Only good days caught on camera

Here is the story of your life lately:


1. You Put an End to the DC Beltway Madness Once and For All Goodbye Dumb City Traffic



2. Your Big Dog Catches Air On Road West



3. You Stop Over in Your Hometown America and Drive Down Main Street



4. A Bunch of New Baby Goats Greet You



5. You Break Your Foot On Second Day Home and Still Hobble a Month Later



5a. You also worry that some foot fetish guy will find your site and wank off to your foot pix

6. You Have Breakfast Near B. Self and Take A Surreptitious Paparazzi-Style Picture



7. You Do This. A lot.



8. You Stare at a Cow and Forget You Were Ever a Part of (see #1).



9. You Are Reminded, However, That You Are Back in the Bible Belt/Red State



10. Your Dogs Remember That They Are Country Dogs and Dig Like the Old Days/Are Happy



11. You Post A Full-On Picture of Yourself to Prove That You Are Ridiculously and Midwesternly Happy Which You Will Take Down The Next Day and Replace with a Pix of a Baby Chick






The End. Until tomorrow. When the beat goes on...

Sleep tight

..don't let the bedbugs bite.

Have you ever wondered what happens when some fucker probably in the apartment below brings bedbugs into your 20 unit apt complex? WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

Here is a list of things I have to do before Tuesday, as outlined by our apt managers in a memo today, Saturday:

1. Thoroughly vacuum ALL furniture (throw covers should be washed in HOT water) and floor surfaces (carpets and tile). After completing this task, please seal your vacuum cleaner bag in the plastic zip-lock bag and throw it away immediately outside in the dumpster. Do not keep the bag in your apt home.

2. You will need to remove all items that are stored under beds, wipe clean, and seal in plastic bags or sealed totes.

3. You must remove all linens from your beds, wash in HOT water and then dry using a clothes dryer. DO NOT put the linens back on the bed until the treatment has been rendered. All clothing should be washed be washed before our treatment and then stored in either Chester (sic) drawers, (the clothes should be sealed in plastic bags before you put them into the drawers) or storage bins with lids that seal.

4. You will need to remove everything from the walls of each room throughout the apt, leaving a cleared space of 3-4 feet so we can get to those areas to render the necessary treatment.

5. Please DO NOT remove the mattresses and box springs from the room that they are in

6. You will need to remove ALL animals (birds, cats, dogs, etc) from the apt during our treatment and remain out of the apt for a period of four hours after the treatment has been performed.

So you know, no biggie. A little light dusting. Couple of zip-lock sandwich baggies to hold every article of clothing I own. Piece of cake.

Needless to say, I'm not happy. The only reason I'm not bitching and moaning at the 'apartment home' office is that I coincidentally have to travel to Chicago on Tuesday so my dogs will be at the kennel anyway. Otherwise, that would have compounded the bullshit hassle meter X 100.

I have seen no signs of them in my apt, but you better fucking believe I'm going to be feeling them crawling all over and sucking blood for the next 3 fucking nights before they have 'rendered treatment'.

Bedbugs. WTF?

Is it getting heavy?

Well, a few things:

1. Coincidentally, the Flaming Lips are going to be in DC for an Earth Day show on Sunday. I would go but for two things - it's on the Mall one and two, it would be the straw that broke the camel's back if I were forced to deal with that many people at this point. I am obviously at a breaking point wrt the need for space so hello, know thyself. They are apparently streaming it online anyway so there are options.

2. As you may know, I just got back from a trip to Rochester, NY. I was there about a year ago during the lilac festival. This trip was particularly draining due to a variety of factors (e.g., the non-stop good cop/bad cop routine, two stories about what went wrong/why/who is to blame, the ten thousand drinks I had in the hotel bar afterward as a result). You know, these cities I visit are not bad places (with the exception of Fresno, sorry) so the travel has been ok in that respect. The downside is the amt of energy it takes to 'travel' and then 'work'. I am done with work travel until June so that's good. I will also stop whining and bitching on this blog soon, I promise. I am getting tired of doing that as well. No wonder I slept like 12 hours of the last 36.

3. It is hockey playoffs right now, did you know? Aber hallo, there is a whole country pinning their hopes/dreams on a favorable outcome so I think we need to show a little support to our neighbors to the north. And surprise, some of us may actually be Canadian and not know it!

4. Speaking of other good things, I have made travel plans of the actual vacation variety which makes everything all better. In three weeks, I'm going back to my favorite state with my people and I will slow down to a normal pace and I will do nothing but soak in a big sky and enough room to breathe. This will help X 100.

5. It's going to be sunny and 77 today so I am taking the dogs to the Potomac and the woods for a good walk. That will also help X 100.

