So what does the end of the year bring I ask. Here's my general assessment: It has been one fucking long year. Hey, quick rundown! For posterity: DC, glimmer of hope, blizzardDC, new job, Home!, packpackpackmovemovemove, rent, farm therapy, black dogs happy, work and then work harder and more so you can pay a million bucks in taxes but hello --> BUY FIRST HOME EVER WHICH IS NOW YOUR ONE AND ONLY LOVE, this will happen again, I think, also travel/travel/travelX3, farm therapy + 1, Packed Boxes Unpacked (after 3-4-5 years), and now today.
Yes, so it's been a long year of a million changes and etc. On the whole, very good stuff. Everything I like. Next year, more of the same minus the change please. I'm having a party Friday night, FYI, SO BYOB.
12/27/2010
12/15/2010
I am the speed of sound
Here are exact visual representations of the tornado dreams (always multiple ones on the horizon) that haunt me all the time, the last of which was two nights ago tell me what it all means please:
12/09/2010
I think we're superstars
Howdy. So yes, I am trying not to get overwhelmed by the amt of work I need to do between now and then and also hello I have to go back to San Antonio on Sunday for seriously the third time in 3 months which really how many times does one need to see the Alamo is my question. Here's what else:
I purchased a desk, bookcase, file cabinet, and wheelie deal desk thing for my iMac Betty who I can now cart around the house wherever I should like her to be. It's not as creepy as it sounds or like that Xfiles episode where they kept mom on a cart up under the bed for breeding which honestly is one of the most twisted things I've seen on TV. But enough about Betty - my office furniture is going to rock as soon as I actually assemble. And even more honestly, I probably won't assemble it, The Farmer is gung-ho about doing so bc she likes to feel handy and butch so I will let her.
I have a splinter. Left ringer finger if you must know.
The weekend after next I have farm watch duties out at the girls. The last time we had a nice roaring fire and I let their 30 chickens out to roam all day while the Algerian got all drunk and visited the goats. It was eventful! I promised him I would go join him camping during that weekend out by the lake. We have done a million and one winter camping situations so I'm prepped but aye, ever since that whole DC deal, I have become soft and not as campy. That will change come hell/high water.
My friend DK got tix to the chiefs-raiders game on Jan 2 for us. I pray that it will not be -10. Either way, hello Arrowhead = my one/only love (in addition to wine, women, song).
In case you haven't noticed, I am avoiding the work that I should be doing tonight. Question: Will I actually do what needs to be done or will I simply try to do it all tomorrow morning which honestly is most likely? Answer: Somewhere between the truth and a lie.
What else? Probably that I have been all up into The xx of late. I don't care if I'm a little late to the party, I like them. Had one song on a mix someone made for me and just rediscovered them. British! Youth! Emo!
Finally, I am pretending not to notice that it's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees, putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
I purchased a desk, bookcase, file cabinet, and wheelie deal desk thing for my iMac Betty who I can now cart around the house wherever I should like her to be. It's not as creepy as it sounds or like that Xfiles episode where they kept mom on a cart up under the bed for breeding which honestly is one of the most twisted things I've seen on TV. But enough about Betty - my office furniture is going to rock as soon as I actually assemble. And even more honestly, I probably won't assemble it, The Farmer is gung-ho about doing so bc she likes to feel handy and butch so I will let her.
I have a splinter. Left ringer finger if you must know.
The weekend after next I have farm watch duties out at the girls. The last time we had a nice roaring fire and I let their 30 chickens out to roam all day while the Algerian got all drunk and visited the goats. It was eventful! I promised him I would go join him camping during that weekend out by the lake. We have done a million and one winter camping situations so I'm prepped but aye, ever since that whole DC deal, I have become soft and not as campy. That will change come hell/high water.
My friend DK got tix to the chiefs-raiders game on Jan 2 for us. I pray that it will not be -10. Either way, hello Arrowhead = my one/only love (in addition to wine, women, song).
In case you haven't noticed, I am avoiding the work that I should be doing tonight. Question: Will I actually do what needs to be done or will I simply try to do it all tomorrow morning which honestly is most likely? Answer: Somewhere between the truth and a lie.
What else? Probably that I have been all up into The xx of late. I don't care if I'm a little late to the party, I like them. Had one song on a mix someone made for me and just rediscovered them. British! Youth! Emo!
Finally, I am pretending not to notice that it's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees, putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
11/30/2010
11/28/2010
My day
Things I did today in chronological order:
1. Woken up by a text message (content: "slow moving this morning. going down to do animals then need to open hoop house. where are u?"; my response: "I just woke up so don't hurry")
2. Walked dogs one block north, three blocks east, one block south, three blocks west
3. Took a shower
4. Farmer arrived
5. Put on coffee
5. Diet Pepsi
6. Read the Sunday KC Star - all sections
7. Imported a million CDs so I could get rid of them*
8. Unpacked 8-10 boxes, sorted, organized, assembled shelving, finally found three things I had been looking for since February 2010 = 1. my umbrella, 2. the cord to connect my digital camera, 3. my favorite pocketknife.
9. Checked my Fantasy Football score (currently up 95-90 but not looking good)*
10. Dogs out/dogs in/dogs out/dogs in*
11. Warmed up a cup of soup
12. Tended to sick Farmer*
13. Semi-nap on couch for 15 minutes
14. Chiefs game watching hello
15. Took gatorade and Emergent C over to my sick strai friend A who also had flu**
16. Wrote a short evaluation for a sustainable agriculture grant
17. Watched more football
18. Got tangled in blanket from couch while standing and fell on hardwood floor, felt as if possibly cracked my kneecap off my leg or something sim (scorecard for those keeping track: 3 semi-serious falls in 2010 resulting in varying degrees of injury from broken foot to cracked assbone to kneecap fuck)
19. Found last remaining Lortab!
20. Sudden burst of energy = load of laundry, carrying out recycled boxes and trash, writing an entire blogpost about my day in chronological order up until this very moment the end.
* denotes multiple occurrences/ongoing activity
** revision of prevailing thought on my own diagnosis from flu to food poisoning back to flu
1. Woken up by a text message (content: "slow moving this morning. going down to do animals then need to open hoop house. where are u?"; my response: "I just woke up so don't hurry")
2. Walked dogs one block north, three blocks east, one block south, three blocks west
3. Took a shower
4. Farmer arrived
5. Put on coffee
5. Diet Pepsi
6. Read the Sunday KC Star - all sections
7. Imported a million CDs so I could get rid of them*
8. Unpacked 8-10 boxes, sorted, organized, assembled shelving, finally found three things I had been looking for since February 2010 = 1. my umbrella, 2. the cord to connect my digital camera, 3. my favorite pocketknife.
9. Checked my Fantasy Football score (currently up 95-90 but not looking good)*
10. Dogs out/dogs in/dogs out/dogs in*
11. Warmed up a cup of soup
12. Tended to sick Farmer*
13. Semi-nap on couch for 15 minutes
14. Chiefs game watching hello
15. Took gatorade and Emergent C over to my sick strai friend A who also had flu**
16. Wrote a short evaluation for a sustainable agriculture grant
17. Watched more football
18. Got tangled in blanket from couch while standing and fell on hardwood floor, felt as if possibly cracked my kneecap off my leg or something sim (scorecard for those keeping track: 3 semi-serious falls in 2010 resulting in varying degrees of injury from broken foot to cracked assbone to kneecap fuck)
19. Found last remaining Lortab!
20. Sudden burst of energy = load of laundry, carrying out recycled boxes and trash, writing an entire blogpost about my day in chronological order up until this very moment the end.
* denotes multiple occurrences/ongoing activity
** revision of prevailing thought on my own diagnosis from flu to food poisoning back to flu
11/26/2010
Holiday Tip #24
For a cost-efficient and easy way to lose weight during the holiday season, try getting food poisoning from your favorite eating/beverage establishment two days prior to the big event (e.g., Thanksgiving, Festivus, etc). This tried and true method ensures you won't gain a single pound regardless of how many tempting treats surround you. As a bonus side-effect, you will also lose the will/ability to drink alcoholic beverages, thus decreasing your caloric intake even more. 100% effective and "natural" - it's Mother Nature's Master Cleanse!
