testament to youth in verse

So you know how I'm moving soon. Like in three weeks. Well, I've been doing the requisite sorting of shit, Goodwilling, moving heavy boxes. Basically doing what I loathe to do. But times like these give me the chance to cull the herd so to speak and I have been getting rid of stuff. As a result of said culling, I have had to go through old boxes and have come across some gems from my youth tonight. I would like to share some of these antiques with you b/c I can think of no one else who would care. Except for Billy Hicks and possibly the band Berlin who will maybe google themselves and find this. So here you go:

First up is a picture of a picture. As the caption on the back attests:



this will be a picture of my bedroom circa 1985. Behold:



Two things will jump out at you. First, you will be startled by the posters on the wall, for one is of Rob Lowe and the other is of John-Eric Hexum (who tragically shot himself and who is probably only remembered by me and his family). Please excuse - I was still young and clearly naive as evidenced by the fact that there is also a contingency of stuffed animals and a big piggy bank on my dresser. That whole Not A Girl/Not Yet A Woman thing going on apparently. Ah youth.

Next up is a videotape that makes me wish I still owned a VCR. I thought I had lost this, but I found it at my mom's house years ago mixed in with her tapes. I somehow doubt she watched it. My long-time love of Berlin the band is no secret.



The 'playlist' is classic, covet this at will if you must:



Here is what we wore back in the day when we didn't have Swatches. Someone across studyhall could tell the time off your wrist, it was that big. Like our hair. This was post parachute pants era but pre-neon. I think. I forgot to put my phone next to it so you would have some sense of scale, but trust me on the size. We were queens of size re: all things back then. Flava Flav saw my watch and asked for his own bling, but smaller.



We're now in the early 90's memento-wise and what could be more telling of my future than the two items below. Don't think I didn't have to fight off more than a few ladies with severe haircuts to catch this, my friends. Chicago 1993, first row, baby!



And finally, before it was splashed on the cover of People, I knew something was fishy. Ahem. This gal led a double-life as a young grad student in the early-mid 90's. Yep, I'm gay!

Blast from past

So yesterday, out of the blue, I got an email from an old college friend of mine, MD, who I hadn't been in contact with since 1991ish..and who I could not find over the years searching the internet. Now, I first met MD on the very first day I moved into the all-girl dorm I lived in for a year at a large Midwestern university [2 things: 1) this was prior to realizing I preferred "all-girl" to "co-ed" if you catch my drift; 2) after being written up three times (a. being part of a group who broke the elevator by cramming 20 people in it, b. drinking in the dorm, and c. fighting with a girl who stole my fake id -- yes I was badass back in the day), the Dorm Officials "suggested" I live off-campus mext year].

So I met MD on that first day because she was playing music in her room down the hall and that band was Berlin. Yes, this was 1989. So we bonded in the way young women do when they've left home for the first time and are thrown together in an all-girl dorm 24/7. Not in that way, but I can't say that I didn't develop my second official Girl Crush on her (see #1 though; and also 1st official Girl Crush was JM who was a senior on the golf team and who was perfect).

MD was from Chicago, so she was this big city girl to me, and she was Irish and she liked New Order and Eurasure and had long black hair and blue eyes and she was the shit. Off we went to fraternity parties, stayed up late doing the stupid stuff you do in college dorms your freshman year, off to Chicago for St. Patty's day, football games. We were constantly together for that first year, until she pledged a sorority and we saw less and less of each other. I do think she suspected I had a little thing for her and it probably made her uncomfortable, there was a distance between us that I now recognize. This was the late 80's after all, we were young, age and experience had yet to bring open-mindedness. I dare say that life has changed us both.

[In retrospect, to unconsciously compensate for developing a GC on her, I also developed a huge Boy Crush on her twin brother. Yes, twins, black haired, blue-eyed perfect Irish kids. He was just as hot as she was (maybe even moreso), though nothing ever came of it except me always hoping to catch him out at a party or whatnot (except a year after I graduated, we hooked up and I effectively put that crush to rest. I do have to say he was and still is probably the hottest guy I've ever..you know). Anyway. Where was I? Why am I telling you this?]

Oh, so over the years, I always wondered what happened to her, where she was etc. No luck finding her online, I wasn't in contact with any of our mutual friends who might know. Yesterday, after nearly 15 years, an email appeared in my inbox from her (with her married name in the email address) and pix of her husband and two children -- a little bit about what's she's been up to etc, we'll email back and forth, probably get in touch on the phone. It was just such an unexpected jolt, it really made my day though. I suspect I'm not the only one who has had an intense friendship with someone over a number of formative years, lost track of each other, and then that person reappeared out of the blue many years later. There are still a couple of people in my past I'm waiting to hear from, just like this.

It will be interesting to see if any of who we were back then remains. When I pull out the huge stack of pix I have from that time, of us, I see two 18-19 year old girls still negotiating childhood and independence, fresh-faced and (relatively) innocent. Now we're middle-aged women and it's weird how that time seems like it was forever ago yet still reachable in my memories. I know I'm the same, but very different. She's married with two children living just a state away from me. I wonder if she still listens to Berlin. I still have the leather coat she borrowed from me to go on a date with some guy. I gave her my 45 LP of "The Night Chicago Died", I found a letter last year at my mom's house that she wrote me the summer after our freshman year, she said she found a note I had written her at her mom's house. I know we both regret being mean to her roommate, BE. I wonder if she remembers or knew I had a crush on her.

Riding on the Metro*

Just for you, a chance to experience your own real-life Metro commute with me. Yeah, how gay is that? Very I say. So follow me as I navigate but one tiny segment of my commute at rush hour on this lovely July day. I mention in the video worrying about you getting "car sick" because you know, walking with the camera is totally like riding in a car. Oh screw it, you try to be all on your toes on Friday. I'm so tired, I don't even care that I probably sound like a total dork. Just tell me you love me no matter what and we'll call it a day, yeah?

Enjoy your commute:






* Hello, if you don't love this Berlin song, I don't even know you anymore.