new resolution year

So what does the end of the year bring I ask. Here's my general assessment: It has been one fucking long year. Hey, quick rundown! For posterity: DC, glimmer of hope, blizzardDC, new job, Home!, packpackpackmovemovemove, rent, farm therapy, black dogs happy, work and then work harder and more so you can pay a million bucks in taxes but hello --> BUY FIRST HOME EVER WHICH IS NOW YOUR ONE AND ONLY LOVE, this will happen again, I think, also travel/travel/travelX3, farm therapy + 1, Packed Boxes Unpacked (after 3-4-5 years), and now today.

Yes, so it's been a long year of a million changes and etc. On the whole, very good stuff. Everything I like. Next year, more of the same minus the change please. I'm having a party Friday night, FYI, SO BYOB.

Guess things are different here out in the country

Hello to you. It's been a long week of ups and downs I have to say. Recap: Work travel travel bombshell work play work. All I can say is that I'm glad it's the weekend so I can try to up the play a little bit.

Right now, it's what, 1130pm on a Sat night and I took a little break from writing a final project report to create a quick LJ/Bird tumblr because hello why not I like to have the point and post slash handy all in one place. And clearly, I am avoiding the report writing by blog writing this very post so you know.

Good things of late since I don't want to focus on the kinda major bad thing that happened this week which will affect my life/choices in some way although I'm not sure how yet: 1) The drive to western Kansas was lovely as always, it looked a lot like this:



2) I got the word that I will continue on my consulting gig ($$) for the next year with a group of folks I really like even if it means I have to go back to that Damn City again in a few weeks on my actual birthday so I better not get stuck there again I mean it; 3) Hello the Seattle Storm won the damned WNBA championship in case you hadn't noticed; 4) Spent some quality time with my new galfriend last night out in the country on her farm and it's really nice to hang with someone again, though you know, it's still hard, but it's good too; 5) I mowed the grass today even though the humidity was 1 million but you know how much I love mowing grass which is a lot and I bought a lilac bush and an early amethyst beautyberry bush to plant in the yard not sure where yet but it makes me happy; 6) Tomorrow I will help friends build some wooden sides for their flatbed 1/2 ton truck which of course means that I will finally be getting some wood action with my tools and man I miss the heck out of that; and 7) The dogs are snoring right now and it's quiet outside and some storms kinda came though so it will be a good night for sleeping in this house that I love like no one's business.

Enough of this chitchat, I need to write words that make sense even though no one in our damn government is going to read them. Goodnight to you.

you and your anchor tattoo

I'm tired and unclear why I am still awake right now. Been kind of a whirlwind of various/sundry and it's not really going to stop anytime soon. No, it's not going to stop until you wise up. Or so they say.

The good thing is that I am busy and things are good and lots going on and some potential romance and the hot weather is breaking and the kids on campus make me feel old because they are so young and I am not sure where the summer went and canoe trip coming up and texas and football season and the cicadas are still loud loud and I'm trying not to think about you and failing most of the time and the moon is out tonight and a storm is coming in and this:

Morchella bordello

Quick rundown of life here:

1. I have pitchfork-elbow from helping plant 100 tomato plants and mulching a bunch of hay on the girls' farm last night. I can barely bend my left arm. Of course, I'm not using it for much else so no worries!

2. My strai friend A has a bday tomorrow and so we had pizza and beer tonight. She calls it celebrating her bday season. I say fine.

3. It has been rainy and cold here which is weird for May - I've found 6 spike morel mushrooms growing in my own front yard. They smell like a locker room and I am no fan, but have picked them for my friends. This weekend promises to be in the 80s and sunny so woo to the hoo.

4. I was in a series of meetings from 930am to 415pm today. I literally had time to use the restroom once. This is no way to live!

5. The dogs have been appreciating their country life. And by country, I mean grass and things that normal animals take for granted. It is like they have reclaimed their country dog selves and are rolling all over stuff, smelling actual things that occur in nature, and basically living life. I think they also do not miss all of the concrete and bullshit from out east. I like them like this.

6. I found my glasses by the way. I had placed them in a 'safe place' out at the farm which of course was a window sill ledge far away from anyone/thing. I also took two naps on Sunday to recover and quite frankly am still tired. Oh age! Why must you vex me so?

7. Soon I will be househunting for reals (as they say). In other words, I am looking forward to home ownership and believe that by the early/mid summer, I will have my own crib. Aww ya, MTV cribs KS style. When this event occurs, there will be pictures and stories of parties and cookouts and various/sundry home-related topics the likes of which this blog has never seen. Soon I will unpack all of those tools I have had packed up for 3.2 years and I will be cutting some fucking wood and nailing some shit left/right. Holla.

