Up, down, turn around

I've been listening to lots of music lately and I'm really digging Moby's cover of the New Order song Temptation on the Hotel CD. I just picked it up last week and am liking it. What can I say, I like Moby and his scrawny bespectacled ass. Sue me or do me.

A heaven, a gateway, a hope
Just like a feeling inside, it’s no joke
And though it hurts me to treat you this way
Betrayed by words, I’d never heard, too hard to say
Up, down, turn around
Please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home

Each way I turn, I know I’ll always try
To break this circle that’s been placed around me
From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe

Up, down, turn around
Please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home

Oh, you’ve got green eyes
Oh, you’ve got blue eyes
Oh, you’ve got grey eyes

And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Bolts from above hit the people down below
People in this world, we have no place to go
Oh, it’s the last time
Oh, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Oh no, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before

Evil home stereo

what good songs do you know?

So another holiday done. I passed the day trying to keep busy. It was warm here so I worked in the garage, doing some fix-it stuff, piddling. I'm glad for it to be over; I'm hoping in the future holidays will be nice again instead of another reminder of what is lost. Yes, another excuse for me to be all bah humbug. Enough of that..

So these last two weeks of work have been very nice in that there is nothing too pressing I have to do and I have some vacation time to burn so I've been doing half-days and taking days off without compunction. Plus there's no one here on campus or really in this building so it's not like I'm missing anything. (Though yesterday I left early because there was this creepy facilities guy who was hanging out by the elevator and who gave me the serial killer vibe -- I figured if there's one place you don't want to be, it's in your office in a deserted building with a guy who has keys to all the doors. I rarely get that feeling from the fac guys around here but because there wasn't really anyone around, I didn't want to second guess my unease). I may not even come in tomorrow or Fri. I'm really going to have to get psychologically prepared to NOT work and not feel guilty about not coming to the office (by the way, that one post where I said I was losing my email of 6 years? Well, I worked out a situation here where I'm an affiliate so I won't be losing it, plus I get to keep this office for next semester -- all that deleting and fretting for nothing!).

I do have several projects I'm still working on and things I need to do for collaborative work, but since I'm not getting paid, I am not obligated to come in at all..I can do most of that stuff at home. So it will be kind of weird. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to my sabbatical and time off. I've been itching for it for awhile now and ready to savor it. It's just a matter of getting out of the mindset of 'work', you know, and all the accompanying feelings of obligation/responsiblity/guilt. I've pretty much gotten there, but it will certainly be an adjustment.

What else? Oh, you know what a tool whore I am so for Xmas, my dad sent along a gift card for Home Depot (motto: "A Lesbian's Second Home") and I bought the final two pieces that should complete my workshop -- a compound miter saw and a belt/disc sander. I'm all ready to woodwork your ass, mmkay. That's right, don't mess with me and my miter saw because we will cut you. So I'm finishing up my second Adirondack chair (really just need to finish a little sanding then put it together and stain it). I do have another project on the horizon, though. My friends asked me to install window casings in their house so I will be compound mitering like a fool. I installed some of these casings in our own place so it shouldn't be too hard, I'm looking forward to it. I'll probably look for these little fix-it things that friends need done while I'm off just to keep busy. Will work for beer!

Finally, I bought two new books (one on the rec of Renee) and started reading them...not like I don't have enough to read, but I like variety. So I'm reading The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality by Brian Greene. It's good so far and I'm enjoying it (aside: in high school, I was a big science geek and loved chemistry etc. However, in my senior year, I decided to take Astronomy instead of Physics - against the advice of the teacher who taught both. What can I say? I was concerned about the calculus involved and math wasn't my strong suit back then. Now, I wish I had taken both. Of course, if I knew then what I know now, I'd have taken all kinds of different shit in high school and college..but no need to regret the path taken, we all get where we're supposed to go in the end).

I'm also reading The Physics of Consciousness by Evan Harris Walker. There's a fair amount of overlap in the two books and the only thing irking me about the Walker book is his focus on some long lost love of his from when he was 16. I'm assuming he will draw it together and make a point further down the road, but those parts of the book seem a tad self-involved. I'm interested in the idea of what happens to energy associated with a person when they die (after all, we are made up of atoms of electricity that *must* go somewhere when our bodies cease their complex processes; where does it go? what new matter is created from death?) so I think he might ultimately get to that..or at least I hope he does. (Actually, Renee, I think you mentioned The Tao of Physics and instead I got to this book..hmm) At any rate, I'm interested enough to keep reading so we shall see.

