Morchella bordello

Quick rundown of life here:

1. I have pitchfork-elbow from helping plant 100 tomato plants and mulching a bunch of hay on the girls' farm last night. I can barely bend my left arm. Of course, I'm not using it for much else so no worries!

2. My strai friend A has a bday tomorrow and so we had pizza and beer tonight. She calls it celebrating her bday season. I say fine.

3. It has been rainy and cold here which is weird for May - I've found 6 spike morel mushrooms growing in my own front yard. They smell like a locker room and I am no fan, but have picked them for my friends. This weekend promises to be in the 80s and sunny so woo to the hoo.

4. I was in a series of meetings from 930am to 415pm today. I literally had time to use the restroom once. This is no way to live!

5. The dogs have been appreciating their country life. And by country, I mean grass and things that normal animals take for granted. It is like they have reclaimed their country dog selves and are rolling all over stuff, smelling actual things that occur in nature, and basically living life. I think they also do not miss all of the concrete and bullshit from out east. I like them like this.

6. I found my glasses by the way. I had placed them in a 'safe place' out at the farm which of course was a window sill ledge far away from anyone/thing. I also took two naps on Sunday to recover and quite frankly am still tired. Oh age! Why must you vex me so?

7. Soon I will be househunting for reals (as they say). In other words, I am looking forward to home ownership and believe that by the early/mid summer, I will have my own crib. Aww ya, MTV cribs KS style. When this event occurs, there will be pictures and stories of parties and cookouts and various/sundry home-related topics the likes of which this blog has never seen. Soon I will unpack all of those tools I have had packed up for 3.2 years and I will be cutting some fucking wood and nailing some shit left/right. Holla.

8. Who else is excited about the new WNBA season? I am. Go Storm. That's all I have to say about that.

9. You know how Harry Potter has that scar on his forehead? I took a shower last night and this am, got ready for work etc etc sans hair washing and noticed that in the back of my head, I have this sorta jagged bald area that looks not unlike a lightning bolt. Now, I have a decent head of hair, so imagine my surprise at this situation. I'm going to have to do a back comb-over to cover that shit up. Aside: My favorite poet Mary Oliver admitted that she's currently reading the Harry Potter series. This is prob why I love her like a hurricane.

10. I leave you with a Chick Flick I took at the girls' farm a few weeks ago:

BlizSnookie

Yeah, I'm working from home. See how busy I've been:



Gotta love a good Blizzard on the East Coast. It's the only time I give people a pass for wearing those ridiculous boots.

Wherein I break down my 2010 Facebook situation

While:

1) waiting to see whether I am hello the Fantasy Football league champ holla and

2) casting the awful/awesome Lifetime movie of this classique lesbian craigslist post

(aside)

2a)(Viv and I have come up with the following slash pairs, submit your own today: Margaret Cho/Dakota Fanning; Sandra Oh/Hayden Pannitiere; Jenny Shimizu/Taylor Swift; Ming Na//Leighton Meester; Lucy Liu/Natalie Portman; Yoko Ono/Lady Gaga),

3) I have taken the opportunity to do a qualitative analysis of my current Facebook friend situation; as a result I have

4) created a handy percentage pie chart for your viewing pleasure -

5) Thank you and good day!

SSDD

Hi, I forgot I had a blog!

Dear Diary,

So lots of things have happened since I last wrote to you. Summer ended, fall came, and I am happy to report that the District of Columbia continues to churn out commuters full of ennui, politicians full of shit, and tourists in fanny packs and white socks. On the other hand, I am also happy to report that one can drop a diamond ring on the mall and come back 1.5 hours later and a passerby will pick it up and return it to you (see: My sister, Saturday during peak Tea Bagging protest/tourist wandering). So dreams do come true, Timmy, you just gotta have faith!

What else? As witnessed by my tweets, I attended a football game in Baltimore which was awesome hello even if you don't like football you would have liked to have been tailgating with our "crew" as we had a decent place to eat/drink/hang out/walk to game/watch game/return to car/eat/hang out while one crew member was That Girl Who Throws Up. All in all, a good time. That Girl and I will also be attending the Chiefs/Redskins game in Oct and we have collectively decided that cherry jello shots will not be a part of that event. Lesson learned.

Other things: I will be traveling for the next 1.5 weeks, first to Chicago (which holla I love) and second to California (which I am sort of meh about, but whatever). Both are work trips but I shall be incorporating some 'me time' into the agenda and since I will be in CA for a week, I will attempt to get to the beach this time. This is all presuming that place doesn't burn up or fall off, we are good.

