Everything's hazy, everything's crazy

She:
Anywhere old Prince Nez goes:
That's where I go too!
He clears up a stormy sky
Whenever he's by my side.
Everything's clearer, everything's nearer,
Everything's so divine.
I don't care what momma sez,
Prince Nez, I'm gonna make you mine!

He:
Anywhere old Prince Nez goes:
That's where she goes too!
Always so debonair,
Flirting with such a flair:
Oh you dog!
Everything's hazy, everything's crazy,
Everything's up in the air.
My gal sez she loves Prince Nez,
But I really don't care.

Squirrel Nut Zippers = love.

The Summer of Our Discontent

Man, this whole work thing is putting a cramp in my blogga.

Some quick housekeeping: My 20th high school reunion was, in two words, scary and fascinating. Only one perm spotted and a mullet thrown in for good measure. Speaking of the Metro (which I wasn't but will now for my one allotted Metro-bitch a week), I have found that the ragtime sounds of Squirrel Nut Zipper melt away the misery of the afternoon commute. Try it next time you are crammed into a red line car between Metro Center and Gallery Place with 300 of your closest friends in the summertime heat. Additionally, I thought I saw Chamique Holdsclaw riding the green line. For many reasons, I quickly decided that this was highly unlikely. Speaking of the WNBA, I will be attending the All-Star game in a couple of weeks because you know, Sue and LJ requested I be there (they always play better when I'm in the stands, what can I say). Finally, I cannot wait for the fucking weekend.

Now, a couple of you know this next bit, but really, what's the point in having a blog if you can't tell the whole world (ok, those 3 people from Iran, Nebraska, and Sri Lanka who regularly read this thing)? So as you may know, I moved out here with The Agent because she took a transfer. Remember how much I bitched? Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes when you have a big life change, things change big. For a variety of reasons that were present before and after this whole move, The Agent and I have separated. But of course, like good lesbians, we're still friends. So now we start the process of dividing all that shit that we moved out here. Good times! It's going to take a bit, I'll be looking for a place closer to this new job, etc etc. See, if you're going to break up with someone, wait until you've moved across country with them because it's so much more fun/easy. And then you can hear your friends/acquaintances/strangers say variations on a theme of why did you move in the first place/why didn't you break up before now/I knew this would happen/what are you going to do now. That's almost as fun. It could be worse though, I know. We're lucky in that this has been amicable.

So what am I going to do now? Well, I'm going to stay for a while and work and try to enjoy living here for a bit. Despite my reservations about this whole place, it's good to challenge oneself a bit and see how it goes. I know I won't be staying here forever, too many people and too much concrete, but while I'm here and have a good (if not my dream) job, I'm going to suck it up and be a good soldier. There are lots of great things here to do/see and when Hillary is president, she'll probably want to call on my services. I'm kind of her go-to gal, so you know, that's how we roll. Holla.

Secretary of Oh Who Gives a Shit

Aye. So I'm just going to do a brain-dump, it's been a day.

1. I saw Bette Porter yesterday in my building. There's an atrium-y lobby area and there she was, all power-suit and high heels. Actually, I've seen a bunch of Bette Porters out and about. This is not a bad thing.

2. I have sadly started recognizing fellow Metro commuters. Today, I saw Tall Asian Guy Who Cinches His iPod Headphones All Up Tight Under His Neck again on one leg of my commute. One other Metro thing: I have never been one of those germ people who get all freaked out about touching stuff in public places. I have now become one of those germ people who get all freaked out about touching stuff in public places and who now carries anti-bacterial hand sanitizer in her purse.

3. I saw my first political person of note here. We had a meeting downtown at one of those concrete buildings. One of GWB's Cabinet members was leaving with his Secret Service guy so we passed by each other in the lobby. What is sad is that this Secretary of X was so unrecognizable, I would not have even noticed if I hadn't seen the security guy and been in the building with his picture on the wall. Now, if it had been Clinton's Secretary of X, I would have been all excited b/c I liked that person. Instead, I'm all like, oh, what's his name again? p.s. I don't know if this is true in all buildings and was done in previous admins, but Cheney's sneering mug is up on the wall too with the pres. I will also note that his eyes followed me like a preternaturally evil creature of the night.

