I'm thinking of a Letter..

So, did I miss something last night? What's all this chatter about Words and such? Yeah, so I'm the only lesbian who didn't watch The L Word and apparently there's nothing sadder than a lesbian who missed that show, except maybe a sad lesbian clown (tm Audrey Penney). Anyway, yes, we missed it. We were eh after last season and when we moved here, we decided not to get any premium channels and since we didn't get invited to any Michigan Kitty parties, we did not watch it. I understand there was no hot girl on girl action so I'm thinking I need not rush out to Torrent or YouTube and catch it. I'll wait for some money shots, thanks!

I'm currently in my underpants (if you must know) trying to get this house cleaned up because we're having appraisers and real estate people coming over in like 1 hour and all that domestic stuff like vacuuming and scrubbing gets me hot. I wish it were sexier than that, but sadly, no. I had to take a beverage break and cool down. So apparently, what's going to happen with this whole Oh Shit We're Moving Business is that The Agent and I are going to freak out at different intervals and about different stuff. Currently, I am attempting to talk her down from her Where Are We Going To Live ledge that she climbed on to this morning. Government bureaucracy drives people to insanity apparently. I'm less concerned about that side of things and more freaked about What Are We Going To Do With All This Shit side. And the Fuck We Gotta Keep The House Clean All The Time, Goddammit issue as well. I shall not whine more about it because I'm actually in a calm, easy going frame of mind today and do not want to get up on my ledge.

Ok, that's all I have time for -- telling you about the rash that I developed over my entire body after my whole folliculitis/antibiotic episode will simply have to wait until I can fit it in or you can find the time to care, neither of which I expect to happen.

Later..

Your Guide to Gay-Straight Girlfriendship

Ok, so I've mentioned my friend A here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and if you were lucky and quick enough, here. What I failed to mention is that she is my straight girlfriend and I am her gay girlfriend. Our relationship is completely platonic, completely codependent, and we both bitch about how each of us never put out for the other. Do you have a straight girlfriend too? Is she impossibly femme and you less inclined to purchase matching bra/panty sets (but appreciative of said sets nonetheless)? Do you bicker like an old married couple? Does she date only athletic black men and do you have your own girlfriend at home? If so, you have a straight girlfriend and you know exactly what I'm talking about.

One of the reasons my friend A is all sobby these days is because she believes that she will never be able to replace me as her gay girlfriend when I leave. Which is very true. I don't like to toot my own horn (much!) but I do not think she will find another gay woman who will put up with her shit like I do. Straight girls (god love 'em) are HIGH maintenance and my friend A in particular, puts the HI into HIGH. So, our goal for the next two months is to find her a gay girlfriend. Pickins' are slim around here so I have a feeling she will be without the practical skills I brought into the relationship. I worry. So I've put together a little checklist of abilities and qualities I am looking for in my replacement. Putting it out here on the internets in advance of my departure is just the kind of forward-thinking we're looking for in a gay girlfriend. These are just suggestions and some are very A-specific, but can also be used as a guide for others looking to replace themselves in a gay-straight platonic girlfriendship should the need arise.

A Gay Girl's Guide to Being Your Straight Friend's Gay Girlfriend

1. Be willing and able to discuss the finer points of heterosexualPIV sex. This includes having no problem discussing size and quality of male appendages (all three parts of it, it's a set). However, feel free to make variations of the following remarks when appropriate: "Well, as you know, my girlfriend and I never have that problem..." or "Hmmm, most women I've been with are actually quite good at that.." or "Wow. Yeah. That is exactly why I love pussy instead. Good luck!".

2. Be willing to discuss the following purchases in great detail: clothes, underwear, dishware, shoes - seriously, lots of shoes, jewelry, anything. If asked an opinion regarding any purchase or potential purchase, be decisive and stick with it. No wishy-washiness on potential choices, this only breeds indecision and thus, expends a great deal of time re-evaluating the purchase or potential purchase. You are there to be The Decider so decide!

3. Cock-block and obfuscate potential skeevy dudes from hitting on your straight girlfriend. While your goal is to help her get laid and thus, stop her from whining about how she's not getting laid every time you see her, you must be choosy about whom she whores around with or that will become an endless point of subsequent processing and discussion. Pretend to be the pissed off girlfriend whose girlfriend is getting hit on by a guy. If that fails, feel free to pull guy aside and mention friend's recurring case of The Itch and Burn. You are not besmirching her reputation - drastic times call for drastic measures. She will understand the next day when you don't tell her.

4. Agree that saying the word "jizz" outloud never gets old.

5. In fact, develop a business plan around marketing jizz-related items on the internet because who doesn't love a little jizz? Oh right, the lesbians, but fuck them, they're not our market anyway. Cum Queen on a t-shirt? You bet! Pearl necklaces? Big sellers!

6. Be an active participant in the repetition and creation of new phrases and words. Boozebian (straight girl until drunk, then gay for the night!); Strai (reclaiming the word "gay" from the phrase "That is so gay" and replacing it with a shortened version of "straight"..now it's something that's gayer than gay, it's strai!); and current favorite saying on heavy rotation: I don't even know you anymore.

7. Do not, I repeat, do not under any circumstances sleep with your straight girlfriend. This defeats the entire purpose, for god's sake.

8. However, do acknowledge, when pressed by her (because she will ask), that your straight girlfriend is hot and sure, if you had to sleep with her, fine, you would consider it but you are not going to do it no matter how much booze is involved and/or how nice her rack is or any other reason she may throw out there.

9. Deal with emotional outbursts and sobs by trying not to say outloud "I get this shit enough from my girlfriend!" This will only exacerbate the problem.

10. Together, devise an elaborate plan to get straight friend impregnated by a star athlete or by pimping her out to lonely old rich men with dream of living in the style of which you've become accustomed. Be only half-joking.

11. Receive and send text messages all hours day/night with such gems as "Stop bothering me", "What do you want?", "I am too busy for this", "You are so strai", "Fine", "Fine", "Goodbye".

12. Be willing to accept that your relationship will look and sound odd to outsiders who will not understand the complexity of gay-straight girlfriendship. This isn't a lifestyle choice, this is a career and hobby. Did people give Will and Grace this kind of shit? I think not, so tell them to step back.

13. Your necessary mantra: patience, patience, patience.


ETA 14. You must be able and willing to answer any/all email sent during the day, like the one you just received from said girlfriend about some phone call she got last night:

the woman answered, said she was with this service that basically
would say whatever the impaired person said, blah, blah...then she
said, "I saw your name on a bathroom wall and it said to call for a
good time..." I was like WHAT THE H*LL?!?!?! I guess she must have
typed that because then she said something about "blah, blah, ass..."
or something like that. I had the phone away from my ear. I then said
i don't won't to talk to this person, asked her what was going on,
and she said, "D-O-N-G...do you want it?" I hung up. She read it in
this dead-pan voice. It really freaked me out. Oh, and at the
beginning, I asked who it was...she said she didn't know and couldn't
tell me.

ETA 15. Decide to use DONG more and often.

Little Billy

A couple of things...

First, Death Cab's song What Sarah Said is going through my head today like nobody's business. I'm stuck on the phrase "just nervous pacers bracing for bad news". It's not like it's particularly relevant right now to me or anything, but who can say why songs lodge in one's head and stay awhile.

Second, the weight of the impending move is starting to fall on me and my friends here. I suspect they are still a little disbelieving that I will actually go, but I already have heard in my own head things like "This might be the last time I..." and that makes it real for me. When I finished grad school, I left here for a job out on the east coast and I had the same 'last time' feeling. I'm really very much the type of person who likes to stay grounded someplace solid, so there's always a bit of me that's apprehensive about moving away from what I have grown to consider home. I've almost lived here longer than I lived back home in IN. That's why I'm trying to incorporate my Embrace Change resolution/mantra. Change is necessary, it will be an adventure, DC will be very cool, etc. Still there's the letting go and that has started and I'm doing my best not to freak out. My friend A has already gotten all sobby on me and we're still two months from departing. So I'm doing about a million things, job hunting from half the country away, pondering what shit we can/cannot take, etc etc. Whatever. Ok, done with that for now. I hope I don't get all (any more?) whiny on here about this and if I do, you're cleared to shoot.

