative, and prone to leaving poetry in his French accent on my voice mail at 4am kind of brother, true, but a good guy to me nonetheless. We have shared some good camping situations over the years and have cooked some awesome meals to be sure.
(Yes, we have kissed, but that was long long ago when I was very young and less clued into the fact that he really really wasn't my type. 10 years after that, I set him up with my very good friend L and they're still going strong today. She is very patient.)
Well, he is currently in town for a couple of weeks on the occasion of his grandmother's passing so we went camping last night out at the lake. My other friend, J, joined us and we had a nice time sitting by the fire and checking out the stars. I took the Baby Dog and she was running all over smelling stuff and getting in the water. We had a pretty large fire most of the night so that was good because it was a little nippy...got down to around 25 or so I think. J and the Fool were drinking their beverages of choice and I (still more or less on the wagon) had some water and hot chocolate. It's very hard to sit in front of a camp fire and not drink, but it is do-able. I have found that I sleep a lot better camping when I haven't been drinking so that is one benefit. Last night, however, I did not sleep very well b/c the Fool was fucking with the fire and mumbling most of the night in French and my feet were cold. We ended up hanging out there enjoying the day until this afternoon when J and I came back in to town and left the Fool out there. I'm going to go get him tomorrow. He is a fool for staying out another night, but this is not a new thing.
ETA: It is supposed to rain so he is having second thoughts and I might have to go out and get his ass shortly. Yeah, this is very typical Algerian Fool behavior.
(Yes, we have kissed, but that was long long ago when I was very young and less clued into the fact that he really really wasn't my type. 10 years after that, I set him up with my very good friend L and they're still going strong today. She is very patient.)
Well, he is currently in town for a couple of weeks on the occasion of his grandmother's passing so we went camping last night out at the lake. My other friend, J, joined us and we had a nice time sitting by the fire and checking out the stars. I took the Baby Dog and she was running all over smelling stuff and getting in the water. We had a pretty large fire most of the night so that was good because it was a little nippy...got down to around 25 or so I think. J and the Fool were drinking their beverages of choice and I (still more or less on the wagon) had some water and hot chocolate. It's very hard to sit in front of a camp fire and not drink, but it is do-able. I have found that I sleep a lot better camping when I haven't been drinking so that is one benefit. Last night, however, I did not sleep very well b/c the Fool was fucking with the fire and mumbling most of the night in French and my feet were cold. We ended up hanging out there enjoying the day until this afternoon when J and I came back in to town and left the Fool out there. I'm going to go get him tomorrow. He is a fool for staying out another night, but this is not a new thing.
ETA: It is supposed to rain so he is having second thoughts and I might have to go out and get his ass shortly. Yeah, this is very typical Algerian Fool behavior.
12/17/2006
Barefoot Contessa
On this dreary Sunday, I just figured out why I (secretly) love Ina Garten. She totally looks like my therapist and she cooks. Transference much?
12/16/2006
They do
Tomorrow (Sat) I am going to a very casual commitment/marriage ceremony for two young lesbian friends of mine. They're doing a simple exchange of vow type thing tomorrow and then having a blow-out party on New Years Eve. M is the cutest little pastry chef ever and makes the most delicious pumpkin cheesecake - she is quite funny and we laugh and laugh. Her gf is very cool and laid back. They work well together so it's nice to see. Of course, since this is the Ruby Red State, there is no legal recognition, but no reason for that to stop anyone, I say. They plan to have it at a park downtown where they shared their first joint together. Awwww, how sweet! Those crazy kids! I'm really happy for them.
Also, one of my ex-gfs is getting married married in Mass next March. Of the legal variety. We laughed at the fact that they had even hired an actual wedding planner. I met her gf when I visited them this past May and loved her. Both of them are doctors who met in med school and are living this crazy busy life in this tiny apartment in Boston but man, are they happy. Yay for them! We're definitely going and I'm excited.