11/01/2010
You are not mine
It bears repeating.
The heart is a stone and this is a stone that we throw
Put your hand on this stone, it's the stone of a home you know
They say we will go far, but they don't know how far we'll go
With our legs on the edge and our feet on the horizon
They say we can throw far but they don't know how far we throw
With our legs on the edge, and our feet on the horizon
The heart is a stone, and this is a stone that we throw
They say we will go far, but they don't know how far we'll go
It can't be gone, we're still right here
It took so long, can't say we heard it all
Limbs parallel, we stood so long we fell
Tear a moment from the days that carry us on forever
This push and pull is the force of a wave of time
In the heat of the night, we would cry, you are not mine
They said we would go far, but they don't know how far we'd go
'cause this heart is a stone, and this is a stone that we throw
It can't be gone, we're still right here
It took so long, can't say we saw it all
Limbs parallel, we stood so long we fell
Tear a moment from the days that carry us on forever
It can't be gone, we're still right here
It took so long, can't say we felt it all
Limbs parallel, we stood so long we fell
Love's like a pantheon, it carries on forever
- 10 Mile Stereo - Beach House
The heart is a stone and this is a stone that we throw
Put your hand on this stone, it's the stone of a home you know
They say we will go far, but they don't know how far we'll go
With our legs on the edge and our feet on the horizon
They say we can throw far but they don't know how far we throw
With our legs on the edge, and our feet on the horizon
The heart is a stone, and this is a stone that we throw
They say we will go far, but they don't know how far we'll go
It can't be gone, we're still right here
It took so long, can't say we heard it all
Limbs parallel, we stood so long we fell
Tear a moment from the days that carry us on forever
This push and pull is the force of a wave of time
In the heat of the night, we would cry, you are not mine
They said we would go far, but they don't know how far we'd go
'cause this heart is a stone, and this is a stone that we throw
It can't be gone, we're still right here
It took so long, can't say we saw it all
Limbs parallel, we stood so long we fell
Tear a moment from the days that carry us on forever
It can't be gone, we're still right here
It took so long, can't say we felt it all
Limbs parallel, we stood so long we fell
Love's like a pantheon, it carries on forever
- 10 Mile Stereo - Beach House
10/18/2010
10/15/2010
Lie to me
Hello, it's one of those posts! Called Friday Night Lights.
So brief biography of the last week: DC to KC to farm to camping to pinata to literal firewalking to farmboygirl to biscuits and gravy to beer again to hiking in woods to perfect blue sky to work to work to work to yes to halfday work to halfday farm to work to now = yes.
What else? Next week means Milwaukee and Key West. Hello opposites X 100. Work for both plus some play. Do you remember when the agent and I went to Key West? Only time I've been there (and if you've been there and went to the clothing-optional womens'`only B&B you would know that not everyone has a career in that field), it was lovely. We rented scooters and saw like tropical fish. Very paradise island the plane the plane-ish. So I will be there in pretenses of 'collaboration' and 'knowledge dissemination' so you know.
I feel like I should mention that the dogs are dogs and this morning I had to pull a wad of catpoop out of both of their mouths before we went on a walk and they chased squirrels and found other dubious things to eat and sniff and be dogs about. ps. they love their yard and being home. Also they will love the couch I purchase this weekend that I desperately need. How am I to nap while I lose like a fool at sunday fantasy football fyi it was my poor draft position to blame in case you were wondering. So yes. Weekend is good plus work.
Good times good times. What more can be said than this:
So brief biography of the last week: DC to KC to farm to camping to pinata to literal firewalking to farmboygirl to biscuits and gravy to beer again to hiking in woods to perfect blue sky to work to work to work to yes to halfday work to halfday farm to work to now = yes.
What else? Next week means Milwaukee and Key West. Hello opposites X 100. Work for both plus some play. Do you remember when the agent and I went to Key West? Only time I've been there (and if you've been there and went to the clothing-optional womens'`only B&B you would know that not everyone has a career in that field), it was lovely. We rented scooters and saw like tropical fish. Very paradise island the plane the plane-ish. So I will be there in pretenses of 'collaboration' and 'knowledge dissemination' so you know.
I feel like I should mention that the dogs are dogs and this morning I had to pull a wad of catpoop out of both of their mouths before we went on a walk and they chased squirrels and found other dubious things to eat and sniff and be dogs about. ps. they love their yard and being home. Also they will love the couch I purchase this weekend that I desperately need. How am I to nap while I lose like a fool at sunday fantasy football fyi it was my poor draft position to blame in case you were wondering. So yes. Weekend is good plus work.
Good times good times. What more can be said than this:
10/07/2010
In a bulletproof suit
Hello, long time no.
So you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house, you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife.
You may tell yourself a lot of things and I understand that. I tell myself this and that and I believe half of it. Life moves on and it's okay. No worries. This is how I'm feeling at the moment in Washington DC, your nation's capital. I've been talking a bunch this week, talking hypothetical, rhetorical, theoretical. This is what we do here. I'm a data person, by the way, so that means I talk a lot but I like to back it up with some numbers and facts and hard evidence. Are you like that? Do you feel things and wish you could have some kind of data to quantify what you feel so that you can say it's real?
So I am in your nation's capital and I am talking to people and saying that I'm so glad I don't live here and yet I slip so easily back into the politics of being here. And by being here I mean lying and smiling and saying yes yes all is well. You let your guard down a few times, but mostly, you operate on a script that outlines a powerpoint of your world which equals saying what they want to hear and carefully framing how you lay out your argument and how you lay out your life so that it fits how things are supposed to be and the end result. A few pockets of integrity here and there, but remember this is a system of hypocrisy. Believe it because it is true and if someone tells you otherwise or someone is kind, question the motive.
This is how I compartmentalize my life. I am not that person and I am totally that person. I smiled and I cajoled and I said what I had to say to make you feel the way you felt. I bought you a drink, I laughed at your joke, I told a few of my own. Remember how I complimented your hair? How I briefly touched your arm? Remember when I loved you and then had to move on?
So you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house, you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife.
You may tell yourself a lot of things and I understand that. I tell myself this and that and I believe half of it. Life moves on and it's okay. No worries. This is how I'm feeling at the moment in Washington DC, your nation's capital. I've been talking a bunch this week, talking hypothetical, rhetorical, theoretical. This is what we do here. I'm a data person, by the way, so that means I talk a lot but I like to back it up with some numbers and facts and hard evidence. Are you like that? Do you feel things and wish you could have some kind of data to quantify what you feel so that you can say it's real?
So I am in your nation's capital and I am talking to people and saying that I'm so glad I don't live here and yet I slip so easily back into the politics of being here. And by being here I mean lying and smiling and saying yes yes all is well. You let your guard down a few times, but mostly, you operate on a script that outlines a powerpoint of your world which equals saying what they want to hear and carefully framing how you lay out your argument and how you lay out your life so that it fits how things are supposed to be and the end result. A few pockets of integrity here and there, but remember this is a system of hypocrisy. Believe it because it is true and if someone tells you otherwise or someone is kind, question the motive.
This is how I compartmentalize my life. I am not that person and I am totally that person. I smiled and I cajoled and I said what I had to say to make you feel the way you felt. I bought you a drink, I laughed at your joke, I told a few of my own. Remember how I complimented your hair? How I briefly touched your arm? Remember when I loved you and then had to move on?
9/18/2010
Guess things are different here out in the country
Hello to you. It's been a long week of ups and downs I have to say. Recap: Work travel travel bombshell work play work. All I can say is that I'm glad it's the weekend so I can try to up the play a little bit.
Right now, it's what, 1130pm on a Sat night and I took a little break from writing a final project report to create a quick LJ/Bird tumblr because hello why not I like to have the point and post slash handy all in one place. And clearly, I am avoiding the report writing by blog writing this very post so you know.
