Maybe it's been awhile since I was back there? Maybe it's the tornado dreams or the dreams of my mom or peonies or the honeysuckle or the need to be in the middle of nowhere. I don't know. This speaks to me:
I love these photographs and this talented guy captures the rural Indiana that I grew up with in the same stark black and white that I remember.
You know how you sometimes get disconnected from stuff, like you're floating from this to that with no real anchor and you're drawn to things that remind you of home and something solid that you actually remember?
It might just be me and that black box talking but I'm feeling that right now - the longing for something stark with sharp lines, something earthy, something familiar. Something that feels real because it sunk in so deep back then and it's been inside for so long, it's like a second skin. That small town or those houses or that field. Now I'm here in this city, moves in between, feeling like I'd rather be anywhere else.
So it goes, yeah? Soon enough I'm back into the grind and I'm headed out again for one more round of travel meetings - up to
NYC for too short/too long and then here and there and wherever. Definitely feeling ungrounded by all this travel.
If you knew me, you'd know I put on a very nice front. Hey it's good, no worries, do what you must. You'd also know that I'm pretending, getting on/off the Metro, walking into that shiny curved high rise, conference calling and doing whatever else it is I do, all the while I'd much rather be here:
Thank you, Christopher Crawford, wherever you are.
3 comments:
I feel it too. I left the city for somewhere two hours away and felt comforted instead of anxious by the quiet, the pace, the green, the things that were there, had been there, were okay with that. I have a lot of thoughts about kansas, maybe 'cause i like the word "kansas," and michigan doesn't have enough stark miles and miles.
are you really coming to nyc?
I'm in Fort Wayne, Indiana once again after a year and a half spent in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I came back because of my son, who lives here with his mother. I missed Indiana when i was in Santa Fe because I missed the water, the green, the wildlife (even in the city, squirrels, rabbits, and other animals are common in Indiana...NM is so barren).
One thing I didn't miss was poverty. I graduated from Indiana University with a bachelor's in fine arts back in 99 and never found a job, in any field. Not even McDonald's or Walmart would hire me. I certainly tried to get a job, having applied for more than 800 of them in seven years (I got ONE interview in all that time! and no job). I finally ended up homeless after 7 yrs of living with whoever could feed me...friends, family, anyone. So, I drove to Santa Fe in spring of 2006, where I had a friend willing to let me have a place to live.
In Santa Fe, I began earning a living, a real living, for the first time in my life. I should have stayed but I missed my son too much and he was asking me constantly on the phone when I was coming home. After a year and a half in a place where educated people are valued and artists aren't regarded as garbage, I went back to Fort Wayne with a promise of a small monthly income from a client in Santa Fe who felt bad for me. I share an apartment with my girlfriend who actually makes less than I do, if that's possible.
I understand why you might miss it here, but I also understand why you left and cannot return. I've read some of your blog...you have a PhD. What the hell would you do in on of Indiana's big cities? Wait tables, stock shelves at Walmart? No, they'd probably not hire you.
By the way, what part of the Hoosier state are you from?
Chris Crawford
http://www.chriscrawfordphoto.com/fine_art
Win: You are midwestern too; you know what I mean.
Christopher: Thank you for doing what you do, it's definitely a gift. I'm planning on contacting you off-blog about a potential project. And you are right, there are many reasons why I could never go back to Indiana. Good luck to you and I'll be in touch soon.
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