Look at me go on. Carly would be proud (by the way, I heard that song AGAIN yesterday while in the garage. I swear, someone programmed Kansas City radio to play that song every day. I just find that too weird. And another
strangely-inappropriate-song-played-during-the-holidays I've been hearing is Alanis Morrisette's "You oughta know". Because nothing says Christmas like Alanis going down on you in a theater).

Ok, I'm outta here. I'm staying in town for the bball game tonight, I'm glad I've been able to make it to as many games as I have. I had forgotten how fun it is to see it live. (Plus the coach is hot and that's enough for me..yeah, shallow but true).

Peace out.


Well see what you wanna see. You should see it all.
Well take what you want from me. You deserve it all.
Nine times out of ten, our hearts just get dissolved.
Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall.
But one time out of ten, everything is perfect for us all.
Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall -- Modest Mouse

Clouds in my coffee

Busy time of the year, of course, but I had something odd to share. In the past four days, I've encountered Carly Simon's You're so vain on the car radio no less than 7 times. (Naturally, I always keep it on and listen to it because she wrote it about ME). Isn't that a strange choice to play during the holidays?

That's it, that's all I've got.

I'm going to hunker down and get through this damn Christmas bullshit. Peace!

Email much?

So in prep for my upcoming sabbatical, I thought it time to deal with my email account. My primary one for the last 6 years has been my work account and eventually, they'll find out that I'm no longer employed here and it will turned off. Naturally, over the course of 6 years, email builds up. I regularly purge sent and deleted emails, but sometimes I just keep emails for no apparent reason. A friend sent me a baby announcement; that child is now attending kindergarten. Now what was that Japanese soy sauce I wanted to know the name of? Oh, according to an email from 7/10/03, it's Hon Tsuyu: Soup & sauce base. I apparently can get it at Target. For the most part though, the emails I went through my inbox and deleted today were just back and forth conversations with friends or work folks. Stuff that didn't need to be kept but was. I have pared down my email to the essentials I believe, a reasonable amount to save to a folder and have handy when my account goes away. Here are some stats and facts to keep you totally fascinated on a Thurs:

Number of emails kept in inbox: 190
Oldest email kept: 11/5/01
Newest email kept: today, 3:09pm
Most email from same person kept: 24
That person: my boss
Next most: 12
That person: me
Most frequent subject line: "Re: Hey"
Most boring subject line: "FW: Run-time errors and subscript out of range message"
Most provocative subject line (but which in fact was not about sex): "RE: Mmm MMm!"
Total number of emails deleted in today's purge: 1076
Amount you care about above info: 0

7 inches +

So I'm a size queen, sue me. We got a bunch of snow on Wednesday, it's beautiful outside. I ended up staying in town the last two nights so got to frolic a bit. Had a great time yesterday wherein R & A and I spent a leisurely 2 hour breakfast. I stopped into work briefly to take care of a few things, but otherwise, I wasn't needed and no one was around so I said screw it. R & A & I then proceeded to do some shopping and a bit of beer drinking. Ran into some other friends and they joined us. Lots of people had the day off yesterday as a "snow day" so we hung with teacher-types. A uniformed girl cop came in for lunch where we were having beers and R & I both admitted: Yes, it's the uniform. We all know I'm a sucker for a girl with a gun and badge, I'm all about the accessories. All in all, it was a "day of gay fun" (which R insisted on calling it). I also ran into my Sexy Hair Consultant Roxanne and she had a few drinks with us (she was aghast at my hat hair). We had a nice conversation about boobies. I love her.