Aside: I had to interview people all day for jobs and here is my advice to the youth of this country: Practice talking in front of a mirror prior to interview and pinch yourself every time you say "um", "like", "you know", and give yourself a double dose when you end a statement with a question mark? Because people who want to take you seriously as a professional? And maybe give you a chance are kind of turned off by that? Because it's annoying? Ah well, we're all trying to get along in this gdamn world so I understand that it's hard out there for a pee eye em pee but you know, this city is ruthless and you gotta convince people you know what you're talking about even when you don't. That is how 3/4 of all fed workers got their jobs, trust.

Alright, diary, I am done with you except to finally say that we both mourn our high school innocence with the passing of Patrick Swayze given that some of us went to see Dirty Dancing like, um five times in a row? Because, you know, all your friends wanted to go and watch the log scene again? Ah youth..

Squirrelizer

Oh, I've only just begun to use the Squirrelizer! OG-squirrel here.

The ex-governor, a man, his turkey, and a squirrel: A love that dare not speak its name.



Too soon?




Is that a squirrel in your pocket or are you just happy to see Dick?



They drummed you out of Hollywood, so you come crawling back to Broadway. But Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now get out of my way, I've got a man waiting for me.




Lady Gaga: Keeping it real gay and squirrely.



God, I could do this all night..

Only Good Days Caught on Camera

Well. Here we are again. What can be said that hasn't already been said before? Here are two things:

1) I am going to Indiana on Thurs to visit my dad and fish and probably play poker and drink cheap beer and be a Hoosier. I am looking forward to another big dose of the Midwest which keeps me sane on most days. After that, I go straight to the state of Missouri for work. I am not complaining, just saying. I will be sure to twitpic the adventures. Cows. Corn. Coors Light.

2) It is July somehow. I'm not entirely sure how that happened because time both flies and also stands still here. I have been in this city for 2.4 years (yes, I'm counting) and I'm trying to remember July two years ago. Who can remember that far back? Luckily, I have this here blog and apparently last July, I was: working, walking the dogs, traveling, and being gay. Clearly nothing ever changes.

I wish I could report something exciting like: I got a pony! I am now Assistant Secretary of State! I am a blond! I like string! Alas/alack, this is the life I now lead. Until next time..

dear chicago/nyc/tampa/wherever

Holla <--- which is something I haven't said in a long time, gonna bring that back, yo.

So I've clearly been distracted (with what? I do not know) and as such, have not bothered to blog about it. I can twitpic the hell out of Showing Snarker My Cocktail because she asks so nicely, but topics for blogging are not forthcoming it seems. I haven't seen any poop on the metro since my ill-fated encounter with a 'rotten banana' so that pretty much limits things right there.

So what have I been doing besides drinking? That is a very good question and the answer is this: working, walking the dogs, traveling, being gay. That basically sums up my life these past few months. Sad but true. I was in Florida last week and it was hot and rainy and people were trying to bullshit me (< -- which is what about 68% of my work life is about, people saying one thing and reality being another). I did get to visit my Aunt Ruby (aside: Who does not have an Aunt Ruby is my question) and she made Louisiana style red beans and rice which is about the only cajun food I like. It was tasty and also gassy but that is the price you pay to spend time with your AR. But boy howdy, my aunt and my cousin are so Republican and conservative that the only thing we agreed on was that the sky was a bluish color. Regardless, it was good to see her since she's quite old (in her 80s I think). Also I did broker a little side consulting work while I was there with some of the bullshit/reality ppl. 75 bucks an hour is the going rate, FYI. High priced Robo-hooker = me now.

What else? Well, I will be taking a trip up to New York City for work on Thurs and also to participate in the revival of Miss Vivian Darkbloom's one-woman/two-donkey show being held at the Macelli Supper Club in Brooklyn. I will reprise my role as 'Girl Sitting in Club Smoking a Cigar with Insouciance' and also help wrangle Sid and Nancy (the donkeys). It will be a grande time and I am much looking forward to it. Vivian and the Mrs are quite the hostesses, the absinthe runs freely at their urban bungalow, I must say. Oh I will be twitpicing it, trust me.

And then, finally, next week: A trip to Chicago. Which hello, you know, I love that place. I can only hope I have wised up from the last time = out until 5am and feeling like shit at an 8am meeting. FYI this is something you do not want to do, particularly if you are not as young as you used to be which I am not. I will however be repeating my trip to Tuscany for dinner, trust.

