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Showing posts with label funny ha-ha. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny ha-ha. Show all posts
3/04/2010
Not pretty on the inside
Maria Bamford is my new girlfriend.
11/07/2009
1/06/2008
ps. I stole the TV
I have a little something to share from a trip to my local Giant grocery store today. It matters not for the rest of this story, but I got some green and red peppers, two limes, a few apples, some cheese, milk, eggs, bread, and chicken was on sale .99 an lb! Anyway, as I said, that is not important. What is important is the fact that I always go through the self-checkout lane b/c I like to scan my own and also this store has a history of glacial-like slowness in its checkout personnel. Today's youth = in no hurry when it comes to scanning my spaghetti. But again, neither here/there.
Next to the self-checkout lane is a wall where they post notices and cards and whatnot. It is there that I found something interesting. I think you'll agree that it is for the best that I have a Blackberry now to take photos on the fly. Here is the wall and I have circled a card that caught my eye:
So while I was sacking up my granola bars and eggs, I thought to myself, I wonder who sends cards to a Giant grocery store and what would they say. Right? So I took a closer look. I guess Giant did something nice and got a thank you card. Aw:
And then I looked even more closely:
As best I can make out from the photo, I think the card basically says:
Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times.
Somewhere out there in this town, my soulmate exists.
Next to the self-checkout lane is a wall where they post notices and cards and whatnot. It is there that I found something interesting. I think you'll agree that it is for the best that I have a Blackberry now to take photos on the fly. Here is the wall and I have circled a card that caught my eye:
So while I was sacking up my granola bars and eggs, I thought to myself, I wonder who sends cards to a Giant grocery store and what would they say. Right? So I took a closer look. I guess Giant did something nice and got a thank you card. Aw:
And then I looked even more closely:
As best I can make out from the photo, I think the card basically says:
Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times.
Somewhere out there in this town, my soulmate exists.
1/05/2008
browsing the intertubes
Oh man, venn diagram/logic/wit = the best thing ever! New official blog crush.
ETA: cheet, you would love this - fbtcn
ETA: cheet, you would love this - fbtcn
10/06/2007
hooray hooray
Update.
1. Car is totaled, I said my goodbye today. Alas poor yorrick, it was sad.
2. I have recovered from the hangover I had this morning. That final double Stoli and tonic was probably not the best idea. However, I did discover a surefire way to sleep on the Metro. Key: Having a full seat to yourself on which to lay horizontal.
3. Hey V, where did we ever come out on that poll re: corduroy? I bought two pair the other day and LOVE them. They fit like jeans and are v comfy. Faded brown and faded black. Seriously, where have corduroys been all my life?
4. Finished Harry Potter and must say that I was disappointed with the ending. It didn't feel right for some reason. It was riveting yes, but it just felt abrupt. Like I wanted better wrap-up (and I don't consider the epilogue to be sufficient). I don't know..may need to re-read the last couple of chapters again.
5. My strai friend A needs to get laid sometime this year so she will stop whining to me about it all the time. Seriously, how hard is it, she's cute and frankly, if you are a straight woman, hello, the options are almost endless. Granted, it is wise to be a bit discriminating but A limits her choices to a small sample: athletic black men in KS. There are like, two. She needs to expand that circle a bit if you ask me. ETA 2: Guess what!? I talked to A last night and she had apparently gotten some action the very night I posted this lament. I feel like maybe I had a hand in that a bit in some cosmic way, like I inspired a black athletic man in KC to proposition my friend and she followed through. Maybe I have the superpower of prophecy? Or the power to get people laid? Line forms to the left, no pushing please!
6. I have nothing left to say that has not been said before.
ETA: Oh and you must check out this HI-larious Amy Sedaris apperance on Martha Stewart. It's a winner. (ps. My favorite Amy-Martha moment was when they were on Letterman together and Amy taught Martha how to make grilled cheese "like they do in prison" (e.g., with an iron). It was quite ironic b/c like the next year, Martha was destined to put that skill to use. Pure comedy gold)
1. Car is totaled, I said my goodbye today. Alas poor yorrick, it was sad.
2. I have recovered from the hangover I had this morning. That final double Stoli and tonic was probably not the best idea. However, I did discover a surefire way to sleep on the Metro. Key: Having a full seat to yourself on which to lay horizontal.