So things are winding down here, it's finals week so not too many people around and we're finally through most of our job candidate interviews. It's been a busy week and I'm glad it's ending. Tomorrow, we're having a bit of an X-mas dinner with the Agent's aunt (who is still in town for those counting). I need to figure out what I'm going to do on Sun, there's a women's bball game in town (and alas, I'm all about our coach now..I hadn't really given her much thought until I had some close-up time and she was wearing a power suit. Forget it, power suits and women in charge..it's a theme. ps. Vivvy! I didn't realize it was actually true about Cabot's return until I saw it yesterday in the paper! Sweetie! Our prayers have been answered!). Anyway, there's a game to come into town for, but also there's football to watch (and we're in the playoff hunt!) so I'm not sure what to do. Plus the Agent is getting a bit antsy about my not being around (also I am missing my baby dog). I'll figure it out come Sun. (Oh, and Aimee Mann is coming back to town in Jan, I am so there). I've got to read this manuscript before a meeting with J so I'm outta here.

winter ennui

Aye, so it's colder here and things are still busy and eh. Holiday season sucked last year and this year is similar. No holiday spirit and not looking forward to the whole Xmas thing, I only get it up for the Agent who loves Xmas. I'm hoping my feelings will eventually change.

I went home to Indiana the day after Thanksgiving for a few days to visit my dad and sister. Long drive, 10 hours across Missouri and Illinois and up through the Hoosier state. Unfortunately, "home" is not really an appropriate word anymore for that place and the whole time I was there, it felt very empty. Still, I felt compelled to go. As a result, I'm in a bit of a funk, but work is so busy this week I haven't had time to process.

All is not lost though, our secretary Debbie made me this awesome black scarf that I love..it's made out of ribbon yarn. It's spiffy. And tonight, the Agent and her aunt (who is visiting for 2 weeks..and who talks non-stop) took a trip down to Oklahoma so I have the house to myself. I could use about another two days home alone, but will take what I can get. Oh, and we went to see Harry Potter on Sun. Plus my dogs love me so time to buck up and stop whining.

As life gets longer, awful feels softer -- Modest Mouse

I give up

I'm sorry, but I am finally (after years of fighting it) joining the ranks of millions of others. I am giving up the ghost on this one. You win, Angie, you win. I am yours, do with me what you will.




Images from Pink is the New Blog

Gold Mine Gutted

We were a stroke of luck
We were a gold mine that gutted us

And from the sidelines you'd see me run
Until I'm out of breath
Living the good life, I left for dead
The sorrowful Midwest
Well I did my best...
To keep my head

--

Let's have a nice clean cut
Like a bag we buy and divy up

And from the sidelines I see you run
Until you're out of breath
And all those white lines that sped us up
We hurried to our death
Well I lagged behind...
So you got ahead.

-- Bright Eyes

Coach Hair

As you know, I enjoy women's basketball and watch quite a bit of it. I also happen to think one's hair says a lot about a person. So I've put together a little presentation of what I like to call: Coach Hair. You know what I'm talking about. Here's a little sample for your viewing pleasure. Bonus points for identifying the coach.

Update

Thanks for being all concerned about our health (I'm at 95%, Agent 60% better), but I have a more important update for you that I think you will be far more interested in knowing: Who the hell was Annie/Donnie?

I am sure it kept you up these last couple of nights trying to figure out who left me that mysterious message. And after listening to it ~15 times, half with the speaker phone on, I figured it out Friday afternoon. "Annie" was in fact my niece "Mandy" and "Donnie" was her son, "Johnny". Clearly, I do not keep in touch much with Mandy (for a variety of reasons) and so, was not expecting a call from her, especially one using a calling card. Mystery solved, you can now rest easy.

Calling the House of Sick

So this week, it's been Kleenex, cough drops, and NyQuil in our household. Mine was more coughing than anything, hers was the all around cold. At one point this week, I was woken up in the middle of the night by her cold-snoring, both dogs snoring, and my own cough. I slept on the couch the rest of the night. Things are looking up though and we're on our way to recovery. I'm off to buy brand new toothbrushes today [because once I learned from my doctor that bacteria just hangs out on your toothbrush and reinfects you, I was sold -- in much the same way I was recently sold on never ordering beer from a tap unless it's at a brewery. Ever wonder why you get huge headaches and feel like shit when you drink some cheap ass beer from a tap in some dive or at a sporting event? It's because they never clean their lines from the keg to the tap and it is a breeding ground for bacteria. I can't tell you how much this realization changed my beer-drinking perspective; why actively seek out and drink bacteria? aye..anyway, this message brought to you by the Beer in Bottles Association]