Ok, I think that's it. Rinse/repeat and the beat goes on.

ps. Sometimes I wish I didn't like Ryan Adams so much, but there you go.

Stop making sense

A couple of random observations on this Monday.

I've been reading this series on grief in Slate. It's sort of nice/interesting to be able to read about that process from a more detached distance; and by detached, I mean able to recognize the feelings without having to feel them all over again. And by distance, I mean that it's less of an open wound that never scabs over and more of a pale full-body scar that you wear, reminding you of what happened. Or something like that.

I tweeted about two people who have been hit by the Metro; one was by choice, the other I'm not entirely sure but the circumstances suggest as much. Two things: 1) I've always been conflicted about suicide - I'm libertarian in my belief that people with free will ought to be able to make this choice if they want, though I understand that most folks who choose it are not in the best frame of mind to exercise that free will = a sad situation all around and 2) if someone chooses this option, I think it's unforgivably selfish to involve other people in the act - as callous as it sounds, don't make someone else do your dirty work - the Metro operators have to live with being indirectly involved in ending someone else's life. Not fair.

Finally and definitely unrelated to above, I took the Washington Flyer bus from the airport last night when I got back in town. (Aside: I must note the fact that it takes less time for me to fly to Canada than it does to drive the 18 miles from Chantilly, VA to Arlington, VA at 830am on a weekday - this is not hyperbole, it is truth). The bus driver happened to be one of those women who has made a choice I personally would/could not make, despite my heretofore undisclosed libertarian leanings. This picture offers a pretty accurate depiction of said choice.

The following thoughts crossed my mind in about this order: What's that clicking noise? What does she have on her hands? Oh, wow, those are her nails. Dang, they're long. Like Guiness Book long. I guess that clicking noise is from her nails touching together. While she takes tickets. She is going to take my ticket. How will she grab it? Clicking. I feel nails. On.My.Arm. ! Don't panic - think about the Habs, think about Celine Dion, no, stop, no Celine. Ok, she's driving now. Clicking. How can she turn the wheel without breaking a nail? For that matter, how can she: push a button? text with any speed? write with a pen/pencil? type? pick her nose? um, pleasure herself? not scare small children when she waves? On the other hand, she can: mix her drinks without a stir stick; easily hail five taxis instead of one; scratch that itch in the middle of her back that's always been out of reach; fix her weave and mine at the same time; be her own set of clicky castanets; be a hit at the club when someone's pinky nail breaks and there are no backup cocaine delivery systems in place; point out the obvious in a roundabout, curved way so as not to make someone feel picked upon; and serve salad at dinner parties - no muss, no fuss. Thank god this ride is over.

And with that, I leave you with this: La fois suivante, nous arriverons dans la piscine plus tôt!

No one asks you to explain

I was sitting in an (over-priced) hotel restaurant for lunch today, when lo and behold, this song came on over the sound system. Much like the decor in the restaurant, I was transported back in time to the 70s. Seriously, when was the last time you heard that song unless you are a Helen Reddy fan like myself?? Some of you are saying never, the rest of you are saying 1978.

That's really all I have to say about that and my day, other than I was an unwilling participant in touchy feely 'small group discussions and breakout sessions'. More of the same tomorrow. Where's that magic radio when you need it, I ask?

My Magic Hat = awesome

Hi friends and neighbors! First off:



I'll tell you what! I have found the answer to your prayers.

Let me ask you these few simple questions:

1. Have you had a headache that has lasted for 7+ days, give/take a few?

2. Has the economy/foreclosures/unemployment/TAINTED PEANUTS! brought you down?

3. Have you been attacked by a chimp high on Xanax and green tea lately?

4. Are your Habs on a 10 game losing streak?

5. Has TAFKAP ever told U 2 act your age, mama, not your shoe size?

If you have answered yes to any of the following, I have found the exact thing that will make everything all better! Behold:



Yes, it's a Magic Hat hat! I put this sucker on today because it was chilly/rainy/cold, and I have to tell you, all my cares melted away and frankly, I felt no pain. It's magic! Plus also reversible!



Now, I'm not really a believer in magical thinking, but I have to say, my headache has gone away as a direct result of wearing this hat. AND I have not had my face chewed off by a chimp! That, my friends is proof positive. I rest my case. My job here is done. Make of this what you will. Goodnight!