So all these gay weddings. And the whole gay marriage thing. You know, I definitely think it should be universally legal in every state. I want that as an option and I want all the rights and benefits that other people are able to have. Simple equality and all that business. We all know the politics involved etc etc. But you know what? I want marriage as an option, but I don't think I would ever get married. Personally, it just would not be something I would do. I don't know. I understand the whole 'we don't need a piece of paper' excuse people make - I've used it myself -but sometimes, I think that's just a cop out. Am I leery of that kind of legal entanglement? Yes. Afraid of making such a big commitment? Maybe. Child of divorce? You bet! I say if you've got commitment issues, you buck up and admit them. But hello, that's what therapy is for, and after you get your shit together, you should damn well have the option to follow through and fly or fail at that whole marriage thing, gay or straight.
You know, it's really only a matter of time, you can't stop progress. I mean, come on, if New Jersey has the right idea, how far can the rest of us be behind? Hoboken or bust, baby!
Also, one of my ex-gfs is getting married married in Mass next March. Of the legal variety. We laughed at the fact that they had even hired an actual wedding planner. I met her gf when I visited them this past May and loved her. Both of them are doctors who met in med school and are living this crazy busy life in this tiny apartment in Boston but man, are they happy. Yay for them! We're definitely going and I'm excited.
So all these gay weddings. And the whole gay marriage thing. You know, I definitely think it should be universally legal in every state. I want that as an option and I want all the rights and benefits that other people are able to have. Simple equality and all that business. We all know the politics involved etc etc. But you know what? I want marriage as an option, but I don't think I would ever get married. Personally, it just would not be something I would do. I don't know. I understand the whole 'we don't need a piece of paper' excuse people make - I've used it myself -but sometimes, I think that's just a cop out. Am I leery of that kind of legal entanglement? Yes. Afraid of making such a big commitment? Maybe. Child of divorce? You bet! I say if you've got commitment issues, you buck up and admit them. But hello, that's what therapy is for, and after you get your shit together, you should damn well have the option to follow through and fly or fail at that whole marriage thing, gay or straight.
You know, it's really only a matter of time, you can't stop progress. I mean, come on, if New Jersey has the right idea, how far can the rest of us be behind? Hoboken or bust, baby!
12/15/2006
As tiny as a New York minute
Ladies, what's up with all the nip pix? There was a time when you could go out as topless as the day you were born and no one would think twice about your lady lights. Listen, I'm all for a little loose R&R while on vay-cay as much as the next person, but is it really wise to doff your tankini in public and then comment on exposed bush? I say yes, but that's just me. So hats off to you, Amy Poehler. Let your lady lights shine on, you crazy diamond!
Relive the HI-larity, ladies!
Original pix courtesy of Egotastic
Relive the HI-larity, ladies!
Original pix courtesy of Egotastic
12/12/2006
Satan!
Oh man, I just logged into a very old email account of mine from another lifetime (like, old skool telnet to Unix and Pine days) and came across some gems. I shall be posting various/sundry things here, stuff that I'm glad I didn't lose forever. Yay for oldies, but goodies.
The first thing you should know about the sin of lust is it's gonna kick your la-la. It will get a hypnotism on your mind which turn all things into a burning pleasure station in your drawers. Then you think you on the loveboat in a beautiful encounter with no pants. But when Satan loosen his handle on you, it's time to face the ugly music. -- Lynda Barry
I envision evil as those little porcelain figurines sold in rural tourist Missouri along highways at shops attached to diners selling chicken-fried anything. It is a well-documented fact that those saccharine figures shining on glass shelves each contain a radio transmitter connected to none other than the frequency of Satan himself. -- Kiki Dakota
The first thing you should know about the sin of lust is it's gonna kick your la-la. It will get a hypnotism on your mind which turn all things into a burning pleasure station in your drawers. Then you think you on the loveboat in a beautiful encounter with no pants. But when Satan loosen his handle on you, it's time to face the ugly music. -- Lynda Barry
I envision evil as those little porcelain figurines sold in rural tourist Missouri along highways at shops attached to diners selling chicken-fried anything. It is a well-documented fact that those saccharine figures shining on glass shelves each contain a radio transmitter connected to none other than the frequency of Satan himself. -- Kiki Dakota
12/11/2006
Uh yeah, a little to the left...