8. Who else is excited about the new WNBA season? I am. Go Storm. That's all I have to say about that.

9. You know how Harry Potter has that scar on his forehead? I took a shower last night and this am, got ready for work etc etc sans hair washing and noticed that in the back of my head, I have this sorta jagged bald area that looks not unlike a lightning bolt. Now, I have a decent head of hair, so imagine my surprise at this situation. I'm going to have to do a back comb-over to cover that shit up. Aside: My favorite poet Mary Oliver admitted that she's currently reading the Harry Potter series. This is prob why I love her like a hurricane.

10. I leave you with a Chick Flick I took at the girls' farm a few weeks ago:

I raked the springtime across your sheets

I am obviously obsessed with this right now:



- This Tornado Loves You - Neko Case

Bringing on the weather

Yes Virginia, I do have a blog that I've been too busy to update. Rest assured that will happen more often (it is hoped). I will say that since I last posted, I almost ran off to marry a 60 year old cowboy who works for the local extension office, I helped plant 75lbs of potatoes, helped build a chicken roost in the coop, and more or less have been non-stop happy/content/midwestern 24/7. Life is good.



ps. I have been trying to remember what it felt like when I lived in DC a mere two months ago, just to compare/contrast. I honestly feel like that was another country and I was another person. Since I've been here, I haven't looked back hardly at all. A story here or there about the traffic, the life, the work. I'm here now, living a life again, and it's weird to think that a place can have such a hold on you and make you happy, like flipping a switch, like opening a door, like seeing every blade of soft green grass with a new pair of glasses. That's what it feels like.

Only good days caught on camera

Here is the story of your life lately:


1. You Put an End to the DC Beltway Madness Once and For All Goodbye Dumb City Traffic



2. Your Big Dog Catches Air On Road West



3. You Stop Over in Your Hometown America and Drive Down Main Street



4. A Bunch of New Baby Goats Greet You



5. You Break Your Foot On Second Day Home and Still Hobble a Month Later



5a. You also worry that some foot fetish guy will find your site and wank off to your foot pix

6. You Have Breakfast Near B. Self and Take A Surreptitious Paparazzi-Style Picture



7. You Do This. A lot.



8. You Stare at a Cow and Forget You Were Ever a Part of (see #1).



9. You Are Reminded, However, That You Are Back in the Bible Belt/Red State



10. Your Dogs Remember That They Are Country Dogs and Dig Like the Old Days/Are Happy



11. You Post A Full-On Picture of Yourself to Prove That You Are Ridiculously and Midwesternly Happy Which You Will Take Down The Next Day and Replace with a Pix of a Baby Chick






The End. Until tomorrow. When the beat goes on...

First day of spring

I have been hitting the weather jackpot of late. Can't complain.

I am the heartland

Ah indeed, DC experienced a very lovely pile-up of snow this weekend. It's quite amazing actually and very pretty. I haven't gone outside at all except to take some pix and check things out. Alas, my dogs are up at their other mother's due to my week-long work hell so I'm missing them quite a bit. I'll go get them as soon as I'm able. I also had to cancel a scheduled massage today which kinda sucks.

But all in all, I am not complaining. I'm not complaining about the 10-12 hour days I put in last week or the fact that I schmoozed myself out being nice to all kinds of people or that I had to prep and give a talk in front of many of those people or that I had to deal with some very bullshitty corporate drama. I care not about such things and you may be asking yourself why? Why does she not give a whit about the hell that Metro was all week or that she slept a max of 6 hours every night? Why does this woman not give one shit about what is happening in this city and the millions of people who call it home?

Well, it is now safe to say (because it is a done deal/100%/no one can take it away from me) that I am finally getting out of here. A job came through back home and I am taking it. Trust, I am taking the shit out of that job and not looking back. Goodbye for-profit bottom line bullshit. Goodbye Metro hell! Goodbye too many people, awful traffic, and politics permeating every single conversation. I shall not miss you!

And this is happening fast. Like in several weeks. So that means I gotta get my shit together ASAP. But do I care? Hells no, because I get to be happy again and get to be me again and get to have a life again. With friends! And open spaces!

There will be much to repair after this experience. Not all of my time here was awful and certainly I wouldn't be in a position to take this job had I not come here and had the experience I had. It was a necessary road on the journey. However, I've got to do a lot of stuff to fix the damage - mentally, emotionally, physically - from living here and being the person I became. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was waterboarding people (though I did entertain the notion on a few occasions). I just was having to play a game that takes a bunch out of you at the end of the day. No more!