Nature's tiny jewel

On the coming eve of our nation's historic moment, I pause to share with you a gift found within the bounty of our land. Behold:



Found wholly contained within a red pepper, it's nature's little micro-peen.



I now return you to your regularly scheduled Obamania celebration. Carry on..

Cruel Dictator or Sybil? You decide

Yeah, so I was bored tonight and did the face recognition thing with a picture of mine. I am not sure how I feel about this.

MyHeritage:

Down with OPP

As I was saying to V, O how I wish for the halcyon days of mimosas and the gays! It feels like a lifetime ago. Alas/alack, I have been spun into the whirlwind of accounting and contracting. Yes, a psychologist attempting to interpret budget dreams. Ironically, it really is all about whose is bigger. And to take this metaphor even further, a cigar would end up costing $7.4mil, fully loaded with fringe, G&A, and fee. That is a large cigar and frankly, as much as I like to smoke one now and then, I always regret it in the morning. I don't even know where I am going with this anymore, better just build in enough ODCs to make it work.

HELP!! I want to go back to my own life!

When did you get your first tooth?

A meme from Vivvy, to practice "honesty" and "openness" for our upcoming Promises reunion picnic.


01. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

Major emotional betrayal, I'd probably walk away. Shut them out.

Minor emotional betrayal, I'd take time to process and then work through it with them to get to a point where we both accept where we're at and move on.

02. What's a weird habit you have?

Eating a slice of bread with mustard on it. Nothing else.

03. What's the craziest thing you've done?

Crazy good or crazy bad? I am rarely spontaneous, I like to plan so I can remove 'crazy' from the equation. When I'm spontaneous, it usually means I'm finding crazy bad trouble and embracing it. I'm a hedonist who plans. Which is an oxymoron I think. Welcome to my life!

04. Favorite food, meal or restaurant?

Good Italian - Tuscany restaurant in Chicago; Tex-mex; raspberries, strawberries; Mom's beef and noodles; any meal cooked with good friends/good wine/good times.

05. What is your biggest fear?

Giving in to self-destructive behaviors; not being able to say goodbye; parasites; witnessing abject cruelty and violence with no recourse available; developing a painful, incurable rare disease (and not being able to pull my own plug).

06. What is your favorite magazine?

The Atlantic Monthly, Harpers, National Geographic

07. Do you trust easily?

Friends yes, strangers no. "Trust but verify" = the only useful words that came out of Ronald Reagan's mouth.

08. If you could try any profession other than your own, what would it be?

Geologist, chemist, astronomer.

09. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

Where should I start? Traffic, DC, my current life. Overpopulation, environmental disasters as a result of humans, the geopolitical implications of rising costs and how natural resources are unfairly exploited, blatant corruption with no recourse, downplaying hypocrisy, the future looking more bleak than hopeful, people.

But I love puppies and kittens and walks on the beach!

10. What are you addicted to?

Diet Pepsi, things that feel good, things that are bad for you.

11. What country other than your own would you like to live in?

Australia, Ireland, the French countryside, anywhere with green grass and few people.

12. How old were you when you first got a cell phone?

31. This question is gay and adds nothing of value to this meme. I was 16 when I first lost my virginity. There, that's better. Seriously, this meme starts out with something major like betrayal by a lover and then includes a question about cell phones? As the kids say, wtf.

13. What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck, hands down. Every other curse word is for babies.

14. What is your favorite video game?

Have none, do not play. I like old skool pinball machines though.

15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?

Duh, does anyone choose the latter?

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?

None now. Years ago the answer would have been different.

17. What do you think of tattoos?

Depending on placement and content, some can be sexy. But if we're talking about body mods, I'll take a subtle eyebrow piercing any day.

18. What's the last movie you saw in theaters?

19. What's your favorite movie ever?

Here is a secret: I kinda hate movies. I'm sorry, I know many ppl love them etc. Sure I've watched a bunch in my life, but really, I could give or take them. It's like ice cream in my world, I have to be in the right mood and mindframe to want or enjoy it. Problem is that I rarely am. I don't know the last one I saw in a theater and so few make an impact on me enough to favorite it. Yeah, I know. But I love puppies and kittens and walks on the beach!

20. What is your favorite scent?

Lilac, honeysuckle, bergamot

21. Give an answer to a question that has not been asked in this list but would tell the world 100X more about you than when you first got a cell phone. Do not provide the question itself.