I'm taking a half day off today (I have a bunch of vacation time I need to burn before the end of the Dec), most of which will be spent doing some house cleaning (one week of sick=time to clean). I also have to clean out the garage and put away my camping gear (which I last used at least 3 weeks ago). Also, the Algerian Fool will be coming over to hang and drink a few beer/BBQ. The Agent will not particularly like that (because she's never forgiven him for getting drunk and naked (as he is wont to do) in front of her one time camping..I'm used to his antics and couldn't be bothered; he's like a brother to me, I accept him pretty unconditionally, though on occasion have to put him in his place). Anyway, that's my Fri. Good times!

/end (parenthetical digressions)

Finally, I got a call last night on my cell, originating from a phone card. The message was as follows:

Hi MyName, this is Annie. I just wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving and let you talk to Donnie. He wants to tell you about school. I'll be around all weekend if you want to give me a call back. Talk to you later!

WHO IN THE HELL ARE ANNIE AND DONNIE? I have no idea..I mean none. They clearly know me, but I am drawing a complete blank and certainly cannot call them back this weekend. How weird is that? I am not ready to admit my dementia just yet, but I'm beginning to wonder..

Welcome to Kansas!

...which is what you'll hear in a sing-song voice when you stop to comment on the fact that 3 days ago, we set a record high of 80 and today it is now snowing. Don't like the weather? Just wait a few days! Gotta love those weather cliches...

Club O: A Gentleman's Lounge

If I weren't so busy at work and also trying to fight off this headache/on-coming cold/violent cough (which I exacerbated by going out and drinking both Fri and Sun), I'd tell about my trip Friday to Club O, a strip joint not too far from my house. Some quick answers though:

Um? Yes. Strip club.

Why? Two reasons: It was the Algerian Fool's bday and he wanted to go; and I had never been to a strip club before so what the hey.

So how was it? Strangely depressing, quite interesting, suprisingly sillicon-free, and suspiciously filled with disturbing characters sporting wood.

Did any of your money exchange hands? No, because apparently that required female audience members to lay prone on the stage and let Candy lift your own shirt to expose your bosoms while she gyrated over your face and crotchal area for the entertainment of the boyfriend or client who brought you there in the first place...all of which is fine and dandy if you are in the privacy of your own home. On stage in front of the Midwest's finest strip club clientele while Gwen Stafani's Hump song plays? Not so much.

Will you be going back?Not to that particular place, but could be coaxed to another to see if the experience varies. If nothing else, I'd like to be at least offered a lap dance that I could demurely decline.

Most importantly, did you get in trouble with the Agent for going? Shockingly, no. She asked if I had fun.

Thanks!

While I may not always agree with the mission or the Commander in Chief, I do appreciate the sacrifices made by those who served/are serving in the military. It's worth taking a moment to put politics/ideology aside and acknowledge the sacrifice. My dad and the Agent are both veterans and I know many others so a hat tip and a thanks out to them today.

Dominatrix du jour

"Soft as water and hard as the raging flood" Ah Lao Ma...how I miss her.

So, I was speaking with my favorite former numismaniac, Mrs V, about dominatrixes. Dominatrices? Dominatici? Anyway, we were discussing such. As you know, Mrs V, in addition to being numismatically inclined, is a wealth of information regarding sex. I thought I knew my fair share, but she lives in NYC so that automatically gives her a little edge. But we do enjoy conversing about said subject.

I posed a question to her, specifically: "Is there such a thing as a nurturing dominatrix?" Because, when I think of dominatrici, I envision someone scolding and harsh, with a touch of violence. You know, something like this or someone along the lines of this. And all the associated accoutrements. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But Mrs V asserts that, of course, there exists such a thing as a nurturing dominatrix. To me, when the word "dominatrix" comes to mind, "nurturing" doesn't exactly follow. Does it for you? Maybe this shows my lack of exposure to the entire spectrum of the dominatrix lifestyle. Perhaps I'm selling domination too short. Maybe I watched too many Showtime after hours movies growing up.

Or maybe I just haven't met the right dominatrix.

But I trust the expert, someone who knows her coins is bound to know her dominatrices. They must have some sort of delivery service and menu out there in the Big City.

