if wishes and buts were clusters of nuts

Could I ask you please to include my strai friend A in your next prayer circle? Or gregorian chant or whatever it is you do. Tonight, at this very moment, she has some football player guy over at her house to "watch the game" which we really know is a set-up. However, tonight we are hoping/wishing that this will pay off in her getting laid b/c she has been bawlbabying about her dry spell via text and phone. Frankly I am getting tired of it so luck be a lady tonight and let our collective prayers be heard. Light a candle, thanks!

Confidential to Oleander: To the list, add "be willing to ask strangers to pray for your straight friend to get laid so she will stop texting you with things like "i NEED to get some soon" at all hours of the day/night".

ETAthenextday: Well you just didn't pray hard enough, now did you. Too busy with requests for world peace and cures for this and that. Much like the groundhog, I am in for six more weeks of hearing A cry about regaining her virginity via neglect. Who's suffering now? Me, I say. Who is to blame? You.

it was all a dream about tennessee

Greetings from here!



This is the first of a missive from my many upcoming work travels. Remember the fun that was Ocala, FLA? Yes well, welcome to my life for the next three months. Trips and trips and trips. So briefly, I'm in Tennessee, Tennessee. Found a lovely brewery for beer and appreciate the area so no complaints. Short trip, back tomorrow in the D of C so attempting to enjoy my visit despite the work/stress/whatnot. Expect more of these posts in the upcoming months, hopefully with real live pix and exciting stories of people I meet in airport bars. Stay tuned!

ps. Did you know Pat Summit rules this town with an iron fist? Oh yeah..

ETA: You will also enjoy a number of these Edited to Adds wherein I post follow-ups from the airport bar because my flight is delayed. In this one, I will tell you that I am enjoying a Coors Light in a small Ruby Tuesdays and the server gal looks/talks like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama which is not a bad thing. I can also recommend that you should Tap Into Good Times on your next visit here. That is all.

ETA2: Yeah, I can see this becoming a regular feature wherein my flight is delayed 2 hours, I consume some beer, take random pictures with my phone, and start rocking uncontrollably. Holla!

testament to youth in verse

So you know how I'm moving soon. Like in three weeks. Well, I've been doing the requisite sorting of shit, Goodwilling, moving heavy boxes. Basically doing what I loathe to do. But times like these give me the chance to cull the herd so to speak and I have been getting rid of stuff. As a result of said culling, I have had to go through old boxes and have come across some gems from my youth tonight. I would like to share some of these antiques with you b/c I can think of no one else who would care. Except for Billy Hicks and possibly the band Berlin who will maybe google themselves and find this. So here you go:

First up is a picture of a picture. As the caption on the back attests:



this will be a picture of my bedroom circa 1985. Behold:



Two things will jump out at you. First, you will be startled by the posters on the wall, for one is of Rob Lowe and the other is of John-Eric Hexum (who tragically shot himself and who is probably only remembered by me and his family). Please excuse - I was still young and clearly naive as evidenced by the fact that there is also a contingency of stuffed animals and a big piggy bank on my dresser. That whole Not A Girl/Not Yet A Woman thing going on apparently. Ah youth.

Next up is a videotape that makes me wish I still owned a VCR. I thought I had lost this, but I found it at my mom's house years ago mixed in with her tapes. I somehow doubt she watched it. My long-time love of Berlin the band is no secret.



The 'playlist' is classic, covet this at will if you must:



Here is what we wore back in the day when we didn't have Swatches. Someone across studyhall could tell the time off your wrist, it was that big. Like our hair. This was post parachute pants era but pre-neon. I think. I forgot to put my phone next to it so you would have some sense of scale, but trust me on the size. We were queens of size re: all things back then. Flava Flav saw my watch and asked for his own bling, but smaller.



We're now in the early 90's memento-wise and what could be more telling of my future than the two items below. Don't think I didn't have to fight off more than a few ladies with severe haircuts to catch this, my friends. Chicago 1993, first row, baby!



And finally, before it was splashed on the cover of People, I knew something was fishy. Ahem. This gal led a double-life as a young grad student in the early-mid 90's. Yep, I'm gay!

PSA

So, you know, sometimes we sorta don't take as good of care of ourselves as we should. Maybe we blow off those yearly doctor's appointments or just kinda assume the best without taking preventative steps and regular health checks etc. I'm guilty too. I haven't found a doctor out here yet and it's been awhile. But sometimes, you know, you realize that you're not getting any younger and you need to stop making assumptions about your health and just do it.

I will be making one of those appointments soon. I found out today that my first girlfriend, who I've mentioned here and here, has breast cancer at the age of 42. I'm really upset quite honestly and am hoping for the best for her. She had a partial mastectomy and will begin chemo in a month. Man. I don't know what else to say.

So maybe if you think about it, you'll do a self-exam this month and make that appointment if you need it. For me? Please?

1851 -1895

Well today was a good day to have to "work from home". The heat went out again so the oil company and furnace guys had to come etc etc. It got up to 60 degrees today (that's 15.5 degrees celcius btw) and I just got back from taking the dogs for a long walk in the woods. It was perfect. While traipsing around, I came across an old homestead and found this:

if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seaty

I don't even know what to say about this story out of my favorite state. It's either an extreme case of rural Secretary or just plain sad. I shall refrain from contemplating what exactly 'natural means' really..means. Aye.

ps. I shall also refrain from defending the title of this post which is now being played on repeat in my head. I have no one to blame but myself. Goodday!

ETA: More follow-up here to this "gripping" story, which of course will be small-town fodder for years.

It's always mimosa time

So this weekend, my old grad school friend from Cleveland braved the blizzard over in O-hi-o and is here visiting. She drove and got out on Friday, but could only make it to Fredrick, MD before she had had enough, drove the rest of the way on Sat. As it was, it took her like 8 hours to get there, when the trip on a normal day would be 5.5 or 6. Anyway, she's here and we've been catching up/drinking wine/eating/listening to music. Yay!

Yesterday, we went into Dupont Circle and had brunch at Kramerbooks. It was lovely - mimosas! Then we headed over to Eastern Market which was my first time there and which was smaller than I thought it would be. Not entirely sure I'd go again, but maybe in the summer when there's more booths/stuff. I don't know..my tolerance for browsing booths of silver jewerly and wooden knicknacks/whatnot has never been high. Surprise!

I'm taking the day off today from work to hang out some more. We haven't quite figured the plan (I've got one of those negotiate-the-impossible conference calls in the middle of the day) but we may go up to Baltimore. Then again, we may just hang and cook and drink wine and repeat. It's all good, yay for friends!

answer = yes

This is the text I just got from my strai friend A:

I'm listening to the indigo girls by myself...sad or not?

I kind of hate to break it to her..

the things we do for love

Oh you know how it is, there ain't no shame.

1. Watch hockey. Actually know which teams are which, though the rules may elude. Even develop a little crush on hometown team's best player, refer to him as The Russian. He is missing a tooth but that only endears him to you. Hockey? Ovechkin, baby.