Honestly? Yes. I would.

There's no basement in the Alamo, FYI

Yeah, so I'm off again tomorrow to Mizzurah < -- how some folks in said state pronounce it. This is the last of my 11 work trips in 3 months. I could never cut it as a traveling salesperson selling Fuller Brushes or vacuum cleaners. I could also never be in a band playing the triangle and touring. Nor could I be a waitress in the sky. Or a trucker like Large Marge. Frankly at the rate I am going, I am finding it hard to be someone who must leave the house. But soon it will be done, TFG.

(TFG in my world means Thank Fucking God, but could also mean Totally Fucking Gay, I suppose or Too Far Gone. I don't know, does TFG exist as an internet acronym already? If not, I'm claiming it, I use it enough I should get some credit for LOLing a blaspheme).

Where was I? Yes so travel this week, which in general is kind of a tough week for me in the grand scheme of weeks/days of the year and so I most definitely will be just trying to get by with sanity intact. What is scary is that goal (intact sanity) has been one I've had since I moved to this dang city - time for a new goal I say. I am taking suggestions, please submit yours today and I thank you kindly.

Maybe I shall liveblog from the middle of the country, sort of like a finale episode of my reality show so boring it must be shown on the local Fairfax County Community College cable channel (or some such). Who would not like a finale HI from Jefferson City, MO? The answer = everyone and/or 42. Yeah, it's been one of those months/weeks/days/lives, bear with me!

And with that, I leave you with this:

box of liquor

So I'm kind of having a lost weekend, taking tomorrow off in an attempt to regain a bit of composure. Which is handy b/c this weekend I have done little but drink = ok and necessary sometimes I have found. I also think I'm a little giddy with excess re this:



As you know, I have been known on occasion to buy a box of wine purely based on the quantity contained therein. This weekend became one such occasion and continues to be so. Plus also the neighbors are playing a ridiculous song over and over again that I can hear thumping through the walls and that is potentially driving me mad moreso than already.

So, in honor of the above + so much more, here is a song about booze (click the link to download, yo) that I would like to share with you and here are the lyrics so that you may sing them aloud con la cancion. No one can hear you, trust me..


Box of liquor by my side and I’ll be alright
It’s cheaper by the shot and by the hour
Box of liquor big enough to put my arms around
Got to find your comfort where your comfort can be found

Take a box of liquor with me on the road
To fill the empty seat beside me
And when the car is out of gas I’ll pour some liquor in
As long as there’s a bottle left so I can drink again

Box of liquor take it where I go
Last me through the desert well into mexico
Where I’ll find cliff to drive off or somebody to hold
A canyon to fall into or somebody to hold

Box of liquor helped me get up off the ground
Where my heart was firmly planted
When I tilt an empty bottle up the moon comes shining through
A bottle full of moonlight needs a bottle full of booze

Box of Liquor - Big Fish Ensemble


ETA3: This is how sad (and strangely pornographic and empty) a sac of wine looks after a weekend + 1 of hitting of said bag by me. I am alternately proud/ashamed of my skills at the spout, but nonetheless, can I get a witness:

what are you doing?

I joined Twitter, I don't know why. It's Friday night!

Not sure how it works completely but expect constant short text updates saying Arrested from an Egyptian prison or Drunk again from the gutter or Lost in space from Starbuck's bed. Anyway, I guess you can "follow me" somehow by clicking on the Twitter thing to the right. This technology thing, how you say? It puzzles me.

Bottom line: I promise to make them entertaining, succinct, and if at all possible, gay. Holla.

ps. I saw the cape lady today after work for the first time in a long time. Naturally, she was wearing her flowing cape (hence how I spotted her) and naturally, it was like the hottest day of the year so far at 80+ degrees. Perfect cape weather! I didn't know it was Renfaire season already. I've not received the memo.

pps. I am off this weekend to upstate NY for work so expect a hearty HIGH from there-ville.

Hi from Houston!

Which, FYI, is also how they say say Hi in Whoreville, btw IIRC LOL LYLAS BFF ETC

So yes, I am now in the state of Texas, my first official voluntary visit to Bush country. I am here to strike some black gold/Texas tea and bring down the price of crude oil so that you can drive to Walmart for your unnecessary plastic objects. Actually, I probably won't do much prospecting, however, I have promised to find the Canadian something called West Texas Dust (I wonder if she knows it can be purchased via the wonders of the intra-net? Regardless, she wants it and therefore I shall find it.