Hello? Yes, could I order a dominatrix, please? Uh huh..what does that come with? Hmmm..no, I'll just take a side of kindness and a little dab of nurturance. No leather hoods or gags, thanks. Oh, wait, can you throw in a little extra comfort, please? No, I think that's all. Thanks!

Two opposable thumbs up!

Clearly, Roberta Foit must be from Kansas. On next week's calendar: Monthly meeting of Flat Earth Society, with potluck to follow.

Follow your bliss

Last night before bed, I picked up Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth and was re-reading the chapter on a Hero's Journey. I wasn't so much interested in the traditional notion of the Hero going on an (physical) adventure, overcoming some obstacle, etc etc. I was more interested in the other aspect of a hero journey that he talked about that focuses on the spiritual quest..the idea that when one chooses to stop thinking or doing what is "normal" and undergoes a change or seeks out some new way of thinking/doing and chooses to come back transformed. (You can see how this plays out in psychotherapy for example -- yeah, I know, but it's illustrative).

I tend more toward secular humanism or unitarian universalism when I do that BeliefNet survey. As such, I like to look towards other sources (like Campbell or a poem or existential philosophers or nature or science) for inspiration when it comes to the spiritual side of things. I'm coming to a major turning point in my life when my job ends in Dec and I'm thinking about what I need to do next...and although some of the focus is on the material (i.e. how to pay the bills), I find myself mainly focused on the intangibles (i.e. happiness, fulfillment). And I think that those are very self-oriented and I had always thought you had to pursue them in an egocentric manner (i.e. what can I do to make myself happy?). However, I am beginning to think that the answer, for me, is going to be found elsewhere, through more altruistic endeavors. I'm not even sure how that translates as a question.

So part of what I am preparing to "do" is overcome the daily grind of our Western capitalistic/consumerism model (which is focused soley on the self, ultimately). I think we get so caught up in pushing papers, looking out for #1, distracting ourselves from real challenge that we get complacent. We go from day to day mostly submerged in our own little worlds, thinking about what's coming next; somewhere along the line, we get lost or lose touch with the fundamental. I have to search for answers from a very different perspective. I've had glimpses of this from time to time, moments of understanding, but it's hard to maintain and hold on to them day-to-day. So I'm going out looking for that understanding, I'm just not sure how to get there or where to go. Hence, the upcoming journey.

But enough about me and my crazy talk, where's your bliss?

Side of the Road

You wait in the car on the side of the road
Lemme go and stand awhile, I wanna know you're there but I wanna be alone
If only for a minute or two
I wanna see what it feels like to be without you
I wanna know the touch of my own skin
Against the sun, against the wind

I walked out in a field, the grass was high, it brushed against my legs
I just stood and looked out at the open space and a farmhouse out a ways
And I wondered about the people who lived in it
And I wondered if they were happy and content
Were there children and a man and a wife?
Did she love him and take her hair down at night?

If I stray away too far from you, don't go and try to find me
It doesn't mean I don't love you, it doesn't mean I won't come back and
stay beside you
It only means I need a little time
To follow that unbroken line
To a place where the wild things grow
To a place where I used to always go
La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
La la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
If only for a minute or two
I wanna see what it feels like to be without you
I wanna know the touch of my own skin
Against the sun, against the wind

Give me an "L"!

Well, you certainly don't see this every day. What next? Reports coming out of the Tri-Delt house?

TGIF

I'm already in weekend mode. I have a haircut at noon and then a lunch "meeting" at 1..that should take most of the afternoon and should be fairly leisurely. Tomorrow, I intend to do nothing but putter around the yard. I have to till up the garden and I want to get another bed ready for some bulbs. And I am digging up these stupid mums I planted. I have decided I hate mums..sure they bloom late in the season, but they take up way too much space and grow all stupidly. I'm not sure why I kept them from last year but alas, tomorrow, they shall be no more. I also have to put away all my camping gear from last weekend that's strewn about the garage [last weekend, I took the baby dog and some friends and I canoed out on the lake and camped..it was great, despite the rain last Sun night and the thousand ticks I pulled of the dog...so now I've got all my shit everywhere and need to deal with it]

Why yes, we do lead exciting and glamorous lives here in the midwest..thanks for asking!