3. Hey V, where did we ever come out on that poll re: corduroy? I bought two pair the other day and LOVE them. They fit like jeans and are v comfy. Faded brown and faded black. Seriously, where have corduroys been all my life?
4. Finished Harry Potter and must say that I was disappointed with the ending. It didn't feel right for some reason. It was riveting yes, but it just felt abrupt. Like I wanted better wrap-up (and I don't consider the epilogue to be sufficient). I don't know..may need to re-read the last couple of chapters again.
5. My strai friend A needs to get laid sometime this year so she will stop whining to me about it all the time. Seriously, how hard is it, she's cute and frankly, if you are a straight woman, hello, the options are almost endless. Granted, it is wise to be a bit discriminating but A limits her choices to a small sample: athletic black men in KS. There are like, two. She needs to expand that circle a bit if you ask me. ETA 2: Guess what!? I talked to A last night and she had apparently gotten some action the very night I posted this lament. I feel like maybe I had a hand in that a bit in some cosmic way, like I inspired a black athletic man in KC to proposition my friend and she followed through. Maybe I have the superpower of prophecy? Or the power to get people laid? Line forms to the left, no pushing please!
6. I have nothing left to say that has not been said before.
ETA: Oh and you must check out this HI-larious Amy Sedaris apperance on Martha Stewart. It's a winner. (ps. My favorite Amy-Martha moment was when they were on Letterman together and Amy taught Martha how to make grilled cheese "like they do in prison" (e.g., with an iron). It was quite ironic b/c like the next year, Martha was destined to put that skill to use. Pure comedy gold)
9/12/2007
2/15/2007
Reno 911
I don't care if this is indicative of my character or not, but I am very excited about the new Reno 911 movie coming out. I am all about lowbrow, off-beat comedy and I'm sorry, if you don't think Deputy Trudy Weigel and company are funny, I'm not sure I even know you anymore. Behold:
I will hunt you down and beat the living crap out of you!
I want you to step, bump, step step bump!
I will hunt you down and beat the living crap out of you!
I want you to step, bump, step step bump!
1/24/2007
Oh now I see...
I found this just for you, cheet. ;)
ETA: I recently found out that my literary hero Jean Teasdale is
Not One of Those People.
ETA: I recently found out that my literary hero Jean Teasdale is
Not One of Those People.
12/15/2006
As tiny as a New York minute
Ladies, what's up with all the nip pix? There was a time when you could go out as topless as the day you were born and no one would think twice about your lady lights. Listen, I'm all for a little loose R&R while on vay-cay as much as the next person, but is it really wise to doff your tankini in public and then comment on exposed bush? I say yes, but that's just me. So hats off to you, Amy Poehler. Let your lady lights shine on, you crazy diamond!
Relive the HI-larity, ladies!
Original pix courtesy of Egotastic
Relive the HI-larity, ladies!
Original pix courtesy of Egotastic
12/05/2006
8/02/2005
Jean hits the bottle
In shocking news, Jean Teasdale is drowning her sorrows in Long Islands. Poor, poor Jean..
5/25/2005
Jennifer Wilbanks, the next Julia Roberts?
The letters from the general public to the authorities in Duluth Georgia about that run-away bride are HI-larious!
Gotta wonder about folks who have time enough to write/fax/email some low-level town managers in Georgia...do you think they also write their own elected officials about, say, the fillibuster? Somehow I doubt it...
Gotta wonder about folks who have time enough to write/fax/email some low-level town managers in Georgia...do you think they also write their own elected officials about, say, the fillibuster? Somehow I doubt it...
5/13/2005
God works in mysterious ways (and drives a stick shift)
Apparently, with a little prayer and a lot of driving around in circles, you can save the sinners andkeep "those" people out. Sheesh, Jericho's going to hell in a handbasket without Lynne Sander's watchful eye and trusty Dodge Dart. I think we've found the new Betty Bowers for our very own Landover Baptist Church.
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