/on Smoove B: If she wanted, I would purchase her a blanket of fine silk scarves made of the most luxurious fabric and she could lay by the fire while I prepared her the most sumptuous feast of grilled chicken sprinkled with West Texas Dust on a bed of baby lettuce and small bite-sized carrots. For dessert we would have chocolate cake with icing. After I had fed her this meal, I would turn on some soft R&B classics, like Luther Vandross maybe if she would like while I poured her a flute of sparkling wine. We would then get our freak on. Girl, you know it's true /off Smoove B.

Man, where the hell am I?

Oh yes, Texas. It is no wonder there are so many nuts down here, there's something in the water I think. Or maybe I am still recovering from 1) a move and taking a lover, 2) million things to do/no time to do them, 3) KU winning in overtime in quite possibly the best national championship game that was every played in this century hello did you even watch it or what my god that was a GAME.

So I am here for work and will be here until Sat morning. In that time, I shall attempt to solve all your problems, make all your dreams come true, and win the Stanley Cup. Please expect rambling Texas-sized ETAs to this post about everything/nothing and perhaps even some blurry photo-graff-ee-ahs from my blackberry of various/sundry Houston-type things. Whatever that may be. Tall buildings? Cowboy hats? Bush fires? If only the Olympic torch was coming through town, you know I'd snatch that fucker and run with it naked through the streets of this city because I have become that crazy for no apparent reason other than = Texas.

Goodday to you!

ETA: It is all about the Tex-Mex here, I should have you know. Tamales and enchiladas and beer = what I am talking about.





I am here until tomorrow and have to say, Houston was a much nicer city than I would have guessed. Easy to get around is my new criteria for being a great city. If I can get across town without bumper to bumper DCish traffic, I am apparently all about that city. And hello, this was the city that Swoopes built so it's got that going for it too. All in all, a lovely visit, the temp was a balmy 75-80 degrees and really I can't complain (for once!). Texas, who knew??

Oh no thanks, I couldn't possibly take another!

So I guess Virginia is for lovers (that's what they say) so maybe I'll find out for sure. I found an apt over there which is good b/c it's a million times closer to work. Like I won't be spending 3 hours a day commuting to/from work and I might actually have time in my life to do other things like sleep in and/or walk the dogs and/or do things people do when they have time (read? drink? gaze at one's own navel?). Instead of 15 Metro station stops across one side of the city to the other, I will only have 5. Instead of dealing with the green and the red and the blue and the orange, I will only deal with the orange. 1 train. Is it possible I might start liking people/human race again? A girl can dream.

So Virginia being for "lovers" reminds me of way back in the day, when an ex and I went camping with an acquaintance on a little island near Newport, RI. I barely remember her now (the acquaintance, not the ex) but as we were sitting around having drinks/camping, this gal was talking about how she, quote, "didn't take lovers". Remember when Rachel Dratch and whatshisname on SNL did that bit about "my lover"? It was said exactly like that, but this woman showed no such irony. She was serious and all like "Yes, to be honest, I don't take lovers". As in, "I'm sorry, but we don't take applicants at this time". It was like her policy not to take a lover - as if she were someone a century ago discussing her habits while taking tea in the drawing room. "Oh I don't take lovers, you see. Mummy always said it would wrinkle my crinoline petticoat. More tea?" I don't remember what her reasoning was either (I mean really, who doesn't take a lover except those who celebrate celibacy and abstinence = no one I know, but hey, to each her/his own). I don't remember the point of this story other than I think that Virginia's motto is gay.

That's all I got. I'm off to take a lover. I mean walk. I bid you adieu!

when powerpoint attacks

Have you ever wondered what I do all day at work? Me too! So on the crowded metro ride home tonight, I sketched out a typical day. What it lacks in aesthetic design, it makes up for in content? Hey, I can’t achieve world peace and make it pretty all in one day. I am no miracle worker (say it with me, wa-wah-ter, wah-ter, yes, wa-ter! – ok I’m done).

So this is 1 part flow-chart and 1 part non-linear chaotic system with a hint of old-skool Fortran and a dash of structural equation modeling (sans factor loadings, obv). See, this is what happens when you put a data geek into the “real world”/corporate life. They attempt to stay sane and make sense of their world via flights of fancy diagramming. In a sea of ever changing information, competing interests, and policy v procedure, I’m hanging out on a dinghy named Going Crazy.

Welcome to my world, I’m just living in it. Click to live large.