4. I was looking forward to coming home to mow the grass tonight so I could pretend I was somewhere else where grass grows and millions of other people do not exist, but alas, it rained. So instead, I am opening a beer. I had some friends in town the last two nights and didn't get back home until late both times and so I am worn. This whole working business is hard. Glad to have a job of course, not complaining, just saying. Plus also I have a pinched nerve/huge knot in my shoulder/neck that is making me cranky and sore and therefore less tolerant of the bullshit traffic on 95 and crammed metro cars. Oh man, I hope this blog doesn't turn into me bitching about the Metro all the time, how boring/unoriginal would that be? I resolve to keep my Metro-bitch down to a dull roar and/or once per week.

5. Back to IN this weekend for a quick trip and that whole reunion thing. It will either be entertaining and/or scary and/or sad. If anyone still has their 80's perm, I will report back with pictures.

6. It is June. And the solstice. So a long long day in a long long month.

7. The sky tonight, around 6ish, looked really cool with the storm clouds moving in. Did you get a chance to see it?

That's all I think. Have a good one...

I love people (exclamation mark)

Too many people have crowded against me today. Metro delays, heat, and sweat. After a day like this, all I can think about is an open field and a big blue sky.

Is that how they say hi in whoreville?

"I want a red dress. I want it flimsy and cheap." - Kim Addonizio

Hey, I'm back from Hoosierland and doing the bridesmaid thing. Originally, my plan called for being pretty much drunk 24/7 while I was there to cope/deal with the whole situation + extra stuff. Sadly, I was mostly sober and for that, I am dissappointed in myself. As a result, I was acutely aware of how drunk and/or crazy and/or drama-filled = my sister and her friends and what's left of my family.

I was also acutely aware of the whore red dress I had to wear. Hey, I don't begrudge someone a red dress, I just felt a bit out of my element. Remember when I thought it was dusty-rose like my old prom dress? Nope. I brought it back here b/c I think I can earn some serious cash on the DC corners in that thing. Whore-red should totally be (and probably is) the name of nail polish or lipstick or the dress of a stripper that I now own. There are pictures yes. I will not be sharing any of them except for one below and that is only to show you the color and the fact that I ditched the hooker shoes right after the ceremony for a pair of flipflops. Yeah, it was that kind of classy affair (ps. That hairy man-arm on the left is my brother who sat next to me at the bar and who tried to pick up the woman who did my sister's hair. And also any other woman there not married. To no avail.)

Confirming your worst fears about me

Hope your weekend was a good one. I start working for The Man tomorrow so alas, I will be a bit busier these days, which is good for a variety of reasons. I have some friends coming into town this week and man, I haven't even told you about going to my 20th high school reunion this coming weekend! Holla! Class of '87 represent!

Gotta run and actually get some sleep, but one last picture from the wedding reception which was held at the local Elks lodge. This one's for you, Ms. Snarker!

That's How I Knew

Aimee Mann never gets old and this song, with the piano starting out and then the violin coming in on the first verse? It's so stark and haunting, it kills me. Perfect. I leave you with this:


I drew a picture of you
You and your anchor tattoo
And saw the face that I knew
Covered in shame
You drew a bird that was here
A kind of sweet chanticleer
But with a terrible fear
That the cage couldn't tame

That's how I knew this story would break my heart
When you wrote it
That's how I knew this story would break my heart

So, like a ghost in the snow
I'm getting ready to go
'Cause baby, that's all I know
How to open the door
And though the exit is crude
It saves me coming unglued
For when you're not in the mood
For the gloves and the canvas floor

That's how I knew this story would break my heart
When you wrote it
That's how I knew this story would break my heart.

Always A Bridesmaid...