Third, I am happy to report that my folliculitis of the nose is clearing up nicely so thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I think Miss Snarker's concern put us over the top and we reached our goal of raising greater awareness of the dangers of placing objects within one's nose. If only one person learns a lesson through my sacrifice, I feel my job here is done.

(Confidential to Vivvy: Speaking of my touch with all things medical, I will always remember with fondness the time I extracted a small Egyptian urn from one of your orifi after we finally fled Alexandria, sweetie. I was leery of your smuggling operation, but you insisted you had the ..capacity.. for greatness in those days. Greatness indeed, darling. Partial credit to the Mrs for expanding your horizons so thoroughly!)

Finally, it is with sadness that I must report the passing of Little Billy. You may recall that a friend of mine has a goat farm. At our New Year's Day thing, they broke the news of his passing and it was a gruesome death I am sad to say. Apparently, the bigger one, Scroat Billy, and Little Billy had gotten together in the same pen and by some twist of fate, Scroat Billy got his horns hooked into the harness around Little Billy's neck and chest..the harness that puts paint on the backs of the Nannies after they have successfully "made magic" together. The result was apparently neck twisty and bloody *sigh* We drank one for Little Billy and one for our homies.

Peace out.

Change change change

Here is a recipe for being just a little tipsy on New Year's Day while having been completely sober New Year's night. First, kinda be on the wagon. Second, have exactly one small drink the entire night of New Year's Eve while everyone around you is sloshed, like seriously, but that's cool b/c they're your friends and we're having fun, and then stay at said friends' house and get in bed at 3am but not sleep, at all, because you can't and you have to get up at 6am for the annual New Years Day pagan sunrise ritual. Third, since said ritual involves no fewer than 10 bottles of champagne and champagne really isn't all that boozy like Knob Creek or anything hence it's really not "drinking", drink champagne. Lots of it. In the morning after no sleep. Have gf drag you back home at noon and take 4 hour nap and wake up with a headache. Good times, good times!

It was all good though. We had a great time and The Agent even came out, which she never does on NYE. She went back home though at 10:30 after her limit of socializing was met. There was good food, good music, a fire, and unlike the last couple of NYs, I was spending it with people I liked and wanted to hang with so I consider it a good one. And the morning bfast and burning of regrets was great too. I'm not sure where I'll be next year at this time, but I'm going to count this NYE as one of the better ones I've had.

I have also made a NY resolution I think I can handle: Embrace change and be happy.

Hope yours rocked too.

B + S

I would like to remark upon the absurdity of last night. While flipping through the channels, I stopped on 20/20 to see Perez Hilton whining about Nicole Richie and celebrities and gossip blah blah and just as he was going to tell a story about Nicole berating him in a coffee shop, Elizabeth Vargas comes in to tell us that the puppet gov in Iraq has hanged Saddam and Jim, can you tell us who might have pulled the actual lever and I understand it was videotaped, Elizabeth, but no word on whether it will be broadcast. I shall ask a simple and judiciously chosen rhetorical question: What kind of crazy fucked up world are we living in when in one breath the public discourse is on how often Britney Spears' cooch is exposed for all the world to see and in the next, we are discussing whether it will be possible to watch a human being (albeit one of "evil axis" status) as he is being hanged and dies?

I mean, literally, what the fuck?? I just...the mind, it boggles.

What The Body Says

I'm in the mood for a little Mary Oliver poetry, indulge me:


What the Body Says

I was born here, and
I belong here, and
I will never leave.
The blue heron's

gray smoke will flow over me
for years
and the wind will decide
all directions

until I am safely and entirely
something else.
I am thinking of this
this winter morning

as I sit by the fire
and the fire in its red rack
keeps singing
its cracking song

of transformation.
Of course
I wonder about
the mystery

that is surely up there
in starry space
and how some part of me
will go there at last.

But I am talking now
of the way the body speaks,
and the wind, that keeps saying,
firmly, lovingly:

a little while and then this body
will be stone; then
it will be water; then
it will be air.

- Mary Oliver

In the heartland/out of the closet

Check it, we get some pub from our big city friends. When you make the garden section of the NY Times, you know you've arrived!

ETA: One would think that the only gay people in Kansas are old Johnson county couples who host potlucks! Where are the hot young things I see up on campus and the queens who own that bed and breakfast just outside of Salina? The sample size was pretty small and not very representative.

In other news, I have self-diagnosed my nose as having a staph infection and have decided that after 3 days of intense pain/swelling, that perhaps I should see a doctor. As you know, I myself am a doctor and have absolutely no qualms about diagnosing myself and others in all matters of psychological, physical, and hair style problems. Given my background in the liberal arts and sciences, I am trained in all manner of illness, particularly those stemming from Jonathan Frazen dysphoria. I once diganosed a friend with acute depression as simply being protein-deficient and overly carbed. A piece of my homemade meatloaf perked her right up. I also removed several pieces of gravel from this same friend's knee following a bike wreck, using the Stoli I was drinking as an antiseptic. I am actually not kidding. I have painlessly and efficiently removed skin tags (tip: sanitize a nail clipper in alcohol first!). I routinely work with my hair consultant Roxanne on afterhour hair emergencies. We once spotted a bi-level at 10pm, but alas, it was too late to save it, neither one of us had scissors at the bar. Finally, I find that nothing cures what ails you like good sex and thus, in my professional opinion, suggest that treatment for most individuals. Point being, though, I am not a miracle worker, I have no actual (sanctioned) medical training and I cannot prescribe antibiotics; thus I must bite the bullet and go the doctor today and figure out what the fuck is going on with my nose and drug up before New Years Eve. It's the only way...

ETA: Folliculitis! With staph! Just as I suspected! Antibiotics, good times! So while I was there at the doctor's office, the nurse was asking me some Qs about my nose and she goes: "So I have to ask, any drug use, you now, like cocaine?" And part of me was screaming to say: "Only off a stripper's ass, is that a bad thing to do?" Then I said something about how strict The Agent is about all those illegal things and then the nurse goes into this story about how she used to do hair removal in a gyno office (yeah, that kind) and she once had a lesion up in her nose and the staff was freaked out about whether herpes could be an airborne transmitted disease and the doctor asked if she might have herpes and she was all like hell no, and I want a STD test! I don't know, it was just a strange story to follow up on and she never did tell me what caused her lesion but in my professional opinion, she probably picked her nose just a little too vigorously. I find that in a lot of the people who seek my guidance. Keep your fingers out of your nose, people, or you'll end up with folliculitis and a staph infection and I will not feel the least bit sorry for you. That is all.

I Like You!

Nothing cheers me up more than this gift, given to me by The Agent. Good times!

She likes the pole and the hole!

Once more, with feeling

I can't be the only one thinking this today: I wish we could just get this over with and move on. Christmas has become this chore to get through and the longest gdamn day ever. It's enough to make me think about a gin and tonic at like 10am. The Agent and I are just hanging out, not doing much -- obviously I'm online and she's watching something stupid like Ice Age on tv. She does not have family to visit and I haven't been home for xmas the last couple of years. We did a bunch of cooking yesterday and that kind of helped a little. Had a nice fire last night and that did help for a couple of hours. Zone out on the flames. Today I tried to sleep in as long as possible to shorten the day. We plan to cook (got a nice beef tenderloin roast) later but to be honest, I'm not even remotely interested in doing that. The Agent is big into the present thing, but I just hate it. I have a hard time getting it up to show any enthusiasm and I think it bothers her. I just want this fucking bullshit day to be over and done with for another year. I keep hoping it gets better and it doesn't, not really. Yes, I bring the Christmas joy like no other.