May I ask why filing out online applications for federal employment is more complicatedly bureaucratic than the procces by which I obtained my PhD? I am not stupid, I like to believe I can read, and I am fairly patient when it comes to most things (noted exceptions include: the whole Walmart experience, people who drive Hummers (but not hummers, lowercase, yeah, you know what I mean), and lame-ass bullshit excuses certain political parties come up with to excuse their own hypocrisy). For most of the jobs I'm looking at, you don't just send a resume or your vitae. You send that, yes, but also a host of supporting documents (e.g., transcripts from each higher ed place you've been, documents addressing anywhere from 6 to 18 specific areas of expertise/experience, background check information, TPS reports, etc etc). I am all for ensuring taxpayers get their money's worth out of a Cog In The Wheel, and really, I did not expect to just waltz in and flash my papers and be hired. I am simply marveling at the rigamarole and not surprised that our government moves at a snail's pace through an elaborate bureaucracy system of Rube Goldbergian proportions. Yes, I said Rube Goldbergian. Humor me, I've been navigating the USAJOBS website all night.
So yes. The Agent got her DC transfer, she is very excited, and we are moving in like 3 months. I will save the whole fuck-me-I-have-to-leave-the-midwest-and-we-just-bought-a-great-house-and-now-I-have-to-pack-up-all-our-shit-again-and-oh-yeah-that-whole-East-Coast-thing-and-I-am-not-even-going-to-get-into-the-cost-of-housing-out- there-what-are-we-going-to-do-with-the-dogs-and-a-gdamn-riding-lawnmower-but-hey-I- love-my-girlfriend-and-she-really-wanted-this-job-and-you-know-it's-a-good-thing-and-there-are-more-opportunities-for-me-there-and-my-therapist-would-probably-tell-me-that-it's-actualizing-and-personhood supportive-to-get-out-of-one's-comfort-zone-and-seek-out-challenge-and-growth-oh-and-hey-DC-is-actually-cool-I've-always-liked-it-so-I'm-kinda-sorta-looking-forward-to-it-a-little-bit-despite-the-bitching-I'm-doing-now-or-will-do-in-the-future post for a later date in time. Actually, I think that covers it for a while until the next minor freak out. Carry on!
So yes. The Agent got her DC transfer, she is very excited, and we are moving in like 3 months. I will save the whole fuck-me-I-have-to-leave-the-midwest-and-we-just-bought-a-great-house-and-now-I-have-to-pack-up-all-our-shit-again-and-oh-yeah-that-whole-East-Coast-thing-and-I-am-not-even-going-to-get-into-the-cost-of-housing-out- there-what-are-we-going-to-do-with-the-dogs-and-a-gdamn-riding-lawnmower-but-hey-I- love-my-girlfriend-and-she-really-wanted-this-job-and-you-know-it's-a-good-thing-and-there-are-more-opportunities-for-me-there-and-my-therapist-would-probably-tell-me-that-it's-actualizing-and-personhood supportive-to-get-out-of-one's-comfort-zone-and-seek-out-challenge-and-growth-oh-and-hey-DC-is-actually-cool-I've-always-liked-it-so-I'm-kinda-sorta-looking-forward-to-it-a-little-bit-despite-the-bitching-I'm-doing-now-or-will-do-in-the-future post for a later date in time. Actually, I think that covers it for a while until the next minor freak out. Carry on!
in Wonderland
At this point, the only reason I plan to tune in is for a nice cold sip of this:
Hello, Alice...
Hello, Alice...
dance dance revolution
Always with some damn song going through my head at odd hours of the night. I'm putting it here to let it go so I don't fall asleep with it rattling around my brain. I have fucky dreams as it is, no need to add to it.
I’ll see you next fall
at another gun show
I’ll call the day before, like usual
but I wanted so much more
I got exodus damage bleed,
could not commit,
some things I’ll never be
so now we’re talking about this
I’m starting to lose my confidence
no one ever says a word about
so much that happens in the world
dance dance revolution
all we’re gonna get
unless it falls apart
so I say: go go go
let it fall down
I’m ready for the end
- Exodus Damage - John Vanderslice
I’ll see you next fall
at another gun show
I’ll call the day before, like usual
but I wanted so much more
I got exodus damage bleed,
could not commit,
some things I’ll never be
so now we’re talking about this
I’m starting to lose my confidence
no one ever says a word about
so much that happens in the world
dance dance revolution
all we’re gonna get
unless it falls apart
so I say: go go go
let it fall down
I’m ready for the end
- Exodus Damage - John Vanderslice
12/08/2006
The monkey says brrrr!