Good things of late since I don't want to focus on the kinda major bad thing that happened this week which will affect my life/choices in some way although I'm not sure how yet: 1) The drive to western Kansas was lovely as always, it looked a lot like this:
2) I got the word that I will continue on my consulting gig ($$) for the next year with a group of folks I really like even if it means I have to go back to that Damn City again in a few weeks on my actual birthday so I better not get stuck there again I mean it; 3) Hello the Seattle Storm won the damned WNBA championship in case you hadn't noticed; 4) Spent some quality time with my new galfriend last night out in the country on her farm and it's really nice to hang with someone again, though you know, it's still hard, but it's good too; 5) I mowed the grass today even though the humidity was 1 million but you know how much I love mowing grass which is a lot and I bought a lilac bush and an early amethyst beautyberry bush to plant in the yard not sure where yet but it makes me happy; 6) Tomorrow I will help friends build some wooden sides for their flatbed 1/2 ton truck which of course means that I will finally be getting some wood action with my tools and man I miss the heck out of that; and 7) The dogs are snoring right now and it's quiet outside and some storms kinda came though so it will be a good night for sleeping in this house that I love like no one's business.
Enough of this chitchat, I need to write words that make sense even though no one in our damn government is going to read them. Goodnight to you.
Right now, it's what, 1130pm on a Sat night and I took a little break from writing a final project report to create a quick LJ/Bird tumblr because hello why not I like to have the point and post slash handy all in one place. And clearly, I am avoiding the report writing by blog writing this very post so you know.
Good things of late since I don't want to focus on the kinda major bad thing that happened this week which will affect my life/choices in some way although I'm not sure how yet: 1) The drive to western Kansas was lovely as always, it looked a lot like this:
2) I got the word that I will continue on my consulting gig ($$) for the next year with a group of folks I really like even if it means I have to go back to that Damn City again in a few weeks on my actual birthday so I better not get stuck there again I mean it; 3) Hello the Seattle Storm won the damned WNBA championship in case you hadn't noticed; 4) Spent some quality time with my new galfriend last night out in the country on her farm and it's really nice to hang with someone again, though you know, it's still hard, but it's good too; 5) I mowed the grass today even though the humidity was 1 million but you know how much I love mowing grass which is a lot and I bought a lilac bush and an early amethyst beautyberry bush to plant in the yard not sure where yet but it makes me happy; 6) Tomorrow I will help friends build some wooden sides for their flatbed 1/2 ton truck which of course means that I will finally be getting some wood action with my tools and man I miss the heck out of that; and 7) The dogs are snoring right now and it's quiet outside and some storms kinda came though so it will be a good night for sleeping in this house that I love like no one's business.
Enough of this chitchat, I need to write words that make sense even though no one in our damn government is going to read them. Goodnight to you.
9/06/2010
9/05/2010
The morning birds are singing
Oh, it's one of those nights. So be it. Are you still the boy who rocks my world?
Like the stars above.
Like the stars above.
8/23/2010
you and your anchor tattoo
I'm tired and unclear why I am still awake right now. Been kind of a whirlwind of various/sundry and it's not really going to stop anytime soon. No, it's not going to stop until you wise up. Or so they say.
The good thing is that I am busy and things are good and lots going on and some potential romance and the hot weather is breaking and the kids on campus make me feel old because they are so young and I am not sure where the summer went and canoe trip coming up and texas and football season and the cicadas are still loud loud and I'm trying not to think about you and failing most of the time and the moon is out tonight and a storm is coming in and this:
The good thing is that I am busy and things are good and lots going on and some potential romance and the hot weather is breaking and the kids on campus make me feel old because they are so young and I am not sure where the summer went and canoe trip coming up and texas and football season and the cicadas are still loud loud and I'm trying not to think about you and failing most of the time and the moon is out tonight and a storm is coming in and this:
8/10/2010
Me and you and what we'd do for money
So I lost a week of my life in DC and haven't quite recovered from last week because I came back and am swamped with the work that I started there and that makes me money here but man, sometimes you sell your soul and wonder why. So much drama from that place and I feel like I'm stuck a little bit in the vortex of it, sucked down by my own choice. I should have realized that my time back home would cost more than they could pay but I played the game to screw someone over who had screwed me over etc etc the cycle goes on. I'm trying to be cryptic a bit but honestly, I have no one to blame for this but myself. Plus without the above, this house would not have been mine so you do what you have to do which is the lesson learned in DC. I just have to do this a bit longer and then I will cut the cord for good. Isn't this a great middle-class whine? I should not complain given the state of things here and there and everywhere. I guess I should have known it was going to take more than farm therapy to shed the damage. Another lesson learned.
What else? It is hotter than a motherfuck here (pardon my language) but we are on day 3 of 100+ temps. Which means the weather sucks the life out of me too because I am a baby about the heat. Black dogs are not appreciating it either so we do our walks in the early morning to avoid. The best thing about now though is that the cicadas are so loud it's like this constant hum that reminds me of home. And also this home. Which I like.
I haven't had a chance to unpack hardly anything. Does that sound familiar? My friends find it odd that I can live with the boxes still hanging out and are offering to help me unpack at every turn. I'm still deciding what goes where and also have not had time to do the unpacking (see above work whine) and when not doing (above), I have been getting big doses of hanging with my friends which also makes the (above) not even remotely appealing. Plus this is like travel month for me with the DC and western Kansas and Southern Missouri and San Antonio = I have no time, people. None. Oh and my dad is coming to visit next weekend and I am having a huge party and I guess I should probably unpack the bar and glasses and move things so people can sit even though I got rid of furniture etc etc. The upside is that I bought a washer and dryer to be delivered on Friday which makes me sound as old as you think. This is how I roll.
On that note, I've got to get some shit done because it's all coming down with deadlines that I think I may not be able to make but at this point, it is what it is as they say. Despite the tone of this post, I can guarantee that I am 90% happier now than I have been in probably 15 years or more which is saying something so I will suck it up and deal. Holla..
It is a lion's science fiction wings
Just like a jolly dizzy for zero, one, three times
The size of the people that came before
Me and you and what we'd do for money
This greed and jealousy turn to need
See, I'm a man with a plan to use my hands
I'm touching yours, you're the girl who wanted more
Now, baby, the story has faded from love to lie - Rilo Kiley Dreamworld
What else? It is hotter than a motherfuck here (pardon my language) but we are on day 3 of 100+ temps. Which means the weather sucks the life out of me too because I am a baby about the heat. Black dogs are not appreciating it either so we do our walks in the early morning to avoid. The best thing about now though is that the cicadas are so loud it's like this constant hum that reminds me of home. And also this home. Which I like.
I haven't had a chance to unpack hardly anything. Does that sound familiar? My friends find it odd that I can live with the boxes still hanging out and are offering to help me unpack at every turn. I'm still deciding what goes where and also have not had time to do the unpacking (see above work whine) and when not doing (above), I have been getting big doses of hanging with my friends which also makes the (above) not even remotely appealing. Plus this is like travel month for me with the DC and western Kansas and Southern Missouri and San Antonio = I have no time, people. None. Oh and my dad is coming to visit next weekend and I am having a huge party and I guess I should probably unpack the bar and glasses and move things so people can sit even though I got rid of furniture etc etc. The upside is that I bought a washer and dryer to be delivered on Friday which makes me sound as old as you think. This is how I roll.
On that note, I've got to get some shit done because it's all coming down with deadlines that I think I may not be able to make but at this point, it is what it is as they say. Despite the tone of this post, I can guarantee that I am 90% happier now than I have been in probably 15 years or more which is saying something so I will suck it up and deal. Holla..
It is a lion's science fiction wings
Just like a jolly dizzy for zero, one, three times
The size of the people that came before
Me and you and what we'd do for money
This greed and jealousy turn to need
See, I'm a man with a plan to use my hands
I'm touching yours, you're the girl who wanted more
Now, baby, the story has faded from love to lie - Rilo Kiley Dreamworld
8/07/2010
You're doing it perfectly
Aye. It's been a week. Do you follow my twitter? I hate how that sounds. Nevermind.
Anyway, yes. It's been a bit of this and that. What do you want from me? What do you want from me?
If loving that is wrong, I don't want to be right. Sorry.