2. Take advantage of new free training offered through work = learn French. Je suis un mujer en amore. Or somesuch.

3. Have/Talk about feelings.

4. Develop new and interesting fetishes: Belt buckles. Leather wrist bands. Asymetrical hair. Drum sticks. Canada.

5. Bookmark weather page that shows temp in celcius. Have handy temp conversation on palm pilot.

6. Plan a trip to the other coast in late spring when the weather will be warm - think about nothing but seeing the ocean with her until then.

7. Give up and admit you're hopeless. Blog about it because she's off across the country somewhere and inaccessible. You know how it is.

ETA: 8. Anything.

HRC

FYI, last night I had a dream where I was campaigning for Hillary and I was kind of in an advisory role. As I am wont to do. She was awesome. She also hit on me. As she is probably wont to do. So I called her a scalawag. Yes, I actually called Hillary Clinton a scalawag...for trying to get me in bed in my dream. She just gave me a rogue-ish grin and said she had to go win Ohio or this was all over. I wished her luck and told her win one for the ladies. The end.

ps. I'd so totally hit that, btw.

I guess it's March now?

Did you find that little hamster with his happy feet too much to take? Man is he cute or what..

So, how goes? I have decided that two days on the weekend is not enough to recover from 5 days at Robotech. All work/no play, that kind of thing. Plus also I am feeling like I am running out of time between now and when I move. You know how I get when I have to move = minor freak outs and major stress. It seems weird that we moved here a year ago, like I am not sure whether the time has gone quickly or slowly. I think it's the result of the fact that there were so many changes all at once, it kind of threw off the time/space continuum. So in the last year, I: moved halfway across the country, lost my social network of friends, started a new job, and broke up with my girlfriend. That covers a few on the life events stress test. Thank god no one died this past year.

As a result, I've got this new patch of gray hair at my right temple that wasn't there before, I dropped like 3 sizes in jeans (seriously, I don't even remember the last time I wore a size 6 until now..like high school?), and I can't really tell if I'm happy or not. I'm in that auto-pilot zone where you just go from this day to that day and take your moments of good when they come. Is that just life? Hard to tell. I'm not too miserable, not too content. Things could be better, things could be worse. I guess that's just how it is right now (how it's always been?) I'm only taking stock because I've been here a year and that seems to be decent marker of time.

So I am giving myself another year here for a variety of reasons (e.g., don't want to be a quitter, can leverage this job to get better job elsewhere, don't have legit job prospect back home, attempt to find a way to enjoy/take advantage of city life for a bit). Whatever. Enough of this. Half tempted to just delete this all and post cute youtube videos or something. You know how you're thinking about how things are going etc and you just kind of get tired of listening to yourself process. Even at the best of times, my own tolerance for me talking about me is very low. Sure, this whole blog is me talking about me, but you know. My midwestern sensibilities don't allow for extended mememe. Now this is just getting tedious. It's sunny and warm here today so I am going to stop with this nonsense.

I will, however, post a picture from my lovely evening with the Aussies in which I discovered my new favorite place here in town. We had a nice time and I may see them later today. Baby steps, baby steps.

Normally used as a surface for doing lines, someone misplaced their Duds (box half-full even, I checked):

chomping brocc-o-li, chomping brocc-ooo-liiii

Your moment of zen:

my green thumb

Hola amigos, I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but my neighbors were too busy getting robbed. No kidding. Last night I came home from work to see cop cars out at the house two doors down and they were there hours later. I had concocted this whole story about how one of the older people living there had died b/c I don't even really know them. Turns out they're not old at all, and as I said, their house was ransacked and robbed. No one was dead. Scary shit esp given this neighborhood (read: bedroom community of suburban commuters). Luckily I have two dogs who will go 10-8 on anyone's ass who attempts to steal my latest acquisition: two boxes of Samoas and 1 box of Tagalong girlscout cookies. Don't tell me that if those were spotted on the counter, someone wouldn't pry open the window and risk dog attack just to snatch them. At $3.50 a box, they're like cookies made of gold. ps. Regarding Girlscout cookies, I finally, this year, admitted to myself that I really don't like Thin Mints and I just need to stop buying them b/c all they ever do is sit in their plastic sleeves in my freezer until I move and throw them out. Sometimes, it takes years to admit the truth to oneself but I think I've crossed a threshold to a new and more honest me.

What else? Oh yes, I think I am going to document on this here blog the evolution and growth of my first (potential) new friendship in this godforsaken city. It will be like an anthropological discourse on how cultivating a friendship is like growing weed = time, attention, and appreciation for the end product. Or so friends have told me. (Aside: Once, back in the 70s, my brother convinced my mom that the pot plant that he was growing on the roof was a tomato plant and she would water it for him. It became one of those family stories that is told at holidays and funerals. The punchline of course is that Mom blamed her lack of a green thumb for it never producing any tomatoes).

Anyway, we are discussing the growth of a new friendship here. You've come in at the infancy of this so you get to follow it from zygote to like whatever it will (or will not) become. Backstory: Last thursday, there was some kind of cosmic Metro delay coupled with my lack of being able to deal with it so I just gave up and decided to come up from Metro Center and walk to Gallery Place. In fact, I contemplated just walking around the city in like one of those movies where you see someone kicking down the sidewalk, braced against the cold, alone in their thoughts in a big city, trying to 'find themselves' etc etc. Instead, I decided to go for beer. There's a brewery nearby that's not bad (not great, but not bad) so I went and got a drink and exhaled. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, a conversation with a guy sitting next to me occurred. He is Australian, his wife got a job here, they just moved to the city a week ago. She joined us and we had several more beers, discussed politics and sports, joked about America and bonded over LJ. Our tiny tiny friendship became a seed. We emailed the next day, we texted over the weekend, and on Thurs, we made plans to have drinks again. I now have a potential new boy and girl friendship. I will call them the Aussies and will update you all on our growth. It will be like our science project: Can I actually make a friend in this town? Wish me luck!

How's your world?

Living with ghosts

For your aural pleasure on this Saturday night..

Goldfrapp - A&E



Alison Krauss & Robert Plant - Please Read the Letter



Aimee Mann - Humpty Dumpty



Ending with an oldie/goodie:

Patty Griffin - Every Little Bit

cheddar change

Well I know you've been waiting on pins/needles to hear how I did in Atlantic City. Frankly, I am not sure how you could deal with the suspense. Somehow you managed. You're a trooper, I've always said. And a good soldier, a tiny dancer, a crazy diamond shining on, etc etc. Go you.

And go me because I doubled up my cash with my blackjacking ability. See, you may not know this, but in the past, I've financed a new ipod and a therapy session with my cold/hard cash winnings from gambling. You know I've got the poker moves, but I also have some skills on the other tables. I'm pretty good at the whole BJ thing. And blackjack. Holla!

Where was I? Oh yes, so here is a piece of advice if you ever plan to drive to Atlantic City. Do not pay attention to your GPS or the directions on the casinos' websites. If you look at a map and go, hmm, I think I'll take 40 through southern Jersey b/c it's more direct and it's a highway, then you deserve the snail's pace that that two lane highway will allow. You will regret the choice. It will add an extra hour to your drive and you'll wonder if you're actually driving through mid-Missouri given all the small towns and cows. Who knew?