We are supposed to go over to some friends later tonight for after dinner drinks and maybe some games. I am kind of looking forward to that, but that is only because it's distracting enough. I think I'm going to say fuck it and make up a big batch of mimosas to get through until then. Yes yes, we all have to fall off the wagon at some point, why not on Christmas? Cheers, Baby Jesus! Happy Birthday!

To those who actually dig the day and are like having a good time, I say good for you and have a happy holiday.

yeah

Sorry, I had to come back the next day and edit this post. I'll save you the details but essentially: Women -- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Reason # 542

Remember The List and how The Agent and I are like, so not alike in a number of ways, that whole opposites attract thing? Well, we went out last night and over a slice of pizza, I asked her to remind me of who was on her List. I told you I'd get back to you with hers and here it is. Flip back and forth between hers and mine and marvel at why we ever got together in the first place ;)

Halle Berry

Pink

Sara Shahi

With honorable mentions going to The Rock and Jennifer Lopez.

So yeah..

Solstice (by chukchi1)

This is from my old archive of email -- written by a stranger I no longer know:


Solstice

Now the balled fist of my heart
is open,
its fingers wide
against you, its scarred palm sucking
your light through
my veins where it roars
bright rivers in the melt off.

If dreams are the table
of the soul you are my night
meal.

Sharp bones of my spine press
to aching against the steel
door frame as I wait
for your scent
beneath mistletoe.

I want the new year
to be an arc; the curve
of my cheek, the curve
of your cheek, the curl
of our hands, your breasts,
your breath escaping
in floating spheres
of voice, the physics of bodies
at motion
at rest.

And when you go,
and you do go,
I endure not
breach but expansion.

- chukchi1, copyright 2000

Foolish behavior

You'll remember my friend, the Algerian Fool, who lives down in New Orleans now. To say that he is a very unique character is actually kind of an understatement. I've known him almost 15 years now and the boy is like a brother to me. A foolish sometimes drunken, very talkative, and prone to leaving poetry in his French accent on my voice mail at 4am kind of brother, true, but a good guy to me nonetheless. We have shared some good camping situations over the years and have cooked some awesome meals to be sure.

(Yes, we have kissed, but that was long long ago when I was very young and less clued into the fact that he really really wasn't my type. 10 years after that, I set him up with my very good friend L and they're still going strong today. She is very patient.)

Well, he is currently in town for a couple of weeks on the occasion of his grandmother's passing so we went camping last night out at the lake. My other friend, J, joined us and we had a nice time sitting by the fire and checking out the stars. I took the Baby Dog and she was running all over smelling stuff and getting in the water. We had a pretty large fire most of the night so that was good because it was a little nippy...got down to around 25 or so I think. J and the Fool were drinking their beverages of choice and I (still more or less on the wagon) had some water and hot chocolate. It's very hard to sit in front of a camp fire and not drink, but it is do-able. I have found that I sleep a lot better camping when I haven't been drinking so that is one benefit. Last night, however, I did not sleep very well b/c the Fool was fucking with the fire and mumbling most of the night in French and my feet were cold. We ended up hanging out there enjoying the day until this afternoon when J and I came back in to town and left the Fool out there. I'm going to go get him tomorrow. He is a fool for staying out another night, but this is not a new thing.

ETA: It is supposed to rain so he is having second thoughts and I might have to go out and get his ass shortly. Yeah, this is very typical Algerian Fool behavior.

Barefoot Contessa

On this dreary Sunday, I just figured out why I (secretly) love Ina Garten. She totally looks like my therapist and she cooks. Transference much?

They do

Tomorrow (Sat) I am going to a very casual commitment/marriage ceremony for two young lesbian friends of mine. They're doing a simple exchange of vow type thing tomorrow and then having a blow-out party on New Years Eve. M is the cutest little pastry chef ever and makes the most delicious pumpkin cheesecake - she is quite funny and we laugh and laugh. Her gf is very cool and laid back. They work well together so it's nice to see. Of course, since this is the Ruby Red State, there is no legal recognition, but no reason for that to stop anyone, I say. They plan to have it at a park downtown where they shared their first joint together. Awwww, how sweet! Those crazy kids! I'm really happy for them.

Also, one of my ex-gfs is getting married married in Mass next March. Of the legal variety. We laughed at the fact that they had even hired an actual wedding planner. I met her gf when I visited them this past May and loved her. Both of them are doctors who met in med school and are living this crazy busy life in this tiny apartment in Boston but man, are they happy. Yay for them! We're definitely going and I'm excited.

So all these gay weddings. And the whole gay marriage thing. You know, I definitely think it should be universally legal in every state. I want that as an option and I want all the rights and benefits that other people are able to have. Simple equality and all that business. We all know the politics involved etc etc. But you know what? I want marriage as an option, but I don't think I would ever get married. Personally, it just would not be something I would do. I don't know. I understand the whole 'we don't need a piece of paper' excuse people make - I've used it myself -but sometimes, I think that's just a cop out. Am I leery of that kind of legal entanglement? Yes. Afraid of making such a big commitment? Maybe. Child of divorce? You bet! I say if you've got commitment issues, you buck up and admit them. But hello, that's what therapy is for, and after you get your shit together, you should damn well have the option to follow through and fly or fail at that whole marriage thing, gay or straight.

You know, it's really only a matter of time, you can't stop progress. I mean, come on, if New Jersey has the right idea, how far can the rest of us be behind? Hoboken or bust, baby!

As tiny as a New York minute

Ladies, what's up with all the nip pix? There was a time when you could go out as topless as the day you were born and no one would think twice about your lady lights. Listen, I'm all for a little loose R&R while on vay-cay as much as the next person, but is it really wise to doff your tankini in public and then comment on exposed bush? I say yes, but that's just me. So hats off to you, Amy Poehler. Let your lady lights shine on, you crazy diamond!



Relive the HI-larity, ladies!





Original pix courtesy of Egotastic

Satan!

Oh man, I just logged into a very old email account of mine from another lifetime (like, old skool telnet to Unix and Pine days) and came across some gems. I shall be posting various/sundry things here, stuff that I'm glad I didn't lose forever. Yay for oldies, but goodies.

The first thing you should know about the sin of lust is it's gonna kick your la-la. It will get a hypnotism on your mind which turn all things into a burning pleasure station in your drawers. Then you think you on the loveboat in a beautiful encounter with no pants. But when Satan loosen his handle on you, it's time to face the ugly music. -- Lynda Barry

I envision evil as those little porcelain figurines sold in rural tourist Missouri along highways at shops attached to diners selling chicken-fried anything. It is a well-documented fact that those saccharine figures shining on glass shelves each contain a radio transmitter connected to none other than the frequency of Satan himself. -- Kiki Dakota

Uh yeah, a little to the left...

May I ask why filing out online applications for federal employment is more complicatedly bureaucratic than the procces by which I obtained my PhD? I am not stupid, I like to believe I can read, and I am fairly patient when it comes to most things (noted exceptions include: the whole Walmart experience, people who drive Hummers (but not hummers, lowercase, yeah, you know what I mean), and lame-ass bullshit excuses certain political parties come up with to excuse their own hypocrisy). For most of the jobs I'm looking at, you don't just send a resume or your vitae. You send that, yes, but also a host of supporting documents (e.g., transcripts from each higher ed place you've been, documents addressing anywhere from 6 to 18 specific areas of expertise/experience, background check information, TPS reports, etc etc). I am all for ensuring taxpayers get their money's worth out of a Cog In The Wheel, and really, I did not expect to just waltz in and flash my papers and be hired. I am simply marveling at the rigamarole and not surprised that our government moves at a snail's pace through an elaborate bureaucracy system of Rube Goldbergian proportions. Yes, I said Rube Goldbergian. Humor me, I've been navigating the USAJOBS website all night.