Ah, so I'm off tomorrow to attend my sister's wedding this weekendin Indiana. I'm a little scared b/c I have not seen the dress I'm supposed to wear and my sister has already said "you're going to hate it". So yeah, I have that to look forward to. I got a garbled and slightly drunk voice mail from her a week or so ago telling me I had to go off and find a special bra to wear with said dress. All I could make out was "Queen Latifah" and "strapless" and "Diva-nation!" and "Wal-mart". Turns out, that was enough info. Did you know that Queen Latifah has a line of bras?! I did not. I suppose it's not surprising given her, um, interest in the ladies. What better way to support your sistas, so to speak, than with a line of bras sold at Wal-mart?

I promise to take pictures so that you may mock me. Good times..

Doors Closing Step Back Doors Closing Step Back

Moving right along as it were, when I used to visit DC, I thought the Metro was a novelty. Look! This wondrous invention takes you places quickly and cheaply! You get tickets just like in the movies! Oh my, how cosmopolitan it all is. Granted it wasn't the famed NYC Subway of those same movies, but hey. Same idea, less stinky.

Where I grew up and spent most of my time, such an invention was reserved for Big Cities on the East Coast. Everyone drives in the Midwest (and apparently, LA or so I hear). Hell, I drove myself to elementary school on a lawn tractor. Kidding, but you learned to drive young in Indiana and such places. I practiced steering the family car when I was like 8 while my dad drove. Golf carts, lawn tractors, bikes, crazy-ass "cars" we built out of wood and modeled after the Little Rascals (you know the one episode where the "firetruck" was powered by a dog on a conveyor belt chasing after ducks in a cage? Man, don't get me started on the Little Rascals or we'll be here all night). If it had wheels, we drove that fucker.

Trains were things in my dad's world. He was a yardmaster and he put trains together and told them where to go. Or at least that was his explanation to me of what he did. Trains were for hauling grain and boxcars and cabooses (when they used to exist). Trains ran on the outskirts of towns with railroad crossings and whistles in the middle of the night and the only people who rode them were 'hobos' or Ruth and Idgie. Point being, trains and subways existed outside of my own personal sphere of experience.

Well, after living here for all of what, 2.5 months, I can now say that the novelty of riding the Metro has officially worn off. Boy, it went quick too after I had to ride it almost from one end of a line to the other twice on Friday. When I stepped off the train around midnight and waited at the Greenbelt station for a ride home, I literally thought "Damn, this is going to get old real quick".

I am currently working on the necessary Metro-face of indifference and boredom wherein you exist in a bubble. You know the look, right? Complete lack of affect, no acknowledgment of other humans, glazed eyes, blank stare. Most people complement this look with iPods or a book/newspaper. This helps you deal with the drunks and leering men and screaming children.

To be honest, I never wanted to become one of those commuters with Metro-face. I sort of like being engaged in life and people and you know, saying hi and have a good one. Unfortunately, my Midwestern ways are in for a challenge. Starting next week, I will become a bonafide DC "commuter" and take the Metro clear down to "NOVA" and go to work in a high-rise and put on my Metro-face when I shuffle with the crowd at L'Enfant Plaza to get on the green line home.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about seeing how this new life pans out, but I'm also a little apprehensive about being around this many people all the time. I have a feeling that, like the Metro, the novelty of living here will wear off sooner than I expected. Until then, the doors are closing, step back. Next station, Metro Center.


ps. In true girl form, I have changed my mind about making this blog private and creating a whole new blog. Decided to say 'fuck it' and take my lumps if they should come. Chalk it up to a minor freak out, we all get a free pass to have one once in a while yes?

Meanwhile, back at the Popecave

Can anyone truly read/write/say Popemobile with a straight face? What with a security breach recently, that word is all over the media. I would like to suggest some potentially less ridiculous names for the vehicle the Pope rides around in when he does his Pope schtick. You with me on this?