Here is another piece of advice. When you are sitting at the most minimum bet table at a casino (i.e., where each hand you're required to bet at least $15), be prepared to deal with gamblers who think they are on the World Series of Poker and who will give you lip if you don't play BJ the correct way. Now I play BJ according to the standard method (yes, there is one) and on occasion, I'll go against the probabilities and do my own thing. It's a free country. So this old guy got all lippy with me b/c I didn't double down on an Ace-8 or whatever and after a bunch of hands of his mutterings about my playing, I had had enough. I challenged him to a duel. Not really, but would have. But I did get pushed into calling him out and asking him if he was such a blackjack pro, why was he playing at the tourist/baby table with a $15 minimum when his skills clearly deserved the big boy table. And how was his adult diaper holding up? Or something like that. He shut up after awhile and I got up to walk off the irritation. I swear, gamblers are the biggest babies in the world.

Despite all that, I exercised patience and stamina and doubled up my initial investment of $200 and came away with a profit of $250 - which is a car payment I say. No complaints. And I had enough comps to get a free buff-ay dinner. Hey, I few opportunities to indulge the vices that I do have, so I say smoke 'em if you got 'em, there's time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

So now you know and can rest easy tonight, knowing I came/saw/conquered Atlantic City. The end.

ps. Ms Snarker, we should have put some cash on the big IU/Purdue game tonight, huh?

and these skies of blue

I will eventually post about my trip yesterday to Atlantic City, but today, I'm going to post a picture of the Konza Prairie because it is still winter in some places and it's good to remember that summer is not too far off and warm.





So ask me in that way you do
and I'll leave these fields and come to you..

- Praire Town - Wailin' Jennys

outer loop closed, inner loop open

Well, I braved the ominous ICE STORM WARNING to vote for Hillary tonight after work. It most definitely is bad out and apparently, people have been stuck on some highways not moving for hours. I'm going to assess tomorrow whether I will "work from home". It didn't take me that long to get home (unlike the great 3 Hour Commute of 07) and I am not one to bitch too much about the weather. I reserve my wrath for people who can't deal with it. In fact, I am a long time Weather Channel geek and it's been awhile since I posted a radar picture. Consider it done.



And with that, I am going to make a vodka tonic and shake off this long day off. Way way too much "negotiating the impossible" going on this week. By the end of it, I may be reduced to but a shell, wrung of all ability to empathize and/or communicate with other human beings. I'm already practicing my new piece of advice: You are on your own, tiny dancer, shine on or fade out.

Oh no thanks, I couldn't possibly take another!

So I guess Virginia is for lovers (that's what they say) so maybe I'll find out for sure. I found an apt over there which is good b/c it's a million times closer to work. Like I won't be spending 3 hours a day commuting to/from work and I might actually have time in my life to do other things like sleep in and/or walk the dogs and/or do things people do when they have time (read? drink? gaze at one's own navel?). Instead of 15 Metro station stops across one side of the city to the other, I will only have 5. Instead of dealing with the green and the red and the blue and the orange, I will only deal with the orange. 1 train. Is it possible I might start liking people/human race again? A girl can dream.

So Virginia being for "lovers" reminds me of way back in the day, when an ex and I went camping with an acquaintance on a little island near Newport, RI. I barely remember her now (the acquaintance, not the ex) but as we were sitting around having drinks/camping, this gal was talking about how she, quote, "didn't take lovers". Remember when Rachel Dratch and whatshisname on SNL did that bit about "my lover"? It was said exactly like that, but this woman showed no such irony. She was serious and all like "Yes, to be honest, I don't take lovers". As in, "I'm sorry, but we don't take applicants at this time". It was like her policy not to take a lover - as if she were someone a century ago discussing her habits while taking tea in the drawing room. "Oh I don't take lovers, you see. Mummy always said it would wrinkle my crinoline petticoat. More tea?" I don't remember what her reasoning was either (I mean really, who doesn't take a lover except those who celebrate celibacy and abstinence = no one I know, but hey, to each her/his own). I don't remember the point of this story other than I think that Virginia's motto is gay.

That's all I got. I'm off to take a lover. I mean walk. I bid you adieu!

my beat is correct

Oh man. So it's been a busy here, like draining crazy busy. I won't detail the details, but remember my work "boxes"? I pretty much hit all of them this week and added another which is "actual tedious work". Lots and lots of "people management" that I am now considering calling "therapy". And which is exactly why I didn't go into clinical psych way back when. People require a lot of hand holding. The end.

So today, I "worked from home" which basically meant I slept in and took the dogs to the vet before an afternoon meeting downtown. The unfortunate thing is that at the vet, I learned that my baby dog (who you know and love from this blog) tested positive for Lyme. Not happy about that at all and will need to do a bit more research on it before I decide to freak out. I am also trying to blame this fucking place and its fucking ticks but ultimately, I have no one to blame but myself for not making sure she was constantly treated for fleas and ticks. Kinda sucks to be responsible for your own dog's illness. Bummer.

What else. I am going this weekend to look at potential apartments over in VA. My lease at this place is up at the end of March and it is clear that I need to move closer to work to attempt to retain the last remnants of my sanity. Though of course I would miss the cross-town Metro ride like nobody's business, you know me, all about the Metro love. I am not even thinking about the fact that I have to pack up my stuff and move it. Remember how much I bitched about moving in general? like constantly bitched? I will try not to do so again. It's all good, I love change. I will roll with the punches and be jello. Hell yes. My beat is correct.

Oh and I guess there's some kind of political happenings happening? Hill and Bill were just down the road at some school today. We all vote next Tues and here's the thing. I can't even get it up to care that much at this point, I just want a Democrat to win. I prefer Hillary and will vote for her in the primary, but frankly, either one will do as long as it's not a Republican. That's the bottom line, right? It's just too bad those two can't put their visions of glory aside and have a combo HIll/Bama ticket. It'd be unbeatable. Anyway, this town is finally starting to move a little bit after the gloom it's been under.

I think that's it. Oh yeah, I'm still all in love with a Canadian drummer girl. At the end of last summer, I was up in a northern city visiting and we were having a little breakfast in this cafe. She ordered for me in french. It was sunny and warm, we had the whole day in front of us. And she was wearing sunglasses inside, drinking her allonge' all happy. I took pictures to capture the moment. In the last one, she took off her glasses and smiled this crazy soft smile and that is when I fell in love with her.

I'm a binary code that you cracked long ago

Well, as some would say, it's Friidaay Night! Here are four very different sounds to mess you up. Wherever you are, I hope you've got a bit of music and some wine, I know I do.

Aesop Rock - None Shall Pass




Radiohead - 15 Step





Band of Horses - Ode to LRC



Sia - Academia



ps. How cute is she?

when powerpoint attacks

Have you ever wondered what I do all day at work? Me too! So on the crowded metro ride home tonight, I sketched out a typical day. What it lacks in aesthetic design, it makes up for in content? Hey, I can’t achieve world peace and make it pretty all in one day. I am no miracle worker (say it with me, wa-wah-ter, wah-ter, yes, wa-ter! – ok I’m done).

So this is 1 part flow-chart and 1 part non-linear chaotic system with a hint of old-skool Fortran and a dash of structural equation modeling (sans factor loadings, obv). See, this is what happens when you put a data geek into the “real world”/corporate life. They attempt to stay sane and make sense of their world via flights of fancy diagramming. In a sea of ever changing information, competing interests, and policy v procedure, I’m hanging out on a dinghy named Going Crazy.