So yes. The Agent got her DC transfer, she is very excited, and we are moving in like 3 months. I will save the whole fuck-me-I-have-to-leave-the-midwest-and-we-just-bought-a-great-house-and-now-I-have-to-pack-up-all-our-shit-again-and-oh-yeah-that-whole-East-Coast-thing-and-I-am-not-even-going-to-get-into-the-cost-of-housing-out- there-what-are-we-going-to-do-with-the-dogs-and-a-gdamn-riding-lawnmower-but-hey-I- love-my-girlfriend-and-she-really-wanted-this-job-and-you-know-it's-a-good-thing-and-there-are-more-opportunities-for-me-there-and-my-therapist-would-probably-tell-me-that-it's-actualizing-and-personhood supportive-to-get-out-of-one's-comfort-zone-and-seek-out-challenge-and-growth-oh-and-hey-DC-is-actually-cool-I've-always-liked-it-so-I'm-kinda-sorta-looking-forward-to-it-a-little-bit-despite-the-bitching-I'm-doing-now-or-will-do-in-the-future post for a later date in time. Actually, I think that covers it for a while until the next minor freak out. Carry on!

in Wonderland

At this point, the only reason I plan to tune in is for a nice cold sip of this:



Hello, Alice...

dance dance revolution

Always with some damn song going through my head at odd hours of the night. I'm putting it here to let it go so I don't fall asleep with it rattling around my brain. I have fucky dreams as it is, no need to add to it.


I’ll see you next fall
at another gun show
I’ll call the day before, like usual

but I wanted so much more
I got exodus damage bleed,
could not commit,
some things I’ll never be

so now we’re talking about this
I’m starting to lose my confidence
no one ever says a word about
so much that happens in the world

dance dance revolution
all we’re gonna get
unless it falls apart
so I say: go go go
let it fall down
I’m ready for the end

- Exodus Damage - John Vanderslice

The monkey says brrrr!

Well, it was colder than a witch's tit yesterday and I chose that day to go up on campus to my (not) office and actually do a little work there (I know!). I could have used a hat or three, plus gloves and maybe an actual coat that was warm. I had no idea it wasn't going to get out of the teens all day. Anyway. It was apparently stop day so it was relatively quiet; that was good. However, yeah, I decided about halfway through the afternoon that I desperately needed a double tall mocha because really, who doesn't. So I trekked up to the union and the coffee shop, stopping by random trashcan fires and steaming street grates to keep warm, nodding my hello to young Phillip Pirrip. It was cold, yo!

Ahhh, glorious coffee - my last vice, how I love thee! O sweet legal addiction, blissful rush!

(I am actually trying to figure out if it is unseemly or a little excessive to have more than one mocha a day. Because you know, if it's my only current vice, I want to embrace it properly. Opinions solicited!)

So I got home and promptly made a very nice fire which I relaxed in front of most of the evening. The Agent has been crazy busy and thus, I only see her for a very short time before she is off to bed at like, 8. I don't blame her, of course, b/c she gets up early, but wow, we are so not on the same schedule. We have, however, planned to have ourselves a proper date night tomorrow (barring some unforeseen criminal activity) so it is possible that I may actually entertain a second vice this weekend. Wish me luck!

Shhh

(Do not tell anyone, but I had a rather..interesting..dream about Sue Bird last night. My love for her is no secret, but when The Agent was getting up, I was like, oh man, I just was having the greatest dream about...um, basketball. It's ok though, she's on my List* so no foul. Ha!?)



*Remember: Every couple is allowed a List containing 3 celebrity people which, if ever given the chance, they are allowed to sleep with sans relationship repercussion. They discuss this in Chapter 25. Mine currently includes the aforementioned Bird, Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace (the viper pilot, not the actress), and Maura Tierney. I haven't revisited The Agent's list with her lately so I'll post hers when I know.

ETA: Mrs V, is this what you're suggesting:

Maura Tierney +

Starbuck =

Sue Bird?

Hmmm, what would my therapist say about that? Oh right, she'd say I like the hotties, aww yeah!

Mainlining YouTube

Nothing beats the blahs like a total YouTube crack-out! More stuff that I'm liking today. Classic Beth Orton:

Lady Garden!

Ok, so these totally changed my mood today. My two favorite Amys. I love this season!

Blah blahs

Moving right along, I am going to pretend like I did not just liveblog about my toilet. What I am going to do is whine about stupid Christmas and the fact that it is here again. It seems like the minute it turns Dec, it's all about Christmas like it owns the damn month. I think I offically hate it now and that brings me down. All the holiday shit on TV and the red and green bullshit in the stores and whatever. Even when we get a tree this weekend, all I can think about is how I really don't want to go up into the gdamn garage attic and pull out boxes of Xmas shit and deal with it. I think I'm just looking for something to bitch about so why not the obvious? Plus I think I am getting a cold. Bundle of joy here today!

Real-time Tool Time!

Check it, how totally dorky is this?

I am going to document in real time my wax seal replacement adventure. I didn't get to it this weekend but am starting it now. Because I've got a website up with instructions, I thought I'd geek out and blog it at the same time. This passes for entertainment where I come from.

So first off, the target (4:16pm):



Mission control center (4:56pm):




I'm off to the garage now to get tools and shut off the water etc. More later..

Ok, so undoing the toilet and picking it up was easy. The only issue was that it was hard to remove all the water. Here is the nastiness of what it looks like (4:56pm).



Plus it smells like the bathroom of a fraternity house. Good times! I'm off to scrap up that old wax seal and clean up all the gunk on the floor. More later..

That whole scraping off the old wax seal thing and the gunk cleaning? By far the worst part of this whole deal, but I was done soon enough and put the new seal on (5:30pm):



To help squish the seal down, I enlisted The Agent to sit on my lap when she returned home:



There are some benefits to home repair:



And that was it! The finished product which looks exactly like the initial target (6:09pm):



The whole thing took way less time than I thought and it was easy (if a little nasty) to do. Kinda makes you want to do it yourself, doesn't it? Uh yeah, not so much ;)

Here is a title that captures the essence of this entry

A couple of random things:

1. Sure we got a little bit of ice/sleet, but the 8-12 inches of snow predicted? It missed us to the southeast. I am sad b/c I so love major snowstorms and I was all ready to be snowed in and romp around with the pups and have a hard time remembering that I was wearing shorts a mere two days ago. Sigh. I say if it's going to be cold as shit, snow makes it bearable. Regardless, we had a fire tonight so that was nice.

2. As a result of above ice/sleet/snow to the east, my school teacher friend A had the day off and we made a run to various and sundry places and then eventually went downtown for coffee. The best thing is that her school cancelled for tomorrow and we plan to have a long breakfast with glorious newspaper reading and discussions of this/that. We tend to laugh a bunch when we get together plus most of our conversations eventually make their way to sex. Come to think of it, so do many of my conversations with lots of other people. Yes, I am a 14 year old boy. Wait, scratch that..I'll probably get some dude emailing me now. I'm really a thirty-something lesbian with a girlfriend who carries a gun. No, kidding. I'm a suburban mother of six...a Buddhist monk..a..ok, where the hell was I?

3. Here are two home projects I shall be doing this weekend: a) putting window insulation up (The Agent complains that she is constantly cold and believes the culprit to be window drafts), b) replacing the wax seal on the toilet in one of the bathrooms. (Confession: I am secretly looking forward to b way more than a b/c I have never done it and I found fucking amazing website that goes through it step by step. I always feel very efficacious when I learn a new home repair skill. I will most certainly keep you updated with the results of my labor. I may even take pictures because I know you really really want to follow along at home).

4. I have been listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs quite a bit this week.

5. I have not watched a minute of womens college bball yet this season so I was very excited to catch the Purdue/UConn game. I had to cheer for my undergrad alma mater but alas, they came up short. There is no reason for me not to attend the local wbb games here in town other than I have forgotten and need to put the schedule someplace where I can see it.

6. The Agent and I rented a movie last night while it iced and we had a fire going. Imagine Me and You which, while not being the most titilating girl-girl movie, was, we both had to admit, very cute. The only disturbing thing about the movie was that Giles from Buffy looked like he was suffering from a case of dementia, and subsequently, his face had this, well, crazy look to it that gave me the heebies. He looked ancient and I was like, wasn't he kind of youngish in Buffy? (could I use more commas?)