Second thing. This.
I will end on this. Is it the end of the world? Maybe. Why not pretend. It's late. I'm tired.
Part II.
Who doesn't love angsty music on an August night?
Anyway, yes. It's been a bit of this and that. What do you want from me? What do you want from me?
If loving that is wrong, I don't want to be right. Sorry.
Second thing. This.
I will end on this. Is it the end of the world? Maybe. Why not pretend. It's late. I'm tired.
Part II.
Who doesn't love angsty music on an August night?
7/21/2010
Door handle
So I moved some of my stuff in tonight. Borrowed a friend's pickup truck and loaded/unloaded three trips full of stuff. In a million degrees. My sweat was sweating. Am definitely not complaining, just saying. My friends called me giddy last night when I was showing them around. Trust me, I am not the giddy sort. I do not do giddy. But hello, MY OWN HOUSE IT'S MINE ALL MINE EXCEPT THE PART THAT THE BANK OWNS BUT WHO CARES MY OWN PERFECT LITTLE HOUSE YAY!
Ahem.
And so, I now have a reason to use my "tool time" and "wood" tags on blog posts again. Here's where my shop is going:
And my private little backyard where I will have garden parties and plant stuff and hang out with the dogs and various/sundry MY YARD HELLO WOO stuff:
Yeah, I'm sure my posts for awhile are gonna be all housey and whatnot. I will try to do exciting things in itand report back. Like COOK AND HAVE PARTIES AND SET UP MY CUTE LITTLE LIBRARY/READING ROOM WITH ALL KINDS OF SUN AND WINDOWS ALL AROUND IT AND ALSO AND AND ETC.
Until then, I am off to find that door handle that I was looking for:
Ahem.
And so, I now have a reason to use my "tool time" and "wood" tags on blog posts again. Here's where my shop is going:
And my private little backyard where I will have garden parties and plant stuff and hang out with the dogs and various/sundry MY YARD HELLO WOO stuff:
Yeah, I'm sure my posts for awhile are gonna be all housey and whatnot. I will try to do exciting things in itand report back. Like COOK AND HAVE PARTIES AND SET UP MY CUTE LITTLE LIBRARY/READING ROOM WITH ALL KINDS OF SUN AND WINDOWS ALL AROUND IT AND ALSO AND AND ETC.
Until then, I am off to find that door handle that I was looking for:
7/10/2010
We are hummingbirds who lost the plot
Hello to you!
Here is what I have done today: coffee in the morning and by coffee I mean meeting the boys down to have a diet pepsi in front of the coffee shop and reading the paper, two - phone call, phone call, email email email, phone call, email email, next I came home and took a tiny nap and then I rode my bike downtown and the rest of the evening was spent socially. I'm looking forward to going to bed and doing sort of the same thing tomorrow.
Another thing that happened is my mortgage was finally approved after scanning/copying/signing every scrap piece of paper and transaction record including how many times over the past years I have slept with people I regret (5ish). Fucking prisoners clearly have had it less tedious than I have. Despite all that, I am now almost an official homeowner. The reasons I am excited about this are many but suffice to say, I cannot wait. I don't get too sentimental about too many things but I do have to say that owning my own piece of property and land feels pretty good. Also being able to do whatever I want with it without worrying about a landlord or whatever is woo hoo.
So I like my Saturdays b/c it involves sleeping in a little getting some coffee/catching up, farmers market, a little lunch and then possibly a nap. I will make all of that happen and also do work work at my office office. Wish me luck in self motivating.
Right now, that's all I have to say. I should probably start packing and planning my move but honestly, most of my stuff is still in boxes (oh hai, remember when I kept boxes in my last apt unopened for over a year?) so it will be easy. If I can get my shit together for a yard sale next weekend, I will be happy to tell you all about the colorful characters living in my neighborhood such as the guy who broke into his own apt window and ran off with stuff and on whom I summoned the cops on Monday. If not, I will try to fill you in of house details when able. I'm pretending that the next month or so is not as full of travel as it actually will be and that I don't have a million things to do. Complaining is for babies.
Also coming to a store near you: Predict how I will feel about having to return to DC in less than a month! Win prizes for my reaction to being on the Metro again! Feel the love!
Here is what I have done today: coffee in the morning and by coffee I mean meeting the boys down to have a diet pepsi in front of the coffee shop and reading the paper, two - phone call, phone call, email email email, phone call, email email, next I came home and took a tiny nap and then I rode my bike downtown and the rest of the evening was spent socially. I'm looking forward to going to bed and doing sort of the same thing tomorrow.
Another thing that happened is my mortgage was finally approved after scanning/copying/signing every scrap piece of paper and transaction record including how many times over the past years I have slept with people I regret (5ish). Fucking prisoners clearly have had it less tedious than I have. Despite all that, I am now almost an official homeowner. The reasons I am excited about this are many but suffice to say, I cannot wait. I don't get too sentimental about too many things but I do have to say that owning my own piece of property and land feels pretty good. Also being able to do whatever I want with it without worrying about a landlord or whatever is woo hoo.
So I like my Saturdays b/c it involves sleeping in a little getting some coffee/catching up, farmers market, a little lunch and then possibly a nap. I will make all of that happen and also do work work at my office office. Wish me luck in self motivating.
Right now, that's all I have to say. I should probably start packing and planning my move but honestly, most of my stuff is still in boxes (oh hai, remember when I kept boxes in my last apt unopened for over a year?) so it will be easy. If I can get my shit together for a yard sale next weekend, I will be happy to tell you all about the colorful characters living in my neighborhood such as the guy who broke into his own apt window and ran off with stuff and on whom I summoned the cops on Monday. If not, I will try to fill you in of house details when able. I'm pretending that the next month or so is not as full of travel as it actually will be and that I don't have a million things to do. Complaining is for babies.
Also coming to a store near you: Predict how I will feel about having to return to DC in less than a month! Win prizes for my reaction to being on the Metro again! Feel the love!
6/23/2010
6/18/2010
Wherein I discuss chickens etc
Oh man. So blogging and real life = not mixing of late. However that does not mean that I haven't been writing my ass off, traveling hither and yon, buying the fuck out of a house, and still soaking in life. All of which is to say that while I am happy to share such with this blogger situation, I have yet been able to find the time to do so. Until now. Which means sharing a tiny bit at 1135pmCST on a Fri night after having one of the most relaxing farm situations wherein I cooked for my friends (chicken pesto farafalle), watched the now-big chicks run around their outdoor chicken fence, walked around the fields with my dogs and friends under a big sky and no people/noise/thinking which really helped decompress I must say. So life is good. Tomorrow: Farmers market, more farm therapy, beer, friends, hard work, settling in, being me. Cannot complain. I'd write more but you know, back in the midwest means saying little, feeling lots. All in all = yay!
6/04/2010
10 mile stereo
The heart is a stone and this is a stone we throw. I like.
10 Mile Stereo - Beach House
10 Mile Stereo - Beach House
5/19/2010
Morchella bordello
Quick rundown of life here:
1. I have pitchfork-elbow from helping plant 100 tomato plants and mulching a bunch of hay on the girls' farm last night. I can barely bend my left arm. Of course, I'm not using it for much else so no worries!
2. My strai friend A has a bday tomorrow and so we had pizza and beer tonight. She calls it celebrating her bday season. I say fine.
3. It has been rainy and cold here which is weird for May - I've found 6 spike morel mushrooms growing in my own front yard. They smell like a locker room and I am no fan, but have picked them for my friends. This weekend promises to be in the 80s and sunny so woo to the hoo.
4. I was in a series of meetings from 930am to 415pm today. I literally had time to use the restroom once. This is no way to live!
5. The dogs have been appreciating their country life. And by country, I mean grass and things that normal animals take for granted. It is like they have reclaimed their country dog selves and are rolling all over stuff, smelling actual things that occur in nature, and basically living life. I think they also do not miss all of the concrete and bullshit from out east. I like them like this.
6. I found my glasses by the way. I had placed them in a 'safe place' out at the farm which of course was a window sill ledge far away from anyone/thing. I also took two naps on Sunday to recover and quite frankly am still tired. Oh age! Why must you vex me so?