Welcome to my world, I’m just living in it. Click to live large.

you shine, I'll glow

We just returned from a very long walk in the park we used to visit often before finding the closer wooded one. It was cool and sunny, not too many people, and we explored a stream and several ponds. Getting out this weekend was definitely a good idea.



But really, the best thing about a Sunday is the freedom to liberally dose up on wine and naps with nary a care in the world. Which I will be doing shortly. Ah weekends, why do they not last a whole week?

And ps, I just discovered that Last.fm will let you embed whole songs so here is the one I have apparently played the most, according to my lastfm profile, and which, as a consequence, means it clearly must be awesome. The numbers never lie. Just press the play button below.

Stoney – Best Laid Plans

bad beat on the river

So tonight I had plans to go play poker and hustle some cash from the youth of America but by the end of the day, my energy level was zero and I just decided to grab a bottle of wine at the handy right-by-my-work Metro station and head home. Middle-age rears its ugly head. Plus I have this knot in my shoulder that is making it impossible for me to think of anything else, let alone dusting off my Texas Hold Em skillz. But the good thing is that I have now located a poker game and don't think I won't be playing in the future. I am there.

Speaking of the Metro, I got stuck yesterday for 45 minutes somewhere between stations right before Foggy Bottom b/c there was a fire or something somewhere. If a bird flaps its wings in Saskatoon, the DC Metro experiences residual delays on the red line. I've been having some success lately in pretending no one else exists on the train but me during my commute, but frankly, shit like this does not help. I really really used to like people before I moved here, I swear, but I can't say I won't be the first one cheering when the gamma rays work their magic on humanity.

Definitely a dog walk in the woods tomorrow is in order. It's supposed to snow again which makes me happy. Dogs. Woods. No people. Snow. Cold. Whatever it takes, you know?

asteroid at 5 o'clock = end times!

So a couple of things in no particular order for no particular reason:

1. After watching football today, I'm capping off the evening with one of my favorite things: Disaster Porn! Have you ever noticed how many shows on the History Channel or National Geographic are all about megadisasters and the like? It's awesome! I love entertaining those last few seconds before a black hole sucks us all in. Apparently, our bodies will be ripped apart and skin torn off. Good times! Tomorrow on the History Channel it's all about what happens to the earth when people cease to exist. It is called Life After People. You already know I love that shit. Don't miss it.

2. I have somehow managed to slice both of my thumbs deeply without knowing the how or the when. Like I'd literally do nothing and then look down and see blood and a cut and have no idea how it happened. I have my theories (and they don't involve drugs/alcohol/mental illness) but no proof. Our ultimate demise is going to come via a series of small invisible cuts to our most valuable body parts. Like our thumbs. Or hearts. And we won't even notice it's happening until it's too late, right? It's just a working theory though so I could be wrong. Waiting on more data/injury.

3. I was at Home Depot today with the agent looking at potential countertops and flooring for her house. This was loads of fun. It is my favorite thing. I love pouring over laminates and matching tiles. I am being facetious. This is my worst nightmare. This is why gay men and/or interior designers exist Which is not a knock on my brethern. Some people have an eye for such things. I only have opinions. Not a big fan of laminate. Pass on oak. Are we done yet? I will be in the tool section crying over the table saw I had to sell on craigslist. I have not used my dremel in over a year. I miss wood. Not oak though. The end.

4. Remember that walk in the woods the other day? With the video and the snow and the Canadian? Yeah. That was nice. *sigh* But I found a tick on the baby dog yesterday right by her eye. I thought it was just eye goop and didn't think anything of it until I realized it was round. And tick-like. Who knew Maryland ticks can live in winter? Answer=the tick that I pulled off and sent on her way to the big dog in the sky that is who. Just an FYI.

5. I wish I could report something more interesting than the fact that I went to Petsmart on Sat to buy dog food and someone simply let their dog take a shit in aisle 36 and left it there for me to step in. I am living the life you can only dream of and wish for, admit it.

Everyone's a building burning
with no one to put the fire out.
Standing at the window looking out,
waiting for time to burn us down.
Everyone's an ocean drowning
with no one really to show how.
They might get a little better air
if they turned themselves into a cloud

- Blame it on the Tetons - Modest Mouse

time to shut down the city

God help me, it is snowing a fair amount in the DC metro area. Given how ppl drive here, I probably won't get home until tomorrow. Wish me luck.



The current view outside my office, while pretty, is a commuter's nightmare. Godspeed You Black Emperor!

how about them Habs?

Walking with dogs...

diplomacy

Hi friends, so this is where I tell you the story of political intrigue and backroom deals. It is a story of two nations coming together for the greater good in this crazy mixed up world. As you know, North America is, at times, divided by differences in culture, politics, and language. To be sure, there have been scandals on both sides of the border; we are not without blame. However, now is not the time to dwell on the past. Now is the time to put our differences aside and focus on achieving our common goals and mutual objectives. Namely: world peace and intra-continental harmony. So on Sunday, I will be hosting an international 3-day summit right here in this nation's capital. I have invited a delegate from the sovereign nation to our north to share that country's unique perpective on international relations with me as I return the favor. Repeatedly. Given our experience working together, I believe our compatible diplomatic styles, collaborative enthusiasm, and intense commitment to the negotiation process will make our summit a success. That said, I would like to employ a little hyperbole and state that the adjustment in my attitude as a result of this meeting may be the flashpoint for getting us out of this whole Iraq quagmire, finding a cure for the common cold, and quite possibly (fingers crossed) answering all of life's mysteries in brilliant technicolor surround-sound.

Oh yeah, and there will be lots and lots of this:

oh yeah

Sue me for being a latecomer, but this pix makes me tingly. That is all.




ps. Hello, does no one care that JERRI BLANK sent a thank you card to my grocery store??? *crickets* Anyone here from St. Louis? *crickets* Viv, I thought at least you would get as moist as a snack cake about that...

ps. I stole the TV

I have a little something to share from a trip to my local Giant grocery store today. It matters not for the rest of this story, but I got some green and red peppers, two limes, a few apples, some cheese, milk, eggs, bread, and chicken was on sale .99 an lb! Anyway, as I said, that is not important. What is important is the fact that I always go through the self-checkout lane b/c I like to scan my own and also this store has a history of glacial-like slowness in its checkout personnel. Today's youth = in no hurry when it comes to scanning my spaghetti. But again, neither here/there.

Next to the self-checkout lane is a wall where they post notices and cards and whatnot. It is there that I found something interesting. I think you'll agree that it is for the best that I have a Blackberry now to take photos on the fly. Here is the wall and I have circled a card that caught my eye:



So while I was sacking up my granola bars and eggs, I thought to myself, I wonder who sends cards to a Giant grocery store and what would they say. Right? So I took a closer look. I guess Giant did something nice and got a thank you card. Aw:



And then I looked even more closely:



As best I can make out from the photo, I think the card basically says:

Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times.

Somewhere out there in this town, my soulmate exists.

browsing the intertubes

Oh man, venn diagram/logic/wit = the best thing ever! New official blog crush.