7. I forgot to mention that in addition to it being warm enough to wear shorts, we all went camping last weekend and it was lovely. Perfect weather. I took the Baby Dog with me and she loved it. However, we have been finding ticks on her left/right b/c I forgot to get an extra thing of Advantage to put on her. Left the Big Dog at home with The Agent, but even she got in on the tick action as we found one on top of her head last night. We have been trying to play blissfully ignorant and not think about where/if there are ticks about in the house. Because they're not.

That should cover it, enough of chatty cathy. Goodnight!

ETA: Yeah, I thought I was done too. But I finally finished all that tag/label business. I am not sure what it means when I have 20 posts about my vices and only 7 for search for meaning. You know what? I'm going to add 'search for meaning' to this particular entry now because I don't know what It All Means!

Ice and Thunder

I know that the weather is crazy everywhere these past couple of days, but just yesterday it was 70 degrees and I was wearing shorts while riding my bike. This is what it looks like today:



Time to tuck in tonight and have a fire!

Dog walk

On Saturday, I saw two lynx crossing the path and heading into the woods, I thought at first they were wild coyotes, but I was close enough to see them and noted their bobbed tail and that they looked cat-like, but bigger. It was pretty awesome because I had never seen them before around here. And then when I drove home and turned into the driveway at dusk, there were two deer and a fawn in our front yard just staring at me. I swear, I've noticed more wildlife since we've moved here than in the three years combined in the old place. I like it.

I took the dogs on another walk the other day when it was warm and sunny. Or I should say, they took me. We went out on the other side of the lake, near the river, not very far from the bike trail I ride all the time. Naturally I took some pix and video to share. The camera work is choppy b/c I'm being pulled along -- I may have to delay this submission for oscar consideration until next year. Enjoy!





Prairie

Surveying her domain

Cold drink/long walk

Or so you wrote

In my head for days:


The Painted Desert can wait till summer.
We've played this game of just imagine long enough.
Wait till summer?
When I'm sure the rains have ended, the blooms have gone,
every one killed by the morning frost.

Is a cactus blooming there in every roadside stand
where the big deal is cowboy gear won in Japan?

The Painted Desert can wait till summer.
We've played this game of just imagine long enough.
Wait till summer?
When I'm sure the rains have ended and the blooms have gone,
everyone killed by the morning frost.

Is a cactus blooming there upon the Northern rim
or in the ruins of the Hopi mesa dens?

You met a new friend in the Canyon, or so you wrote.
On a blanket in the cooling sand, you and your friend agreed that,
the stars were so many there they seemed to overlap.

The Painted Desert can wait till summer.
We've played this game of just imagine long enough.
Wait till summer?
When I am sure the rain has ended, the blooms have gone,
everyone killed by the morning frost.

Was a cactus blooming there as you watched the Native boy?
In Flagstaff trailer court, you wrote the line:
"He kicked a tumbleweed and his mother called him home where the Arizona moon met the Arizona sun."

I wanted to be there by May at the latest time.
Isn't that the plan we had or have you changed your mind?
I haven't read a word from you since Phoenix or Tucson.
April is over will you tell me how long before I can be there?

- The Painted Desert 10,000 Maniacs

Is that alright?

Speaking of music, I've been listening to Damien Rice's new song, 9 Crimes, kinda obsessively.

I'm off to hang with A today and play about town. She took the day off and our gay boyfriend, M, is coming to town as well. We love him. I suspect lots of coffee will be consumed and the following topics will be discussed: sex, possibly fashion, sex. Between the straight girl, the lesbian, and the gay boy, we'll have plenty of material to cover!

I didn't really mean to get into all that, all I wanted to post was a fun little 'I'm listening to this song and we're going to talk about sex all day today, weee!' Oh well...

ps. I should also like to note that as of today, I have not consumed any alcoholic beverages for exactly 2 months! Strange, but true. Those shock therapy sessions at Betty Ford must have really worked. I'm feeling better and healthier than I have in a long time. Diet/exercise/no booze. And this is exactly why not having a single vice left makes me feel way too old and gives me a little bit of an itchy trigger finger. I know myself well enough to know that I tend to look for trouble when I don't have adequate vices to balance out good living. Yeah, you know me...

Music for Riding: Fall 2006

Here are my two playlists for bike riding now that the weather has turned cold. File this under the new label: No one cares what's on your iPod. And look! I figured out how to publish it on iTunes. Consider it my mixed tape to you!

Fast Fall Mix 2006

Slow Fall Mix 2006

Hey, can someone let me know whether you can actually access these iMixes or whether they only show up on my iTunes? Thanks.

And that's how I roll in the Big K to the S, suckas!

Let the train whistle blow

And now for something not-so-completely different.

I talked to my Dad yesterday and found out that he had been robbed. Someone actually broke into their house in the middle of the day and took a bunch of old money he had been collecting. He's still trying to figure out what all is missing, but mostly silver certificate dollars and old silver coins etc. Even though it sucked, he didn't seem to be too upset about it. I know I would have been on an ass-kicking mission to find the punks. I had The Agent call him and chat, not that she can do anything other than he likes her and they tease each other. She offered to interrogate any persons of interest for him. He once called and told her he had found an old bone on his lake property and wondered whether she'd want to come investigate it and see if it was Jimmy Hoffa. My dad looks a lot like Johnny Cash, even more so as he's gotten older but also when he was younger. He's a retired railroad man and right now, a pretty damn good Texas Hold 'em player. He taught me how to fish, how to golf, how to drive. He indulged my tomboy ways when I was a kid and coached my softball team, bought me a bb gun, and took me to Dairy Queen for lunch. When my parents got divorced when I was 10, he stayed close and eventually, remarried. I got a boatload of new step-brothers and sisters. My first car was one of his, a 76 Buick Regal that I still miss. He came to football games when I was in college and he has helped me move more times than I care to count. He was the first person I called the night my mom died. I knew I would need his help figuring out what to do next. Our conversations now consist of the following things: the weather, sports, how my car is running, birds, what's happening at the Navy Club, what project am I working on in the shop, and what The Agent is up to these days. You know, surface stuff. Since my mom died, we have had a couple of very personal, intense conversations -- which are often a curse and a blessing. I have found that as I get older, the truth doesn't necessarily get any easier to hear and it's impossible to resist. I'm one of those people who would rather know than not, even if knowing is the more painful choice. So my dad and I now walk that line between doing the Midwestern thing of talking about everything but what really needs to be said and truth-telling. I'm more like him than I realize at times and I'm perfectly content to talk about Bobby Knight and the cold front that's coming through today, better get the car in to be winterized and what time is it now in Indiana - an hour ahead or an hour behind?

So say we all

Ok, so The Agent and I finally got through the first season of Battlestar Galactica this past weekend. We ended up renting it and then doing some marathon sessions. We're hooked for sure. I'm still pissed that we only discovered it this season. I don't watch too many shows with any regularity any more so right now it's just this and South of Nowhere which is handy since they're both on Fri night. I'm not always home, but I try. Anyway, whatever, just babbling.

Minor point: We both can't stand Baltar and his constant ego-driven dick. We also don't care much for the blond chick in any of her incarnations. We are tired of watching them have sex and wish for it to stop.

Mid-major point: Finally Lucy is doing quality TV and not stupid vampire bats or whateverthefuck movie of the week shit she was doing. How about scoring ROC for some guest episodes? Ohh..they could totally tie in an Uber situation with Evil Cylon Xena and Undercover Human Spy Gabrielle who totally infiltrates to the inner Cylon circle and redeems 3. Subplot of Gabrielle having to sex her way through every D'anna model until she found the primary Xena model. I'd even be satisfied with someone fanfic-ing that. It'd be a perfect cross-over.

Main point: The Agent is in love with Roslin and I'm in lust with Starbuck. I'm sure this says something about our relationship.

ps. I switched over to the new betablogger and now am obsessed over post tags. I'm a little scared to see how many posts over the past years will be tagged with stuff like "strippers/cocaine" or "boring posts about what I had for dinner". I figure I'll tire of tagging before I actually get through them all anyway. Great, now I'm going to have to re-tag this as "dumb shit no one cares about".