7. Soon I will be househunting for reals (as they say). In other words, I am looking forward to home ownership and believe that by the early/mid summer, I will have my own crib. Aww ya, MTV cribs KS style. When this event occurs, there will be pictures and stories of parties and cookouts and various/sundry home-related topics the likes of which this blog has never seen. Soon I will unpack all of those tools I have had packed up for 3.2 years and I will be cutting some fucking wood and nailing some shit left/right. Holla.
8. Who else is excited about the new WNBA season? I am. Go Storm. That's all I have to say about that.
9. You know how Harry Potter has that scar on his forehead? I took a shower last night and this am, got ready for work etc etc sans hair washing and noticed that in the back of my head, I have this sorta jagged bald area that looks not unlike a lightning bolt. Now, I have a decent head of hair, so imagine my surprise at this situation. I'm going to have to do a back comb-over to cover that shit up. Aside: My favorite poet Mary Oliver admitted that she's currently reading the Harry Potter series. This is prob why I love her like a hurricane.
10. I leave you with a Chick Flick I took at the girls' farm a few weeks ago:
1. I have pitchfork-elbow from helping plant 100 tomato plants and mulching a bunch of hay on the girls' farm last night. I can barely bend my left arm. Of course, I'm not using it for much else so no worries!
2. My strai friend A has a bday tomorrow and so we had pizza and beer tonight. She calls it celebrating her bday season. I say fine.
3. It has been rainy and cold here which is weird for May - I've found 6 spike morel mushrooms growing in my own front yard. They smell like a locker room and I am no fan, but have picked them for my friends. This weekend promises to be in the 80s and sunny so woo to the hoo.
4. I was in a series of meetings from 930am to 415pm today. I literally had time to use the restroom once. This is no way to live!
5. The dogs have been appreciating their country life. And by country, I mean grass and things that normal animals take for granted. It is like they have reclaimed their country dog selves and are rolling all over stuff, smelling actual things that occur in nature, and basically living life. I think they also do not miss all of the concrete and bullshit from out east. I like them like this.
6. I found my glasses by the way. I had placed them in a 'safe place' out at the farm which of course was a window sill ledge far away from anyone/thing. I also took two naps on Sunday to recover and quite frankly am still tired. Oh age! Why must you vex me so?
7. Soon I will be househunting for reals (as they say). In other words, I am looking forward to home ownership and believe that by the early/mid summer, I will have my own crib. Aww ya, MTV cribs KS style. When this event occurs, there will be pictures and stories of parties and cookouts and various/sundry home-related topics the likes of which this blog has never seen. Soon I will unpack all of those tools I have had packed up for 3.2 years and I will be cutting some fucking wood and nailing some shit left/right. Holla.
8. Who else is excited about the new WNBA season? I am. Go Storm. That's all I have to say about that.
9. You know how Harry Potter has that scar on his forehead? I took a shower last night and this am, got ready for work etc etc sans hair washing and noticed that in the back of my head, I have this sorta jagged bald area that looks not unlike a lightning bolt. Now, I have a decent head of hair, so imagine my surprise at this situation. I'm going to have to do a back comb-over to cover that shit up. Aside: My favorite poet Mary Oliver admitted that she's currently reading the Harry Potter series. This is prob why I love her like a hurricane.
10. I leave you with a Chick Flick I took at the girls' farm a few weeks ago:
5/12/2010
I raked the springtime across your sheets
I am obviously obsessed with this right now:
- This Tornado Loves You - Neko Case
- This Tornado Loves You - Neko Case
5/05/2010
Perfect imperial distance
In honor of seeing my all time favorite poet, Mary Oliver, tonight.
The Sun - Mary Oliver
Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful
than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon
and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone--
and how it slides again
out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower
streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance--
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love--
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure
that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you
as you stand there,
empty-handed--
or have you too
turned from this world--
or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?
The Sun - Mary Oliver
Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful
than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon
and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone--
and how it slides again
out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower
streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance--
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love--
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure
that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you
as you stand there,
empty-handed--
or have you too
turned from this world--
or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?
5/03/2010
Bringing on the weather
Yes Virginia, I do have a blog that I've been too busy to update. Rest assured that will happen more often (it is hoped). I will say that since I last posted, I almost ran off to marry a 60 year old cowboy who works for the local extension office, I helped plant 75lbs of potatoes, helped build a chicken roost in the coop, and more or less have been non-stop happy/content/midwestern 24/7. Life is good.
ps. I have been trying to remember what it felt like when I lived in DC a mere two months ago, just to compare/contrast. I honestly feel like that was another country and I was another person. Since I've been here, I haven't looked back hardly at all. A story here or there about the traffic, the life, the work. I'm here now, living a life again, and it's weird to think that a place can have such a hold on you and make you happy, like flipping a switch, like opening a door, like seeing every blade of soft green grass with a new pair of glasses. That's what it feels like.
ps. I have been trying to remember what it felt like when I lived in DC a mere two months ago, just to compare/contrast. I honestly feel like that was another country and I was another person. Since I've been here, I haven't looked back hardly at all. A story here or there about the traffic, the life, the work. I'm here now, living a life again, and it's weird to think that a place can have such a hold on you and make you happy, like flipping a switch, like opening a door, like seeing every blade of soft green grass with a new pair of glasses. That's what it feels like.
4/10/2010
Only good days caught on camera
Here is the story of your life lately:
1. You Put an End to the DC Beltway Madness Once and For All Goodbye Dumb City Traffic
2. Your Big Dog Catches Air On Road West
3. You Stop Over in Your Hometown America and Drive Down Main Street
4. A Bunch of New Baby Goats Greet You
5. You Break Your Foot On Second Day Home and Still Hobble a Month Later
5a. You also worry that some foot fetish guy will find your site and wank off to your foot pix
6. You Have Breakfast Near B. Self and Take A Surreptitious Paparazzi-Style Picture
7. You Do This. A lot.
8. You Stare at a Cow and Forget You Were Ever a Part of (see #1).
9. You Are Reminded, However, That You Are Back in the Bible Belt/Red State
10. Your Dogs Remember That They Are Country Dogs and Dig Like the Old Days/Are Happy
11. You Post A Full-On Picture of Yourself to Prove That You Are Ridiculously and Midwesternly Happy Which You Will Take Down The Next Day and Replace with a Pix of a Baby Chick
The End. Until tomorrow. When the beat goes on...
1. You Put an End to the DC Beltway Madness Once and For All Goodbye Dumb City Traffic
2. Your Big Dog Catches Air On Road West
3. You Stop Over in Your Hometown America and Drive Down Main Street
4. A Bunch of New Baby Goats Greet You
5. You Break Your Foot On Second Day Home and Still Hobble a Month Later
5a. You also worry that some foot fetish guy will find your site and wank off to your foot pix
6. You Have Breakfast Near B. Self and Take A Surreptitious Paparazzi-Style Picture
7. You Do This. A lot.
8. You Stare at a Cow and Forget You Were Ever a Part of (see #1).
9. You Are Reminded, However, That You Are Back in the Bible Belt/Red State
10. Your Dogs Remember That They Are Country Dogs and Dig Like the Old Days/Are Happy
11. You Post A Full-On Picture of Yourself to Prove That You Are Ridiculously and Midwesternly Happy Which You Will Take Down The Next Day and Replace with a Pix of a Baby Chick
The End. Until tomorrow. When the beat goes on...
3/24/2010
3/19/2010
3/12/2010
Gotta go there to come back
Well hello to you. Long time no. Howev, this does not mean I'm not thinking about the no we are not having. Know what I mean? I think you do.
But more to the point, HI!! I am still alive, I am still in the best place I could be, I am still hobbling around as a result of an undiagnosed broken foot (but it's ok, I know what I'm doing or if I don't, I will accept ppl saying I told you so as they have been harping on me for weeks), I am still trying to find shit in boxes, and I am still loving being here.