ETA: cheet, you would love this - fbtcn

macaroni and cheese

On a lighter note, here's a pix of my strai friend A and I doing what we do best. I hope you'll note how lovingly my mouth caresses that bottle of (what was a shitty-tasting) chardonnay. Gotta give my nippy-fucky friends something to wank to, you know? I'm a giver plus also a receiver. Holla.



This is a new year, same as the old year which = gay gay gay!

ps. Go KU!

this is a new year

This is a new year. This is a new year. This is a new year.

2007

So you know I'm leaving town on Sat and going back home for NYE and quite frankly, 2007 shouldn't let the door hit its ass on the way out. That's really all I have to say about that.

So what was I doing last year? Apparently, in retrospect, not doing very well with that whole resolution I had. What about the year before that? You'll be slightly horrified to know that I still have the gnoochi I bought. I guess I should through that out, yeah?

So this year I'm going to hang with the same friends again and attend the pagan ritual (with champagne!) again. I need that for sure. I also need to try to clear my head somehow and get my shit in order. I'm getting a little tired of this, whatever this is, and feel like I need to figure out how I'm going to be happy this year, wherever I am. Choices need to be made, energy redirected, attitude adjusted. All the heavy lifting shit we put off during the year when we're just, you know, trying to make it through. I'm not sure of the how and the when, but something's gotta give in 2008, this business can't last. I resolve to not put up with anymore of my sorry-ass bullshit, time to buck up!

Catch you on the flip side..

and so on etc

hugs not drugs

Well hello. Clearly I have been attempting to just get through this holiday in this city by myself. Yes, poor orphan Annie me. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and being all sad (because, as Audrey once said, there's nothing worse than a sad lesbian - except a sad lesbian clown), I have elected to move through this holiday the old-fashioned way: booze. Nothing gets you through the day better than a dab of wine or beer or vodka or the bottle of Patron I splurged on. Lest you think this sad, let me just tell you that I've been having a HI-larious time. And truthfully, when I used to go home for Xmas, my sister and I were often drinking because seriously, who didn't/doesn't need to drink to get through the holidays? Surely it's not just me and everyone I know, right?

Anyway, point being: good times, good times. You can't spell dysphoria without dysfunction, am I right? I am. So thus, I am attempting to make it through until next weekend when I am headed back to sanity in the great midwest for a dose of my people and open spaces on New Years Eve. Yes Virgina, there is an end in sight soon enough. Until then, we do what we must.

Hope yours is a good one, whatever it might be.

where in the world is tiki santiago?

In case you were wondering, retired Giants NFL running back and Project Runway fashion icon Tiki Barber is currently having lunch in Arlington, VA. Short but cute. Unlike what that chick Carmen designed for him, his outfit had a real shirt, not a scarf-shirt. Why do I even know this?

the storm had passed over you

Sidebar: I am kind of jealous of people getting so much snow. My people in Kansas got a bunch, my dad in Indiana says a couple of feet, Drummer Girl in Canada is having a blizzard, and we get rain. I would love nothing more than to be all hunkered down on this Sunday in a blizzard with the snow coming down all crazy, football on the teevee, a little cooking, some napping, and all the other good stuff you can spend your time doing when trapped indoors (with someone). That would be my perfect winter Sunday. Instead, I'm doing laundry.

Also, I have to tell you that I'm on a Ryan Adams kick these days so much so that this song is killing me with the whole fading out business. That is all.

+ kitchen sink

Here is the thing: I have had a headache constantly since Tuesday morning and I have muscle knots the size of my own breasts on my shoulders/back so I'm feeling a little bit like Rocky Dennis looks. Maybe? Anyway, point being I have no intention of whining beyond the above. Instead I will tell you that I am getting like a full 1.5 hour massage (with release!) tomorow and this makes me so happy I could cry. I'm self-medicating this evening, clearly. And Bob's your uncle.

Second thing is I bought myself an early Xmas present with a hard-won bonus from Robotech, Inc which is the fictitious name of my workplace from this point forth. [As an aside, this is the first 'corporate' job I've had - I reluctantly had to leave the cushy (but low paying) academic world behind. As such, I totally thought that the concept of a "bonus" was made up shit for movies about corporate life. Who knew they actually exist and people get them? I say bring on the bonuses!] Where was I? Oh yes, early Xmas present = brand new Blackberry Pearl. I love it almost more than is healthy. I will marry it in Massachusetts in the spring, we will do the hokey pokey and honeymoon in Poughkeepsie. Sorry ladies, I'm now off the market.

Third thing is Skype. Whoever invented this deserves the Nobel Peace Prize and I am only half kidding. Where was this like 15 years ago when my phone bill to long distance girlfriend #1 was $300? Though I guess the webcam itself had to be invented. And a connection faster than dialup 2400 baud had to exist. This was in the day when wireless meant etching your email in stone and throwing it to your neighbor in the next cubicle. Man I love Skype so much I think I will designate it as my Other Woman. Don't tell my new wife but hello, free calls to any computer in the world?? With video?? I'm so there. Anyone from Tehran wanna holla at me? We can discuss something nippy fucky live! Or resolve the apparent misunderstanding that exists between us. Whatever, it's cool. And free! Who are we to pass that up?

It is clear that this post is going nowhere fast so I will end it on a serious note. Can I tell you something? I made the best fried pasta dish in the entire world and I feel it's only right to share the recipe with you. It's for your own good and I worry about you.

(ps. I stole this recipe from my crazy Alg friend, if you recall, stayed in New Orleans during Katrina and coped with it by drinking three bottles that night)

Pasta du Fool

Ingreds:
1. 1/2 of a red pepper and a green pepper, diced
2. finely chopped fresh basil, oregano, thyme
3. Spaghetti
3. olive oil
4. soy sauce
5. salt/pepper
6. romano cheese
7. cayenne pepper or a dab of hot sauce if you like it spicy

Process:
Boil the spaghetti with the fresh diced peppers added to the water. When finished, drain and put in bowl. Toss in herbs, enough olive oil to coat the pasta, and a couple of tablespoons or so of soy sauce. Mix this all up with salt/pepper.

In a hot non-stick skillet (or cast iron!) with a bit of olive oil in it, put pasta in and let fry. Don't stir it, let it get crispy on one side then turn the mixture over. If you've got the right skillet, you could flip it like a pancake but I do not advise this if you are drinking by the way. Fry the pasta up on that side as well until it crisps up too and at the last minute, sprinkle fresh romano on top of the pasta and put a lid on it. Let the cheese melt a bit. Eat and try denying that it is the best thing you've ever had and maybe start making your plans now to have a civil union with it in New Jersey or something.

Goodnight!

