Sleep tight

..don't let the bedbugs bite.

Have you ever wondered what happens when some fucker probably in the apartment below brings bedbugs into your 20 unit apt complex? WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

Here is a list of things I have to do before Tuesday, as outlined by our apt managers in a memo today, Saturday:

1. Thoroughly vacuum ALL furniture (throw covers should be washed in HOT water) and floor surfaces (carpets and tile). After completing this task, please seal your vacuum cleaner bag in the plastic zip-lock bag and throw it away immediately outside in the dumpster. Do not keep the bag in your apt home.

2. You will need to remove all items that are stored under beds, wipe clean, and seal in plastic bags or sealed totes.

3. You must remove all linens from your beds, wash in HOT water and then dry using a clothes dryer. DO NOT put the linens back on the bed until the treatment has been rendered. All clothing should be washed be washed before our treatment and then stored in either Chester (sic) drawers, (the clothes should be sealed in plastic bags before you put them into the drawers) or storage bins with lids that seal.

4. You will need to remove everything from the walls of each room throughout the apt, leaving a cleared space of 3-4 feet so we can get to those areas to render the necessary treatment.

5. Please DO NOT remove the mattresses and box springs from the room that they are in

6. You will need to remove ALL animals (birds, cats, dogs, etc) from the apt during our treatment and remain out of the apt for a period of four hours after the treatment has been performed.

So you know, no biggie. A little light dusting. Couple of zip-lock sandwich baggies to hold every article of clothing I own. Piece of cake.

Needless to say, I'm not happy. The only reason I'm not bitching and moaning at the 'apartment home' office is that I coincidentally have to travel to Chicago on Tuesday so my dogs will be at the kennel anyway. Otherwise, that would have compounded the bullshit hassle meter X 100.

I have seen no signs of them in my apt, but you better fucking believe I'm going to be feeling them crawling all over and sucking blood for the next 3 fucking nights before they have 'rendered treatment'.

Bedbugs. WTF?