What does that all mean, you ask? I say it means that things are good/busy/transitiony and I'm trying to get my shit together while trying to adjust to the fact that I don't have to get on a plane and fly back to Dumb City. It also means that my internet is not really set up - I'm stealing shaky wireless as we speak - and having way too many beers and also going to bed at like 930 every night. Lots of weirdness going on but here I am.
So hang in there. I shall report on farms and goats and college towns as soon as I am able. My dogs are happy so all is well. Good day to you!
But more to the point, HI!! I am still alive, I am still in the best place I could be, I am still hobbling around as a result of an undiagnosed broken foot (but it's ok, I know what I'm doing or if I don't, I will accept ppl saying I told you so as they have been harping on me for weeks), I am still trying to find shit in boxes, and I am still loving being here.
What does that all mean, you ask? I say it means that things are good/busy/transitiony and I'm trying to get my shit together while trying to adjust to the fact that I don't have to get on a plane and fly back to Dumb City. It also means that my internet is not really set up - I'm stealing shaky wireless as we speak - and having way too many beers and also going to bed at like 930 every night. Lots of weirdness going on but here I am.
So hang in there. I shall report on farms and goats and college towns as soon as I am able. My dogs are happy so all is well. Good day to you!
3/04/2010
Not pretty on the inside
Maria Bamford is my new girlfriend.
| Jokes.com | ||||
| Maria Bamford - On the Inside | ||||
| ||||
3/03/2010
2/14/2010
3 years: An inventory
You know what's weird? Almost to the day 3 years ago, I was in the exact same situation as I am right now: preparing to move across country. Heck, this feels familiar. I have been thinking about this a lot in the last couple of weeks when things finally came together for me. Now is a good time to take stock.
Three years is a long time and also not really. I always knew the move would be temporary, even before I arrived. Moving to DC was to support another person's dream. And also, I had fewer choices, career-wise, at the time. Sometimes, we do what we must for reasons that may or may not hold up down the line. That's life, nice and messy and complicated.
So I get to DC. I find a job. I break up and remain friends. I commute hours daily. I move and commute a little less. I find a way to cope (poorly? adequately?) with 4M people. I get really good at the work I am doing. I actually unpack my boxes on Inauguration day. I bide my time. I am rewarded. I prepare to leave DC.
That's the short story. The long story is in the 300 or so posts here since 2007 and all those 1000 tweets. The longer story is mostly unwritten. We all have have our own life stored away elsewhere, right? Par is in a 8X8X16 Pod container waiting to be driven across the country.
Like a good Libra, I've been trying for balance. Good/bad. Pros/Cons. Positive/Negative. Many many times while I've been here, I've failed in seeing the good. I've failed in living in the moment and appreciating the positives. I've failed at a couple of really important things. I've also done some pretty cool things and met some great people. Now is a good time to reframe, rebalance, reflect.
Things I've gained:
A sharp business savvy and better understanding of How Things Work
Detailed map of DC establishments serving over 500 beers on tap/bottles
A reputation for knowing my shit and getting things done
Profound hatred of strangers standing too close/touching me/gathering near me
An understanding of budgets and profit and how not to get screwed
A group of good friends who have made me laugh, shared my misery, and supported me
A drinking problem + a new relationship with scotch
Extensive network of business contacts that will pay off down the line
Sometimes viewing the world and people in it as 'contacts that will pay off down the line"
The 20 pounds back that I had lost in 2006
An extensive AFV (acronym-filled vocabulary) tailored for the business and social services world
More grey hair and the experience of turning 40 in this city
How to use politics and connections to get what you want/have people do what you want
Extensive travel and a shitload of airline miles and hotel points
The desire never to travel on anything called a "Beltway" again
An awesome massage therapist
An aversion to using politics to get what you want
Tones of new music
Greater appreciation for people who say what they mean/mean what they say
The ability to predict the amount of time it takes to travel a certain distance with and without traffic
Perfected recipes of beef vegetable stew, chicken pot pie, and orzo salad
The path I needed to take to get to where I'm going now...
----
See? It's all good. An arrow finds its way, you gotta go there to come back and all that jazz. Next blog post coming to you from the middle of the country. Here we go...
Three years is a long time and also not really. I always knew the move would be temporary, even before I arrived. Moving to DC was to support another person's dream. And also, I had fewer choices, career-wise, at the time. Sometimes, we do what we must for reasons that may or may not hold up down the line. That's life, nice and messy and complicated.
So I get to DC. I find a job. I break up and remain friends. I commute hours daily. I move and commute a little less. I find a way to cope (poorly? adequately?) with 4M people. I get really good at the work I am doing. I actually unpack my boxes on Inauguration day. I bide my time. I am rewarded. I prepare to leave DC.
That's the short story. The long story is in the 300 or so posts here since 2007 and all those 1000 tweets. The longer story is mostly unwritten. We all have have our own life stored away elsewhere, right? Par is in a 8X8X16 Pod container waiting to be driven across the country.
Like a good Libra, I've been trying for balance. Good/bad. Pros/Cons. Positive/Negative. Many many times while I've been here, I've failed in seeing the good. I've failed in living in the moment and appreciating the positives. I've failed at a couple of really important things. I've also done some pretty cool things and met some great people. Now is a good time to reframe, rebalance, reflect.
Things I've gained:
A sharp business savvy and better understanding of How Things Work
Detailed map of DC establishments serving over 500 beers on tap/bottles
A reputation for knowing my shit and getting things done
Profound hatred of strangers standing too close/touching me/gathering near me
An understanding of budgets and profit and how not to get screwed
A group of good friends who have made me laugh, shared my misery, and supported me
A drinking problem + a new relationship with scotch
Extensive network of business contacts that will pay off down the line
Sometimes viewing the world and people in it as 'contacts that will pay off down the line"
The 20 pounds back that I had lost in 2006
An extensive AFV (acronym-filled vocabulary) tailored for the business and social services world
More grey hair and the experience of turning 40 in this city
How to use politics and connections to get what you want/have people do what you want
Extensive travel and a shitload of airline miles and hotel points
The desire never to travel on anything called a "Beltway" again
An awesome massage therapist
An aversion to using politics to get what you want
Tones of new music
Greater appreciation for people who say what they mean/mean what they say
The ability to predict the amount of time it takes to travel a certain distance with and without traffic
Perfected recipes of beef vegetable stew, chicken pot pie, and orzo salad
The path I needed to take to get to where I'm going now...
----
See? It's all good. An arrow finds its way, you gotta go there to come back and all that jazz. Next blog post coming to you from the middle of the country. Here we go...
2/11/2010
BlizSnookie
Yeah, I'm working from home. See how busy I've been:
Gotta love a good Blizzard on the East Coast. It's the only time I give people a pass for wearing those ridiculous boots.
Gotta love a good Blizzard on the East Coast. It's the only time I give people a pass for wearing those ridiculous boots.
2/06/2010
I am the heartland
Ah indeed, DC experienced a very lovely pile-up of snow this weekend. It's quite amazing actually and very pretty. I haven't gone outside at all except to take some pix and check things out. Alas, my dogs are up at their other mother's due to my week-long work hell so I'm missing them quite a bit. I'll go get them as soon as I'm able. I also had to cancel a scheduled massage today which kinda sucks.
But all in all, I am not complaining. I'm not complaining about the 10-12 hour days I put in last week or the fact that I schmoozed myself out being nice to all kinds of people or that I had to prep and give a talk in front of many of those people or that I had to deal with some very bullshitty corporate drama. I care not about such things and you may be asking yourself why? Why does she not give a whit about the hell that Metro was all week or that she slept a max of 6 hours every night? Why does this woman not give one shit about what is happening in this city and the millions of people who call it home?
Well, it is now safe to say (because it is a done deal/100%/no one can take it away from me) that I am finally getting out of here. A job came through back home and I am taking it. Trust, I am taking the shit out of that job and not looking back. Goodbye for-profit bottom line bullshit. Goodbye Metro hell! Goodbye too many people, awful traffic, and politics permeating every single conversation. I shall not miss you!
And this is happening fast. Like in several weeks. So that means I gotta get my shit together ASAP. But do I care? Hells no, because I get to be happy again and get to be me again and get to have a life again. With friends! And open spaces!
