In the park with me

Can you feel spring here? The magnolia trees are in bloom, the cherry blossoms are bursting, daffodils bright yellow, and soon, the red bud trees (one of my favorites) will have their little purple flowers opening up. All the brown will turn to green and I for one will welcome the thousand shades of emerald. You are ready for spring life too, aren't you?

All the voices in your head

Well, glory be! This time, I am actually able to post to the blog. I'm not going to question how or why this particular attempt was special and worked, I will only suggest that the cosmos is choosing to shine its light upon me and this revelation:

Laura Branigan is going to make a comeback in 2007, mark my words. Oh shit..I literally just followed that link, I had no idea she died three years ago. Geez, I feel like a total tool. I really had no idea. I was sitting in the parking lot today in front of a suburban Maryland Barnes and Noble and her song Self-control came on and I was like, man, I totally fucking loved Laura Branigan back in the day. Hello, Gloria? I played that damn 45 record (yes) over and over again. Seriously, those tumultuous junior high days were all about Laura Branigan (and then, high school was all about Prince, but that's another story for another day). I just can't believe I either didn't know or forgot she died. Wow. I guess the cosmos isn't shining that hard on me. Damn. RIP, Laura, RIP.

This does allow me the opportunity to tell you about my iPod misadventure/heartbreak/meltdown/partial revival. Which I know no one cares but me and the people who love my sanity, but bare with me. I won't go into boring details about this new laptop and how iTunes' default setting is autosync with your library and how my library only contained 183 songs I had purchased while my iPod had over 1400+ songs I had imported from CD and then gave some of those CDs away to friends because why would I need them now and you know I had to switch computers and all my stuff was on my iPod and I was happy and no I didn't back that shit up it matters not because what was done was done. So in Cleveland, I borrowed some of M's cds and imported them to add to my iPod (e.g., two Sleater-Kinney cds (holla 3from60!), a Rusted Root (don't judge), and Squirrel Nut Zippers (good old timey speakeasy music!). Later that night, after some hottubbing and some beverages and stuff, I went to play my iPod on their stereo and discovered in horror that everything on my iPod had been replaced with my iTunes library (i.e., 183 songs) and thus, lost 1200+. Needless to say, I was crushed. Seriously. If you could have seen/heard me...not a pretty sight. I actually might have cried.

So I was in denial for a while about this whole situation. I refused to believe it was true. I could not even deal with the idea of having to A) remember and reimport all that I had on there and B) see A. So here is where I tell you about the wonders of ilolo technologies Search and Recover 4 software (available at your finer Staples stores). I had tried some lameass file recovery program I downloaded for free off the internet but to no avail. This program fucking worked (caveat: for the most part, I will return to this point later). It was easy to use and I'm going to try to get my 2006 pictures back that I deleted as well. I highly recommend it.

The only downsides (and there were two) were that I didn't exactly get everything back from my iPod's deleted file/memory. In some cases, I got the whole CD and every song on it (yea!), in other cases, I got only a few tracks from a whole CD (awww). The other downside is that it took the program, literally, about 6 hours to recover the files. I just let it run on its own and went to bed. The next morning, I was able to import all those recovered files into iTunes library and we are almost good to go. Now I just have to replace a few songs here/there. Trust me, I am not complaining, esp since I was the dumbass who got suckered into that default autosync thing. Seriously, that is a major black hole to fall into so beware if you have different computers for your iTunes library or like me, you don't back shit up. Lesson fucking learned, iPod, lesson learned.

And this is the point where you are wondering why you even care about my excruitatingly detailed dorkfest. You are not alone, I'm with you, sister. I'm just so damn happy that blogger's letting me post again (for now). Fear the cosmos!

Now I am off to download Gloria, in memoriam. Because, you know, if everybody wants you, why isn't anybody callin', you don't have to answer, leave 'em hangin' on the li-ine, oooohhhoooh....


ps. Also giving a long-distance shout-out to someone across time/space! Hang in there just a little longer...