ETA: Yeah, I only made it through 50 before I got bored for the night.

He stopped loving her today

Randomly found out on the Internets

Like grass growing

Am I the only dork watching the returns tonight?

I am cautiously optimistic, but then again, I was the same way in 1994. And 1996. And 2000. We shall see, I hate to get all upbeat and then be beaten down by the public's tolerance for bullshit and hypocrisy.

So I voted in our new place today since we moved recently and are now out in what they call a township and that means we voted in the break room of a volunteer fire department located on N 1100 Rd. And by break room, I am being generous. It was..quaint. And the 3 little old ladies were right in the middle of lunch and were happy to have company. I was the 278th person to vote and they said they were doing brisk business.

Prior to voting, however, I was being given a tour of my friend's family goat farm. Yes, civic duty and goat shit go well together. My friend J and I went camping on her family's property last night (it was an awesome night to go, warmish temps and fullish moon and then fog rolling in) and on the way home, we stopped at the barn to admire her dad's new money making crop. I found out that a Wither goat is a little male goat who has had his set of "hanging chads" banded and that said chads eventually "wither" away and fall off. I didn't ask there were any withered bits amid the goat shit, I didn't want to know. Did you know that the way to tell which goats have been impregnated by the Billy is by having the Billy wear a harness on his chest that contains colored powder? Then all you need to do is look at the Nannies and see which ones got lucky by whether they're marked on their back end. It's like a Rural Rainbow Party! Good times, good times...

That's all I got except they just predicted the Dems to win the House. Maybe all those damn Withers in Congress will grow a set back and do some actual checking and balancing. Too bad it's too little too late.

Plaza Days and Nascar Nights

So it's been a good weekend so far. I helped some friends move yesterday morning and then The Agent and I went into The City on a little date, went to a museum (btw Mrs V - Master of Arts, I saw some of those old tymey Greek vases about which you wax so eloquently - complete with Dionysus and Ariadne and a bunch of drunken satyrs. Of course, given that this is the Midwest, the vase was made out of corn and soybean dye. You would have loved it, my dear. Perhaps for your dissertation?)

After a few hours of wandering around, we went and had coffee (during which we had a quasi-near purse snatching -- which I thwarted. So much for my little law enforcement cheetah and her reflexes!). Then we went to one of our favorite places for beef and had a very lovely dinner. We were home early enough to have some QT. Yay for Saturday night dates!

This morning we got up and around and went for a 10 mile bike ride. The weather is warm and sunny so it was great to get out. And my Chiefs are kicking ass as we speak so all it well. My Boyfriend Tony Gonzales is The Man.

After the game, I'm headed back out to my shop and work on my newest project, which is a shop stool I designed. It has wheels and a lawn mower seat and, if I can fabricate it, a 2-stroke motor and a mini frig. A girl can dream. Don't think I won't have a YouTube video up of me racing it down the driveway whe I finish it. And that is how we roll out here, aight?

Peace out!

The Ice Queen Goeth

I am sorry, but this sneak peek of South of Nowhere's next episode is, I think, the proverbial straw that has finally melted my cold, cold heart.



Or you can watch the original Sneak Peek (of Come Out Come Out Wherever You Are) on The N here and catch the rest of the episodes. Be warned my cynical and jaded friends, if that amount of sugar wrapped up in pretty packages does not crack your hard-shell coating, I can only venture to guess you are of reptilian blood.

This Ice Queen admits defeat at the hands of Teen Lesbian Angst and Cuteness.

Mom's Beef and Noodle

In which I discuss cooking and go on and on and on...

So I made a big batch of beef and noodles tonight because it's that time of year - chilly and dark early. It turned out exceptionally well due in part, I think, to using a cast iron skillet. Have I rhapsodized about cast iron skillets? Now, growing up, my mom never had cast iron, but my dad and stepmom did. And as any child of divorce will tell you, each parent had their own way of cooking and if you're lucky, you pick up a thing or two. I only recently purchased a cast iron skillet and I have no idea why it took me so long. They aren't great for cooking everything, but let me tell you, it is worth the investment for the things that are made better by cooking in cast iron. And the beef and noodle recipe I used tonight is a very good example.

My mom was from Louisiana and you don't cook anything down there without a decent roux. Whether it's gumbo or crawfish etouffee, it all starts off with a roux. The cajuns have their holy trinity (bell pepper, onion, and celery), but this particular recipe uses a more French style roux with onion, celery, and carrots. And it uses Crisco instead of butter as the fat in which you brown the flour. It is completely worth it take your time and expect to spend a good 30-40 minutes just stirring and cooking the roux to a nice dark brown. Otherwise, I can't guarantee the results. And by stirring, I mean constantly hovering over the skillet for that whole time, only letting it sit maybe 20-30 seconds at the most. The flour will burn otherwise. You should also prep your veggies ahead of time by mincing them and have your meat cut up because you can't take time away from your precious roux to deal with that kind of shit. This is a labor of love, very hands on, and will take a while to make, but it's perfect for nights like this and a beverage of your choice while cooking (aside: It has now been 6 whole weeks since I last had a drop of alcohol - thank you Betty Ford ;)

So here are the ingrediants and then I'll give the steps:

Mom's Beef and Noodles

Roux

4Tbs Crisco
6Tbs flour
1 medium onion (minced)
2 stalks celery (minced)
1-2 carrots (minced)

Beef:

1-1.5lb or so of chuck roast, arm roast (cubed in bite size pieces)

Broth:

1 can beef broth
1 can water
salt
pepper
dab or two of worchestershire sauce

Method:

1. Prepare roux by putting Crisco in cast iron skillet on med-low heat and let melt fully. When melted, add the flour and start stirring. Keep an eye on the heat, turn it down low once the skillet and roux get warm enough. You'll know by whether the flour starts sticking to the bottom of the pan. It will do this as you cook it so just keep stirring and mixing that up. The cast iron will keep the heat very well which will help brown and cook the roux to a nice dark brown color. As I mentioned, expect to spend at least 30-40 minutes on this.

2. After that time, put in the minced veggies and mix. It will become a gloppy roux mixture, all of it sticking together with very little liquid. This is ok. Just keep stirring it and turning it over for about 10 minutes to get the veggies cooked and tender.

3. Next add the beef and mix that whole glob togther. If you make this, you'll know what I mean when I say glob :) You can turn up the heat a bit to medium so you can brown the meat faster. Don't turn it up too high. You'll again be constantly stirring, but not as much on this step b/c the meat will release juices and keep everything lubricated. This step will last about 10-15 minutes or so.

4. When the beef loses its red color, you will then add the beef broth, the water, the seasonings and cover the skillet and turn down low. Ideally, you'll want to let this mixture simmer for as long as you can to break down the beef and blend all the tasty goodness together. If you can, an hour would be great, occasionally stirring. Just test the beef and see how tender it is and let that be your guide.

5. Serve over cooked egg noodles (or The Agent likes it over rice). Either way, it's hearty, good Midwestern stick to your ribs stuff and it's my Mom's recipe and I only share her stuff with people I like.

360

So I'm still having trouble uploading some pix from yesterday. I took the dogs out to the lake for a good walk and took some pix of various/sundry. I did manage to upload a couple of videos however. It was a very warm windy day and the dogs were loving being outside. The first vid is just a short little thing I took on the way up to a hill near the lake. The next is a 360 shot where I stood on a bench at the top of Sanders Mound. Did I mention the wind? I nearly fell taking the second one and my hair was flying all over the place but yeah, I think I have a future in the movie industry.

(After all, I did direct my favorite thes-bian in several low-budget softcore p()rn movies in the 70's and 80's such as Chica and The Man and Tequila Mockingbird: Boob Radley's Revenge. Of course, this was way before our Betty Ford days and you know how things were back then..poppers and martinis and such).