I might have guessed

New York has been buried in snow since last Saturday
The papers said the storm had passed over you

Thank you for the play you wrote about Heloise
And her injury at the hand of an almighty memory

And I might have guessed you'd press
A rose in the pages
Where Abelard confesses
His love and his pain
To her lips

And Nora, it was no sin
They could turn the other cheek
And take it on the chin
But Nora, it was no sin

So Christmas was as blue for you as it was for me
All those angels trumpeting their ecstasy

Your husband has accepted the parish in Greenland
I met him drowning his vows at the bar

And there we raised
The first and the next
And a third glass to you
Hunched on our bar-stools
Calling our truce
By your name

And Nora, there is no sin
We can turn the other cheek
And take it on the chin

But Nora, there is no sin


Dar Williams/Richard Shindell - Nora

Sunday walk

So for some reason, I'm all about the pictures and the video and not so much the words. Show/no tell. Speak no evil. Or whatever. Point being, I'm gearing up to take the dogs for another weekend walk in the woods.They both need to get out, I need to get out, the leaves on the ground are calling. Gonna take my camera and take you with me, show you our secret get-away. It's gonna be a bit cold and wet and overcast, the dogs don't care, there are squirrels to chase and things to investigate. Stay tuned for footage with no words.











ps. Today is a perfect day for a big pot of Muncie Chili and that is just what I'm gonna make and let simmer this evening. Football and chili, sound good?

whatever/etc

If I could I'd fold myself away like a card table
A concertina or a murphy bed, I would
But I wasn't made that way so you know, instead...

snow

I love snow; for one, it makes everything white and pretty and clean. For two, it reminds me of sledding and snowball fights. It is the best part of winter. Unless you are living in the great white north where the snow is too much sometimes, I think most ppl like the stuff a little bit, especially the first snow of the season. Plus also, you can make a snowman and discuss love, ask him what he learned about it. Answer probably = it is everything and also who needs it and also it hurts and also it is the best thing ever. Right?

Bottom line is that snow is good.

...unless you live happen to be living in Washington DC and the first few flakes of snow occur in the morning hours. When it takes you 3 hours to get to work as a result of inching along I-95 to travel 2 miles in 1.5 hours and doing the math in your head tells you that at this rate, it is possible that your commute back home might take you into next week THEN maybe snow is not pretty and clean and happy anymore. This is why you drink sometimes (like now). This is why you must question the wisdom of cramming so many people in so many cars in so little square mileage because it is clear that dealing with things like the weather and like air is simply asking too much. It is also slightly scary to think of how the government of this great country operates at all given the near-shutdown that occurs at the first sign of moisture. I wish I were kidding. And one more thing, I hate having to bitch about the city and people and blah blah blah small-town-girl-in-DC etc because it gets old and repetitive and annoying, why can't I just talk about sex instead. That is a good question because I do not particularly care for the person I am becoming as a result of this whole business. It is time to buck up, tiny dancer, and get a grip. So this is me getting a grip. Turn a page and remember what is important (see below):

wolf lullaby

With a little help from up north, here is my moment of zen:

object and thing

Ah, well, here I am again. Saying things. However, I am now able to do so because I have spent/am spending this weekend totally recharging my battery and it is working. You know, if I can't be out on a prairie in Kansas to recharge, I can learn to adapt to my new environment in productive and healthy ways.

So naturally, Fri night I drank like a lifetime of vodka tonics and went to a girl bar in DC with two of the three ppl I know in this city. Here's a hint: This is an example of what I should not have done and that whole learning to adapt process. When you are sick of dealing with people, or missing certain people, or at the end of your rope, or having an existential crisis about being Too Much Alone In This World, Yet Not Alone Enough, the last place you want to be is in a noisy small bar on lesbian-on-Fri-nights-only-night that's cranking Soulja Boy or whatever and having a "playa" come up on yo ass and dry hump it like this actually works for her? I think I shall pass. One more Stoli and tonic please. Why am I here? Who are these people? If a butterfly flaps its wings in Tibet, will that make this night end any faster? Short answer to all of the above = 42.

So, yesterday, with lesson learned firmly in place, I approached my day differently. I called Canada in the morning, I went and had a massage, and then for the rest of the day, I made it a point/priority/goal not to see or talk to another human being. This is what I am talking about. I took the dogs for a long long walk in the woods near here, checked out leaves and stuff on the ground, let them wade around in a creek running through the woods, listened to nothing but crunching of my feet, saw only two or three people way off in the distance, breathed fresh fresh crisp air. You have no idea. Then I came back and listened to music, spent a long leisurely time cooking (lasagna), chilled the fuck out basically. I slept hard, dreamed about crazy shit, and didn't get up until 930 this morning.

I intend to do similar things today with again a heavy emphasis on no human contact or conversation. That is clearly the key for me this weekend. I'm doing some laundry, will clean a little bit as the motivation hits me, maybe watch some football, have yummy leftovers, and read a new book I got, The Map That Changed the World. I will not get out of my sleep pants and tshirt. I will not get in my car. I will not wash my hair. I will pretend people don't exist in my world for a while longer. I will not think about work or the metro or that city or anything that remotely causes any amount of mental stress/anguish/ennui. You with me on that? Life will be good again.

where do i begin

I am alive, I am alive, and that is the best that I can do..

You do not even want to know. Two hours ago was the first time I had a breath of fresh air (like actual air from outside) in 2.5 days. I have been involved in intense work-related negotiations at an undisclosed location here in DC. Let's just say if there is not peace in the middle-east, do not blame me for trying. I am exaggerating of course. But suffice to say, the last 2 months have felt like one big blur and the last two days have felt like what happens when a tire runs over you again and again until you are flat as a pancake and pretty much have nothing left to be squished out. Now take that feeling and then multiply it by gravity and how heavy unfresh air is, which, having breathed it for days, I can tell you is way heavy and tastes like dirty gravy. All of the above have conspired to leave me very near the edge. It is like I was never in the hottub naked. It is like I have inhaled gravy and exhaled everything. I have nothing left to say.

liveblog cleveland

Update #1 (Wed): After a 5.5 hour drive, I arrived in Cleveland right before it started raining. Vodka tonic. Beers. Meatpie. Hottub. Friends. Yay!

Update #2 (Thurs): Mimosas in the morning, casual cooking, music, a bit of football, some quiet time now to chill out before diving back into the whole cooking/eating/drinking/hottub business. The best part: It's snowing!

Update #3 (Fri): Did you know that yesterday evening, there was a Hannah Montana marathon on from 7pm until midnight?

Update #4 (Fri): Been playing guitar and/or percussive instrument since 11am. It is now 5. Fingers very very sore. First round of leftovers. 4th beer.

Update #5 (Sat): Diet pepsi, quiet morning, there's still snow on the ground. I have been internally debating whether to drive back today instead of tomorrow to avoid the traffic and do some prep for the upcoming big week. I will get talked out of this easily.

Update #6 (Sun): Back in DC but not after eating a ton, drinking a variety of beverages, sitting in a hottub while it snowed (see a pix of me naked below), rocking out to Heart on Guitar Hero, and communing with my people. Good times. I'm hoping to survive this upcoming week and then I'll be gold. How you doing?

lets put our heads together/start a new country up

Well clearly I've been very busy selecting my new blog template which has totally cut into my posting time. You know how it is, picking out the scheme..choosing the colors..psychologically adapting to visual change..attempting to see if you can figure out how to edit and/or change and/or configure and/or do anything remotely graphically design-related and realizing sadly that no, though you may have many skills, that is not one of them and/or admitting defeat in light of that.