That is all. Good day!

ETA: Pictures from my day, in chronological order and roughly entitled (as a set) - Snakes! Dog! Beer!:

Potomac

Two dogs, wet and stinky:

zephyr winds that blow on high..

It's a tad windy out there tonight. I was just sitting here e-filing my taxes with Turbotax (why did no one tell me it was so easy? I would have done this years ago!) when the wind blew and there was a decidedly thumpy sound upon the roof of our apt bldg.

I went out on the patio and saw that basically, a rather large tree had uprooted and fell against the place. No damage to my apt, but looks like the roof's a little worse for wear. At least the roof is not on fire, as I do not need any water because I would much rather let the motherfucker burn. You with me, old skool gangstas?

ANNNYWAYYY, I have some photographic evidence to present to you, because I'm just that kind of gal.

First, a picture of the tree in better times:



Alas, the tree was not wearing a LifeAlert(tm):



If a tree falls in DC and no one hears it over the stimulus package debate, does it make a sound?

Yes I can!

Well, two posts in two days = new record for me in 2009, which isn't say much. I happened to notice that in the 4 years that I've been blogging here, 2008 was my least prolific. No one cares of course, just a bit of self-observation.

Here is also something that I have noticed in the last year or so: I never answer my phone anymore. Like I actively do not answer, no matter who is calling. It's really weird for me and I am not quite sure what is up with that. I have to be in a very specific mood to answer the phone and apparently, I am rarely in said mood. I kind of want to change my voicemail message to suggest that if someone wants to tell me something, to email or text b/c I rarely listen to my voicemail too. No secret, but I am not the Great Communicator these days. Does not mean I love you less.

Which is all to say that because I am not blogging or yakking on the phone today, I will be doing something I have been avoiding since I moved to this area almost 2 years ago. 2 years of not unpacking a bunch of boxes or hanging pictures or attempting to make this place feel like more than a storage unit.

So today I am going to reclaim my living room and attempt to figure out what I have in those boxes, sort, and find a relatively unobtrusive place to store stuff. Granted, I do not have the room to put all this stuff away, but I can at least consolidate and move to my office or closets. I am also going to hang some pictures/art on the walls. This is my goal and activity for today. It is all a part of my attempt to reframe my life on the positive side while I'm here.

Operation Resolution Fulfillment: Bitch less, do more.

ETA: Well, after ~17 hours and a new president later, I have finally achieved my goal of reclaiming my living room/life. Literally, I have been living among boxes for far too long and inspired by Obama's call, I have taken responsibility. Everything has a place and if it didn't work, much like many obsolete bullshit Bush programs, it was cut. Unfortunately, I didn't have my stud finder here (and since Viv was not available as its replacement given her skill at finding studs), I was unable to hang pictures on the wall. They are ready to go however. All in all, a great 4 days off. Extra bonus points: Obama!

Before:



After:

From Hair to Eternity

I kinda hate making fun of people's hair given that I generally have hairfuck three quarters of the time as it is, so do not consider this making fun of someone's hair. Instead, consider it a trip down memory lane. I have not seen this hair style outside of the state of Missouri or on anyone other than my sister...back in 1983.

The classic early/mid 80's "feather":



DC Metro: Bringing SexyBack

This is how we operate

So I am back and I can barely manage to do anything but make playlists on itunes and do laundry. Since I moved in weeks ago, I have only really been in the apt like a total of 5 days? I really haven't unpacked much as evidenced by my living room:



Compare that to the pix I took right when I moved in here. It's sad. I still have not found that thing I was looking for in that one box that is not labeled. Same old story, but when I get back from going here/there, the last thing I want to deal with is that pile of boxes. Like what the hell is in there?? What is all that shit? Next thing I know, I start getting oppressed by my STUFF again and I can't deal. I'd much rather take the dogs out for a walk and smell the flowers. Which I did today as well.

So what am I whining about again? Oh yes, as a result of said conditions, my frig is in a sorry state of affairs. Check it:



The contents are as such:

Diet Pepsi hello
2 bottles of tonic water
1 Coors Light (that I will open shortly)
2 leftover pasta dishes
1 ham steak that I may never cook how long have I had it again?
2 apples
1 half wedge of romano cheese
4 flour tortillas

The most important point being the lack of cold alcoholic beverages which may be the only thing that propels me out of this apt and down to the Whole Foods. That is also sad. What is sadder though, is that I will probably just say fuck it and make due with vodka tonics b/c that would be a bad thing how? See, that is why I like Sundays: I love Jesus but I drink a little. <--- that never gets old either IMO.

Bright side: I have a whole entire week to settle in a bit before I have to travel again. And then a week after that, a left coast trip with the Canadian Drummer = thank god.