Anyway: Nature! MegaWind! Dogs!





Sanders Mound in the center of pix behind tree

More to come when Blogger gets its shit together.

Here comes the rain again

As I wait while slowly downloading BSG eps this evening, the weather is a lovely shade of green, yellow, and red. It will be good sleeping tonight!




ps. Here is a semi-non-sequitor for you - if you take the wayback machine to a time when CDs were new technology, the very first one I ever purchased was Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams because I was in love with the song and video for Love is a Stranger and was intrigued by the orange hair. I unfortunately no longer remember my first cassette tape purchased, but the first album I purchased was Johnny Cougar - American Fool back when he actually went by Johnny and Cougar. I am also sad to remind that I am familiar with and have listened to 8-track tapes on a console stereo. All of which is to say that here comes the rain again, falling on my head like a memory!

pps. Egads, it's that damn time of the year again. Luckily, I will be out of town this weekend and we also live out in the very dark country now so I won't have to work as hard to avoid the TorT-ing.

The Green World

I had occasion to look up a Mary Oliver poem this evening and I hopped over to her Wiki entry and discovered an interesting connection I had never known about:

As a teenager, she lived for a brief while in the home of the recently-deceased Edna St. Vincent Millay, where she helped Millay's sister Norma organize the papers Millay left behind

I may be the only one who thinks that is amazingly cool and it makes me wonder how influential ESVM's poetry was on MO. I can certainly see how MO would have read Renascence and been struck with its deeply natural world imagery. I would like to think it helped informed her own poetry with its emphasis on such elements. Anyway. Cool to me.

Bird is the Word

Everytime I see a new pix, I decide I don't care who knows about my love for Sue Bird. It's the off season but thank god she's doing some publicity. I can barely stand how damn wholesome and cute she is. She's totally my type. And hello, she's a premier point guard so you know she has good hands. Yeah.



The next one, I have no words:



Images borrowed from rks' flickr page

Weekend wrapup

So, Friday I think I may have been on the good side of the proverbial Old Girls Club. A contact finally came through and things are looking positive. In my area, it's all about who you know..actually, I'm sure that's true for many many things. But it's one of those cases where you don't want to talk about good things until you sign on the dotted line because of The Jinx. We shall see..

What else? Some old friends from grad school were in town and we had them out to the house Sat night for dinner. Here's the thing: I love kids, I really do. And most kids love me. Kids, pets and old folks are fans of mine. Many of my friends have kids and I adore all of them. Except this one. I don't know what it was about this 6 year old boy, but he's just not a nice friendly kid. Sure there are discipline issues with the parents, but it's something more than just a boy acting out. The Agent had to retire from the situation early and I can't tell you how much I wanted to join her. It was exhausting having to monitor this kid and I developed a very large headache that remains to this moment. Even the Baby Dog, who loves people, went to bed with The Agent just to get away. It's strange and sad to me. I want to like my friends' kids instead of being glad that they live four hours away.

The cool thing (at least to me) about Sat night aside from seeing old friends was that we had our first fire in the fireplace. It was a cold and miserably rainy day on Sat and that night it was freezing. Perfect for a fire. It was glorious. Yay fire! Loved it so much that I made another one tonight b/c it's still nice and nippy. It's the little things, you know?

I miss drugs.

So I've been in a total music mood lately, mainly b/c I've been riding my bike constantly and have the ipod going. You know how you go through periods where it's all music all the time and other times when you don't listen to a thing for months? And remember when I said I really believe that no one gives two shits about what someone else has on their ipod? I still think that so here are the songs I recently downloaded:

• Hold On, Hold -- Neko Case -- Fox Confessor Brings The Flood
• The Golden Age (Beck cover) -- The Flaming Lips --Yoshimi Wins! (Live Radio Sessions)
• Invisible Ink (Live) --Aimee Mann --Lost In Space (Special Edition)
• At Least That's What You Said --Wilco -- Kicking Television - Live In Chicago
• All These Things That I've Done --The Killers -- Hot Fuss
• When You Were Young --The Killers -- Sam's Town
• The One I Love -- David Gray --Life In Slow Motion
• For Us -- Pete Yorn -- For Us
• One (U2 cover) -- Cowboy Junkies --Early 21st Century Blues
• My Skin --Natalie Merchant --Ophelia
• Hands Clean (iTunes Version) --Alanis Morissette --iTunes Originals
• Head Over Feet (iTunes Version) Alanis Morissette --iTunes Originals
  

If there's an awesome cover or a live version of a song I like, I am all over it. I lived for B-sides back in the day. So I'm always on the lookout. I'm a ninja b-side cover queen.

Alright, that be it. The fun never ends.

Confidential to attache: You rock with that bsg tip! Thanks so much!

At Least That's What You Said

pps.

For the last several days, I have played one of Neko Case's songs on repeat. Like, repeat repeat. Hold on, Hold on. When that gunslinger guitar and the drums come in after the first verse? And the haunted vocals? Gah. I would marry that song, you know?

The most tender place in my heart is for strangers
I know it's unkind but my own blood is much too dangerous
Hangin' round the ceiling half the time
Hangin' round the ceiling half the time

Compared to some I've been around
But I really tried so hard
That echo chorus lied to me with its
"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on"

In the end I was the mean girl
Or somebody's in-between girl
Now it's the devil I love
And that's as funny as real love

I leave the party at three a.m.
Alone, thank God
With a valium from the bride
It's the devil I love
And that's as funny as real love
And that's as real as true love

That echo chorus lied to me with its
"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on"

Be there or be square

Hey, have you ever noticed that those Classmates advertisement pictures totally look like people you actually did go to high school with or someone you know now? I don't know if it's the 80's hair or what, but check it:



That first chick? That's Nanette, she used to live down the street from me and I don't want to toot my own horn, but she would not have made it through junior year if I hadn't personally picked her up for school every day that year. She wasn't all that academically motivated, you might say. Unfortunately, she met up with a carnival worker named Vonnie (this is not fiction) and got pregnant sometime in senior year. We lost touch after I went to college and I haven't seen her since. But that hair and that jean jacket? Totally Nanette.

The next girl is Charmin. Yeah, I know. We made the same jokes about squeezability behind her back. She used to be in my AP English class and that is completely all I remember about her, except what she looked like. And judging by the height of those bangs, we're somewhere circa 1989. You may wonder why I know the precise year in which girls all wore their bangs and sides artificially stiffened away from their face by half a can of spray to heights of between 3-6 inches. You may also wonder how popular the Turd Curl (one long continuous curl roll created with curling iron and sprayed shitless, framing just the face, descending from top to bottom and if lucky, joined seamlessly in the back of otherwise completely flat hair) was when it made its debut in 1983. I think you ask too many questions.

And finally, that girl on the end. I didn't go to high school with her but do you know what? Irony of ironies, that is totally my current hair consultant Roxanne! I'm not kidding, it looks so much like her I'm tempted to take it in next time I go for a consultation and ask if they raided her mid 90s yearbook. I love Roxanne, by the way, love, love her. I'd have her babies, she is that good. She's my favorite ever. One time I came in and said that I really wanted a new hair style and wondered whether she had a book I could look through on mullets. Without blinking an eye, she goes: "Oh honey, let me get the wine first, I only do that when I'm drunk". We kid. In addition to keeping booze at her shop, she told us that purposely leans over to show off the girls when she's cutting both my hair and The Agent's. She's so sweet! One final Roxanne story. The last time I got my hair cut, she goes: "Can I ask you about something I saw on TV?" and I was like, go for it. And she goes: "Do real lesbians actually take girls into the bathroom at clubs or restaurants and make out with them in there?" Naturally, I replied: "Yes, hello. All the time. That's just one of the many perks, sweetie!" Who does not love a hair consultant who serves booze, shows off her la-las and gets all hip to girl on girl flirting behavior? If she wasn't married, I'd sign her up, even if she had that dual pony tail-ish hair style back in high school.

And that's all I have to say about that, goodnight!