Well, it was colder than a witch's tit yesterday and I chose that day to go up on campus to my (not) office and actually do a little work there (I know!). I could have used a hat or three, plus gloves and maybe an actual coat that was warm. I had no idea it wasn't going to get out of the teens all day. Anyway. It was apparently stop day so it was relatively quiet; that was good. However, yeah, I decided about halfway through the afternoon that I desperately needed a double tall mocha because really, who doesn't. So I trekked up to the union and the coffee shop, stopping by random trashcan fires and steaming street grates to keep warm, nodding my hello to young Phillip Pirrip. It was cold, yo!
Ahhh, glorious coffee - my last vice, how I love thee! O sweet legal addiction, blissful rush!
(I am actually trying to figure out if it is unseemly or a little excessive to have more than one mocha a day. Because you know, if it's my only current vice, I want to embrace it properly. Opinions solicited!)
So I got home and promptly made a very nice fire which I relaxed in front of most of the evening. The Agent has been crazy busy and thus, I only see her for a very short time before she is off to bed at like, 8. I don't blame her, of course, b/c she gets up early, but wow, we are so not on the same schedule. We have, however, planned to have ourselves a proper date night tomorrow (barring some unforeseen criminal activity) so it is possible that I may actually entertain a second vice this weekend. Wish me luck!
Ahhh, glorious coffee - my last vice, how I love thee! O sweet legal addiction, blissful rush!
(I am actually trying to figure out if it is unseemly or a little excessive to have more than one mocha a day. Because you know, if it's my only current vice, I want to embrace it properly. Opinions solicited!)
So I got home and promptly made a very nice fire which I relaxed in front of most of the evening. The Agent has been crazy busy and thus, I only see her for a very short time before she is off to bed at like, 8. I don't blame her, of course, b/c she gets up early, but wow, we are so not on the same schedule. We have, however, planned to have ourselves a proper date night tomorrow (barring some unforeseen criminal activity) so it is possible that I may actually entertain a second vice this weekend. Wish me luck!
12/06/2006
Shhh
(Do not tell anyone, but I had a rather..interesting..dream about Sue Bird last night. My love for her is no secret, but when The Agent was getting up, I was like, oh man, I just was having the greatest dream about...um, basketball. It's ok though, she's on my List* so no foul. Ha!?)
*Remember: Every couple is allowed a List containing 3 celebrity people which, if ever given the chance, they are allowed to sleep with sans relationship repercussion. They discuss this in Chapter 25. Mine currently includes the aforementioned Bird, Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace (the viper pilot, not the actress), and Maura Tierney. I haven't revisited The Agent's list with her lately so I'll post hers when I know.
ETA: Mrs V, is this what you're suggesting:
*Remember: Every couple is allowed a List containing 3 celebrity people which, if ever given the chance, they are allowed to sleep with sans relationship repercussion. They discuss this in Chapter 25. Mine currently includes the aforementioned Bird, Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace (the viper pilot, not the actress), and Maura Tierney. I haven't revisited The Agent's list with her lately so I'll post hers when I know.
ETA: Mrs V, is this what you're suggesting:
Maura Tierney +
Starbuck =
Sue Bird?
Hmmm, what would my therapist say about that? Oh right, she'd say I like the hotties, aww yeah!
12/05/2006
Mainlining YouTube
Nothing beats the blahs like a total YouTube crack-out! More stuff that I'm liking today. Classic Beth Orton:
Blah blahs
Moving right along, I am going to pretend like I did not just liveblog about my toilet. What I am going to do is whine about stupid Christmas and the fact that it is here again. It seems like the minute it turns Dec, it's all about Christmas like it owns the damn month. I think I offically hate it now and that brings me down. All the holiday shit on TV and the red and green bullshit in the stores and whatever. Even when we get a tree this weekend, all I can think about is how I really don't want to go up into the gdamn garage attic and pull out boxes of Xmas shit and deal with it. I think I'm just looking for something to bitch about so why not the obvious? Plus I think I am getting a cold. Bundle of joy here today!
12/04/2006
Real-time Tool Time!
Check it, how totally dorky is this?