Hi from Houston!

Which, FYI, is also how they say say Hi in Whoreville, btw IIRC LOL LYLAS BFF ETC

So yes, I am now in the state of Texas, my first official voluntary visit to Bush country. I am here to strike some black gold/Texas tea and bring down the price of crude oil so that you can drive to Walmart for your unnecessary plastic objects. Actually, I probably won't do much prospecting, however, I have promised to find the Canadian something called West Texas Dust (I wonder if she knows it can be purchased via the wonders of the intra-net? Regardless, she wants it and therefore I shall find it.

/on Smoove B: If she wanted, I would purchase her a blanket of fine silk scarves made of the most luxurious fabric and she could lay by the fire while I prepared her the most sumptuous feast of grilled chicken sprinkled with West Texas Dust on a bed of baby lettuce and small bite-sized carrots. For dessert we would have chocolate cake with icing. After I had fed her this meal, I would turn on some soft R&B classics, like Luther Vandross maybe if she would like while I poured her a flute of sparkling wine. We would then get our freak on. Girl, you know it's true /off Smoove B.

Man, where the hell am I?

Oh yes, Texas. It is no wonder there are so many nuts down here, there's something in the water I think. Or maybe I am still recovering from 1) a move and taking a lover, 2) million things to do/no time to do them, 3) KU winning in overtime in quite possibly the best national championship game that was every played in this century hello did you even watch it or what my god that was a GAME.

So I am here for work and will be here until Sat morning. In that time, I shall attempt to solve all your problems, make all your dreams come true, and win the Stanley Cup. Please expect rambling Texas-sized ETAs to this post about everything/nothing and perhaps even some blurry photo-graff-ee-ahs from my blackberry of various/sundry Houston-type things. Whatever that may be. Tall buildings? Cowboy hats? Bush fires? If only the Olympic torch was coming through town, you know I'd snatch that fucker and run with it naked through the streets of this city because I have become that crazy for no apparent reason other than = Texas.

Goodday to you!

ETA: It is all about the Tex-Mex here, I should have you know. Tamales and enchiladas and beer = what I am talking about.





I am here until tomorrow and have to say, Houston was a much nicer city than I would have guessed. Easy to get around is my new criteria for being a great city. If I can get across town without bumper to bumper DCish traffic, I am apparently all about that city. And hello, this was the city that Swoopes built so it's got that going for it too. All in all, a lovely visit, the temp was a balmy 75-80 degrees and really I can't complain (for once!). Texas, who knew??

TA to the VA via AA

Hi, I'm in the process of moving and/or losing my mind. Hard to say which will occur first, wish me luck! I'm traveling next week too so most likely, you'll get a drunken airport post from the great state of Texas. Plan accordingly!

ETA: Look! Someone in my new apt complex has an unsecured wireless. Woo! Maybe I won't have to get cable after all. Two quick questions: 1) How did I get so much shit and 2) Will you come help me unpack? Thanks you Easter Bunny, bawk bawk.

Oh no thanks, I couldn't possibly take another!

So I guess Virginia is for lovers (that's what they say) so maybe I'll find out for sure. I found an apt over there which is good b/c it's a million times closer to work. Like I won't be spending 3 hours a day commuting to/from work and I might actually have time in my life to do other things like sleep in and/or walk the dogs and/or do things people do when they have time (read? drink? gaze at one's own navel?). Instead of 15 Metro station stops across one side of the city to the other, I will only have 5. Instead of dealing with the green and the red and the blue and the orange, I will only deal with the orange. 1 train. Is it possible I might start liking people/human race again? A girl can dream.

So Virginia being for "lovers" reminds me of way back in the day, when an ex and I went camping with an acquaintance on a little island near Newport, RI. I barely remember her now (the acquaintance, not the ex) but as we were sitting around having drinks/camping, this gal was talking about how she, quote, "didn't take lovers". Remember when Rachel Dratch and whatshisname on SNL did that bit about "my lover"? It was said exactly like that, but this woman showed no such irony. She was serious and all like "Yes, to be honest, I don't take lovers". As in, "I'm sorry, but we don't take applicants at this time". It was like her policy not to take a lover - as if she were someone a century ago discussing her habits while taking tea in the drawing room. "Oh I don't take lovers, you see. Mummy always said it would wrinkle my crinoline petticoat. More tea?" I don't remember what her reasoning was either (I mean really, who doesn't take a lover except those who celebrate celibacy and abstinence = no one I know, but hey, to each her/his own). I don't remember the point of this story other than I think that Virginia's motto is gay.

That's all I got. I'm off to take a lover. I mean walk. I bid you adieu!