..which is a long way of not saying that I've been near-death busy at work and near-breakdown-too-many-fucking-ppl-in-this-city on the metro to deal. So yeah, pretty blue colors. Too bad I couldn't add anything more original than that. (ETA: Though I did add a button where you can play my "radio station" from last.fm which I think is a pretty alright widget thing in the grand scheme of widgets and things).

I may try to liveblog a bit from my Thanksgiving excursion but to be honest, I will be way too busy soaking in a hottub in Cleveland and consuming alcoholic beverages and whatnot to think about getting on this computer much. But you never know, I may have to break in just to gloat about my Jayhawks beating Missouri on Saturday in *gasp* football. What is this, some kind of bizarro universe we are living in? I do not understand this football ranking (#2!?) and possibly BCS bound business I speak of. Does not compute. And naturally such things must occur when I am no longer there to fully appreciate it. Nice. However, I shall be staying with fellow Jayhawks and trust me, we will be watching that game. Hello.

And with that, I bid you a safe holiday. See you on the road in Pennsylvania and/or Ohio with the millions of other suckers traveling. Adieu to you.

ps. In case I have never mentioned it and you have never clicked on the hotspots I have linked over to the right, my old skool blog-crush Mimi Smartypants is consistently HI-larious and today she made me laugh very hard. For god's sake, she's still on Diaryland if that tells you how old skool she is, but man she brings it plus is also Midwestern which is always bonus in my book. Check her out.

accoutrements of democracy

To be honest, all this boring talk of work and travel and whatever else I write about is getting to me. Metro this, DC that. No one really cares, right? Instead, for just one damn post, I am going to talk about sex because this is America and we do that here. I talk all the time about my friend A and her sex life, but what about me and my needs? Seriously. I feel like I've let my friends from Iran down by not focusing on what's really important in this crazy fucked up world. Namely: nookie.

I'm a big fan, first off. Let's get that out of the way. Big fan, even bigger advocate, and frankly, an enthusiastic practioner. There are very few things I dislike about it. As long as it doesn't involve children, animals, snuff films, or the use of bodily waste products, I pretty much give a thumbs up. Some things do fall under the category of whatever-floats-your-boat-but-I'll-sit-this-ride-out-thanks such as things that scare me/not in a good way, furries, and pretending to be a baby who needs diapered. I'm also not so much into sticking a bunch of pins or needles in my/anyone else's body and I can't say I'd be up for trying to break any world records involving length/girth/quantity. That's just me.

So what floats my boat? I have made a handy list and I heartily recommend you at home make your own so that you can create your own consciousness raising moments on your next trip to Home Depot or the grocery store. Here are things or situations or personality types or physical attributes or whatnot that turn/turned me on in some way/shape/form and that have led to, would lead to, might be involved in some aspect of, or could be totally unrelated to sex with me.

ps. This is list not exhaustive and is subject to change. Also I am not currently drunk or drinking (despite my slow descent into alcoholism thanks to my anon lurker, hi!). No, I don't know what got into me. Maybe I'm just trying to spread a little democracy to Iran before we invade them too. Bring a little nippy fucky into their lives before its too late.

Enough talk/more action, in no particular order/rhyme/reason or related to any one person/place/thing, that which floats my boat:

1. I love power dynamics in bed and out of bed. Dominant/submissive, top/bottom, control/vulnerability, strength/weakness. The more subtle the cues, the better. I'm no fan of in your face theatrics or stereotypical power scenes. That stuff is too affected, too easy, too obvious. I want you or me to know who's in charge by the way your body moves or doesn't, by the way a word is said or how silence is used, or by what the look in your eyes. Throw in liberal use of the words please and thank you, please. Thanks.

2. Talking before/during/after sex. See above but also include descriptions of actions taken or to be taken, reactions to events, feelings regarding actions or events, and a soft endearment thrown in to throw things off. And be desperate when saying it or be demanding or coaxing or encouraging or out of control. Also words like fuck and god are never wrong. Also lots of other words that would be banned in Iran and possibly Iowa.

3. Accoutrements. I am someone who loves her tools, her camping gear, and her cookware. To me this is a no brainer. I am all about the functionality and feng shui. Use it or lose it.

4. Girls with guns. Sorry, it's a fetish, can't help it. Love it. NRA can suck it, but give that girl a gun. And hello, this pix of Starbuck? So many things right with that. (Win, here's a secret: this would also totally fall under #3 for me, write that story and we're gold).

5. This

6. Having sex or sex-like activities in public places that goes unnoticed by the public. I don't have any fantasies about being seen or being caught, I just really like the idea of having to hide what's going on while acting like nothing is happening when something is totally happening and all kinds of things are going on.

7. Fine, I like lacy silky undergarments, is that a crime?

8. Kneeling. Um

9. Hands in hair pushing someone's head down or being pushed down. Umm.

10. I wouldn't mind another threesome or more given the right mix of people. Ummm.

11. Scott Speedman, Jake G, Tony Gonzalez, and young John Cusack = boys I'd totally do.

12. Leaving visible marks on skin, perferably the back of the neck or the softest part of you. Wherever you choose.

13. I am thinking that really this is just kind of the tip of the iceberg and I am leaving out all kinds of other things that are more private even though posting this is probably a little too public for my normal preference for privacy but you know, there's way more to life than riding the damn Metro and going to work every day and guess what people generally like having sex me included and if you don't that's ok too but my point is here you go a post that I wouldn't normally write even though if you knew me, you'd know I have no problems discussing and/or having sex and hello, it's my favorite vice so why not sing its praises I say.

Can I get an Amen?

she said she liked the ocean

Holla from the OC. I don't even know who I am anymore or what time it is. I am in California acronyming my way through meetings and "team building" and other touchy-feely Cali type activities. I will be having a Scientologist audit tomorrow probably for all I know. Kate Holmes is my alien. Or whatever.

Then fly fly fly back to Dumb City tomorrow and work work work. Again, where's the love? Where's the tequila? Something will have to give soon, mark my words. You will witness my slow descent into madness and/or gutterhood. Whichever comes first. Both hopefully at the same time if it must come to pass. I'll leave it up to Xenu or John Travolta, whoever wins in that crazy race.

that was the custom

Something for the road..

The New Pornographers - Challengers



Over the Rhine - Trouble



Ryan Adams - Two



And for old times sake, Ani - Gravel

I make such a good statistic

Oh man. So you know, it's been about 10 years since I last went to an Ani Difranco show. In dog years, that's like how old someone's grandma might be. Now some people I know/love dislike her, saying her voice is too affected and schticky. Other people I know think she's too not cool old skool like the Indigo Girls or Janis Ian or Chris Williamson or the 1800's lesbicon equivalent, whoever that is. And finally other peeps I know still dig her like I do. I say whatever floats or does not float a boat. So tonight when I saw her and her current band (including a very good/cute girl drummer which, hello, who doesn't love a girl drummer, I know I'm completely and totally in love with a much better and much cuter girl drummer so I'm not one to throw a stone), I had myself a nice time.

She played in Baltimore (one more parenthetical and I'm done here, but let me just say that Baltimore will forever/always hold a special place in my heart) at the Meyerhoff Hall (ok, not quite done but man, the ushers there are some serious hardasses about picture taking..I didn't bring my camera luckily b/c they were swooping in and snatching ppl left/right for minor infractions..the friend I went with was afraid to text on her phone for fear of its little light being spotted and resulting in an escort out - watch your back at the Meyerhoff FYI). Now where was I?