I can't log into this gdamn blogger site anymore so I will have to blog entirely through the titles of my posts, god help me. Seriously, what the hell

Your Crab Cake

Well, I am here. I will say no more on the subject other than to report that I have located the nearest liquor store (closed on Sundays in Maryland, fyi) and have purchased wine in a box. That should get me through the rough transition of, you know, moving here. At least until this Saturday when I must stock up because who wants to be boozeless on the Sabbath? Not I. Actually, that whole no liquor on Sunday business reminds me a little of Kansas, until you know, they rejected the notion of blue laws as ridiculous and outdated. I shall now attempt to end what could become something annoying which is: comparison shopping by state. I am now officially resolving never to say things like "Well, back where I came from, you could buy Diet Pepsi by the case for $5, here's it's sold only in 12 packs for the same damn price!" The price of beef reamins unchanged from my last visit and remarkably high. Maybe it's time for me to stop eating things with faces. Excluding of course, girls and such.

I am now proclaiming this blog free of nostalgic reminiscences of the Wild West Days and instead focus on the good things about The Crab. I will not be a bitter relocated malcontent. I will not be a whiny Midwestern transplant to the heartless cruelties that face me on the east coast. I vow to find the good in this state. Here is the first of what I am sure will be many many: The nice suburban mom in Safeway who informed me that Kelly's Liquors is just down the road about two miles and that if you really need booze on Sundays, you can get it as packaged carrout from restaurants (though it will be 3X as expensive). So thank you, Mrs. Suburban Maryland Mom. You have restored my faith that my time here will be full of pleasantries and bountifully helpful individuals.

Cleveland Rocks!

Ah yes, so my time in the Hoosier state has run its course. I drank shitty beer and pokered and second-hand smoked and cussed and ate fried food and visited peeps enough. It is time to go. I have had a few moments of feeling the emptiness of this place, but luckily it has been fleeting. I drove to my old small town and went by Mom's old house three times while I've been in town. Those are the times I remember that this state holds too many memories sometimes. It's ok though, most memories are good and I'm learning to let the most recent and sharpest ones fade a little. It's still tough to drive by the accident site, but you know, it gets a little less painful each time. For that, I'm thankful. Small blessings laid upon us...

So tomorrow I am making my way over to Cleveland. It's a shortish drive so it won't be bad. I'll be visiting my friend M from grad school and her fam. I cannot tell you how much wine will be consumed, but trust me, we kept many a vineyard in business back in the day (we also kept several other vice-makers in business as well -- this lead to a rather complicated yet complete theory of how "time" was really, like, a "circular tube" we all traveled around and like, a "deja-vu" was when you took the same path in that tube and met yourself where the "past" and "future" and "present" all intersected. Yeah...you know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway. Yes). Plus, she's got a hottub as I have mentioned and you have no idea how there I am with that whole idea. Coincidentally, this will be the second year in a row I will be spending St. Patricks day with them. Last year was up in Portland OR before they moved which was very fun and during which beverages were consumed and it is possible that I might have done a jig of sorts. Like River Dance. Because I am limber. So yes, Cleveland will be a good time and then off to The Crab next week.

Even with all this Midwestern business, I have been thinking about Baltimore. I believe we'll be closer to there than DC, but again, it's all who knows out east. Maps are of no help, you have to figure out the distances with your own body, you know? So I'm wrapping my head around actually being there as opposed to the abstract concept of "moving there". I once mentioned that the only things I know about Baltimore are what I learned from John Waters. I think I'm going to have to rewrite that script a little bit. I have a few ideas in mind..

Ok, that's it for a while. I don't think I'll have the same kind of internet access from here until The Crab so peace out to my homies on the eastside and down south. This is how we roll here in the I to the N to the D. LLYAS! TTYL! Stay cool!

Without Compunction

And another thing. Since I've left (which, for those keeping track, has been a mere two weeks), my friend A has essentially turned into a whore. Seriously. I have been receiving emails, text messages, and phone calls informing me of exactly how much cock she's been rocking. I'm sorry that I should put that so bluntly, especially since you know where my loyalties lie regarding private parts, but damn. I love A. She is like my soul sister. She encourages my vices X 10 and never judges me, but girl is turning into a "ho" in my short absence. Listen, I do not begrudge someone their nook. In fact, I'm the first one to suggest such activities. But I am wondering why, now that I'm like states away, she is getting all out jizzy with it when I had to listen to her bawl-baby about not getting any for literally years. It's "I got laid" this and "I had sex last night" that with her. I am finding it insulting that as her gay girlfriend, she chose now to whore it up when months ago, I would have welcomed a break from the incessant coo-cooing about not getting any. I am tired of her constantly bothering me about how much she is getting laid. I don't even know her anymore. Goodbye.