Wood

Heh, yeah. So anyway, this weekend is a total wood weekend. I took some pix of my current project which is restoring an old chair. Had to make new bottom slats and remove all the old finish and resand and fill etc. I also took pix of my shop area b/c it inspires jealousy and covetousness - if you're into that sort of thing. And finally, The Agent and I took in our first country livestock auction this morning to buy firewood by the pile. We have a fireplace now and it's getting nippy at night so it was time for some serious wood. I was bidding on wood like one of the old farmers, doing the head nod and the finger lift. All that was missing was a John Deere hat on my head. Needless to say I loved it. The Agent liked it as well, she almost bought a bunch of little live chickens for 50 cents each, cage not included (bargain I say!). Ah, the country. Now on to the wood!

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Wood!

Baby Dog in Sun!

Gotta have my hustle tight

It's finally starting to feel like fall here. Nice Canadian cold front moving down this afternoon and we're headed for a freeze. This I appreciate. The summer was way too long and way too hot for my taste.

The weekend was lovely, had some good quality peep time on Sat, farmers market and window shopping downtown, then sat outside and ate by the light of a firepit. Had a very chill day on Sun, biking, football watching. Just nice.

Still going strong on the detox front. Coming up on 3 weeks, woo! I swear I haven't drank so much water and mochas in my life. I've found that it's best to have something in my hand during socializing time since most of my friends like their intoxicants so I have been Water Girl. I'm feeling good, it's cool, so there's that.

So The Agent and I have just started to watch Battlestar Galactica on Fri. Yeah, we like to roll in late, catch a quality show in like Season 3 and wonder what all we missed. Aye, so now I'm going to have to figure out how to catch up on S1 and S2, I suppose there are DVDs but I'm looking for low budget alternatives. I have decided my (other) new crush is Sharon/Boomer. She seems tortured and conflicted enough to fit my TV girlfriend archetype. So again with going out to catch up on backstory. This is why one should really start watching a show on Day 1. Why didn't anyone tell me about BSG??

That's about it, the next few weeks are pretty uneventful so I will continue to enjoy the dangers of having too much time on my hands. I really need my job contacts to come through for me before I start, like, a webcam or escort service. Boy, it's hard out here for a pimp, I tell ya.

Make that a double...

Do I make you horny?

I couldn't resist, it's so wrong, it's right! From monagrrl's blog, Lively Writhing:



and finally, this Foley-page video re-enactment is HI-larious*!


*note: Pedophilia is never a laughing matter, what is wrong with you people?? But Republican scandals? Always funny!

flex time

I just spent the better part of 2.5 hours helping put together The Agent's new Bowflex (I keep wanting to call it Blowflex for some reason). For the most part, I hate exercise equip. It's often big, heavy, takes up too much space, and never gets used. Check back with me in 6 weeks, we have until then to return it.

Speaking of The Agent, she invited a couple and their 13 year old son over for dinner tomorrow. Both are law enforcement types so the kid and I are probably going to have to fend for ourselves while they talk penal code or something. It's interesting, but I find most LEO types to be..socially stiff, even The Agent at times. God love em, but it's a rare bird among them that can cut loose and hang. I understand why, but still. Most of my friends are about 180 diff so when I've had occasion to be with groups of LE types, it's like night/day. Granted, most of my friends are on the very liberal end of the spectrum on most issues and those folks are pretty conservative. They tend to stick to themselves and not socialize with people they haven't done full background checks on. I exaggerate, but it's true. I actually had to agree to a background check when we moved in together - I hope they chalked most of my..past indiscretions..up to grad school in a hippy town. Actually, I think they only checked out credit reports and criminal history so no big. The Agent obviously had a much more extensive bg check and polygraph etc etc. This is why I am not in LE or politics, too much dirt!

That's all I have to say about that, goodnight!

Wind-scattered seed on stone and dry land

So I've been riding my bike along this trail were I live and this morning, I decided to take a camera with me.

Little red berries of temptation

I pass this bush/tree near the beginning of the ride and right now, the whole thing is loaded with these bright red berries. I do not find it hard to imagine how people poison themselves out in the woods -- I must resist the very irrational temptation to put a handful of these little berries in my mouth. Must.Resist.

You belong among the wildflowers

The wild sunflowers along the trail are starting to give up the ghost. They were in full bloom the last couple of weeks and now, just the late bloomers are out. The golden rods are still out in force though so the fields are tinged with yellow.

He's going the distance, he's going for speed

I nearly wrecked my bike trying to stop when I saw this guy in front of me. He's hanging out at the 4 mile marker. On this trail over the years, I've seen lots of snakes and turtles and every bug you can imagine. I had not seen a snake this big or of this kind though. After I took the pictures, I had to steer a Suburban Mom away from it b/c she was pushing a baby stroller and yakking on the phone headed right for it. In addition to snakes, the trail is filled with Suburban Moms and Active Seniors.

Snakes On A Trail

Here I am again using the new-to-me closeup function on my camera. It's handy. ETA: After a little bit of internet research, I've concluded that this is a Speckled Kingsnake..and apparently, it emits a very foul odor if one fucks with it.

Take a picture here, take a souvenir

This is my zen. I love this part of the trail because it slopes slightly down and it feels like you could keep going forever on it. If you look far off into the distance just to the right of the trail, you can see some higher elevation land. We live on top of that hill. When all the leaves are off the trees, I'm going to head up on the roof and see if I can see the trail from there.


This way to the Emerald City

If you take the trail this way, it curves around and you get a great view of the lake (man-made, yes, but water nonetheless). Alas, I only went to the 5 mile marker before I turned back around to head home. To the left on top of the ridge that is visible, I had one of those Thou Art That moments years ago. I'm glad to be back among this geography.

Heisman Stance

We are having some freakish heat wave right now, 95 yesterday, today and tomorrow. I thought I left that heat bullshit behind this summer so all I have to say about that is wtf? I do not appreciate it.

And finally, I have been re-listening to the Spinanes a lot lately. Somewhere in the mid 90s, I came across them and they promptly broke up. I had kind of forgotten about them until we moved and I unpacked my CDs to start the long, arduous process of transferring them to iPod. I think I'd describe them thusly: languid and honey-tongued. Two qualities I appreciate in a great many things. So if you're looking for something new-to-you and of that variety, I'm here to preach. Start with Arches and Aisles, you like? Move on to Strand. Trust me.








Your tongue, so close to torture
With everything it seeks
An empty-handed breeze
An empty head it grabs at
As if it could be real
You say you'll leave it up to me
I can't stand to hear you speak
Or to listen to you sleep

- The Spinanes Den Trawler

Habeus Corpus

p.s. I forgot to mention that I had a wacky dream last night where I was hanging out with the Supreme Court justices and I was talking to Ruth Bader Ginsberg. It went something like this: "Your honor, how does it feel not having another woman on the court, didn't you hang with Justice O'Connor? I can't imagine having to spend time with Scalia, how do you do it?" Unfortunately, I don't recall her answers before we all had to hike up this steep narrow hill at the top of which was a very small hatch door going up into some room. Very claustrophobic. The end.

All the perfect drugs and superheroes

So I've been getting back into a healthier routine these last few weeks. Riding my bike (it's been lovely..the wild sunflowers are all in bloom around here and the weather has been perfect for 10 mile rides) and watching what I eat, but most importantly, I'm detoxing from the booze. I mentioned a few nights of debauchery recently and before I went out to Seattle, I decided that I needed to Stop. There have been other periods in my life where I have had the sense to Stop (and other times, where I did not have the sense). I admit it's a struggle and lord knows I'm not the only one. There's a reason people drink; I know mine. My method of cold turkey, not even a celebratory birthday drink, not even a little glass of wine has worked in the past so I'm going to stick with it. My detox is only in its infancy, just barely a week old, but I feel good about it and shall keep it up for awhile. I feel lucky that I'm actually able to Stop when I know others, friends of mine, who just..can't. So yeah, exercise, eating healthy, no booze. There's nothing vice-like left for me except for the strippers and cocaine. A girl has her limits!