May I ask why filing out online applications for federal employment is more complicatedly bureaucratic than the procces by which I obtained my PhD? I am not stupid, I like to believe I can read, and I am fairly patient when it comes to most things (noted exceptions include: the whole Walmart experience, people who drive Hummers (but not hummers, lowercase, yeah, you know what I mean), and lame-ass bullshit excuses certain political parties come up with to excuse their own hypocrisy). For most of the jobs I'm looking at, you don't just send a resume or your vitae. You send that, yes, but also a host of supporting documents (e.g., transcripts from each higher ed place you've been, documents addressing anywhere from 6 to 18 specific areas of expertise/experience, background check information, TPS reports, etc etc). I am all for ensuring taxpayers get their money's worth out of a Cog In The Wheel, and really, I did not expect to just waltz in and flash my papers and be hired. I am simply marveling at the rigamarole and not surprised that our government moves at a snail's pace through an elaborate bureaucracy system of Rube Goldbergian proportions. Yes, I said Rube Goldbergian. Humor me, I've been navigating the USAJOBS website all night.
So yes. The Agent got her DC transfer, she is very excited, and we are moving in like 3 months. I will save the whole fuck-me-I-have-to-leave-the-midwest-and-we-just-bought-a-great-house-and-now-I-have-to-pack-up-all-our-shit-again-and-oh-yeah-that-whole-East-Coast-thing-and-I-am-not-even-going-to-get-into-the-cost-of-housing-out- there-what-are-we-going-to-do-with-the-dogs-and-a-gdamn-riding-lawnmower-but-hey-I- love-my-girlfriend-and-she-really-wanted-this-job-and-you-know-it's-a-good-thing-and-there-are-more-opportunities-for-me-there-and-my-therapist-would-probably-tell-me-that-it's-actualizing-and-personhood supportive-to-get-out-of-one's-comfort-zone-and-seek-out-challenge-and-growth-oh-and-hey-DC-is-actually-cool-I've-always-liked-it-so-I'm-kinda-sorta-looking-forward-to-it-a-little-bit-despite-the-bitching-I'm-doing-now-or-will-do-in-the-future post for a later date in time. Actually, I think that covers it for a while until the next minor freak out. Carry on!
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This explains that phone call this morning at my office:
"Is this Madame Vivian Darkbloom?"
"It is indeed. Is this a shady employee of our federal government?"
"How did you know?"
"I can hear the sunglasses tapping against the receiver. What can I do for you?"
"Have you ever employed one LN James?"
"Why, yes, I have! And one was plenty enough, let me tell you. She was one of my best girls, mouth like a Hoover, until some broad with a big gun swept her off her feet! Hello?"
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