Paint drying, grass growing, wind blowing

I wish I had more to report than stories about my poker prowess (final table yesterday, but alas, I lost patience and the cards did not fall my way. I was, however, the final woman standing and gave the guys a run for their money. I consider that a success even if I didn't make the money cut).

I am reluctantly bumping up my timeframe to head on over to The Crab. The Agent is getting antsy all under the guise of 'missing the dogs'. Plus, I suppose it's probably a good idea to get there and you know, figure out where things are, like oh, say the grocery store and a dog park or two and last/not least, the nearest liquor store. Before that, I shall spend St. Patricks day in Cleveland. There will be drinking and music and good food and a hottub. If I could add one more thing to that mix (um), I'd call it a day.

So yes. Things are slow here. But what has been amusing me is the whole time change thing. As you may/may not know, for many many years, Indiana was one of the few states that did not adhere to that whole time change business. Growing up, that whole idea was foreign to me. When I moved out of state, I literally would get just a teensy bit angst about when I would have to "spring ahead/fall back" because hello, we never learned that shit. We were either on Ohio time or an hour behind. That's how we measured it. Well, I followed from afar the big stink the Hoosier peeps were having about going with the time change I think last year or something? You thought abortion was a hot political topic? Try daylight savings time in Indiana. Lordy. So this whole past week leading up to last night, the local papers and news programs have been on this constant "Now remember, turn your clocks ahead an hour this Sat. That's an hour ahead now. Don't forget". And guess what? Just as I finished writing that sentence, I answered a call on my dad's phone from one of their friends (who mistook me for my stepmom) and the first thing out of whoever that woman's mouth was "I just remembered, we have to set our clocks ahead, don't we? What time is it over there?" and I said "It's noon" and she goes "I thought so, but I was looking at the TV and it said 11 so I wanted to call and make sure. Thanks. Goodbye". I am not kidding, I just had that conversation.

You know, sometimes, I miss this state and all its quirky little charm. I mean, come on, doesn't this picture just call to you? When you sing "There's more than corn, in Indiana...", you know you are engaging in just a little bit of wishful thinking. Me? I've always been a little partial to corn fields and pickup trucks. I just never know what time it is here anymore..no one does.

I'm All In

Here is what I have been doing since I've arrived in Indiana:

1. drinking Coors Light for no good reason
2. inhaling enough second-hand smoke to equal a five-pack a day habit
3. playing the best fucking Texas Hold em poker of my life (up $100 bucks already)
4. oh yeah looking for jobs in DC online (hello, USAJOBS.com, I've missed you!)
5. remembering that everyone's minor drama is magnified in a small town bar X 100
6. catching a cold that makes me sound like I actually did inhale five-packs a day
7. attempting to avoid the vast amounts of fried cheese and/or fried meat and/or butter and/or bacon grease used in daily cooking here (thank god they sell bags of salad here or else it could get ugly)
8. going out a-visitin' folks
9. cussing like a sailor (see #3 for favored word)
10. appreciating my cell phone and this wireless model like no one's fucking business
11. thanking someone somewhere for something really really good

Week 1 is down for the count, let's see if I can add a few numbers to this list before I leave, huh? Pray it's not something like "got arrested. again" or "found my wife in bed with my best friend and they took the dogs too". Wish me luck!

Back Home Again In Indiana

Lordy!

Two things: Through a miracle of miracles, I have access to an unsecured wireless network. I know. In Indiana. At my dad's house. This fact has been celebrated as the saving grace of my sanity by me and those who care about me and my sanity = you. Thank fucking god! Second, for some reason, I had a hell of a time logging into this damned blogger site until I found a backdoor in. Yeah, slap my ass and call me Washingtonienne but sign me up for some backdoor loving!

Yes so I'm here. The drive was long, long. I am still feeling it. Now that I've found a way to update this damn thing, I'll post more later, but for now, you get to be entertained by my drive. And before you ask, yes, I took these while driving and yes, I am very good with my hands.

Behold the beauty of our Midwest!

Missouri: A Place Where People Actually Live

Special Tree at Special Rest Stop

Again with the Bottom Theme

Apparently, This is Mighty and Starts in Minnesota

Repenting My Highway Sins

Wide Open Spaces in Illinois

Wind Beneath Big Dog's Wings

Wants to Be There Already

Bored Now

On the Banks of the Wabash

Technical Difficulties (Or Why Blogga Hate Me)