I am going to document in real time my wax seal replacement adventure. I didn't get to it this weekend but am starting it now. Because I've got a website up with instructions, I thought I'd geek out and blog it at the same time. This passes for entertainment where I come from.
So first off, the target (4:16pm):
Mission control center (4:56pm):
I'm off to the garage now to get tools and shut off the water etc. More later..
Ok, so undoing the toilet and picking it up was easy. The only issue was that it was hard to remove all the water. Here is the nastiness of what it looks like (4:56pm).
Plus it smells like the bathroom of a fraternity house. Good times! I'm off to scrap up that old wax seal and clean up all the gunk on the floor. More later..
That whole scraping off the old wax seal thing and the gunk cleaning? By far the worst part of this whole deal, but I was done soon enough and put the new seal on (5:30pm):
To help squish the seal down, I enlisted The Agent to sit on my lap when she returned home:
There are some benefits to home repair:
And that was it! The finished product which looks exactly like the initial target (6:09pm):
The whole thing took way less time than I thought and it was easy (if a little nasty) to do. Kinda makes you want to do it yourself, doesn't it? Uh yeah, not so much ;)
I am going to document in real time my wax seal replacement adventure. I didn't get to it this weekend but am starting it now. Because I've got a website up with instructions, I thought I'd geek out and blog it at the same time. This passes for entertainment where I come from.
So first off, the target (4:16pm):
Mission control center (4:56pm):
I'm off to the garage now to get tools and shut off the water etc. More later..
Ok, so undoing the toilet and picking it up was easy. The only issue was that it was hard to remove all the water. Here is the nastiness of what it looks like (4:56pm).
Plus it smells like the bathroom of a fraternity house. Good times! I'm off to scrap up that old wax seal and clean up all the gunk on the floor. More later..
That whole scraping off the old wax seal thing and the gunk cleaning? By far the worst part of this whole deal, but I was done soon enough and put the new seal on (5:30pm):
To help squish the seal down, I enlisted The Agent to sit on my lap when she returned home:
There are some benefits to home repair:
And that was it! The finished product which looks exactly like the initial target (6:09pm):
The whole thing took way less time than I thought and it was easy (if a little nasty) to do. Kinda makes you want to do it yourself, doesn't it? Uh yeah, not so much ;)
12/01/2006
Here is a title that captures the essence of this entry
A couple of random things:
1. Sure we got a little bit of ice/sleet, but the 8-12 inches of snow predicted? It missed us to the southeast. I am sad b/c I so love major snowstorms and I was all ready to be snowed in and romp around with the pups and have a hard time remembering that I was wearing shorts a mere two days ago. Sigh. I say if it's going to be cold as shit, snow makes it bearable. Regardless, we had a fire tonight so that was nice.
2. As a result of above ice/sleet/snow to the east, my school teacher friend A had the day off and we made a run to various and sundry places and then eventually went downtown for coffee. The best thing is that her school cancelled for tomorrow and we plan to have a long breakfast with glorious newspaper reading and discussions of this/that. We tend to laugh a bunch when we get together plus most of our conversations eventually make their way to sex. Come to think of it, so do many of my conversations with lots of other people. Yes, I am a 14 year old boy. Wait, scratch that..I'll probably get some dude emailing me now. I'm really a thirty-something lesbian with a girlfriend who carries a gun. No, kidding. I'm a suburban mother of six...a Buddhist monk..a..ok, where the hell was I?
3. Here are two home projects I shall be doing this weekend: a) putting window insulation up (The Agent complains that she is constantly cold and believes the culprit to be window drafts), b) replacing the wax seal on the toilet in one of the bathrooms. (Confession: I am secretly looking forward to b way more than a b/c I have never done it and I found fucking amazing website that goes through it step by step. I always feel very efficacious when I learn a new home repair skill. I will most certainly keep you updated with the results of my labor. I may even take pictures because I know you really really want to follow along at home).
4. I have been listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs quite a bit this week.
5. I have not watched a minute of womens college bball yet this season so I was very excited to catch the Purdue/UConn game. I had to cheer for my undergrad alma mater but alas, they came up short. There is no reason for me not to attend the local wbb games here in town other than I have forgotten and need to put the schedule someplace where I can see it.
