Yes, so one goodbye party down, two more to go. Last night was (after a few drinks) nice, if not a strange mix. It was mostly people I know through work, but a couple of friends too. I made a total bee-line for the booze I do have to admit b/c I was a little out of it. Plus these were people who have known me for many years in a work capacity and you know how academics are, there's always this (subtle) implicit judgment based on what you do, what you've done, and what you plan to do in the future. And since I'm in a little flux right now with the move and whatnot, I was not looking forward to having to answer these questions. There was also a woman there, someone who is very prominent in her field, who once completely and totally destroyed me one night years ago and who I've always had to tiptoe around b/c she's crazy and unpredictable. Also both of my mentors were there, colleagues now of course (including the host) who are close friends, but who I know expect more of me than what I've accomplished so far. So combine this career anxiety altogether and add in a dose of my own weird headspace and mix in a sit down dinner and you know. I chose to deal with two vodka tonics and two glasses of white wine. We do what we must, yes?
They gave me presents, nice tokens and reminders of this place. And yes, there were several moments where the topic of conversation was forced in my direction. "Feel free to tell funny stories about _____, let's start now!" Yeah, good times. Believe it or not, I do not seek out attention. I can handle it if need be, but my definition of worst nightmare = people telling stories about me in front of a rapt audience and/or complimenting and/or making a big fuss about me. So last night was my own personal roast with work people and you tell me I didn't need to be a little drunk to deal with that.
So today, after this, I am going to start in on the List of Things To Do That Never Ends. I am slightly tempted to augment this activity with booze as well. Thank fucking god I fell off the wagon when I did, I wouldn't have been able to get through this without it. Better living through libation!
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There was also a woman there, someone who is very prominent in her field, who once completely and totally destroyed me one night years ago and who I've always had to tiptoe around b/c she's crazy and unpredictable.
Sweetie, don't be coy. We know of your past with Ms. Bernhard.
One down, two to go. You have my empathy as I hate these boing-the-focus-of-attention moments myself. But you'll get through, darling, and as always I shall be there for you when you hit rehab again.
Kisses!
Oops, I meant "being" and "boing." Although I hate the "boing" moments too.
Cheers to boozing it through the tough times, Sweetie! Friday night I went on a bender and ruined Vivvy's evening by puking in the bathroom sink when I got home.
So bottom's up to the last margarita of the evening! The preacher is now the convert ...
Mrs. "Lush-brain" Viv
I've been through those and oh babes....the vodka thingies are what get you by...for sure.
Sweetie...no need to tiptoe. She might be able to sell crazy but you're one of a kind. She envies you.
Fact or fiction...crazy and unpredictable, hum, what a wonderful speciment to test the limits of crazy. I really like to know what makes them tick. It's what I do or I can just rough her up for you. Ha!
The old neighborhood at times comes out of me. Mother tried to raise me like the proper Southern girl, but to survive one must adapt to the environment that surrounds us. Bad things happen there.
Cheers babes...I know they all will greatly miss you, even Miss Crazy.
Oh my sweets, your comments sustain me. Without you, I am nothing. One day we will be together. At Betty Ford. And if we are lucky and we are committed, Promises. *crossing fingers*
Until then, I will hold your hair while you puke if you promise to rub my back and tell me it's okay that I shaved my head, no one will notice in the morning, least of all the press.
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