The HolyRoller

Benedict's Buggy

Vehicle du Vicar

Big Daddy's Jeweled Jalopy

Bishop of Rome's Royal PimpScalade With 20" Rims Sittin' Crazy Low

Winnebago-Pope-A-Go-Go

Pontiff in a Handbasket

Summer's here

I saw the first lightening bug of the season tonight. Just one, hanging out low to the ground in the front yard near the honeysuckle bushes. June.

Sunflower

Ok, I said I was done with this, but I must know: Blog reader from Tongie/Law googling me and visiting, please shoot me an email (see profile for contact info).

Subliminal message = DIET PEPSI

Well, nevermind all that business, let me talk about something more important and that would be beer drinking. Which I will be doing this evening. Yes, it's another Mystics game which I will be attending (and maybe watching? Candace Dupree is my Sky girlfriend so gotta holla! -- btw, I am now intentionally trying to find ways to include that '04 throwback holla! in my posts/life for no other reason than that is how I have come to roll). Point being: I shall be going into DC again tonight to hang with the one person I know in this whole crazy mixed up world and who will drink beer with me while watching womens' hoops.

Oh, I threatened to write this and dang it, I'm just going to. After grocery shopping last night, I feel I must speak out. File this under things you probably don't give a shit about, but maybe it strikes a chord with one or two of you and makes you want to take action and rise up/fight the power!

Dear Softdrink Packaging/Marketing Corporate Peeps (and by Softdrink I mean Diet Pepsi),

I have recently discovered that you have pulled a fast one on this consumer with your sly packaging/re-pricing campaign. Back in my day, you used to be able to find 24-pack cases of say, Diet Pepsi, for the price of approximately $5.50 or so. In some cases, I found it on sale for $4.88. Ah, those were the days when my vice was easily and cheaply had. Now, I dare anyone to go into their local groceria and find anything but a 12 pack of say, Diet Pepsi, for anything LESS than $5.00. That, my friends, is not only a clever packaging/pricing scheme, but also Hi-fucking-way Robbery. What they have done is simply made 24 packs no longer available and jacked up the price of a 12 pack to that of a case and in the process, DOUBLED their corporate profits off the backs of caffeine addicts such as myself. Has anyone else noticed this at all? I am not crazy. This was total bait and switch.

I will offer an example for those who are skeptical and/or don't have a pop habit. Let us say you like Twix candy bars. They have been and continue to be sold in packages containing two tasty wafer/carmel/chocolate treats. Let's say the price for that package is $.75 (neverminding the fact that back in the day, you could get a candy bar for a quarter, I shall not revert back to curmudgeon-speak about old tymey prices but I will ask: Whatever happened to the Marathon Bar, now that was a candy bar, my friend, let me tell you). Ok, so you are going to the store to get your Twix fix (woo), and lo and behold, they have repackaged it everywhere. You can no longer find a pack that contains two Twix inside. Now you must pay 75 cents for just ONE wafery/carmel goodness. (setting aside for the moment, those hippy folks who would simply say 'dude, just stop buying corporate american consumer items and live off your harvest of carrots and/or green beans' - I know and love those hippy folks, but we are talking about a drug habit here, there is no time to live off the land when caffeine is needed. Plus, how can I possibly have time to garden when I am weaving my hemp rope flipflops to sell at the next Dave Matthews Band concert).

Would this not possibly induce ire in you? Would you not shake your fist to the sky and ask why you are paying the same price for 1/2 less? In the meantime, Pepsi peeps are in their gold built offices with diamond tiaras rubbing their hands back and forth while having sex on their corporate couches on top of every extra five dollar bill I have given them to receive half of what they once gave to me. I tell you, this is what it has come to, writing rants in hopes of making this world a better place for fellow Diet Pepsi drinkers. I am thinking of the children.

If I can raise the consciousness of but one consumer of Diet Pepsi and/or their corporate representatives, then my work here is done. And if a truck of Diet Pepsi mysteriously showed up in front of my house like tomorrow or something, Sunday would be fine too, then it will have been worth it.

And with that, I bid you a nippy fucky goodday!