There will be much to repair after this experience. Not all of my time here was awful and certainly I wouldn't be in a position to take this job had I not come here and had the experience I had. It was a necessary road on the journey. However, I've got to do a lot of stuff to fix the damage - mentally, emotionally, physically - from living here and being the person I became. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was waterboarding people (though I did entertain the notion on a few occasions). I just was having to play a game that takes a bunch out of you at the end of the day. No more!
And so, as a bunch of snow covers up the ugly and makes this city pretty for a short period of time, I am already visualizing home. It looks a lot like this:
But all in all, I am not complaining. I'm not complaining about the 10-12 hour days I put in last week or the fact that I schmoozed myself out being nice to all kinds of people or that I had to prep and give a talk in front of many of those people or that I had to deal with some very bullshitty corporate drama. I care not about such things and you may be asking yourself why? Why does she not give a whit about the hell that Metro was all week or that she slept a max of 6 hours every night? Why does this woman not give one shit about what is happening in this city and the millions of people who call it home?
Well, it is now safe to say (because it is a done deal/100%/no one can take it away from me) that I am finally getting out of here. A job came through back home and I am taking it. Trust, I am taking the shit out of that job and not looking back. Goodbye for-profit bottom line bullshit. Goodbye Metro hell! Goodbye too many people, awful traffic, and politics permeating every single conversation. I shall not miss you!
And this is happening fast. Like in several weeks. So that means I gotta get my shit together ASAP. But do I care? Hells no, because I get to be happy again and get to be me again and get to have a life again. With friends! And open spaces!
There will be much to repair after this experience. Not all of my time here was awful and certainly I wouldn't be in a position to take this job had I not come here and had the experience I had. It was a necessary road on the journey. However, I've got to do a lot of stuff to fix the damage - mentally, emotionally, physically - from living here and being the person I became. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was waterboarding people (though I did entertain the notion on a few occasions). I just was having to play a game that takes a bunch out of you at the end of the day. No more!
And so, as a bunch of snow covers up the ugly and makes this city pretty for a short period of time, I am already visualizing home. It looks a lot like this:
1/31/2010
Midwestern Happiness: A guide
So something good happened to me recently. Like really good. Here is the Midwestern way of dealing with happy things:
1. Downplay the possibility that the happy thing will actually happen.
2. Pretend not to care whether happy thing will happen or not - you know, whatever, it's fine, could give or take it.
3. Entertain worst case scenarios in the (assumed) event that happy thing will not happen.
4. Extreme reluctance to even talk about the possibility of the happy thing happening because talking about it will make it not happen.
5. Resign yourself to happy thing not happening, just in case it doesn't. Which it probably won't.
6. Allow yourself two minutes per day to think about happy thing happening - the other 1338 minutes must be spent not thinking about happy thing in case even thinking about it will doom it.
7. Call yourself 'cautiously optimistic' to others about the happy thing happening and know that that is even going a little too far.
8. If happy thing is mentioned in regards to it actually happening, feel extremely superstitious to the point where you always mime knocking on wood, reference wood-knocking, and/or actually locate a piece of wood to knock prior to discussing happy thing.
9. Tell only a select few about the possibility of happy thing happening so that when/if it doesn't, everyone will not know of your overwhelming disappointment in happy thing not happening and attempt to console or cheer you up when your dreams are crushed - which you hate.
10. Map out all possible reasons how, after happy thing has maybe happened, it could somehow be taken away from you.
11. Only when and if happy thing is 100% a done deal/it has actually happened and no one can take it away/sure thing should you allow yourself to dip your toe into the water of happiness. Do not go overboard.
12. Finally allow yourself to admit to being happy.
So that's how I've spent the last two months until two days ago. Yeah, so I'm happy! Exclamation point. I'm also Midwestern enough for a final point.
13. After happy thing has actually happened, give yourself a week or so before it sinks in and things are in place and plans begin to shape up before you blog about what it actually is. Because the first rule of Midwestern happiness is to not get too excited about it and sound like you're bragging about your happiness to everyone. You know, just in case.
1. Downplay the possibility that the happy thing will actually happen.
2. Pretend not to care whether happy thing will happen or not - you know, whatever, it's fine, could give or take it.
3. Entertain worst case scenarios in the (assumed) event that happy thing will not happen.
4. Extreme reluctance to even talk about the possibility of the happy thing happening because talking about it will make it not happen.
5. Resign yourself to happy thing not happening, just in case it doesn't. Which it probably won't.
6. Allow yourself two minutes per day to think about happy thing happening - the other 1338 minutes must be spent not thinking about happy thing in case even thinking about it will doom it.
7. Call yourself 'cautiously optimistic' to others about the happy thing happening and know that that is even going a little too far.
8. If happy thing is mentioned in regards to it actually happening, feel extremely superstitious to the point where you always mime knocking on wood, reference wood-knocking, and/or actually locate a piece of wood to knock prior to discussing happy thing.
9. Tell only a select few about the possibility of happy thing happening so that when/if it doesn't, everyone will not know of your overwhelming disappointment in happy thing not happening and attempt to console or cheer you up when your dreams are crushed - which you hate.
10. Map out all possible reasons how, after happy thing has maybe happened, it could somehow be taken away from you.
11. Only when and if happy thing is 100% a done deal/it has actually happened and no one can take it away/sure thing should you allow yourself to dip your toe into the water of happiness. Do not go overboard.
12. Finally allow yourself to admit to being happy.
So that's how I've spent the last two months until two days ago. Yeah, so I'm happy! Exclamation point. I'm also Midwestern enough for a final point.
13. After happy thing has actually happened, give yourself a week or so before it sinks in and things are in place and plans begin to shape up before you blog about what it actually is. Because the first rule of Midwestern happiness is to not get too excited about it and sound like you're bragging about your happiness to everyone. You know, just in case.
1/20/2010
This is the one
In addition to footfalls the size of Yao De-Fen (world's tallest woman, FYI), the upstairs neighbors own what I assume to be a tiny wooden mallet which they are using to hammer nails into the floorboards for no apparent reason I can conjure. Therefore, I hate them.
So with that in mind, I will briefly also tell you that I have 'hottub arm' which I sustained this past weekend while in Cleveland. Apparently, if you hang out in the hottub for a long period of time doing nothing but bringing a glass of mimosas to your mouth, you possibly tear a rotator cuff or weaken a key muscle in your shoulder and become unable to lift heavy objects. Best to stick to tiny wooden mallets. Or tiny wooden hands. The more you know...
What else? I am attending a scotch tasting class tomorrow eve and am excited about that. I'll prep a webinar on it after and invite you all. Are you not interested in learning about the classic malts? There will be a pop quiz involving questions such as Is this fabulous or fantastique? and Have we tried this one? Which one do we like? Etc etc.
Oh, and the baby goats have arrived on the farm. This is not a euphemism. I'm excited and hopeful about the whole thing.
I need a nap now, goodnight!
So with that in mind, I will briefly also tell you that I have 'hottub arm' which I sustained this past weekend while in Cleveland. Apparently, if you hang out in the hottub for a long period of time doing nothing but bringing a glass of mimosas to your mouth, you possibly tear a rotator cuff or weaken a key muscle in your shoulder and become unable to lift heavy objects. Best to stick to tiny wooden mallets. Or tiny wooden hands. The more you know...
What else? I am attending a scotch tasting class tomorrow eve and am excited about that. I'll prep a webinar on it after and invite you all. Are you not interested in learning about the classic malts? There will be a pop quiz involving questions such as Is this fabulous or fantastique? and Have we tried this one? Which one do we like? Etc etc.
Oh, and the baby goats have arrived on the farm. This is not a euphemism. I'm excited and hopeful about the whole thing.
I need a nap now, goodnight!
1/12/2010
Singing morphine alarms out of tune
Fine fine, no one wants to admit that they'd buy a vegetable garden. Whatever. Denial is sad.
More importantly, does anyone want to admit that they are traveling to Kentucky and Ohio this week/weekend? No? Well fine, I will. Do not knock the south/rust belt states please. It shall be a combo of work and cooking and drinking and hottubs and fireplaces and etc. Frankly, I do not think there are any other states in the country that can beat that potential so there.