And so, as a bunch of snow covers up the ugly and makes this city pretty for a short period of time, I am already visualizing home. It looks a lot like this:

Midwestern Happiness: A guide

So something good happened to me recently. Like really good. Here is the Midwestern way of dealing with happy things:

1. Downplay the possibility that the happy thing will actually happen.

2. Pretend not to care whether happy thing will happen or not - you know, whatever, it's fine, could give or take it.

3. Entertain worst case scenarios in the (assumed) event that happy thing will not happen.

4. Extreme reluctance to even talk about the possibility of the happy thing happening because talking about it will make it not happen.

5. Resign yourself to happy thing not happening, just in case it doesn't. Which it probably won't.

6. Allow yourself two minutes per day to think about happy thing happening - the other 1338 minutes must be spent not thinking about happy thing in case even thinking about it will doom it.

7. Call yourself 'cautiously optimistic' to others about the happy thing happening and know that that is even going a little too far.

8. If happy thing is mentioned in regards to it actually happening, feel extremely superstitious to the point where you always mime knocking on wood, reference wood-knocking, and/or actually locate a piece of wood to knock prior to discussing happy thing.

9. Tell only a select few about the possibility of happy thing happening so that when/if it doesn't, everyone will not know of your overwhelming disappointment in happy thing not happening and attempt to console or cheer you up when your dreams are crushed - which you hate.

10. Map out all possible reasons how, after happy thing has maybe happened, it could somehow be taken away from you.

11. Only when and if happy thing is 100% a done deal/it has actually happened and no one can take it away/sure thing should you allow yourself to dip your toe into the water of happiness. Do not go overboard.

12. Finally allow yourself to admit to being happy.

So that's how I've spent the last two months until two days ago. Yeah, so I'm happy! Exclamation point. I'm also Midwestern enough for a final point.

13. After happy thing has actually happened, give yourself a week or so before it sinks in and things are in place and plans begin to shape up before you blog about what it actually is. Because the first rule of Midwestern happiness is to not get too excited about it and sound like you're bragging about your happiness to everyone. You know, just in case.

per aspera II

So speaking of the Midwest/Great Plains, I am traveling to my favorite state tomorrow for some serious slow-down vacation time with my people. Very much needed = that whole big sky, lots of open space, no crowds, etc etc. I'm sure I'll be tweet/pic-ing while I'm there, probs lots of "I'm drinking beer, life is good" type tweets. That sure beats me having to tweet about someone taking a v. large dump on the Metro platform this morning which I mistook for a rotten banana until I realized that bananas are not that large. Yeah, good times in the city, I will miss it not. I also cannot guarantee that I will come back either. Good day!

Is it getting heavy?

Well, a few things:

1. Coincidentally, the Flaming Lips are going to be in DC for an Earth Day show on Sunday. I would go but for two things - it's on the Mall one and two, it would be the straw that broke the camel's back if I were forced to deal with that many people at this point. I am obviously at a breaking point wrt the need for space so hello, know thyself. They are apparently streaming it online anyway so there are options.

2. As you may know, I just got back from a trip to Rochester, NY. I was there about a year ago during the lilac festival. This trip was particularly draining due to a variety of factors (e.g., the non-stop good cop/bad cop routine, two stories about what went wrong/why/who is to blame, the ten thousand drinks I had in the hotel bar afterward as a result). You know, these cities I visit are not bad places (with the exception of Fresno, sorry) so the travel has been ok in that respect. The downside is the amt of energy it takes to 'travel' and then 'work'. I am done with work travel until June so that's good. I will also stop whining and bitching on this blog soon, I promise. I am getting tired of doing that as well. No wonder I slept like 12 hours of the last 36.

3. It is hockey playoffs right now, did you know? Aber hallo, there is a whole country pinning their hopes/dreams on a favorable outcome so I think we need to show a little support to our neighbors to the north. And surprise, some of us may actually be Canadian and not know it!

4. Speaking of other good things, I have made travel plans of the actual vacation variety which makes everything all better. In three weeks, I'm going back to my favorite state with my people and I will slow down to a normal pace and I will do nothing but soak in a big sky and enough room to breathe. This will help X 100.

5. It's going to be sunny and 77 today so I am taking the dogs to the Potomac and the woods for a good walk. That will also help X 100.

That is all. Good day!

ETA: Pictures from my day, in chronological order and roughly entitled (as a set) - Snakes! Dog! Beer!:

doppler

This is what I miss, the rumble of spring that comes out of nowhere:



ps. Spoiler alert for BSG. Stop reading now! But I was reminded of one of my favorite photographs (in fact, my monitor background image) after watching the finale. I always thought it was kinda like what you'd find when no one was around to spoil it and there was enough space to wander:



150,000 years ago..