6. The Agent and I rented a movie last night while it iced and we had a fire going. Imagine Me and You which, while not being the most titilating girl-girl movie, was, we both had to admit, very cute. The only disturbing thing about the movie was that Giles from Buffy looked like he was suffering from a case of dementia, and subsequently, his face had this, well, crazy look to it that gave me the heebies. He looked ancient and I was like, wasn't he kind of youngish in Buffy? (could I use more commas?)
7. I forgot to mention that in addition to it being warm enough to wear shorts, we all went camping last weekend and it was lovely. Perfect weather. I took the Baby Dog with me and she loved it. However, we have been finding ticks on her left/right b/c I forgot to get an extra thing of Advantage to put on her. Left the Big Dog at home with The Agent, but even she got in on the tick action as we found one on top of her head last night. We have been trying to play blissfully ignorant and not think about where/if there are ticks about in the house. Because they're not.
That should cover it, enough of chatty cathy. Goodnight!
ETA: Yeah, I thought I was done too. But I finally finished all that tag/label business. I am not sure what it means when I have 20 posts about my vices and only 7 for search for meaning. You know what? I'm going to add 'search for meaning' to this particular entry now because I don't know what It All Means!
1. Sure we got a little bit of ice/sleet, but the 8-12 inches of snow predicted? It missed us to the southeast. I am sad b/c I so love major snowstorms and I was all ready to be snowed in and romp around with the pups and have a hard time remembering that I was wearing shorts a mere two days ago. Sigh. I say if it's going to be cold as shit, snow makes it bearable. Regardless, we had a fire tonight so that was nice.
2. As a result of above ice/sleet/snow to the east, my school teacher friend A had the day off and we made a run to various and sundry places and then eventually went downtown for coffee. The best thing is that her school cancelled for tomorrow and we plan to have a long breakfast with glorious newspaper reading and discussions of this/that. We tend to laugh a bunch when we get together plus most of our conversations eventually make their way to sex. Come to think of it, so do many of my conversations with lots of other people. Yes, I am a 14 year old boy. Wait, scratch that..I'll probably get some dude emailing me now. I'm really a thirty-something lesbian with a girlfriend who carries a gun. No, kidding. I'm a suburban mother of six...a Buddhist monk..a..ok, where the hell was I?
3. Here are two home projects I shall be doing this weekend: a) putting window insulation up (The Agent complains that she is constantly cold and believes the culprit to be window drafts), b) replacing the wax seal on the toilet in one of the bathrooms. (Confession: I am secretly looking forward to b way more than a b/c I have never done it and I found fucking amazing website that goes through it step by step. I always feel very efficacious when I learn a new home repair skill. I will most certainly keep you updated with the results of my labor. I may even take pictures because I know you really really want to follow along at home).
4. I have been listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs quite a bit this week.
5. I have not watched a minute of womens college bball yet this season so I was very excited to catch the Purdue/UConn game. I had to cheer for my undergrad alma mater but alas, they came up short. There is no reason for me not to attend the local wbb games here in town other than I have forgotten and need to put the schedule someplace where I can see it.
6. The Agent and I rented a movie last night while it iced and we had a fire going. Imagine Me and You which, while not being the most titilating girl-girl movie, was, we both had to admit, very cute. The only disturbing thing about the movie was that Giles from Buffy looked like he was suffering from a case of dementia, and subsequently, his face had this, well, crazy look to it that gave me the heebies. He looked ancient and I was like, wasn't he kind of youngish in Buffy? (could I use more commas?)
7. I forgot to mention that in addition to it being warm enough to wear shorts, we all went camping last weekend and it was lovely. Perfect weather. I took the Baby Dog with me and she loved it. However, we have been finding ticks on her left/right b/c I forgot to get an extra thing of Advantage to put on her. Left the Big Dog at home with The Agent, but even she got in on the tick action as we found one on top of her head last night. We have been trying to play blissfully ignorant and not think about where/if there are ticks about in the house. Because they're not.
That should cover it, enough of chatty cathy. Goodnight!
ETA: Yeah, I thought I was done too. But I finally finished all that tag/label business. I am not sure what it means when I have 20 posts about my vices and only 7 for search for meaning. You know what? I'm going to add 'search for meaning' to this particular entry now because I don't know what It All Means!
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