What else? I blew off a 2 hours "webinar" today after the first hour. You would too if it went on until 6pm and you had heard it all before and you were running late for dinner plans. I feel no guilt.
I also am not going to speak about the Metro of late because I have nothing good to say except that it's why people in this city are so serious/cranky/mean, myself included. Major issues with commuting these days so therefore I shall dream about a day (maybe soon) when I can ride my bike to work. I am also dreaming of alot of things lately that do not involve this city and all of these people. No one finds your own dreams interesting so I will not tell you about the dream I had this morning where I had this cool watch that had a doppler radarfunction on it and so I could see the line of storms coming right before I got caught in a major downpour. You tell me.
This will lift your spirits:
More importantly, does anyone want to admit that they are traveling to Kentucky and Ohio this week/weekend? No? Well fine, I will. Do not knock the south/rust belt states please. It shall be a combo of work and cooking and drinking and hottubs and fireplaces and etc. Frankly, I do not think there are any other states in the country that can beat that potential so there.
What else? I blew off a 2 hours "webinar" today after the first hour. You would too if it went on until 6pm and you had heard it all before and you were running late for dinner plans. I feel no guilt.
I also am not going to speak about the Metro of late because I have nothing good to say except that it's why people in this city are so serious/cranky/mean, myself included. Major issues with commuting these days so therefore I shall dream about a day (maybe soon) when I can ride my bike to work. I am also dreaming of alot of things lately that do not involve this city and all of these people. No one finds your own dreams interesting so I will not tell you about the dream I had this morning where I had this cool watch that had a doppler radarfunction on it and so I could see the line of storms coming right before I got caught in a major downpour. You tell me.
This will lift your spirits:
1/09/2010
I am my own niche market
I have a couple of ideas I want to run by you. Please leave your honest feedback.
I have several iPhone application concepts, one of which is a guaranteed winner and am meeting with a developer today. Over beers. Trust me, you would purchase one for .99 cents and so will a million other people hence I will retire. I don't want to go into the details of that because I haven't yet trademarked it and holla, I don't give it away for free like a lady of the night. Actually, ladies of the night do not give it away free so wrong simile. Anyway, you know what I mean. Stay tuned on that.
However, I will share with you another one that may find a smaller audience. I'm planning on culling all of my sister's Facebook status updates to create a Random-Overshare-Of-The-Day application. Much like a daily horoscope app or an inspirational quote generator, this application (and/or daily email for those sans iphone) will deliver you a guaranteed painful overshare that will let you say "I'm glad I never post on FB while drunk". To give you a taste of what you are missing, here is a sample Random Overshare to whet your whistle. I should also say that each Overshare is unedited to preserve its spirit.
OH GRACIOUS!!! cant decide if my gas or the doggies gas is worse!!! okay..yes I can! Its the doggies...cuz mine smells like roses!!!hahahaha
Tell me you wouldn't pay 99 cents to receive gems like that every day? A goldmine I tell you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quick question: Would you purchase a sex toy shaped like a vegetable? Say a squash or a cucumber or zucchini or carrot or I guess a strand of new potatoes strung together? The reason I ask and why I believe this to be a potential Good Idea is manyfold.
First, everyone has read tragic stories of people of all sexes using real live vegetables for such purposes - the integrity of the vegetable's structure is sometimes suspect and also X-rays of failed attempts will probably haunt your dreams/discourage perfectly normal sexual exploration and pleasure.
Second, if you search for synthetic vegetable dildos on your Google or better yet your Bing, you will find a dearth of choices. You may even get directed to this very blog which as I am typing this is kind of scary so I will not think about that right now. Not that there's anything wrong with it which hello is the whole point but you know. Creepy searches let me show you mine.
Third, this will create sustainable Green jobs. The Obamas would support it for a variety of reasons. Pineapples. Etc.
Fourth, this product will appeal to those who are a little squeamish about other more realistic toys, vegans, and those who support the environment = everyone.
Finally, tell me you wouldn't purchase a cute, safe, environmentally friendly synthetic (from recycled products) strand of baby carrots for anal play or a large butternut squash for your size queen friend?
Again, goldmine.
Happy Saturday!
ETA: I just thought of the catchline: Delivered Directly To Your Garden
I have several iPhone application concepts, one of which is a guaranteed winner and am meeting with a developer today. Over beers. Trust me, you would purchase one for .99 cents and so will a million other people hence I will retire. I don't want to go into the details of that because I haven't yet trademarked it and holla, I don't give it away for free like a lady of the night. Actually, ladies of the night do not give it away free so wrong simile. Anyway, you know what I mean. Stay tuned on that.
However, I will share with you another one that may find a smaller audience. I'm planning on culling all of my sister's Facebook status updates to create a Random-Overshare-Of-The-Day application. Much like a daily horoscope app or an inspirational quote generator, this application (and/or daily email for those sans iphone) will deliver you a guaranteed painful overshare that will let you say "I'm glad I never post on FB while drunk". To give you a taste of what you are missing, here is a sample Random Overshare to whet your whistle. I should also say that each Overshare is unedited to preserve its spirit.
OH GRACIOUS!!! cant decide if my gas or the doggies gas is worse!!! okay..yes I can! Its the doggies...cuz mine smells like roses!!!hahahaha
Tell me you wouldn't pay 99 cents to receive gems like that every day? A goldmine I tell you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quick question: Would you purchase a sex toy shaped like a vegetable? Say a squash or a cucumber or zucchini or carrot or I guess a strand of new potatoes strung together? The reason I ask and why I believe this to be a potential Good Idea is manyfold.
First, everyone has read tragic stories of people of all sexes using real live vegetables for such purposes - the integrity of the vegetable's structure is sometimes suspect and also X-rays of failed attempts will probably haunt your dreams/discourage perfectly normal sexual exploration and pleasure.
Second, if you search for synthetic vegetable dildos on your Google or better yet your Bing, you will find a dearth of choices. You may even get directed to this very blog which as I am typing this is kind of scary so I will not think about that right now. Not that there's anything wrong with it which hello is the whole point but you know. Creepy searches let me show you mine.
Third, this will create sustainable Green jobs. The Obamas would support it for a variety of reasons. Pineapples. Etc.
Fourth, this product will appeal to those who are a little squeamish about other more realistic toys, vegans, and those who support the environment = everyone.
Finally, tell me you wouldn't purchase a cute, safe, environmentally friendly synthetic (from recycled products) strand of baby carrots for anal play or a large butternut squash for your size queen friend?
Again, goldmine.
Happy Saturday!
ETA: I just thought of the catchline: Delivered Directly To Your Garden
1/03/2010
Wherein I break down my 2010 Facebook situation
While:
1) waiting to see whether I am hello the Fantasy Football league champ holla and
2) casting the awful/awesome Lifetime movie of this classique lesbian craigslist post
(aside)
2a)(Viv and I have come up with the following slash pairs, submit your own today: Margaret Cho/Dakota Fanning; Sandra Oh/Hayden Pannitiere; Jenny Shimizu/Taylor Swift; Ming Na//Leighton Meester; Lucy Liu/Natalie Portman; Yoko Ono/Lady Gaga),
3) I have taken the opportunity to do a qualitative analysis of my current Facebook friend situation; as a result I have
4) created a handy percentage pie chart for your viewing pleasure -
5) Thank you and good day!
1) waiting to see whether I am hello the Fantasy Football league champ holla and
2) casting the awful/awesome Lifetime movie of this classique lesbian craigslist post
(aside)
2a)(Viv and I have come up with the following slash pairs, submit your own today: Margaret Cho/Dakota Fanning; Sandra Oh/Hayden Pannitiere; Jenny Shimizu/Taylor Swift; Ming Na//Leighton Meester; Lucy Liu/Natalie Portman; Yoko Ono/Lady Gaga),
3) I have taken the opportunity to do a qualitative analysis of my current Facebook friend situation; as a result I have
4) created a handy percentage pie chart for your viewing pleasure -
5) Thank you and good day!
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