I see myself in you

So quick note: I can't even tell you how tired I am from all my gallivanting here/there etc and the fact that I am headed back to my favorite state/home for a weekend wedding is even better though honestly I am exhausted thinking about staying up late and having beverages with my people. One does what one must do = what I say. So no more bawlbabying. I will however attempt to take salacious photographias and post them here during my visit/when I return. If nothing else, you'll at least get a picture of a big open field of green grass which in my book is better than.

Ok, I am off to bed to please sleep hard sans dreams of work and/or tornadoes. Catch you on the flip side = not what the kids are saying these days btw. I took a poll at the show tonight, not really, but I'm quite confident.

ps. My Morning Jacket was great, very loud, very good. Here is a very poor quality/really shitty sounding video taken with my Blurberry for your lack of musical enjoyment:




pps. Calling Canada: you still feel me?

TFG

So quickly, I am leaving on Thurs for a much needed vacation. Dear reader, have you noticed that I am a bitter miserable people-hating person right now who is so very near a meltdown/breakdown/ho-down that it is possible that I may not actually even make it to Thurs? Have you noticed my poor attitude and the fact that I am no longer able to breathe?

It's ok if you haven't, I know you're busy. Worrying about my deteriorating mental state is not a part of your job description, it's cool. Let us all trust that 9 days away from Dumb City and my robotech job will partially cure what ails me. I am making myself inaccessible to anyone with a 703 or 202 area code. I will be on a pontoon on a lake in Northern Indiana, I will be in a field with my people in Kansas, I will not be here in this place.

I am also trusting that when(if?) I come back, I will be rested and renewed or at the very least, I will have a plan in place for achieving such a state. There are plans and potentials and possibilities. We shall see what develops. I am hoping this not only for myself, but for the safety of others.

I am contemplating not taking my computer but I promise to take pictures and have stories to tell of what I can only imagine will be exploitations/corruptions/disruptions and all around Midwestern shenanigans. I am going to leave you with a pretty picture taken by (correction) my Canadian tourist on the west coast. I bid you farewell!

there's no place like home

I'm only happy when it rains.



Reminds me of storms in my favorite state..

if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seaty

I don't even know what to say about this story out of my favorite state. It's either an extreme case of rural Secretary or just plain sad. I shall refrain from contemplating what exactly 'natural means' really..means. Aye.

ps. I shall also refrain from defending the title of this post which is now being played on repeat in my head. I have no one to blame but myself. Goodday!

ETA: More follow-up here to this "gripping" story, which of course will be small-town fodder for years.

and these skies of blue

I will eventually post about my trip yesterday to Atlantic City, but today, I'm going to post a picture of the Konza Prairie because it is still winter in some places and it's good to remember that summer is not too far off and warm.





So ask me in that way you do
and I'll leave these fields and come to you..

- Praire Town - Wailin' Jennys

2007

So you know I'm leaving town on Sat and going back home for NYE and quite frankly, 2007 shouldn't let the door hit its ass on the way out. That's really all I have to say about that.

So what was I doing last year? Apparently, in retrospect, not doing very well with that whole resolution I had. What about the year before that? You'll be slightly horrified to know that I still have the gnoochi I bought. I guess I should through that out, yeah?

So this year I'm going to hang with the same friends again and attend the pagan ritual (with champagne!) again. I need that for sure. I also need to try to clear my head somehow and get my shit in order. I'm getting a little tired of this, whatever this is, and feel like I need to figure out how I'm going to be happy this year, wherever I am. Choices need to be made, energy redirected, attitude adjusted. All the heavy lifting shit we put off during the year when we're just, you know, trying to make it through. I'm not sure of the how and the when, but something's gotta give in 2008, this business can't last. I resolve to not put up with anymore of my sorry-ass bullshit, time to buck up!

Catch you on the flip side..

the storm had passed over you

Sidebar: I am kind of jealous of people getting so much snow. My people in Kansas got a bunch, my dad in Indiana says a couple of feet, Drummer Girl in Canada is having a blizzard, and we get rain. I would love nothing more than to be all hunkered down on this Sunday in a blizzard with the snow coming down all crazy, football on the teevee, a little cooking, some napping, and all the other good stuff you can spend your time doing when trapped indoors (with someone). That would be my perfect winter Sunday. Instead, I'm doing laundry.

Also, I have to tell you that I'm on a Ryan Adams kick these days so much so that this song is killing me with the whole fading out business. That is all.