Oh yes. Remember those dog years? At what point did Ani's target audience become old and straight? Did I miss the memo? Granted, I'm sporting some gray around the edges, but hello, it was not that long ago when an Ani show was like total young baby dykes and punk chicks and like, drugs and booze and stuff. Seriously, the crowd tonight was the same type of crowd I've seen at a taping of that NPR's show Whaddyaknow? You know? I could not get over it. Doesn't anyone smoke dope at an Ani show anymore? I saw a show of hers once in Atlanta at which the contact high I received made me question whether my face was melting. It was not. The most whacked out element of the show tonight was some drunk girl who tried to dance near the stage and who was whisked away by those ushers faster than she had a chance to even slur out Both Hands, I love you Ani, woo.

What is even my point anymore? I don't know. She played Firedoor and Dilate and If He Tries Anything which made this old fan happy enough. It don't take much, yo.

With that, I'm outta here. Flying across the country on Monday to Cal(i) where I am sure of two things: bikini - small; heels - tall. Hmm, I don't think so.

the sweet smell of victory

Plus also: A massage scheduled for tomorrow. You have no idea what this means to me. I'm not even complaining that it does not come with release. Which should be enough entrendre X 2 to last the rest of the weekend and which also dovetails nicely into the fact that the carpets are being cleaned tomorrow as well. And I will also mention the fact that I was able to consume 4 beverages last night which put a small dent in that which is required. TGIF, peeps, TGIF. And with that, my work here is done.

love jesus/drink a little

Fuck. Pardon my language, but I have just come to the conclusion that there are not enough hours in the day for me to drink the amount of liquor required to deal with my current life. Remember when I voluntarily stopped drinking last year right around this very time? What the hell was I thinking? I had endless hours in which to consume balming beverages and yet I chose not. Now, when I would like to dull my senses, impair my ability to <*insert activity*>, and generally drink to forget, I find that I no longer have the time. This seems hardly fair. I have so very few vices and even less time to engage in them that frankly, I do not appreciate this predicament nor do I blame anyone but myself. Solution: Drink more, sleep less. Oh, ps, I'd hate to give the impression that I'm drunky and booze is all I think about. I'm an equal opportunity hedonist so if it feels good and is bad for you, I say bring it all on. You can sleep while I drive. Or whatever.

What else? Oh, my friend A got her stupid tonsils out yesterday. She is such a bawlbaby. Plus also she sent me a picture mail on my phone of what I can only assume was her removed tonsil? I couldn't tell, it was so small. I am going to try to save it on my Sprint account and post it here for your enjoyment. Fun, yeah?

I'm taking tomorrow off in an attempt to regain some sanity and like, do all the shit that normal people would do if they were not working/commuting 12 hours a day. Here is a gay list for you: picking up my new license plates at the dealership, attemping to get a new drivers license (wish me luck, remember my last try?), taking the dog to the vet, going to the bank, calling the electric company, dropping off something at the cable company, schedule carpet cleaning/munching..sorry, that was crude, forgive me, maybe a haircut? Oh, and in the middle there, I have to participate in a work conference call that I could not get out of. Do you think it is humanly possible for me to do that? Can I find time for a massage? How about a chiropractic appointment? And I expect me to find time to drink too? Am I not human? Do I not have feelings? Will I not bleed if you prick me? Cut me some slack, I'm dancing as fast as I can!

in this prairie town

Ah Missouri..man. I miss these people.

If you want yourself a good side of beef for dinner, you have come to the right place. Plus also if you want to talk folksy and all laid back, there ain't no better state fo sho. The drive down here was pretty, the trees are changing and even though they've had a bunch of dry weather, it's still nice. We had a cold front come through last night and so now it's nice and chilly. Perfect camping weather, gonna take that rental car and drive on down 54 and not stop until Jack's Fork. Then when I get my fill of spring fed rivers, I'm gonna go one state west and stay there. Forget Dumb City, I'm not going back. This is my secret escape plan. No one knows but you.

show me state

Hey friend, how you? So it is football Sunday and in the ensuing move and furniture re-arranging etc and my call to Comcast to downgrade my cable (b/c seriously, I don't really watch much with any real commitment, it's just kind of on in the background, but I do like my football and poker and Giada and the weather channel), somehow the tv has stopped working. And you know what? I barely find myself caring enough to try to figure out how to get the cable to play. Anyway, that has neither here nor there to do with anything, it's just a sidebar.

Speaking of "sidebar", that is another work term that has invaded my lingo. On a conference call, I found myself actually saying this outloud: "Oh sorry, we were just having a sidebar discussion of ABT/QI. We're trying to get buy-in from key stakeholders. We've got a stovepipe situation where the decision's gotta come from the top down." Who tf talks like that? Me now apparently. I am going to make a vow to keep it real. Next conference call, I'm going to just randomly give shout outs and say Holla Irvine! How's it hangin' dawg? Or something sim. I will not become one of Those People. Must. Resist.

So you know I'm headed off to the great state of Missouri tomorrow very early AM. Going right smack dab in the middle of it. See, I think Missouri gets a bad rap. Granted, we've had a couple of Heart of Darkness experiences camping down in the boonies (one involved an awkward encounter with a family hauling walnuts in the back of their pickup truck), but it's truly a nice state and I heartily recommend the natural springs and rivers in the southern part for camping/canoeing. Frankly, it feels more like home than this place ever will. And hello, where else are you gonna find genuine walnut bowls and fireworks sold all in one store?

If I can make it through November alive with all the work/travel crammed in these next few weeks, I will consider that success. Heck, if I can get through taking a shower this morning, I'm well on my way. Have a good one..maybe I'll live blog from Jeff City, I am sure this would appeal greatly to the 3 people who read this blog. Holla Singapore!

hopelessly hopeful

Will this day/week/month/year/life ever end? The short answer is yes, thankfully. Man. I don't want to spend blogs and blogs bitching about being busy at work b/c that is on par with bitching about how much the Metro sucks (btw, saw the Cape Lady the other day - unlike this summer when I first spotted her, it was actually Cape Weather so I guess mocking her now would be totally unfair. I am nothing if not fair when it comes to mocking or not, as the case may be). One good thing about work that I will mention is that today (and on more occasions in the future), I got to venture to some government type buildings for meetings very near the Mall. Sometimes when I'm bitching about Dumb City, I forget that it actually exists b/c I spend so much time traveling underneath it. From work in our building across the river, I can see the Washington Monument and the Lincoln memorial and Thomas Jefferson's thing (Monticello? I don't recall). So I am going to make a commitment to actually come up for air once in a while and attempt to enjoy our nation's capital. It is the least I can do, bitching about it non-stop solves nothing. Mocking it is another story and that will continue unabated. Did you see the cape DC was wearing? Total RenFairy and gay!

That's it for now..things feel out of sorty here for a variety of reasons so I'm going to head to bed and call it a day, one more down in the grand scheme of days/weeks/months/years/lives.


Well there's one thing to know about this town, it's five hundred miles underground; and that's alright - Modest Mouse Night on the Sun